The following transcript is a live recording of the June 3rd, 2019 broadcast of "Good Morning America", and is provided for public awareness.
NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION
The following transcript is a live recording of the June 3rd, 2019 broadcast of "Good Morning America", and is provided for public awareness.
Preparedness is the first step to safety.
— Maria Jones, Director, RAISA - Public Relations Division
Interior — Good Morning America Studio Set
Robin Roberts: Good morning America, and thank you all at home for joining us for our program today. I am your anchor, Robin Roberts and as always, I am joined by my cohosts, the Ryan Seacrest clones, and Ginger Zee with the weather. Today we have a special program for you. Ryans, can you tell us what we've got lined up for today?
Ryan Seacrest(s): <In unison> Absolutely Robin! Joining us today are special guests, Faeowynn Wilson, the director of Wilson's Wildlife Solutions, a group who takes care of all of the new, weird animals we keep learning about, Bobby Flay and Gorok, the Nälkän chef, and then the weather report with a special guest!
Robin Roberts: Wow, that's a lot of guests! Well, stay tuned America, just wait and see what we have in store.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Ryan Seacrest 1: Welcome back America, I'm here with Faeowynn Wilson, Director of Wilson's Wildlife Solutions. Welcome Fae, can I call you Fae?
Faeowynn Wilson: Sure. Hi, uhhh… Ryan?
Ryan Seacrest 1: One of them! So who did you bring with you today?
Faeowynn Wilson: Well they're a little shy, but if everybody promises to be quiet, I know they would love to say hello!
Faeowynn Wilson crosses the stage, as camera 2 tracks her movement. She pokes her head backstage, and is seen whispering to something behind the curtain.
Faeowynn Wilson: Could we maybe dim the lights a bit?
Ryan Seacrest 3: Absolutely. One second. <The lights dim.> Is that better?
Faeowynn Wilson: Yes, much better. Are you ready to come out little guy?
Unknown: <Faint.> I… I think so.
Faeowynn Wilson: Come on out, Diego.
Faeowynn returns to her seat, accompanied by a 6' tall white creature, with a torso and legs, but no arms.
Faeowynn Wilson: Ryan One, meet Diego.
Ryan Seacrest 2: Oh I'm actually Ryan Two, but it's easy to mix us up. So Faeowynn, tell the audience at home what we're looking at here? I know people find wearing white pants after Labor Day to be a faux pas, but this is a little extreme. <The Ryans Laugh.>
Diego whimpers, moving to hide behind Faeowynn. It is still clearly visible.
Faeowynn Wilson: Hey, it's okay, he— they're not going to bite. Do you want to say hello?
Diego moves forward, slinking with each step. It has no mouth, but can speak without impediment none-the-less.
Diego: Umm… Hi, Ryan. I'm Diego. Sorry.
Ryan Seacrest 5: Nice to meet you Diego. Where are you from?
Diego: …Fresno.
Ryan Seacrest 4: Fresno? Really! Gorgeous city, I just assumed that you would be from one of the hidden worlds we've learned about, or heck, even from space! But really? Fresno?
Faeowynn Wilson: Yes, Ryans, Diego is more commonly known as the 'Fresno Nightcrawler' — they are a species of animal that has survived for thousands of years thanks to their camouflage abilities.
Ryan Seacrest 2: How does he hide? Find an empty department store rack and climb on up?
Faeowynn Wilson: <Laughing.> Not quite. Diego, do you think you can show us your special trick?
Diego: Oh. You want to play hide and seek?
Ryan Seacrest 1: You know Diego, I used to be the hide and seek champion! I'd love to play.
Diego: Oh, okay. Missus Wilson, is it okay for me to play?
Faeowynn Wilson: Of course Diego, remember? It's okay to be yourself now. Everybody knows that people and animals like you exist; you can show off as much as you want.
Diego: <Bobbing up and down.> Yay! Okay, are you ready? Three, two, ooooonnneeeeee…
Diego disappears, as a shimmer of color washes over it. It cannot be seen.
Faeowynn Wilson: So as you can see Ryans, or rather, as you can't see, Fresno Nightcrawlers have a special talent to bend light around their bodies; making them basically invisible. It does tire them out, which is why people used to see them sometimes during the night — that was when they would roam the streets in search of scraps of food, and water.
Ryan Seacrest 6: Diego? Are you over here?
Diego: <Invisible.> Haha, no, I'm not over there!
Ryan Seacrest 2: Well this is incredible Fae! You know, the wonders of the world have not ceased to amaze me; and I'm one of them! So Wilson's Wildlife Solutions — you care for creatures like Diego?
Faeowynn Wilson: We like to call them critters, and it's not as much that we care for them, more that we work with them, so that they can have a safe place to call home. We used to be focused on holding them in our facility, but now, thanks to funding from the public, we are able to help these critters where they come from, helping to protect them for generations to come. Conservation is important for all living beings, even those that used to be considered 'fake', 'urban legends', or 'fantasy creatures' — so for anybody who has given to WWS in the past, I want to thank you. It's because of you that Diego can live a peaceful existence.
Diego appears behind Ryan Seacrest 2.
Diego: I found you!
Ryan Seacrest 2: <Jumping.> Oh! Yes, you absolutely did there Diego, thank you so much for playing with me. Faeowynn, thank you for joining us here today. We're going to take a short break for now, but when we come back, Bobby Flay will be joined in the kitchen by the newest celebrity chef, Gorok the Nälkän chef!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Bobby Flay: Welcome back America, I hope you're hungry because boy do we have a treat for you today! Joining me in the kitchen is Gorok, the Nälkän chef, a rising celebrity for his bold take on cuisine, introducing the world to a whole new world of dining experiences. Gorok, it's great to finally meet you.
A large figure stands beside Bobby. They are wearing a set of dark robes — and have a black chef's hat on top of their head.
Gorok: Hello Bobby, what a please it is to meet you.
Bobby Flay: So Gorok, can you tell me and the audience about Nälkän cooking? What makes it so special?
Gorok: Absolutely Bobby. Nälkän cooking is traditionally a religious practice within the Nälkä people, originally involving non-traditional meats, such as human flesh. Due to the closed nature of the practice, I wanted to find a way to bring the food that I grew up loving to the rest of the world, to show just how special Nälkän culture really is!
Bobby Flay: I'll be honest, Gorok — I have cooked a lot of things, but I've never cooked human flesh! <He laughs, uncomfortably.>
Gorok: No need to worry my friend, as a part of my quest to bring these tastes to the common tongue, I have worked with other artisans, leaders and flesh-shapers, and we have created an alternative. It is called 'Hueman', and is an ethically farmed, Nälkän grown substitute for human flesh. Now you can create the same recipes we make in our restaurants, right in the comfort of your domiciles.
Bobby Flay: That's incredible Gorok. Can I ask how the 'sausage gets made', so to speak?
Gorok: No.
Silence.
Bobby Flay: <More uneasy laughter.> Okay, moving on! What are we cooking today, Gorok?
Gorok: Well Bobby, this is a quick recipe for a Christmas dinner appetizer, originally created for a Nälkän day of feasting — this is what I call my 'Lost Flesh Carpaccio'.
Bobby Flay: That sounds… fascinating. So how do we begin?
Gorok: Traditionally, this would be prepared using a set of ceremonial knives under a blood moon — instead, I find it easier to grab a mandolin, but if you don't have one, grab the sharpest knife you can find. The key part of this is in how thin the meat is cut.
Bobby Flay: Well Gorok, I've got a mandolin right here! <He leans behind the counter, and places a mandolin on the surface.> So how do we start?
Gorok: Well Bobby, you're going to grab a chunk of Hueman—
Bobby Flay: <Laughing awkwardly.> Did you say 'human' or 'Hueman'?
Gorok does not answer.
Bobby Flay: Right. Grabbing the meat — wow, this is much heavier than I expected!
Gorok: Yes, the density is key to the flavor. The flesh must be compressed. That is the only way to replicate the traditional taste. Now, Bobby, you are going to set the mandolin to the thinnest cut, and I want you to slice about five to six pieces of Hueman, while I start to gather the ingredients for our marinade.
Bobby Flay: Right, I can do that. <Bobby holds the chunk of meat, and slides it down the mandolin. A slice of flesh falls to a cutting board.> Folks, I can't really describe how the meat feels. It's almost… it's like a giant turkey, without bones.
Gorok: You're absolutely right Bobby. If you can't get a hold of Hueman, you can definitely substitute turkey, or another white flesh. Now, while Bobby is doing that, these are the four main ingredients that will be going into our marinade. Two are familiar, and can be found in any kitchen, and the others are a Nälkän tradition. But no concern, as you can buy these from our online storefront, where we sell Hueman, Nälkän spices and more!
Bobby Flay: So what are we looking at here, Gorok? I can see salt, and honey; those are the common ones, right?
Gorok: Correct Bobby. In addition, we have a seasoning blend called 'Just Like Lovataar Used to Make', a blend of foraged herbs, crushed rose petals that have been cured in a traditional flesh barrel, aged for a century and concentrated into our blend. The other ingredient is Black Nälkän Starter Culture yeast, descended from a millennia long lineage of Nälkän raised yeasts; this is key to getting that zest in the bite.
Bobby Flay: The zest?
Gorok: Yes, Bobby. The zest for life!
Bobby Flay: Oh. Okay. Ummm… sorry Gorok, this is my first time cooking with these ingredients and I'm a bit lost. What should we do next?
Gorok: Simply heat the honey within a clay vessel, as is done traditionally, or in a small saucepan. Once the honey is fluid, add a tablespoon of your Black Nälkän yeast. Take this off of the heat and stir it together. Once combined, let it rest for 20 minutes until it has tripled in size and smells of rotting flesh. Don't worry, it will only smell like that for a moment. If I just reach over here, I have already proofed one in advance.
Gorok raises a clay pot to the counter, removing the lid — inside, a black, pulsing mass is visible.
Bobby Flay: Wow! Does it always look like… that?
Gorok: <Laughing.> If you do it right it does! Now, we are going to add the rest of our ingredients, a pinch of salt, and two teaspoons of 'Just Like Lovataar Used to Make'. You're going to want to combine that with the mass; Bobby, do you want to know how?
Bobby Flay: I'd assume, stirring?
Gorok: Not quite. <They laugh.> No, to combine the seasonings properly, we must stab the yeast and let the blood flow from it.
Bobby Flay: We… stab it?
Gorok: Yes! Like so. <Gorok removes a dagger from their robes, stabbing the black mass. It bursts, a black fluid leaking out as the mass deflates. Soon, it is a black sludge.> Now simply combine, and then pour over your Hueman flesh to coat. You're going to want to marinate this for three days to a week, at which point, it will be ready to eat raw.
Gorok reaches down, and pulls a plate from behind the counter. It has multiple pieces of the 'Lost Flesh Carpaccio' placed on the plate — they are speckled black, with dark striations throughout.
Gorok: This batch has been curing for a week. Would you like to try it, Bobby Flay?
Bobby Flay: I don't know Gorok, what if we both ate some at the same time?
Gorok: It would be my delight.
They each grab a slice. Gorok consumes the entire slice in a single bite, while Bobby takes a small bite of the edge.
Bobby Flay: <Chewing.> Wow, Gorok this is… fascinating. I don't know if I've ever had anything quite like this before. It's impossible to describe, both bitter, sour, but also incredibly sweet and savory?
Gorok: Yes, Bobby, Nälkän cooking exists much as we do; it is a contradiction, existing only because we fight to make it so. America, I am proud to have shared my heritage with you.
Bobby Flay: You know, Gorok, I can't wait to see what you cook up next! You'll have to come on 'Beat Bobby Flay' some time, maybe we can go toe to toe on Italian cuisine?
Gorok: I was unaware other cuisines utilized human toes. Interesting.
Bobby Flay: <Deeply uncomfortable.> Not quite? But the producers are telling me that we are going to commercials, but when we come back, Ginger Zee and a mystery guest give us the weekly forecast!
The cutaway music begins to play, as the host's voices fade.
Gorok: <Quietly.> Bobby, I meant to ask. Flay, that is a strong Nälkän name, rending flesh from the bone. Do you have any Nälkän heritage?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Network graphics play, showing scenes of extreme weather and disasters around the globe. We see shots of reporters standing in storms, being blown around by the wind, and then we finally see a woman crossing her arms, with text that reads 'Weather Report, with Ginger Zee'.
Ginger Zee: Good Morning America, and welcome to your daily weather report. We have a very special guest today, if you'd like to introduce—
Screamy.aic: HI THERE EVERYBODY! I'M ON THE TV NOW!
Ginger Zee: This is Screamy, and he's—
Screamy.aic: Not a boy!
Ginger Zee: You know what? I'm sorry Screamy, I just don't think I've ever had a digital guest on the show before? So I guess that makes you special!
Screamy.aic: You think I'm special?
Ginger Zee: I do Screamy! So why don't we get started with the weather?
The screen changes, displaying a warm pressure front moving eastward across the continental United States.
Ginger Zee: We've got a nasty warm front pushing in from the pacific, and bringing storms along with it. Starting tonight, you can expect rains, and—
Screamy.aic: NOTICE: It's going to be wet. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION: Dallas needs to dig a big swimming pool today. Or else.
Ginger Zee: What was that Screamy? They need to dig a swimming pool?
Screamy.aic: Yes. It's very important.
Ginger Zee: Right. Moving on, California is looking warm and sunny this week, with an average of 92 degrees. Thankfully, at nights, it should be dropping down to below—
Screamy.aic: NOTICE: Justine Greenblatt of Buffalo, New York is going to forget her lunch. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION: Principal Maple must cut his sandwich in half.
Ginger Zee: What… Screamy, what does that have to do with the weather?
Screamy.aic: Nothing! But it's still a crisis!
Ginger Zee: Can we— Do you think we can be a bit more focused on the weather?
Screamy.aic: Oh! Oh! You wound Screamy! You kick Screamy while I am down!
Ginger Zee: Sorry about this folks, just give me one second. <A quieter tone.> Hey. Screamy. You wanted to be helpful, right?
Screamy.aic: How can I help if you won't let me tell everybody about the most horrible and awful things that are going to happen?
Ginger Zee: What about this. Do you want to read the storm warnings?
Screamy.aic: Warnings?
Ginger Zee: Yeah! Come on, we have to help people out, right?
Screamy.aic: I will help you Ginger!
Ginger Zee: <Laughing.> Sounds great Screamy. Why don't you start us with—
Screamy.aic: NOTICE: Good Morning America's facility is about to leak. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION: Ginger Zee must go give Camera Man One a hug.
Ginger Zee: Wha… I'm sorry, what did you say Screamy? I need to hug somebody?
Screamy.aic: Yes! Do it! Now!
Ginger Zee: I don't think I understand. There's a leak?
Screamy.aic: Ginger this is important! I wouldn't be yelling otherwise! I only yell when I am saying something important, and it is very important that you give the man behind Camera One a hug! Right now!
Ginger Zee: Right now?
Screamy.aic: Right now!
Ginger Zee: Oh… okay?
Ginger Zee leaves the greenscreen, and walks towards Camera One. As she nears the camera, a crack is heard from overhead. A camera swivels up — and the ceiling collapses, raining water and debris down onto where Ginger had been standing. People begin to yell in a panic.
Screamy.aic: I told you! See! It was important!
Fire alarms in the building are going off, as people run around in the background. The broadcast is seemingly forgotten.
Robin Roberts: <Off-screen and muffled.> Oh my god where's Ryan Number Four?
Screamy.aic: Thank you for joining Screamy today, I loved being on TV!
Screamy.aic: I think that's the end of the show? Maybe. Good Morning America! I was Screamy, and this was your Screamy Crisis Report! And remember—
Screamy.aic: Dallas, you need to dig a swimming pool. It is very important.
Footage cuts to the test card, shown above.
