Dude, you've got something on your nose…
| GLR032/STX787/REF819 | |
|---|---|
| Status | Selling |
| Demand | High |
| Value | 200USD/150GBP per Straw, 1000USD/750GBP per packet, 50000USD/37500GBP per Crate |
| Availability | Established Supply Chain |
| Estimated Supply Exhaustion | Unlikely |
| External Partners | Dr. Wondertainment Inc. |
| Revenue Split | 89% in favor, 11% to external partner(s) |
| Identifier | Dr. Wondertainment's GlitterStix!® |
| Description | Items are 15cm paper straws containing edible coloured glitter in a variety of flavors. Sold in packs of 6, available from supplier in crates of 300. Items come in three flavours with distinct effects upon consumption: Lemon Zest®: Euphoric bliss, delusional levels of optimism, persistent feelings of nostalgia, inexplicable bounciness to the gait, musical inclinations. Berry Blast®: Distorted perception of time, with test subjects reporting that the ‘world speeds up’, extreme and prolonged deja vu. Java Jitters®: Hyperactivity, performance enhancement, paranoia, sleep paralysis, vivid hallucinations associated with sleep deficit. For roughly 1 out of 30 subjects, consumption causes milder hallucinations coupled with calming effects. All flavors have a half-life of 20 minutes. |
| Marshall, Carter & Dark, Ltd. | |
| Initial Writeup | ||
|---|---|---|
| Penned by: | Lucas Aurelio Monaco | |
| Date | October 10, 2022 | |
| Interest | High | |
| Identifier | Dr. Wondertainment's GlitterStix!® | |
| Monthly Dr. Wondertainment catalogue delivered to our London Office. Item description found on Page 6. Testing has gone well. No causalities so far, and a pleasantly surprising lack of associated comedown with product use. Turns out the effect is smoother when mixed into drinks, as well. I think this could be a good addition to the bar cart. Introduction of comparatively cheap goods prior to larger auctions could result in substantial profit margins. Recommending establishment of supply line and cursory market trials. |
||
| File Opened Under: | GLR032/STX787/REF819 | |
| Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. | ||
Awesometober!™ Product Picks
Can't stay awake in class? Falling asleep first at the sleepover?
Never again! Not with Dr. Wondertainment’s GlitterStix!® Meet your whimsical wake-up call!
With flavors like Lemon Zest®, Berry Blast®, and Java Jitters®, you’re guaranteed a smile on your face and a pep in your step!
Life feeling dreary? No need to feel weary!
Whoever needed sleep to dream, anyway?
Side effects may include spontaneous singing. Not suitable for children under 4 years.
INTERNAL MEMO No. 123129
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-01
DATE: 10/10/2022
TO: LUCAS A. MONACO
PENNED BY: IRIS C. DARKE
I expect these will make for excellent party favours. There should also be significant market opportunity among university students—there's never a shortage of disillusionment and low energy to remedy in that department.
Continue to conduct tests, and negotiate price points if possible. I trust you with the specifics, but please inform me of any developments.
INTERNAL MEMO No. 123133
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-02
DATE: 11/10/2022
TO: IRIS C. DARKE
PENNED BY: LUCAS A. MONACO
No issues establishing a supply line from Wondertainment. Managed to negotiate price to 10000GBP per crate. We should have our first shipment by Monday. Once we get that extra inventory, we should have an easier time collecting additional market data.
INTERNAL MEMO No. 123997
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-03
DATE: 25/10/2022
TO: IRIS C. DARKE, LUCAS A. MONACO
PENNED BY: CHRYSOPHILIUS S. MARSHALL
I've been soft-launching these at parties over the past two weeks. To no one's surprise, they're a hit—pun not intended. Pixy Stix chock full of supernatural speed are an easy sell to begin with, but it's an especially dangerous thing to have cocaine taste like candy.
Dangerous, but very profitable.
We're already on the books for an auction in New York on the 1st. Since the initial feedback has been so positive, I'm going to go ahead and add a few of these crates to the lot.
INTERNAL MEMO No. 124251
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-04
DATE: 02/11/2022
TO: IRIS C. DARKE, LUCAS A. MONACO
PENNED BY: CHRYSOPHILIUS S. MARSHALL
“Just try it once” is up there for one of the most lucrative sentences in history.
I had some samples passed around before the bidding started. Sure enough to the label, Citigroup’s CFO burst into a surprisingly good rendition of "9 to 5". Other than that, the only trouble was getting people to sit down and stay in their seats for the duration of the show.
It's delightful to see how many of our customers are addictive personalities with deep pockets. Say what you will about the lack of a comedown, but there was definitely some fiending by the time the crate went up for sale. Sloan barely had to do his job.
I decided to only put one crate up for bidding this go around—just typical scarcity marketing. I maintain it was a good call here.
Several clients came and found me after the show as well. The only complaint I’ve heard so far is that glitter sticks to everything, which is never a fun thing to explain if you’re coming home to a spouse.
INCIDENT REPORT GLR032/STX787/REF819-01
DATE: 20/11/2022
PENNED BY: LUCAS A. MONACO
We've seen a steady climb in sales among university students as the end of the semester approaches. All of the flavours have seen increasing numbers, but Java Jitters has been the most popular among this group.
I caught wind of an LLB1 who ran into the hospital screaming that the bar exam had eight legs, nine eyes, and was trying to eat his heart. When the doctors asked what he'd taken, he started singing "Somebody's Watching Me" on loop for the next hour before laughing his way through cardiac arrest and a night full of seizures.
Bloodwork showed up for roughly 8,000 mg of caffeine in his system, alongside a hefty amount of amphetamines and just as much diphenhydramine to try and cancel it out.
I only consider this worth writing about due to the nonzero chance that the Foundation has caught wind of it. However, I'd like to see even the almighty whitecoats try to do away with every stimulant dealer on LSE's campus.
Not that I expect students will listen, but I think we should emphasize recommended dosage more clearly to the rest of our clients. Save them such embarrassing trips.
| Sales Records | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| GLR032/STX787/REF819 | |||
| Month | Sold | Comments | |
| October 2022 | 1808 | Halloween spike. | |
| November 2022 | 3094 | ||
| December 2022 | 14666 | Finals spike + Christmas spike. | |
| January 2023 | 11643 | ||
| February 2023 | 12402 | ||
| Marshall, Carter & Dark, Ltd. | |||
INTERNAL MEMO No. 124862
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-05
DATE: 10/12/2022
TO: IRIS C. DARKE, CHRYSOPHILIUS S. MARSHALL
PENNED BY: LUCAS A. MONACO
I woke up to some strongly worded emails from Wondertainment’s Intellectual Property and Public Relations teams this morning. I went ahead and forwarded both to you two.
Unsure who said what and to whom, but just some things to keep in mind moving forward.
No threats to supply so far. Given the profit margins on these, I assume we all want to keep it that way.
To: lucasmonaco@mcd_intmail.mcd
From: ip.office@drwondertainment.██
Date Sent: 10/12/2022 06:14 GMT
Subject: ARE YOU ST*PID?
PIXY STICKS?!?! You compared Dr. Wondertainment's GlitterStix!® to PIXY STIX?!?!?! Is this a joke to you? How DARE you bestow such false impressions upon our valued customers?
The products are COMPLETELY non-affiliated, do you understand me?? Tell Mr. Marshall that such baseless comparisons will not be tolerated, no matter how flippantly he draws them.
Respect our trademarks and keep any other brands out of your mouth, you suited fiends! You joyless fat cats are practically begging for a libel case.
I mean, seriously! Pixy Stix haven’t been relevant since the 80s, and they don’t even get you high!
Do NOT make us circle back on this.
You have been warned.
Judgemental Regards,
Dr. Wondertainment Department of Intellectual Property
To: lucasmonaco@mcd_intmail.mcd
From: pr.office@drwondertainment.██
Date Sent: 10/12/2022 06:20 GMT
Subject: GlitterStix!® Concerns
Good morning, folks!
We at Dr. Wondertainment understand that you have a certain caliber of clientele to cater to. As such, we ordinarily respect your expertise and marketing decisions, even when they entail implicit analogy to narcotics.
However, just because you guys do lines for breakfast in New York does not mean we condone your projection :)
It’s come to our attention that Mr. Chrysophilius Marshall pitched our GlitterStix®—a flavored energy drink mix, mind you—to several party guests as, quote: “cocaine on crack”. Not cool, guys :( Pardon our language, but this is an unacceptable bastardization of our product and our brand.
We make toys. On occasion, those toys are consumable. Nevertheless, we take the rising childhood addiction crisis VERY seriously.
After all our years of goodwill and partnership, we find it insulting and short-sighted that you would sully our name to your clients by labeling us a drug manufacturer (and with Christmas right around the corner, nonetheless!)
Moving forward, please attempt to be a teensy bit more cognizant of our image and its integrity. Muchest thanks in advance.
Whimsically,
Dr. Wondertainment Department of Public Relations
INTERNAL MEMO No. 124892
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-06
DATE: 12/10/2022
TO: IRIS C. DARKE, LUCAS A. MONACO
PENNED BY: CHRYSOPHILIUS S. MARSHALL
First off, I was playing to the nostalgia angle—you know how millennials are. Imagine if Pepsi threatened a lawsuit every time someone used “Coke” as an umbrella term.
As for the second complaint: Robert said he brought samples of this to Vegas since there’s obviously a market for most consumables there. Two sticks of Java Jitters kept a demon awake for three days.
Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.
INTERNAL MEMO No. 124901
ATTACHMENT CODE: GLR032/STX787/REF819-07
DATE: 12/10/2022
TO: CHRYSOPHILIUS S. MARSHALL, LUCAS A. MONACO
PENNED BY: IRIS C. DARKE
Lucas, please write back to both teams and send our regards, but acknowledge no fault on our part.
Chrysophilius, please watch your language when making your elevator pitch. Advise Dorian to do the same.
To be clear, I am not recommending an overhaul of a successful marketing strategy. However, I do not believe it advantageous to antagonize our supplier. I will not have Wondertainment throwing a tantrum and consequently rescinding their lots.
Continue to serve the item as a drink mixer. How our clients consume it once they’ve purchased it is their own business.
INCIDENT REPORT GLR032/STX787/REF819-02
DATE: 26/12/2022
PENNED BY: LUCAS A. MONACO
Well, I’m sure everyone who reads this will have already heard about what happened at the Christmas Party, but the paperwork is important.
After the auction, several in-house employees and close associates, myself included, went to the Crowne Plaza for further celebration.
Around midnight, Julian Powers (the Anderson lawyer) took a Lemon Zest straw up each nostril, announced to the room his newfound ability to fly, and enthusiastically bounced off the balcony. Clearly, flight was not among this batch’s effects.
He landed on a bystander, killing them on impact. Powers shattered both legs, bounced once more, then laid there screaming on the pavement till EMS arrived—put a real damper on the mood.
There's still the question of liability, but it's hardly the Crowne's fault that he couldn't handle his high. Besides that, the dead woman was homeless, and no family has shown up yet. To top it all off, Wondertainment's people are eager to clean this up.
Hardly the most exciting thing to happen at a company holiday party. Though I was concerned some of our customers would be turned off from the product, I'm pleased to have been mistaken in this case. I think it says something about our clientele that this event led to an increase in demand.
Glad tidings and good Q4, everybody.