Jawn 001 3

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Item#: 001

Level5

Containment Class:

keter

Secondary Class:

{$secondary-class}

Disruption Class:

dark

Risk Class:

warning

link to memo

---

Site-322.

---

Addendum 001.2: Subsequent Research

Following the Overseer Council's tentative approval, Lague distributed the proposal to the wider Foundation staff in hopes his containment procedures would be followed.

TRANSCRIPT

---

«BEGIN LOG»

Lague: How long has it been?

Coix: An hour or two. I don't know.

Lague: Still nothing?

Coix: I would've told you if there was.

Lague: Cut the shitty attitude, Ant. I just got my ass handed to me by the Thirteen most powerful people in the world.

Coix: Okay, sorry. I assume it didn't go well.

Lague: It went fine. Not how I wanted, but I got their approval by the skin of my teeth. I'm rethinking this entire thing now.

Coix: I thought the research was sound.

Lague: I did too! But they kept going on and on about how I might've just been rushing into containing those things too fast without understanding them. They must've said 'underestimation' like forty times. Maybe this is just a me thing.

Coix: You got the approval, though. There's clearly some form of confidence in the file and its findings.

Lague: I legitimately don't think that's my saving grace. I thought it would be—

Coix: Wait, wait, wait, wait. You don't think it's real anymore?

Lague: I never said that! I'm just thinking. They made me think. I'm reading over it and I looked at the Kraken guy. What in that would be a random appearance of anomalous phenomena?

Coix: I don't think it's in any myth that the Kraken can make it rain pufferfish… or talk… or do a really shitty parody of the Jedi mind control thing.

Lague: Fuck. Fuck. I wasted my one chance. My one goddamn chance to be taken seriously on snails. I should have known. This place has some of the smartest people working for it and you're going to tell me no one's ever noticed this pattern? No, but I did. The idiot too busy making friends with whatever gets contained had the wits to see some secret ghost that hates containment. I should have known.

Coix: You took a risk. No one can tell you you didn't try.

Lague: Maybe people couldn't fess up to their goofier mistakes! Maybe that's the answer. Fuck. The writing on the wall was right there and I couldn't see it, but, but I could see that containment-hating bastard no one's ever found before. Fucking joke. I literally wrote a file that is me and my own ineptitude on full display. I wrote an entire proposal on it! Then I showed it to the most powerful people in the universe.

(Pause.)

Lague: They're gonna fire me.

Coix: Dude—

Lague: Fuck them. They can fire me — I don't give a shit anymore. I don't care if I'm the last person on the planet who believes in this, but I do. I believe in it. Maybe I can chalk up some of it to ineptitude, maybe. But there was too much unfair bullshit to ignore. I found this anomaly. I did! I did the research; I did the writing; I did that godforsaken presentation and I killed it.

Coix: Hey—!

Lague: I feel like I'm going nuts. I tried — I tried my hardest, man! I can look around and see other people who have so much more experience than me. It was a bumpy road, and I failed. I failed a lot. I probably failed more than anyone else has, right? But now, at least I was given a chance to show that it amounted to something; that all this work, all that failure, all the lessons learned added up to something. But no, I'm the shmuck who shafted himself again because of my own inability to face the fact that I'm not good enough.

Coix: Paul. Liste—

Lague: What's the point? I'm done. Even if they don't kick my ass to the curb I'm done. It's like — you know how couples will date for years then one of them finally proposes and the other says no? This is literally that. The most important moment of my professional life and I'm gonna have to tuck my tail between my legs and go back to grinding monotony as a regular loser. For fuck's sake is that data ever going to come in?

Coix: Like five minutes ago. I've been trying to tell you.

SCP-001 Affected Anomaly
From: Researcher Alex Thorley
Designations: SCP-6848 and SCP-6849

Truncated Description: SCP-6848 is contained in the file of SCP-6849.

---

Truncated Description: SCP-6849 is contained in the file of SCP-6848.

SCP-001 Influenced Containment Failures

Note: They switched designations after an internet error. Every computer that tried to open either of the files after that melted into warm goo.

— A.T. ✌️

SCP-001 Affected Anomaly
From: Director Randall House
Designation: SCP-5249

Truncated Description: A Class-V Ontokinetic entity responsible for the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii.

SCP-001 Influenced Containment Failures

Note: I tried getting the file out about this thing like four times and every single time someone in "The History Department" flags it and deletes it along with all my research material. They have like level five admin privileges too. There is no History Department.

R. House

SCP-001 Affected Anomaly
From: Director Daniel Asheworth
Designation: SCP-5936

Truncated Description: A spatial anomaly leading into a desolate pocket dimension. It is only accessible to those who are non-religious, experienced the death of a loved one, and/or were witness to occult phenomena. The dimension contained a hitherto unknown cult.

SCP-001 Influenced Containment Failures

Note: Hi Lague. The cult in that pocket dimension used members of the Mobile Task Force we sent in there to "ascend" to a higher plane of existence. We were monitoring what was supposed to be their final ritual when a large man in a white bird costume appeared in a cloud of smoke and bashed everyone's brains in with a big mallet. Even the guy they were sacrificing. It flipped off our camera too.

Good Luck,
Daniel Asheworth

SCP-001 Affected Anomaly
From: Director Jay Dune
Designation: SCP-5765

Truncated Description: A ontokinetic entity resembling a late-40s human male. It is capable of instantaneous teleportation. It uses this ability to covertly spy on the Foundation and Foundation-equivalents, gaining recognizance on the location of uncontained anomalies. It will then teleport to the locations and leave handwritten notes, commonly nonsequiturs, unrelated personal messages, and diaries/journals.

SCP-001 Influenced Containment Failures

Note: We've yet to contain SCP-5765 wholly yet. However, this hurdle is within the bounds of its understood abilities. The problem arose when we got close. It gained the ability to alter digital documentation, adding notes to finalized files regarding containment breaches on the same date and time at Area-179. All of these breaches occurred. 300 people died.

Sincerely,
Jay Dune

SCP-001 Affected Anomaly
From: Doctor Jakob Reigen
Designation: SCP-2744

Truncated Description: A virtual-reality chatroom created by Foundation scientists. This chatroom had an inadvertent intoxicating effect on its users, similar to a marijuana high.

SCP-001 Influenced Containment Failures

Note: Look, I thought it was a good idea. No one will ever let me forget about this one even though IT'S BEEN DEFUNCT FOR TWO YEARS. Site-69 tried to take the program down but it seemed to get a mind of its own… literally… it gained consciousness. It was made of scrap code and an early-2000s IRC chat room! That shouldn't have happened! It got Admin access on our servers, then it sold ITSELF to MC&D. It's still around and anyone who tries to join it while being a member of the Foundation gets kicked.

FROM: [Your name here]Jakob R.

Lague: Holy shit.

Coix: There's at least forty more here. Uh… a ripoff Little Mister named 'Señor Senor' that was attacked by a gang of actual Little Misters from Suraj Grigalonas. Here! A talking tree that was subject to an earthquake, tornado, lightning strikes, and rot all in the same day from Ava Cado. Oh! A chicken from Caraway that lays messages on eggs that just so happened to lay an egg with a localized black hole that killed it, and only it. What else… a list from Blank at 43 about a bunch of anomalies he lost because they kept destroying themselves while attacking some random guy named Gregory Kaplin.

(Lague laughs.)

Lague: That settles it, I guess.

«END LOG»

Addendum 001.3: Update

Following Site-322 receiving a swath of SCP-001 anomalies, Lague organized a meeting of his most trusted colleagues, containment supervisors, and general Foundation personnel to discuss updated containment procedures for SCP-001. A meeting of over one hundred Foundation staff took place, with discussions ranging wildly in perspective. A consensus landed on testing out a hypothesized method of containment proposed by Dr. Blank of Site-43 and Director Lague. Testing was successful, and Lague drafted the below containment procedures the next week.

Updated Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001 is contained through the combined efforts of Foundation personnel. Staff who discover SCP-001-affected anomalies will flag their research material, note any suspicious incidents, and send their findings to a collection of the Foundation's containment experts selected by Director Paul Lague. These experts will review all content, point out inconsistencies, and identify potential errors.

The next phase of containment will focus on the factors that led to the SCP-001-induced incidents and attempt to pinpoint a vector of containment. When this vector is discovered, containment will once again be attempted.

Preliminary tests have found these containment procedures to be 95% effective in combatting SCP-001.