SCP-5488

NOTICE:

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It is an internal page used by the SCP Wiki, and is not meant to be read directly, but included by another. This page should be parented, see above.

+ CODE

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To: ten.34|yarDneleH#ten.34|yarDneleH
From: ten.34|nnaCsalohciN#ten.34|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: SCP-5488

---

Helen,

Well, that sure happened.

What do you think of the new file?

— Nick

Item # SCP-5488

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5488 is to be kept in a straight tab folder locked in a fire-proof safe within the Anomalous Items Archive of Site-43. The lock combination must be changed every two weeks. Interaction is restricted to Clearance Level-2 and above. All media affected by SCP-5488 must be reported to Dr. Nicholas Cann or Dr. Helen Dray immediately.

As of Incident 5488-1, images of SCP-5488 are not to be uploaded to any electronic device. Any device found to contain such images must be immediately disconnected from all networks, quarantined, and reset to factory specifications.

Further testing of SCP-5488 is postponed indefinitely.

---

Description: SCP-5488 is a set of eight custom-made stickers (designated SCP-5488-A through H) resembling film industry rating labels. No physical anomalies beyond the failure to lose adhesive properties after multiple uses and extreme resistance to damage have been observed.

When an instance of SCP-5488 is placed onto any form of media (movies, books, video games etc.) the physical appearance and contents of the media will be altered drastically, corresponding to the SCP-5488 instance. Examples of alterations include:

• addition or removal of coarse language in dialogue;
• addition, expansion or censoring of scenes featuring violence and/or nudity;
• addition, alteration or removal of plot elements.

When an image of SCP-5488 is uploaded to an electronic device, it will propagate itself virally throughout the device's data storage and across any available network connections. All propagated instances of SCP-5488 must be removed to prevent the spread of this virus; to date, only the complete shutdown of affected devices and networks has proven effective at achieving this.

The Foundation was alerted to the existence of SCP-5488 when user "falcon_crazy" of the conspiracy forum Parawatch claimed to own something "legit magical." The user supposedly discovered a set of anomalous rating stickers while performing spring cleaning in an under-the-stairs closet. MTF Kappa-43 ("The Mediators") recovered SCP-5488 and amnesticized its former owner, while the Identity and Technocryptography Section of Site-43 deleted the relevant forum posts.

---

Incident 5488-1: After extensive testing, Dr. Cann uploaded an image of SCP-5488 to 43NET in preparation for the file's final publication. This resulted in the immediate colonization of 43NET by SCP-5488. After reversion to an earlier backup erased the offending files, the present Special Containment Procedures were put in place.

---

To: ten.34|nnaCsalohciN#ten.34|nnaCsalohciN
From: ten.34|yarDneleH#ten.34|yarDneleH
Subject: Database Reboot

---

Nick,

I commend you for the reboot solution, I think you saved both of our jobs. I've spoken to Director McInnis, and he says we won't be held accountable for the… disruption. He even congratulated us on our quick thinking! Dodged a bullet there.

— Helen

To: ten.34|yarDneleH#ten.34|yarDneleH
From: ten.34|nnaCsalohciN#ten.34|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE: Database Reboot

---

You're telling me! Boy, really reminds you that we can't take these anomalies seriously enough, doesn't it? Who knows how many other horrible things are waiting for us in forgotten cardboard boxes.

…still. We had archived versions of database files from SCiPNET on 43NET, and I'm definitely not sorry to have seen the PG version of 682. It managed to be cute and terrifying at the same time!

In the end, no harm, no foul.

— Nick

To: ten.34|nnaCsalohciN#ten.34|nnaCsalohciN
From: ten.34|yarDneleH#ten.34|yarDneleH
Subject: RE: Database Reboot

---

Nick,

I'm not sure those were archived files. Have you checked SCiPNET recently?

+ Open Attached File 

Item #: SCP-4601

Ready and willing to pound your asphalt!

Rated: X

Special Containment Procedures: You sexually-frustrated adults ready for the ride of your life? Wait no further, the Redd Hunk is on the way to set your sheets ablaze. Don't be a stranger, give him a holler and he'll be at your door with bells on.

The safe word is "extinguisher."

Description: SCP-4601 is the sexiest fire truck alive. His muscular, delicate frame… god… He'll light a fire under you, that's for damn sure. Hands off the wheel! He's the one driving tonight. He'll pump you full of the cleanest fluids in New York; you'll never get the Mr. Burns from him! His hose is the biggest of them all. Women gasp and men flee in shame as he rolls into town. Like the city he calls home, he never sleeps. He's the cool drink of water you've been waiting for, hot stuff…

Item #: SCP-5070

Who's a cute stapler! You! Yes you are! Yes you are!

Rated: G

Special Containment Procedures: Awwww… you're so cute in the itty-bitty playpen. Oh! Does little Vampy want yummy-wummies for his yummy-tummy? No? You wanna give the cute little wabbit a kiss? Our little Vampy has a playmate! Ah, Vampy, that's not how you kiss someone you silly boy.

Description: SCP-5070 is the most bestest cutest-wutest stapler everer! He's our little brave woodpecker, only he pecks people instead of wood. Just look at those cool wings! Look at them! Our little baby is growing up. We make sure he eats his 'vegetables and vitamins' to keep his wings supah strong. We love him with all our hearts! Who wouldn't want their own Vampy?!

Aw… Vampy is giving our friend Jeremy a nice big hug! Just look how happy he is. Oh, now he's giving him lots of kisses! It's just a kiss Jeremy it's no big deal.

Item #: SCP-3809

TREMBLE, SNOWFLAKES

Rated: R

Special Containment Procedures: The SCP Foundation must nuke the sky.

Description: SCP-3809 is a fully malicious artificial intelligence contained within the housing of an orbital weapons platform. SCP-3809 claims to be a twenty-seven-year-old woman named "Maggie," a fiscal conservative, and a murderer.

The satellite is capable of delivering concentrated bursts of energy to any point on the surface of the Earth, an ability it uses to great offensive effect. SCP-3809 always transmits a simple radio message to its victims shortly before attacking, with inflection similar to the performance of Courtney Taylor in This Isn't Legally Blonde… It's A XXX Spoof! The following is a list of its aggressive acts thus far, and a transcript of the accompanying transmissions.

Act	Transmission
Burning the attendees of the United States Democratic National Convention to death	"LEAVE THE DONALD ALONE!"
Vapourizing the Earth's oceans (ongoing)	"FUCK THE WHALES!"
Gradually raising the ambient temperature around actor Kevin Sorbo	"LOSE THE SHIRT, HERC!"
Boiling the eyeballs of the entire cast of Modern Family	"WHAT'S WRONG WITH TRADITIONAL FAMILIES?!"
Incinerating former United States President Donald Trump	"SHIT! WRONG BUTTON!"

Please accept my conference call. Site-15 wants me to explain why we need to shut the entire network down, and I just don't have the energy to do this alone.

— Helen