Golden Horde Funk
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Sir? Sir! I'm really sorry to disturb you on leave, sir, but I really don't think this can wait, and the project is kinda out of control, and Director Sarangerel wants to speak to you, and …

Sorry, sorry. Yes, sir. I'm sorry. Okay. Sir, I have something to tell you, and I don't think you're going to like it.

You know how on my first day, you told me about the time-travelling Mongol horde looking for a time to bury Genghis Khan once he had been forgotten? So I've been doing everything as planned, keeping his memory alive. Sponsoring museum exhibitions, supporting Mongolian national celebrations - and the TV series we did for AMC was good, right? But then I started wondering - look, it's not my fault: once we allocate the budget, there isn't much else to do - so yeah, I started wondering about Magdeburg.

Okay, I'll admit - when you said "Magdeburg", I had no idea what that was. I looked it up, and the Warring States, and I was thinking "why would the little horde, travelling anywhere in time and space, only show up at battles?". It doesn't make any sense, sir - if you're trying to find out whether people still remember your Great Khan, the middle of a battle is the worst time to get information.

And there was that other thing. I read up on my history after I got assigned here, all of the things the Golden Horde had done, all the stuff you told me. But you got something wrong, sir. You said they were at the battle of Leipzig. Yes, of course you meant the battle of Legnica, but that's not what you said. Exactly - there's a big difference.

Oh, and Genghis Khan didn't die from falling off a horse. He died in battle with the Western Xia. Or from an arrow wound that got infected. Or a princess stabbed him. Point is, nobody really knows how he died, because - it's like you said - they weren't much for writing things down in those days.

I'm getting to it, sir. So I started searching the database for more information about the sightings of the Horde, threw in Leipzig on a hunch, and suddenly the Department of Analytics is pinging me, asking me about security breaches on classified SCP objects. No, of course I wasn't, but it turned out I was on to something. No, I wasn't cleared for it - but I am now, and so are you.

It turns out that the Foundation has a completely separate record of potential Horde sightings that we never knew about. Gaugamela, 331 BC. Vienna, 1638. Beersheba, 1917. All battles, all involving serious cavalry action. Yes, Leipzig too - some researcher in the Anart department is telling me he has a portrait of Temuujen shaking hands with Napoleon.

No, that's the thing. There's no physical evidence because those battles never happened, not like this other record says they did. Well you'll need to come see the containment documentation for it, but my point is: What if we were wrong? What if the Horde aren't using the time machine to find somewhere to bury Genghis? What if he's not even dead?

What if those half a million loyal soldiers aren't waiting back in 1227 - what if they're travelling with their Khan, still breaking empires with bows, fighting in battles throughout history? Particular battles: battles that change after the Horde wins them. That make the world forget what happened - make it look like there were only a few Mongol warriors there, for a few hours, if at all.

What if a time-travelling Genghis Khan is our last, best hope against the Daeva?

Yes, sir, I know that sounds unlikely, but you have to come and see what I've seen. Um, I'm afraid that wasn't a figure of speech - you actually do have to come, the orders are from Sarangerel herself. I'm really sorry about your holiday, sir. But the good news is that they're definitely not going to liquidate our budget - not now.

Well, for a start you're going to get a lot more people working for you. Turns out you and I are the Foundation's leading experts on the culture and customs of the Mongolian Empire - I guess all those years of PBS specials and National Geographic articles have finally paid off. Not to mention we're the only ones who can speak in passable Middle Mongol.

That's right, speak. The Department of Temporal Anomalies say they'll be ready as soon as we get back to the site. The Foundation isn't about to risk Temuujen getting bored of kicking the Daeva's ass and heading back to 1227 to retire. You and I are going to be the Foundation's first ever trans-temporal ambassadors - we'll be getting down with the Horde, meeting the Great Khan himself!

Uh, sir - you do know how to ride a horse, right?

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