Gary and Stu Do Something Gnarly
rating: +35+x

"Nobody tells you how boring the apocalypse actually is."


"I mean, okay, look. The beginning, the part with the invasion and the explosions and shit? It's fucking bonkers. But like, after? Boring as fuck, am I right?"

"You're way too casual about all of this."

"What? No! Dude, the world as we know it has ended, it's terrible!"

"Then why does it sound like you're trying to pitch me something three weeks after my wife disappeared in front of my eyes?"

"Wha— Hold on now, dude. I'm not pitching you shit, okay? I'm trying to help you out here."

"Gary, I'm still fucking grieving."

"And I can't help my friend?!"

"…It's 2 AM, Gary. Why are you here and what the fuck is that in your hands?"

"I'm here bec—oh this is a piece of one of the Bugs."


"Look, Stu, I'm here because the world ended, OUR worlds have ended. We are the only survivors of our dysfunctional makeshift family, but does that mean we have to fucking waste away? Do you think Casandra would really want that? We survived, Stu, but that's not enough, don't you wanna live?"

"There were only two things I lived for in this world. You guys, and the waves. Casandra's gone and the other is a fucking wasteland."

"I mean technically it's a 'Wastesea' bu-"


"Sorry, sorry! Look, I know all that, Stu. That's what THIS is for."

"How is a chunk of one of the things that almost wiped out humanity going to help me?"

"That's what I'm trying to get to, dude! For fuck's sake will you just come with me? It's easier if I just show you."

Two months ago, two realities began to converge. One was failing, intent on claiming the other. The other was our home.
The Nexus was their point of entry. Entities swarmed us like locusts upon fields, stripping us of our existence so they could take our place. Spreading a plague, tainting resources, using weapons we did not understand to remove our claim on this world, this reality.
We did not let them.
The Foundation, having kept this scourge of a reality at bay for decades, understood their existence. Even though they could not stop their arrival, they could drive them back. The Veil shattered, but humanity strengthened. United under a common cause, we fought back.
Two weeks ago, we won. Their effects still haunt us, but we won.

"Okay, now you see where it attaches to its ass? Rip that piece off."

"We shouldn't be here, the Foundation quarantined this place for a reason."

"It's just the Bug corpses, dude. I'm friends with one of their MTF guys. No plague over here, they just haven't cleaned up the dead Bugs."

"Gary, you don't have friends and none of this looks like it has an ass."

"Dude, right here! There's fuckin' brown goo coming out of there, it's obviously an ass."

"It's obviously disgusting."

"Fine, you baby. I'll do it myself… There! See? Easy."

"Congrats, now what do I do with this giant Bug's ass-flap?"

"Feel it, do you feel that?"

"Feel it? Gary, is this a sexual thing? Oh god, this is a sexual thing isn't it?"

"Stu! For the love of god can you stop being such a twat and listen! Can you feel it vibrating? Every few minutes it like, wobbles."

"Holy shit… Is this thing still alive?"

"Nah, dude. It's wobbling, with the Nexus!"

The oceans were tainted at the coastlines, marine life was severely crippled.
The Bugs could not survive with our sea, so they began swapping ours for theirs. We managed to stop the spread of the blight, leaving numerous areas fit for desalination, but there were no longer any beaches. Only a treacherous, caustic deep, which required specialized equipment to traverse.
They stole a part of our humanity that we took for granted. Until we find a way to reverse the blight, our future generations will never experience the serene beauty of a coastline, the caressing touch of our mother nature by her oceans waves.

"We're going TOWARDS the Nexus?"

"Hahaha yeah!"

"Gary, this is nuts."

"Totally, but check this out. Hold the flap in front of you with the side facing the Nexus."

"The fuck? It's like, pushing back."

"Every time the Nexus pulses right?"


"And the closer you get to the Nexus, the more it pushes back."

"So how do we— Dude what's the point of all this?"

"Just keep following me, and hold it to your side, with the tip facing forward. See? Almost no resistance at all. Like an arrow through the air."

"What about the Foundation patrols?"

"Like I said, I've got a friend on the inside, he got us a way in. Plus, he's joining us."

Two friends mourn the loss of their loved one. When she lived, the three of them were friends. Since early childhood, they were one another's support. There was nobody else.
Long before she was lost, one became her husband and the other their closest friend. The three were inseparable, and together they acquired the same love of the ocean. They moved to the coast so they could be by the sea. They often said that the three of them felt like an island, three individuals nobody understood. So when they found the one thing that loved them back, the sea became the fourth member. The mother who always comforted, celebrated and loved them, as they caught her tides.
They were a family. Until she was taken away.
Not taken away, replaced. Her existence replaced with that of another, something not of this world. They had no chance to say goodbye, they had no intention of welcoming her distortion. As they watched the invader that replaced their loved one die, they hoped it would bring their loved ones back.
It did not.

"Oh shit, there he is. Yo! We're over here!"

"Is that the MTF guy? Wait, is he carrying a butt-flap too?"

"Yeah, that's Marvin, he kind of hates me but I managed to smuggle him some good weed so he's chilled."

"You're still dealing? After the apocalypse?"

"SHIT YES I'm still dealing! The end of the world is stressful, bro."

"Uh, Gary, your new friend has company."

"Fuck, get down!"


"Wait… Dude, you see that? Behind his back, he's waving us through."

"This smells like a trap, Gary."

"No way, I told him I'd rat him out to his captain if I don't get this favor."

"Hey, it looks like they're turning around…"

"Fuckin Marv! Coming through with the win."

"Why's he going with them, though? I thought you said he's joining us."

"Damn, looks like he distracted them or some shit… Oh shit hahaha."


"He just mouthed 'YOU OWE ME ASSHOLE' haha. Let's go, we're almost there."

In two highly secured buildings, separated by two hundred miles, two people are sitting in empty rooms.

One is a highly experienced veteran, seasoned by countless encounters with the unexplained. The other, a young woman, hastily recruited to help save the world.

The veteran receives a notification on his computer. He has been added to a room in his Secure Chat Program.

The old man types:


What is it?

There's been a development.

In regards to?

The Nexus.

Researcher Crowler, if it was happening again, I'm sure we'd have all known it by now.

It's not that, sir. It seems as though some civilians have figured out how to use the shifting Hume levels released from the Nexus as a sort of current.

Elaborate. Like an electrical current?

No, physical. Sir, a small group of civilians have been removing the chitinous appendages of the dead invader-drones, piggybacking off the waves caused by two realities interacting and using them in transportation.

They're transporting dead Bug parts? For what? Some sort of rhino-horn/aphrodesiac/Bug-drug trade thing?

No, they're using the parts AS transportation.

Tamara, just skip the clinical bullshit and say what you need to say.

Sir, they've figured out how to surf on humes.

Two old friends stand in an abandoned parking lot. One is a joker, taking nothing besides his family to heart. The other, a mourner, only wishing to lament his loss. Nearby stands the bringer of their tragedy, the Nexus. Pulses oscillate from the aperture, making their hair stand on end, reverberating through the chitinous remains in their hands.

The joker jumps, he demonstrates to his mourning companion that the very thing that brought them so much pain could help them soothe it. He steps on his makeshift board, turns it toward the Nexus and is caught by a pulse, sending him soaring through the air.

The mourner watches his friend do the impossible, seemingly surfing on reality itself. His friend, carving through the air, laughing and screaming with glee. Ironically, it just did not seem real.

He had barely even noticed himself stand and prepare himself when he realized the ebb and flow from the Nexus was familiar, not unlike the gentle rocking of the ocean.
Except, he hated it, he could never grow to love the thing that took his wife away. He despised the nostalgia it gave him, but he'd be damned if this fucking thing didn't owe him one moment of happiness.

For the first time in ages, he stood up, stepped on his board and caught a wave.

As Stu ripped through the air, he spotted his friend standing below, smiling.

He smiled back, and whispered under his breath:

"Casandra would have loved this."

And with them being so close to myself and the lost ones, I wish I could tell them that I do.

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