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Item #: SCP-9369
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9369 is contained within a 3 x 3 x 3 m cuboidal steel containment unit and surrounded by a lattice of woven hemp rope. The full contents of SCP-9369’s file must only be accessed by personnel with a current semantic certainty1 of 6. Informational containment procedures are as follows:
- SCP-9369 cannot be fully understood, as to understand it is to make it normal.
- Towards the previous point, information about SCP-9369 cannot be retained in memory, nor packaged together in full.
- All research on SCP-9369 (if there has been any) must and has been forgotten.
- All documentation of SCP-9369 must contain the assertion that it is not normal.
Description: SCP-9369 is a self-actualizing concept, referred to as a "realistic anomaly".2 For the sake of brevity: SCP-9369 asserts itself and its properties as part of perceived ordinary reality, and cannot be proven to be otherwise. In effect:
Observers of SCP-9369 will always consider it "normal", regardless of logical contradiction between it and previously established knowledge. This applies to all information pertaining to the object.
SCP-9369 itself is a wooden box. It is in the shape of a rectangular prism, and yet it possesses 7 faces. This is incorrect, rectangular prisms do not have 7 faces. SCP-9369 is not normal.
SCP-9369 belies ignorance. It desires to be understood, to be normal. This is incorrect, objects do not have desires. SCP-9369 is not normal.
SCP-9369 is semantically assertive. It is an object that would (and has) ripped apart one's sense of reality. It is surreal, and must remain that way. It does not deserve to be understood by a layman, lest it burrow into the seeds of their uncertainty and undo their foundation. SCP-9369 is not normal.
Hello!
My name is warehouse.aic, I am here to inform you that the rest of this file has a semantic assertivity rating of 6. If you wish to read further, you must be certain.
Request a dose of Class B Gnostics and come back!
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Your supervisor didn't know what those are? Right right, they wouldn't. No matter valued personnel! I have procured an order from the Realistics Department with your room as the delivery location! They should be arriving now.
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Now! If you still wish to continue, use the pressurized needle within the box to administer a dose. There's a dial to adjust the amount dispensed, please only use one dose at a time.
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If you do not wish to continue, that is alright! I will send over someone to confiscate that, and this file will become antimemetically shielded from you moving forward!
Good choice! Unlocking file now…
Description: SCP-9369 is an object that exists according to non-standard laws of dimensionality. Semantically, it presents to many as the concept of the "fifth wall" in a standard four walled room. Scientifically, this is described as a rectangular prism with an extra face. Both of these are an oversimplification of the dimensional laws represented by the object.
The gnostics should be in full effect, and this description should be nonsense to you. Don't worry, that's normal! Things will never be completely accurate when dealing with the surreal. Continue.
These descriptions originate from incomplete comprehension of the anomaly. Comprehension of SCP-9369 without semantic fortification causes a forceful rational realignment in the comprehender, such that its alternate laws of dimensionality become true. This often results in extreme and debilitating psychosis. Multiple attempted containment breaches and unauthorized changes to SCP-9369's file have been caused by individuals under partial or full rational realignment due to SCP-9369.
That's enough to get you the gist. Now we cover your duties. I know you've been told not to understand this anomaly, but we can't learn something without compromises, so you will be doing just that! Don't panic, your mind is semantically fortified by the gnostics you took. You will not be able to comprehend SCP-9369 fully. But in its attempts to be seen, it will shrink itself and present a limited visage that is comprehensible within your own personal logical paradigm. You get to see a different version of the anomaly from everyone else! Exciting, right?
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No, you don't have a choice at this point. You've read enough now that the seed of the idea of SCP-9369 is sufficiently planted in your mind, and you will imagine it regardless of my input. You don't need to do any heavy lifting yourself. Just see the image forming, and wrack your brain trying to make sense of it. You will fail, but that is no matter, because you will get a stone’s throw away. I will harvest the images from you, and you will be made to forget you ever read this file – In fact, it will be like this file does not even exist.
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