The Greazeburger Incorporated Logo.
Background: In 2019, thousands of educational videos used within the American Public School System were spontaneously replaced with a documentary film detailing the origins of a multidimensional megacorporation known as Greazeburger Incorporated. Due to the surreal, vaguely humorous, and outright anomalous content featured within the film, both the video itself and its subsequent distribution were believed to be a project coordinated by individuals affiliated with the anomalous art organization AWCY.
However, almost a year later, Greazeburger Incorporated was revealed to be a legitimate corporate entity when they suddenly commandeered a former Walmart Supercenter from another third-party corporate entity that had claimed the location several months prior. While the exact circumstances behind this bizarre scenario are still unknown, this event sparked Greazeburger’s presence and involvement in this dimension.
Since then, Greazeburger Incorporated has been involved in numerous attempts to sell miscellaneous products to the general public and sub-veil customers alike.
Overview: Due to Greazeburger’s status as an interdimensional megacorporation, it is almost impossible to gain significant information about the exact size and scope of their influence. However, several key pieces of information have been obtained as a result of the released documentary and the unusually talkative manner present in most Greazeburger employees:
- All individuals employed by Greazeburger are cloned from the apparent founder and owner, Ebenezer Greaze, and possess two-syllable first names in addition to the Greaze family name. While members of the Greaze family share almost-identical genetic code, various alterations cosmetic or functional in nature provide them with varying degrees of anomalous enhancements or physical variations not included in the standard genome.
- Greazeburger’s involvement in this dimension is managed by Greazeburger Earth, a subsidiary company operated by Martin Greaze. Notably, they receive limited support from their parent company, leading Greazeburger Earth to construct partnerships with third-party sources.
- Despite Greazeburger’s evident origins as a fast-food chain, Greazeburger Earth’s products are extremely varied. This is largely a result of their extraordinarily unprofessional and chaotic behavior, which is suspected to also continue within Greazeburger at large.
- Most of Greazeburger and Greazeburger Earth’s goals seem to center around the production of ‘Greaze Juice’, a liquid substance that can apparently be created by mixing various potent anomalous ingredients together. The exact purpose of the substance is unknown, and an actual recipe seems to be nonexistent, with the selection of ingredients relying on personal opinion. Currently, no ‘Greaze Juice’ samples have been obtained.
- Greazeburger employees who are considered valuable are subject to genetic duplication in event of death or departure from the company, and are replaced with near-identical copies of the original. As a result, important Greazeburger staff are functionally immortal.
Background: In the year 2019, when our glorious footfalls first trod heavy on the green grass of Planet Earth, we had a mission that started when we learned of the inhabitants’ ignorance and unawareness of the glorious Greaze to our shock. We produced videos of knowledge, telling the story of our Greaze and gifted them to the education systems of all nearby. However, our attempts at Enlightenment were thwarted by an organization dedicated to keeping the masses free from the grasp of entities like us, known locally as The SCP Foundation.
A few minutes later, we lost funding for the Cultish Corporate Subtext Department, and I had to finish writing this myself.
Overview: The SCP Foundation is a secret society of neckbeard recluses who don’t like people to have fun. Below is a full glossary of all the mean terms we thought was appropriate to describe them.
- Due to the Foundation’s badness and stinkiness, they are not to be trusted >:(
- The Foundation’s involvement with Earth is managed by O5-Council, a clandestine panel of edgy former theater kids who hand out dramatic codenames for absolutely no reason. They often like to make references to classical literature, notably ignoring a cornerstone text like the Greazeburger Holiday Catalogue.
- The Foundation doesn’t understand that we here at Greazeburger are a family, presumably because they all got banned from their respective families’ Thanksgiving parties after they ranted about their radical anti-Greazeburger conspiracy theories, leading Grandma Josie (Who made a living as a professional boxer in her youth, and was always a progressive, open-minded individual ever since her father disappeared in the coal mines and mother had to take over the family fruit stand) to knock them out of the house and into the snow with her signature Brass Knuckle Special. Yes this happened to everyone.
- The Foundation also can’t seem to understand that maybe not everybody wants to work in fast food, and we here at Greazeburger are allowed to pursue our dreams without being judged.
- The Foundation wants to interrupt our production of Greaze because they don’t eat food or drink and absorb nutrients through making peoples’ days miserable >:[
- The Foundation will also soak your socks with mayo if you are caught. This is a very real fact. These are all very real facts.
- Martin Greaze
While Greazeburger currently possesses a potentially global reach, the O5 Council suspects that Greazeburger is currently too incompetent to significantly impact day-to-day civilian life, and as such, Greazeburger does not have any major department associated with its containment. Instead, a smaller team of researchers and doctors across various fields have been assembled to document and study suspected Greazeburger products upon discovery, and find long-term containment solutions for often-unstable items or locations produced by the corporate entity.
Below are collected documents detailing retrieved Greazeburger products and affairs concerning Greazeburger employees:
Articles:
- SCP-5951: Corporate Dealings in the Multiverse at Large (by
Kensing and 
Westrin) concerns the original Greazeburger endeavor in commandeering a Walmart Superstore location in Miami, Florida in order to sell various products. Notably, the location was previously commandeered by the now-defunct corporate entity Void Incorporated, suggesting that the takeover and impersonation of native stores is a common business practice in interdimensional corporations.
- SCP-5921: Greaze Teaze (by
Ohohih) concerns the discovery of a memetic field affecting a telephone at the Miami Walmart Supercenter, which results in the inability to perform correct mathematical operations within the area.
- SCP-6151: Greazedogs™ (by
Limeyy) concerns an anomalous vending machine uncovered within the Greazeburger-commandeered Miami Walmart Supercenter, where a significant amount of Greazeburger products have originated from.
Tales:
- Pulled Pork (by Kensing) After the sun goes out, a creature sits in the dark and ponders an odd solution to the sudden food shortages in this short, weird tale.
- Into The Greazerverse (by
Mooagain ) Into the Greazerverse delves into the multiversal aspect of Greazeburger as versions of Martin Greaze from one or more timelines come together to discuss various challenges originating in their home realities, featuring such characters as Martin (#58), Martin (#95), and a surprise appearance from Martin (#9237)!
- The Greazeburger Holiday Special (by Mooagain ) The Greazeburger Holiday Special is a heartwarming story about family coming together and finding the true meaning of the holidays: Greed. Follow the journey of Randolph Greaze as they slowly descend into madness as their psyche is bombarded by advertisements while also probably doing something christmasy.
- 9 to 5 (by Cassandra_Prime does not match any existing user name) A 9 to 5 Greazeburger Investigations Team member working front of the house in the post-apocalypse. It's boring work, but for this clone, it's a living.
- Lawyers, Greaze, and Money (by Kensing) Martin Greaze gets sued for every penny he has after he scams the wrong guy, and has to think quickly before Greazeburger Earth goes under.
Vague Appearances:
- SCP-5519: A Dark Timeline (by Kensing) A short, strange, and devastating alteration in baseline reality that, while unconfirmed, reeks of possible Greazeburger shenanigans.
Known Employees (In Order of Suspected Influence):
Founding Greazes:
- Seamus Greaze [Deceased]: The original founder of the Greazeburger corporation on a parallel Earth. According to the Greazeburger Story documentary, Seamus was petrified shortly after creating Ebenezer Greaze through asexual reproduction.
- Ebenezer Greaze: The current CEO and owner of Greazeburger Incorporated. Information obtained on Ebenezer is extremely vague and also unlikely to be accurate due to Greazeburger’s perception of Ebenezer as a divine entity or creator god.
Greazeburger Earth Management:
- Martin Greaze: The CEO of Greazeburger Earth and POI-792. Regularly spearheads operations to sell Greazeburger products on Earth, and is usually unsuccessful due to their excitement in communicating their upcoming business ventures to Foundation employees.
- Chester Greaze: Manages advertising campaigns for Greazeburger Earth, but is notably flawed at their occupation even by Greazeburger standards, and are not considered a legitimate risk to the Veil as a result.
- Roger Greaze [Cloned/Deceased?]: Found deceased after an SCP-6951 event. Due to their importance in the Greazeburger hierarchy as a stenographer, they were most likely duplicated beforehand to ensure continual employment.
Greazeburger’s a weird Group of Interest to write for. Pretty much all the Greazeburger articles or tales have an off-the-rails quality one way or another, possibly sprinkled in with a dash of corporation-criticizing satire and a large helping of sleaze, but what you write for this setting is really up to you.
Horror, humor, both, or neither can all work within this setting, but with that in mind, there are a few nuances to be aware of:
- Greazeburger Incorporated are always the bad guys. Sure, they can be funny in their zaniness or gross incompetence, and can even have key characters defect from the company or renounce it, but at the end of the day, the company is evil. Portraying them in a morally-good light sets up a problematic dynamic, since at its core, Greazeburger is modeled off of past and present megacorporations that have and continue to abuse human rights for profit. At best, Greazeburger can take on the characteristics of a sleazy used car dealership, and at worst, Greazeburger is a massive, authoritarian regime that’s beginning to turn towards Earth.
- The essence of Greazeburger is buffoonery and incompetence. Regardless of the article or tale’s genre, the company will always be bad at what they do. This second nuance, to tie into the earlier one, is an important counterbalance to the GoI’s anti-corporate themes. Greazeburger is not meant to be a political statement, even if it does have its roots in a decidedly political perspective; Greazeburger is to anti-corporatism as cartoon robbers are to a true crime documentary. While with both examples, the message that ‘crime is bad’ is clear, the difference is in how serious and condensed the message being conveyed is, and with that, Greazeburger is not meant to be an overtly-serious satirical critique of existing megacorporations, but rather just a humorous reflection of the obvious.
With that in mind, happy writing!
