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<- Notice: Continued from 16XX.
Test 914-1700
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 06/09/2020
Total Items: Six hundred Oreo cookies
Input: One hundred Oreo cookies
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of cookie crumbs and cream
Input: One hundred Oreo cookies
Setting: Coarse
Output: One stack of cookies and one stack of cream
Input: One hundred Oreo cookies
Setting: 1:1
Output: One long staff made of Oreo cookies combined end-to-end measuring roughly 3.5m. The length of the output exceeded the height of the Output booth and thus was positioned diagonally. Due to its length, the output was brittle and was broken by the assigned D-Class while attempting to retrieve it.
Input: One hundred Oreo cookies
Setting: 1:1
Output: One hundred Oero “reversed” Oreo cookies made of a single cookie sandwiched in between two layers of cream. Induces a mild memetic hazard that compels people to refer to them as “Oeros” instead of “Oreos”.
Input: One hundred Oreo cookies
Setting: Fine
Output: An inanimate statue of the Girls’ Frontline character Ouroboros made of Oreo cookies
Note: I was rather confused at first, but was informed by other personnel that this character is often referred to as “Oreo” amongst the fanbase. - JR Boneka
Input: One hundred Oreo cookies
Setting: Fine
Output: One chess set made of Oreos. The white pieces are made of cream and the black pieces are made of cookies, while the board is made of alternating cookies and cream tiles.
Note: The white pieces are a little hard to handle without warping them, but once the output is determined to be safe, I reckon it would be kind of fun to play a game where you eat the opponent’s pieces after capturing them. - JR Boneka
Note: Please remember to clean up after yourselves if tests end up making a mess. We've found Oreo crumbs all over the Facility now. While there are, thankfully, few carpeted areas, the ones that had crumbs all over it were a pain to clean. The next person who doesn't clean up after a test gets to help me clean this entire Facility for a week. The brooms are in the left-side lockers if anyone can’t find them. Thanks. - Janitor Molly
Test 914-1701
Name: Researcher Zita Ni
Date: 06/09/2020
Total Items: Three USB sticks, each containing a copy of 1983 (Netflix TV series)
Input: One USB drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: A USB drive containing a copy of 1983: Doomsday. Content in it spans from 1983 to 2016.
Note: But why that timeline in particular? Because it shares the same year? - R. Zita
Input: One USB drive
Setting: Fine
Output: Visually identical USB drive, containing a copy of the first season of The Man in the High Castle.
Input: One USB drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A USB drive in the shape of Poland, containing an .exe program and a .txt document. The document contains a brief history of Poland in the 1983 universe. Attempts to execute the program have met with failure.
Input: The output USB drive from the 1:1 result
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A USB drive, containing a copy of the SCP-914 Experiment Logs, the floor plan of Facility-23, and the SCP-914 personnel dossier in Universe Romeo-286-Delta-23. Information requires 4/914 clearance.
Note: These point at two directions, that the SCP Foundation of that universe is suffering an internal schism, and that the SCP-914 research team of said universe is hypercompetent to such a degree that Facility-23 acts as a de facto Site on par with Site-81. - R. Zita
Test 914-1702
Name: Dr. N Rose, D-92812 (assisting)
Date: 07/09/2020
Total Items: Five empty standard aluminium flasks
Input: One of the aforementioned flasks
Setting: Rough
Output: A small crumpled pile of aluminium flakes
Input: One of the aforementioned flasks
Setting: Coarse
Output: A stack of aluminium, steel ringlet and cap
Input: One of the aforementioned flasks
Setting: 1:1
Output: An empty glass bottle. Analysis showed the bottle to be identical to bottles of Johnny Walker Whiskey. No anomalous properties manifested.
Note: How did aluminium become glass? There’s no correlation there! This thing confuses me more than medical textbooks. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned flasks
Setting: Fine
Output: A flask, identical to input. Item fills with a user’s favourite choice of liquor, and exhibits a cognitohazardous effect when handled, causing individuals holding it to feel an intense compulsion to drink from the flask. When the flask is emptied, the drinker will hunt for various alcoholic beverages for a varying duration between one and four hours. Output was incinerated and the D-Class involved was isolated into a sober tank for three hours.
Input: One of the aforementioned flasks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A three litre sized flask with similar properties to SCP-109, albeit with whiskey. Chemical testing revealed a highly increased level of alcohol, reaching 72.38% alcohol by volume. During testing, D-92812 immediately collapsed after consuming the whiskey present in the output, complaining of severe nausea. D-Class expired one minute and three seconds after collapse, and autopsy results revealed the cause of death to be anomalously effective fatal liver failure. D-92812’s kidneys were also found to have developed tumours consistent with that of Stage 4 Cancer. Output was incinerated.
Note: If only the whiskey could be drunk without killing anyone who drank it. Would’ve made a good gag gift. - Dr. Rose
Test 914-1703
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 08/09/2020
Total Items: Three unfinished copies of The Shadow over Arcadia, an original short story written by Researcher Connolly
Input: One copy of the story
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same copy of the story, with the typeface having been changed to Comic Sans
Input: One copy of the story
Setting: Fine
Output: The same copy, now having been comprehensively proofread and edited in red ink. On the top of the first page is written “B-. Shows potential, but needs some fine tuning.” The handwriting of the edits match no personnel on file.
Input: One copy of the story
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A miniature origami model of ''Arcadia'', the city in which the story takes place. Every hour, the clock tower at the centre of the city will anomalously chime, despite it being completely made of paper with no power source detected.
Note: I have to keep this. It’s too perfect not to. - Researcher Connolly
Addendum: Item incinerated after Researcher Connolly began to react with hostility and extreme aggression in response to being asked for clarifications about the model. Researcher Connolly reprimanded and amnesticized.
Test 914-1704
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 09/09/2020
Total Items: Three agender pride flags, three flags of Bulgaria
Input: One agender pride flag
Setting: 1:1
Output: One demigender pride flag
Input: One flag of Bulgaria
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flag of Hungary
Input: One agender pride flag
Setting: Fine
Output: One straight ally pride flag A cognitohazardous flag. Viewers described the flag as the closest match to their sexual orientation. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One flag of Bulgaria
Setting: Fine
Output: One flag of the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia
Input: One agender pride flag
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A flag that spontaneously incinerated. Reviewing security footage shows that the seven bands of the agender pride flag are rearranged.
Note: We thought that it was random, until Zita assigned a letter in the word "agender" for each band, from top to bottom. The rearranged flag read "grenade". - J.R. Reimer
Input: One flag of Bulgaria
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Visually unchanged flag. Viewers would be compelled to speak in Bulgarian, and develop an intense hatred of Italian culture, Greek culture, and Greco-Roman mythology for the next three hours.
Нота: Спомнете си българския геноцид! Нека всеки град в Гърция да гори като Атина! - Младши изследовател Реймер
Note: A subsequent interview with Junior Researcher Reimer suggested that SCP-914 may be able to recall past tests, as her description of Bulgaria matched with that described in the outputs of Test 914-0871. For the record, the above note translates as "Remember the Bulgarian Genocide! May every city in Greece burn like Athens!" - Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-1705
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 15/09/2020
Total Items: One fidget cube
Input: One fidget cube
Setting: 1:1
Output: One fidget cube with mechanisms based off of functions in 914, including a rotatable mainspring, two doors that can be slid open and closed, a rack and pinion gear, a spur gear, and an adjustable dial that can be turned to settings labeled “Rough”, “Coarse”, “1:1”, “Fine”, and “Very Fine”. Output exhibits no abnormal properties and was given to Junior Researcher Boneka after passing anomalous screening.
Test 914-1706
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 15/09/2020
Total Items: Three copies of In the Shadow of No Towers
Input: One copy of In the Shadow of No Towers
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of Persepolis
Note: Not the content I'm looking for, but I get the rationale. - W.R. Markham
Input: One copy of In the Shadow of No Towers
Setting: Fine
Output: An untitled book, containing the exact events of 9/11.
Input: One copy of In the Shadow of No Towers
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A blank book. When held by a person who has lost a family member via non-natural causes, events of their death would appear on it. Otherwise, contents of The Good Life appear on the book, translated to the person's native language.
Test 914-1707
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 15/09/2020
Total Items: One GSh-6-30 Rotary Autocannon, One GAU-12 Rotary Autocannon, Two GAU-19 Rotary Autocannons
Input: All aforementioned items
Setting: Fine
Output: A backpack made from materials of the input A large apparatus, with two straps made from molded metal attached to a large plate much like a backpack. On the other side of the output, two of the aforementioned autocannons are mounted on the back of the plate, aligned to point towards the ground. Feeding mechanisms for the two weapons remain intact. Live fire testing revealed a muzzle velocity of 887 meters per second, and a fire rate of 2,000 rounds per minute, similar to the input GAU-19. On the left "strap" of the outputted apparatus a title reads "Do Not Steal". There are two trigger mechanisms extruding from the straps side of the output, presumedly leading to control each weapon.
Note: A machine gun jetpack? We'll find some volunteers to test this theory. - W.R. Szymons
Addendum: D-98243 was selected for live human testing with the output. Once strapped to D-98243 and activated, he accelerated vertically at a rate of nearly 50 meters per second. D-98243 was immediately terminated upon impact with the ceiling of the secure hangar testing was performed within. Output has been placed within secure storage.
Test 914-1708
Name: Researcher A. Layton, D-14031
Date: 15/09/2020
Total Items: Fifteen 5x10x244cm Southern Yellow Pine boards, five hundred 88.9mm round head nails
Note: D-14031 will be assisting with the retrieval of experiment outputs, and was provided basic Kevlar body armor to reduce potential injuries. - Researcher A. Layton
Input: Three boards, one hundred nails
Setting: Rough
Output: A smoldering pile of charcoal, misshapen nails, and ash. Results extinguished immediately to prevent damage to the output booth; output later disposed.
Note: My apologies for the dramatics, 914 is starting things off spicy, it seems. Testing will resume once I have ventilated and cleaned the output booth. - Researcher A. Layton
[COARSE AND 1:1 TEST OMITTED FOR BREVITY]
Input: Three boards, one hundred nails
Setting: Fine
Output: A detailed 60.96 cm tall carved wooden statue of a North American porcupine (E. dorsatum) with the words “THORN PIG” carved onto the front. Quills on the back and tail of the statue are 8.89 cm in length, sharp, and composed of stainless steel. The metal quills were found to detach, as several lodged into the body armor pieces provided to D-14031 during transit to a storage container. D-14031 was treated for multiple puncture wounds on his right arm, and instructed by security to continue assisting with the experiment.
Note: The body armor helped prevent grievous injury, as a quill could have easily punctured an organ. - Researcher A. Layton
Addendum: Upon further examination, it was discovered that the Kevlar gloves issued to D-14031 were laced with clumps of small wood slivers designed to puncture the skin, which were found to originate from the porcupine carving. Output placed into Anomalous Storage after screening. Handle with extreme caution.
Input: Three boards, one hundred nails
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A seven hundred piece wooden roller coaster model kit composed of the inputted items. The fully assembled roller coaster, complete with five wood-and-metal-composite train cars, measured 240x30x40 cm. A stainless steel music box cylinder was noted to be embedded within the miniature operator’s booth. Output placed into Anomalous Storage for further testing after screening.
Note: Yellow Pine was commonly used in the construction of wooden roller coasters before the use of stronger woods were introduced. What an extremely intricate toy. - Researcher A. Layton
Addendum A: Object has cleared cognitohazard, infohazard, and memetic effect screening. The model functions anomalously, the train traveling to the lift hill every hour in an attempt to run on a continuous loop while carnival music plays. The train derails in an exaggerated fashion from the coaster track once it reaches maximum velocity, causing all operation to cease. The model does not exhibit any damage from the crash and the train can be docked at the station platform to restart the event.
Addendum B: Additional anomalous properties were discovered when it became apparent the dimensions of the model had altered in size, the track length observed increasing by 30cm every 2 hours while dormant. It seems to use random object materials like drawers, pencils and door handles for this. Consequently, track pieces are faulty, and added randomly in an attempt to fix train derailment, introducing additional errors to the model. All pieces of the model are unable to be disassembled.
Note: Due to the potential risks of a containment breach, I am halting testing immediately. I am unable to identify if the track increase is real, or if there has been a screening error. Regardless, testing has reached a point beyond my control. The train has been anchored to the track with a secure plastic cable tie. The model is perceived as operational, pausing anomalous track “growth” temporarily. The down side, unfortunately, is the music continues to play, and it is starting to sound warped and unsettling. I advise cross referencing this model with known active and decommissioned amusement park rides in the database before incineration. I will be in the medical ward if needed. - Researcher A. Layton
Note: Incinerated without incident, albeit with difficulty, since the thing almost didn't fit. - Veritas
Test 914-1709
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 15/09/2020
Total Items: Three ASMOL Ventolin Inhalers
Input: One of the aforementioned inhalers
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unaltered inhaler One inhaler with an aluminum canister of crude design. No anomalous properties manifested.
Input: One of the aforementioned inhalers
Setting: Fine
Output: A M67 Fragmentation Grenade. Item was tested to be non-anomalous.
Note: How did this even happen? Does it know that compressed air can be explosive? - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned inhalers
Setting: 1:1
Output: One identical inhaler. When the item was used, it produced an anomalous effect; The user will experience oxygen deprivation while actively breathing within 47 seconds of using the output. Testing D-Class personnel expired three minutes and 51 seconds after initial use. Item was safely disposed of outside of the incinerator to prevent explosion.
Note: That poor D-Class. This may be considered a failure, but what else can we expect? I’ll be in Veritas' office because of the second test. - Dr. Rose
Test 914-1710
Name: Guest Junior Researcher Ericson
Date: 18/09/2020
Total Items: Three flash drives, each containing a copy of the entire webcode of the website 'Serina' in the form of .html files
Note: Okay, this website is basically "throw a bunch of birds onto a planet with an ecosystem that can sustain them and see what happens". - Guest Junior Researcher Ericson
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flash drive containing a copy of the entire webcode of the website 'Nymphicina' in the form of .html files. The premise is similar to Serina, but the domestic canary ancestor is replaced with a cockatiel ancestor.
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: Fine
Output: Similar to input, but the amount of space the website's code took up on the flash drive is noticeably larger, taking up nearly half of the space on the drive. The website retains its original name, but most of the files have more links, more images, and more information.
Note: Permission to read this while on break? - Guest Junior Researcher Ericson
Input: One of the aforementioned drives
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One automaton, in the form of a tadpole-like creature. Capable of anomalous movement in mid-air without any visible means of propulsion other than similar movements to that of a non-anomalous tadpole.
Addendum: Over the course of a week, the automaton slowly changed into a bird-like form, "growing" limbs and feathers. The automaton then "reset", transforming into its tadpole-like form.
Note: Permission to keep an eye on this? If anything fishy happens, I'll let someone know. It'll make Veritas’s life easier. - Guest Junior Researcher Ericson
Note: Keep it in one of those transparent containment lockers, see Sedna. If it escapes, the work hours of the recovery team will come out of your salary. - Veritas
Test 914-1711
Name: J.R. Regal
Date: 19/09/2020
Total Items: Three pamphlets, one about work safety, one about conspiracy theories, and one about Foundation personnel organization
Input: One pamphlet about work safety
Setting: Fine
Output: One pamphlet with unchanged text that induces extreme paranoia of potential hazards when subjects come into direct contact with it. Testing D-class attempted to exit Research Cell 109-B, citing a sudden and severe fear of SCP-914.
Input: One pamphlet about conspiracy theories
Setting: Fine
Output: One pamphlet that vastly increases suggestibility when subjects come into direct contact with it.
Note: Precautions against cognitohazards were put in place before the next test. - J.R. Regal
Input: One pamphlet about Foundation personnel organization
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pamphlet with the Foundation logo. When held by Foundation personnel, the subject anomalously gains the ability to command other personnel of lower Security Clearance without opposition or hesitation. Output was only tested on one D-class, two security guards, and one intern.
Addendum: J.R. Regal deemed the output to be too much of a security risk and incinerated it after initial testing resulted in one intern getting affected.
Test 914-1712
Name: Researcher Hall
Date: 19/09/2020
Total Items: One non-functional PVS 7 night-vision device with no attached head mount or battery
Note: I bought this for my bug-out bag years ago, but I recently managed to drop and break it. Almost 3000 dollars down the drain, so I might as well use it for something. - Researcher Hall
Note: Reminder to all personnel that SCP-914 is not an incinerator. Take a left down the hallway, please. - Dr. Cahill
Input: Aforementioned item
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A slightly luminescent, left-handed flight glove and a matching bracelet made from an adjustable strap. When the glove is worn, the wearer's left eye will anomalously project a real-time colourized Forward-Looking Infrared (FLIR) stream from the point of view of the eye, albeit at very dim brightness even in low-light conditions. Wearing the bracelet with the glove will widen the field of view of the projection and amplify the brightness to levels in excess of 20,000 lumens (roughly equivalent to a 400 Watt mercury-vapour lamp). The D-Class who wore the items for testing now suffers from anomalous blindness in the left eye.
Note: Even with protection, my eyes still hurt. - Researcher Hall
Test 914-1713
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 20/09/2020
Total Items: Two Glock 19 pistols (formerly in service of the Swiss Guards)
Input: One Glock 19 pistol
Setting: Fine
Output: One Daewoo K5 pistol. A disassembly showed that the pistol has a suppressor integrated within.
Note: That unfortunately also caused the bullets to have a far shorter effective range, effectively rendering it useless. - WR Markham
Input: One Glock 19 pistol
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A device in the shape of a cross. When activated, bullets are fired out of the longest arm of the cross at three minute intervals. These bullets demanifest after five minutes. For every bullet fired, a random chapter in the Bible is spoken by the person wielding it. Placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: Markham is currently in the medical bay, since the thing beneath the longest arm of the cross happened to be her foot. A Bible verse sounds very strange when uttered strained with pain. - Veritas
Test 914-1714
Name: Researcher A. Layton
Date: 20/09/2020
Total Items: One BLACK + DECKER MAX Matrix brand 20v cordless drill with attached depleted lithium ion battery, one card stock cover and VHS copy of the 1988 comedy horror film Beetlejuice, one CD and case for Greatest Hits 1992 edition compilation album by British rock band Queen
Input: One 20v cordless drill with depleted lithium ion battery
Setting: Coarse
Output: One meticulously disassembled 20v cordless drill, each piece placed on the floor of the output booth arranged according to size.
Input: One VHS copy of the film Beetlejuice
Setting: 1:1
Output: One VHS copy of the 1920 German silent horror film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari,) with the card stock cover depicting a print of the theatrical release poster. Output placed into secure storage for screening.
Note: I can see the connection here between Beetlejuice and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, as much of Tim Burton’s career is heavily influenced by German Expressionist cinema. - Researcher A. Layton
Input: One Queen Greatest Hits compilation album
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged album. A memetic effect was discovered, compelling an individual to hold the album, and sing a random song from Queen’s discography of studio albums. Once an individual stops singing, the memetic effect does not repeat upon additional viewings. Anomalous properties discovered when Researcher A. Layton took hold of the object, and proceeded to sing the lead vocals to Don’t Stop Me Now for an estimated 3 minutes. Object immediately contained, and placed into Anomalous Storage.
Note: Well, that was embarrassing. I would like to do one more test, an impromptu one, on the Very Fine setting. The output will be retrieved via a remote controlled robotic arm. - Researcher A. Layton
Input: Disassembled cordless drill from previous test
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One cordless handheld wand massager composed of the dismantled components of the previous output, which were repurposed into the objects composition. A black text label reading “914’s DEEP HURTING Series” could be identified embossed into the plastic molding.
Addendum: An auditory anomaly was discovered to manifest in the form of a voice used by an established animated character, specifically one that the subject dislikes, when the object is placed upon the skin. This voice will comment in a lecherous fashion, causing an individual to feel disturbed. After use, subjects reported complete pain alleviation in locations that suffered chronic inflammation, however the psychological trauma induced by the voices continues to escalate. Amnestics are required to mitigate the anomalous properties of the object. Output placed into Anomalous Storage.
Note: This item alleviates pain on a professional level, but the sheer cost in amnestics renders it useless for everyday use. The design could be reverse engineered easily enough, but until the anomalous properties are neutralized I would not take the risk. I may need a Class-A amnestic myself, if I have to listen to one more D-Class mention Spongebob Squarepants because of this thing I might vomit. - Researcher A. Layton
Test 914-1715
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 22/09/2020
Total Items: Three stuffed animals
Input: One stuffed animal
Setting: 1:1
Output: One stuffed model of SCP-914. The doors have zippers and can be opened to reveal pockets in which small objects can be stored. The output is purely decorative and does not exhibit any of 914’s anomalous properties.
Input: One stuffed animal
Setting: Fine
Output: One stuffed bonsai tree. Extended testing reveals that the output anomalously behaves like a real tree and needs to be trimmed and watered regularly. While it ''grows'', it anomalously removes materials like cotton and thread in a 20 meter radius, as found out when Maintenance Technician Johnson complained about his cleaning wipes going missing.
Input: One stuffed animal
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One stuffed doll resembling JR Boneka. Testing reveals that JR Boneka will feel any sensations inflicted onto the doll, and any physical alterations made to the doll will also manifest on her body.
Note: It basically works like a voodoo doll. My name means “doll” or “stuffed animal” in my native language, so I can see the connection. I’d say to incinerate it, but I don’t want to find out what happens when you do that, so for now we’ll just put… who’s touching me—HEY! - JR Boneka
Addendum: Assigned D-Class is now in the medical bay being treated for bone fractures in the groin area administered by JR Boneka after he mishandled the output. Output placed in Anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1716
Name: Dr. Noelle Cahill
Date: 23/09/2020
Total Items: One IBM Selectric typewriter
Note: These were really popular back in the 60s and 70s. I found this one in the storage room and tried to boot it up, but found out that practically all the latches and pulleys attached to the typeball were broken. Let's see what SCP-914 can make with it. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One typewriter
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually similar typewriter. Notable changes include the QWERTY keyboard and internal typing elements having been replaced with Biblical Hebrew, and a modified roller that appears to grip thicker papers. The logo has also been changed to 914 Scipatronic from the original IBM Selectric. The output carries a memetic effect that causes subjects who come into contact with the typewriter to attempt to obtain klaf parchment and use the output to describe various objects in an overly-exaggerated manner. Test results with D-72813 are logged below.
| Subject of Attention | Text (translated from Biblical Hebrew) |
|---|---|
| SCP-914 | A most wondrous machine. No mortal mind may fully comprehend its mode of function, but we understand that it must be held in awe and respect. To be well taken care of. |
| One standard Foundation-issue ballpoint pen (belonging to Dr. Cahill) | The greatest of all weapons. More powerful than any sword. To be used to its fullest potential. |
| One IKEA LÅNGFJÅLL-series conference chair (located in Research Cell 109-B) | A most comfortable and reliable seating implement. To be upholstered with better materials as soon as possible. |
| Maintenance Technician Johnson | A most lovely man. To be provided with a pay raise, as soon as possible. |
| Dr. Veritas | XK-Class End-of-the-World trigger. To be engaged with extreme prejudice. |
Addendum: After typing the last description, D-72813 attempted to attack Dr. Veritas and was immediately terminated by him via blunt force trauma with the repeated application of a standard Foundation-issue desk lamp to D-72813's cranial regions.
Note: I'm going to file an application with Facility Director Hackett on Veritas' behalf for a short Leave of Absence. The man really needs a… safer outlet for his stress. - Dr. Cahill
Note: Lucius seemed confused on why this constitutes a reason for taking time off, but he said he'd consider it if you all, and I quote: ''Could go unsupervised for over a week without killing yourselves''. I'm not sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but I'll talk to him about stress management. - Director Hackett
Test 914-1717
Name: Researcher Ivanov
Date: 05/10/2020
Total Items: Four 500mL beakers of liquid gallium, 136 beakers of chemical waste from other experiments, one bottle of vodka.
Note: Hello there, Facility 23. I’m excited to be testing with this incredible machine I’ve heard so much about! - Researcher Ivanov
Input: One 500mL beaker of liquid gallium
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of glass shards on fire, hot liquid gallium
Input: One 500mL beaker of liquid gallium
Setting: Coarse
Output: One pile of glass shards and one puddle of liquid gallium
Input: One 500mL beaker of liquid gallium
Setting: 1:1
Output: One sphere of glass filled with liquid gallium
Input: One 500mL beaker of liquid gallium
Setting: Fine
Output: One transparent gallium crystal suspended in a glass sphere
Note: Extraordinary! I’ve never seen anything like this. By all accounts, it shouldn’t be possible. I’m going to try something else. - Researcher Ivanov
Input: One 500mL beaker filled with chemical waste from an experiment
Setting: Coarse
Output: One pile of glass shards, five puddles of chemicals
Note: This is incredible! It managed to separate elements from a compound in roughly 5% of the time it would have taken otherwise! I’ll be right back. - Researcher Ivanov
Note: Researcher Ivanov left Facility 23 for two hours, returning in a large van that was loaded with crates of waste byproducts of various chemistry experiments from other Sites.
Tests 7-141 redacted for brevity.
Input: One 500mL beaker filled with chemical waste from an experiment
Setting: Coarse
Output: One pile of glass shards, which flew out of the output chamber at 90 km/h. Eight puddles of liquid. Notably, each test took 15 seconds longer to complete than the last, with Test 142 taking 35 minutes longer to complete.
Note: This is amazing! I’ll come back once I have more to test! - Researcher Ivanov
Input: One bottle of vodka
Setting: Fine
Output: One smashed bottle of vodka. The glass had a cognitohazardous effect that causes viewers to recite instructions on chemical decomposition. Effects wear off after 143 minutes.
Note: Sodium Chloride! Quick, grab some nails and a battery and set up electrolysis! - Researcher Ivanov
Note: Will someone please inform Researcher Ivanov to please clean up the mess from the explosion? I get that I'm the janitor and all, but please, do help me out by cleaning up after yourself. Hazmat suits are in the third right locker on the right in the Janitorial Supplies Room, and try not to damage them with broken glass. They don't grow on trees. - Janitor Molly
Test 914-1719
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 05/10/2020
Total Items: One Luger PO8 pistol, one Glock 21 pistol
Input: Both aforementioned pistols
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two mechanically unchanged pistols. Notable changes include the slide of the Glock 21 being transplanted onto the body of the P08, while the receiver and slide of the PO8 has been transplanted onto the body of the Glock 21.
Note: The guns, once disassembled, will go back together just fine, but I'll keep them like this in my office. Screening them now. - WR. Szymons
Test 914-1720
Name: Researcher A. Lopez
Date: 05/10/2020
Total Items: Two digital portraits containing an artistic depiction of a wolf signed by JR R. Skye.
Input: One portrait
Setting: Fine
Output: A portrait of Mona Lisa depicted as a gray wolf at night with the full moon visible. The moon would emit a faint luminescence under low-light conditions.
Input: One portrait
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A portrait of a Canis lupus lupus in full detail. When observed, the output becomes animated as it depicts the behavior found in the wild. After being retrieved from the output booth by a D-Class, the wolf from the portrait would attempt to lunge towards R. Lopez's direction to no avail. When R. Lopez took the painting, the wolf exhibited symptoms akin to a tamed wolf. The portrait was cleared and passed to R. Lopez.
Addendum: No anomalous traits manifested one day after R. Lopez acquired the painting. R. Lopez reported that the wolf painting stopped moving after assuming a howling motion.
Test 914-1721
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 05/10/2020
Total Items: Four plastic syringes with steel needles
Note: All syringes are brand new, so there’s no possibility of biological matter in them. Two syringes will be filled with Saline, and the others will remain empty. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes
Setting: 1:1
Output: An IV drip bag with associated needle. Bag was empty and cleared of anomalous properties.
Note: Seeing as nothing unusual manifested, it may be a good idea to send this down to the Medical Bay. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes, filled with saline
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical syringe filled with a clear liquid. Chemical testing of the liquid indicated it to be saline, however now having gained an extreme toxicity to blood. Upon being immersed in the solution, erythrocytes anomalously begin to undergo apoptosis, characterized by rapid desiccation of the cell membrane. D-class subject injected with the saline expired in one minute and nine seconds.
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes
Setting: Fine
Output: Test was cancelled, due to accidental damage to the needle and plunger; cracks were found in the plunger, halting the mechanism, and the syringe had snapped. Cancelled on orders of Dr. Rose.
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes, filled with saline
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An identical syringe filled with saline. When held and administered by medically trained personnel, the contents of the syringe take on the properties of a dosage of whatever is required for the closest individual with an outstanding medical condition. Testing with various D-Class has resulted in the saline taking on the properties of standard saline, blood matching the blood type of the subject, anaesthetic, morphine, and oil, among others. Replacing the needle results in no change in effects. Item is currently void of saline due to testing and has been placed within Anomalous Storage.
Addendum: When the saline took on the properties of oil, the associated D-Class confessed to belonging to the Church of the Broken God. D-Class was detained and is currently on a 24 hour watch.
Note: Next time we get a pool of D-Class, each of them must be screened and any and all background info must be handed to us. The last thing we need is a 217 outbreak or one going on a killing spree after handling a potentially dangerous output. Aside from this, I want to request that the final output be tested to see if replacing the lost saline will result in the same effects. If it works, possibly screen it for use with the medical staff. Would certainly make it a lot easier to have it on hand rather than go searching for every medication under the sun. - Dr. Rose
Test 914-1722
Name: Junior Researcher Cens
Date: 11/10/2020
Total Items: Two lightsaber models from the Star Wars film franchise, one small figurine of the ''Vanguard-Class Titan BT-7274'' from the video game Titanfall 2
Input: Aforementioned Titan figurine
Setting: 1:1
Output: One small figurine of a “Tone” class Titan from the video game Titanfall 2. Upon Cens entering the output chamber, the figurine became animate and began anomalously firing small projectiles from its handheld weapon at Cens' torso, bruising him in multiple areas. Cens then proceeded to kick the figurine across the containment chamber, damaging it and removing the anomalous properties from the figurine. Projectiles collected and incinerated.
Note: Never liked Tones, anyway. They're good for the campaign and nothing else. - J.R. Cens
Note: Thanks, Cens. We were dying to learn your opinion on that. - Veritas
Input: Aforementioned Lightsaber models
Setting: Fine
Output: One 1/2 scale model of the weapon known as the ''Crucible'' from the video game DOOM Eternal. Upon touching the ''Mark of the DOOM Slayer'' engraved near the top of the hilt, the model's blade began to rapidly rise in temperature, stopping at 4256°C after 30 seconds, without emitting heat to the surroundings. Touching the Mark again caused the blade to reduce its temperature back down to room temperature. Attempting to slice an object with the edge of the blade while it is “hot” results in a clean cut. The model began to suffer from severe heat deformation and melted after 7 minutes of continuous use. Incinerated.
Test 914-1723
Name: Researcher A. Lopez
Date: 12/10/2020
Total Items: Three photographs of Researcher Lopez
Input: One photograph
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph depicting a young female studying at a desk near a window. The female in the photograph is wearing a school uniform. The window showed clouds outside the room.
Input: One photograph
Setting: Fine
Output: One photograph depicting an adult female studying at a desk near a window. The female in the photograph is wearing a standard Foundation uniform. The window showed a partially covered moon.
Input: One photograph
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One photograph depicting an empty desk near a window. The window showed a full moon.
Addendum: Researcher Lopez was amnesticized and reprimanded following an attempt to bite nearby personnel after viewing all three outputs together. The photographs were found to contain a memetic effect that compels the viewer to behave in a manner similar to that of a feral canine. The outputs were incinerated.
Test 914-1724
Name: Researcher Ivanov
Date: 12/10/2020
Total Items: Five 3D printers, five spools of iron wire
Note: I’m hoping to achieve a 3D printer that can make items out of metal instead of plastic, or at least make more durable prints. - Researcher Ivanov
Input: One 3D printer, one spool of iron wire
Setting: Rough
Output: One 3D printer smashed into pieces, one puddle of molten iron
Input: One 3D printer, one spool of iron wire
Setting: Coarse
Output: One disassembled 3D printer with the iron unwrapped from the spool.
Note: Nothing unusual so far. I am going to move to 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine. - Researcher Ivanov
Input: One 3D printer, one spool of iron wire
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 3D printer, one half full spool of plastic filament. Notably, all plastic parts in the printer have been replaced with metal, and the remaining metal has been shaped into a teapot. The printer is non-functional, and was incinerated.
Input: One 3D printer, one spool of iron wire
Setting: Fine
Output: One 3D printer with the metal loaded into the filament holder. Upon testing, the printer heated up and began printing molten metal. The base of the printer was anomalously capable of withstanding the heat, and a small 3D model of a gear was printed. The printer is non-compatible with all known softwares when connected to a computer, and when connected to a power source, is capable of only printing gears of various sizes. The filament holder only accepts metal filaments of the exact same composition of the original inputted wire. Output placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: Darn, I was so sure that was going to work. I am going to try Very Fine now. Due to the molten metal from the last test, I have set up blast shields. - Researcher Ivanov
Note: On the bright side, I noticed that all the gears printed matched the gears in SCP-914. At least we now have a viable method of procuring replacement gears for SCP-914 if something gets damaged. - J.R. Kai
Input: One 3D printer, one spool of iron wire
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One anomalously stable and cool puddle of metal. One puddle of liquid metal. The output is anomalously capable of rapid movement towards other sources of metal, with the exception of SCP-914. Once it makes contact with another metal object. The output encompasses it and anomalously liquefies it, creating more liquid with the same properties. When the Output booth opened, a new Bluetooth device appeared on all Foundation equipment within Facility 23. Initial testing showed all .obj files sent to the new device would solidify out of the puddle, similar to a 3D printer. The output became aggressive once it’s volume reached 5 litres, attacking personnel and draining them of approximately 30% of their iron. The output fled into the vent system and has not been found as of today. Researcher Ivanov is in the infirmary suffering from iron deficiency.
Test 914-1725
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 13/10/2020
Total Items: Five coloured photographs of Researcher Connolly, smiling
Input: One photograph of Researcher Connolly
Setting: 1:1
Output: One photograph of JR Boneka, smiling
Input: One photograph of Researcher Connolly
Setting: Fine
Output: One photograph of Dr. Cahill, frowning
Note: An improvement. Funny. This gives me an idea. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One photograph of Researcher Connolly
Setting: Coarse
Output: One photograph of Researcher Connolly, dated September 8th, 2019
Note: The date of my transfer to Facility 19-23. I take it as a compliment that I’ve improved since then. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One photograph of Researcher Connolly
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of shredded paper. Reassembling the shreds revealed it to be an image of Researcher Darby, dated March 2019.
Input: One photograph of Researcher Connolly
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One photograph of Dr. Veritas. Produces a mild cognitohazard causing his expression to appear different depending on who is looking at it. Reported expressions include: angry, disappointed, sad, frustrated, annoyed, enraged, impassive, apathetic, smug, and bored.
Note: Dr. Veritas himself declined to view the photo in question, saying ''Come bother me when you have something I can’t see in the mirror every day.'' - Researcher Connolly
Input: Output from the previous test
Setting: Fine
Output: One photograph of SCP-2632
Note: There doesn't seem to be any connection whatsoever between Dr. Veritas and 2632. It’s possible it could just be a random statement by 914 about SCPs and the people that study them. When asked about this, Dr. Veritas assured everyone that any connection between himself and an immortal humanoid SCP were simply ''rumors laughed about at the water cooler.'' - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1726
Name: Junior Researcher Reil
Date: 13/10/2020
Total Items: One 10×10 cm piece of paper depicting a bowl of mushroom soup
Input: Above item
Setting: Fine
Output: A 10×10 cm piece of paper depicting two bowls of mushroom soup. Output has a memetic effect of causing viewers to anomalously perceive tasting mushroom soup for 5 minutes.
Note: D-54213 reported that he tasted a soup that had gone sour. I wonder if he'll fall sick. - J.R. Reil
Addendum: Exactly 91 minutes and 24 seconds after the test, D-54213 showed symptoms of food poisoning. All symptoms ceased after 24 hours.
Test 914-1727
Name: R. Carter Williams
Date: 13/10/2020
Total Items: 2 kg of jade
Input: 1 kg of jade
Setting: Fine
Output: A jade sculpture of a cicada with a humanoid face, one lump of excess jade. The object’s wings fluttered upon being picked up, causing the D-Class to drop it. Became inert after this.
Input: 1 kg of jade
Setting: Fine
Output: A jade sculpture of a coyote, one lump of excess jade. No anomalous properties noted.
Input: Two lumps of excess jade from the previous outputs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A thin mask made of jade. Upon being put on by the D-Class, it fused to their skin and could not be removed until broken via blunt force. Remains non-anomalous.
Test 914-1728
Name: Dr. Kevin Rysmore
Date: 13/10/2020
Total Items: One hand-written note on A4 paper, one red ballpoint pen, one security clearance card (level 2) belonging to Dr. K. Rysmore
Note: Hello! This is my first research position since I joined the Foundation. I'm excited to be working with you all! - Dr. Rysmore
Input: Aforementioned note, containing the following message, “Dear SCP-914, Hello! My name is Kevin Rysmore. I'm new here, and I'm excited to be working with you!”, aforementioned pen
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same, unaltered note and pen. Both the note and pen exhibit memetic properties upon being held by seemingly anyone other than Dr. K. Rysmore. anyone not already exhibiting an optimistic attitude. When held, the subject will exhibit a confident, excited, and optimistic attitude. Properties fade within 30 seconds of releasing output. No other effects noted. Both outputs sent to Anomalous Storage.
Input: Aforementioned Security Clearance card, accidentally dropped into the input booth.
Setting: Fine
Output: One Security Clearance Card, containing the same information in the identification fields, with the exception of the security clearance field, which has now been changed to “Foundation All Access.” No such clearance level has ever been issued by the Foundation to any individual. Card was sent to incinerator.
Note: No need to tell me — straight to the incinerator. Also, can someone tell me where I can request a new clearance card? - Dr. Rysmore
Addendum: █████ ████████, a maintenance worker at Facility 19-23, attempted to use the aforementioned card to access files concerning SCP-███ on a computer terminal. The card was accepted, but the file was not accessed, and a high priority security alert was broadcasted to all security personnel. The maintenance worker has been detained, and the card has been incinerated.
Test 914-1729
Name: Weapons Researcher Markham
Date: 13/10/2020
Total Items: Two copies of Jackie by Ciara, two bulletproof vests
Input: A copy of Jackie
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of Euphoria by Enrique Iglesias
Input: Two bulletproof vests
Setting: Fine
Output: A bulletproof backpack. Testing showed that the backpack does not break from the impact of a bullet fired from an anti-materiel rifle. The backpack decayed extremely rapidly when worn for over 5 minutes, falling apart after the 10 minute mark.
Input: A copy of Jackie
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The same album, but with Ciara replaced by WR Markham.
Note: That voice doesn't sound like myself. I re-recorded "I Bet" for the purposes of comparison, but even with autotune it still doesn't match up well. It is deeper than my usual vocal range. - WR Markham
Test 914-1730
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 16/10/2020
Total Items: One hard drive containing various Shimeji files created by JR Boneka
Note: For the uninitiated, a Shimeji, also known as a desktop pet, is a computer program that lets a little character walk around on your computer’s desktop. You can program it to interact with pages and your cursor. I’ve been using my free time to make several of my own and decided to run a copy through 914. - JR Boneka
Input: The hard drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One hard drive containing various Shimeji files based off of various personnel employed or once employed at Site-19 Facility 23 drawn in JR Boneka’s art style.
Note: Normally, Shimejis are simply accessories and serve no functional purpose. However, after some testing on an isolated computer, it is evident that these versions outputted by 914 are more advanced, being able to interact with one another and having unique functions, depending on the character. Some are useful, some are just for fun, and some are pointless or even destructive. An incomplete list of the available Shimejis and their functions is provided below. - JR Boneka
| Director Veritas | Cannot be picked up or moved with the cursor, and will swat the cursor away if this is attempted. If other personnel Shimejis are active, he will be seen giving them instructions or reprimanding them if they harm the computer in any way. Capable of terminating (but not deleting) other Shimejis that are negatively affecting the computer’s performance. |
| Researcher Darby | Passively causes programs to run much slower or become unresponsive and crash altogether. Attempts to alter files, including that of other Shimejis, only to delete or corrupt them on accident. Usually attempts to stay as far as possible from Dr. Veritas’ Shimeji. |
| Junior Researcher Kai | Automatically spellchecks and corrects any grammatical errors the user makes. Becomes irritated and ''roundhouse kicks'' the cursor if the user makes too many errors. |
| Junior Researcher Boneka | Attempts to follow the cursor around, demanding the user’s attention. Enjoys being clicked on. Becomes anxious and sulks in the corner of the screen if neglected. If sated, she will idle and scribble on the desktop background, or an image editing or drawing program if one is open. |
| Junior Researcher Angie | Keeps track of how long she is activated, and will point out when it's too late and that the user needs to sleep. If the user ignores her for too long, she will attempt to shut down the system. If she notices that the user is ignoring Junior Researcher Boneka's Shimeji for too long she will pop up in the screen and moves the cursor towards her in an attempt to have the user interact with her. |
| Maintenance Technician Johnson | Rearranges desktop icons into alphabetical order in descending columns, prioritizing ones that look especially out of place. Does this by picking them up and carrying them to other locations. Also capable of launching virus scans and other related computer maintenance programs without user input. When clicked on, he waves to the user and displays a smiley emoji. |
| Researcher MacLean | Begins self replicating rapidly upon being activated. Duplicates will occasionally be other personnel Shimejis, with identical behavior to the originals. Termination of the original will stop the replication, but will not remove the duplicates, which will instead have to be terminated individually. Capable of communication via editable text documents and is lively in personality, becoming anxious when other duplicates are removed. |
| Intern Scott | Displays an animation of himself playing a set of bagpipes. Traditional Scottish piping music plays through any auditory devices if available. Should the cursor take the pipes from the Shimeji, it will put on a angry face. The program will then close itself. |
| Researcher Laskenta | Attempts to help out at tasks the user is describing acoustically, even if no microphone is connected, by opening a terminal and entering partially misspelled commands. It is deemed to be unable to read, as it ignores both written tasks by the user and any output of the terminal. |
| Junior Researcher Falstaff | Moves to the corner of the screen and begins an origami folding animation. Upon completion of the animation, a origami crane sprite is added to a pile beside her, which can be picked up by the cursor. Only stops creating origami cranes when terminated, or when an origami crane is put into the recycling bin, in which case she will grow irritated and start chasing the cursor around the screen. Upon catching up with the cursor, she will throw the cursor into the recycling bin, opening it. She will then pick up the discarded origami crane and resume folding. |
| Weapons Researcher Markham | During nighttime, she will tell the user to look at the night sky, and opens an interactive sky chart. She is idle for most of daytime, unless the user has events stored on their calendar, in which case she provides a reminder one hour before they start. Occasionally when idle she takes her head off and places it next to her, reattaching it a few minutes later. |
| Network Technician Rare | Attempts to direct the user toward resources to fix various computer problems, ranging from virus removal to operating system optimization on custom-built devices, even if the user is not aware of said problems. This typically is done by opening browser windows while the user is idle and entering search terms that are pertinent to the issue it is currently focused on. |
| Weapons Researcher Szymons | Attempts to open any First-Person Shooter game present on the terminal. If none are available, attempts to open a browser for various weapons. Upon opening a browser window about a firearm, he will lock the user's cursor and vocalize an anecdotal story about the weapon in question. Closing the window will cause him to move to the corner of the screen and sulk. |
| Researcher Ken | Edits audio files through any sound-editing software in the computer in order to make them sound more aesthetically pleasing for the user by using various effects such as bass and treble, noise reduction, and sound amplification. If no audio-editing software is present, the Shimeji will open a browser and install Audacity as a default. |
| Intern Snevets | Capable of using Windows 10's "multiple desktop" feature, even on operating systems that have no such function. Appears to use this as a way to get away from other Shimejis, and has been found hiding on a second desktop several times. |
| R. Carter Williams | Can open browser windows and download images of fruit, typically apples. Images of fruit will occasionally be "consumed" by the Shimeji, and will be deleted upon consumption. Enjoys socializing and offering to share fruit with other Shimejis. |
| Junior Researcher van den Berg | Can open image editing programs. Whenever a drawing tablet is connected to the computer, the Shimeji pulls out a red pen and starts sketching on a clipboard. The objects disappear when the drawing tablet is disconnected from the computer. |
| Junior Researcher Reimer | Sets the computer’s screensavers to various vaporwave images. Capable of communication with the user via editable text documents, but will refuse to respond whenever she is addressed as Grizzly. |
| Researcher Connolly | Upon opening any document with multiple pages, the Shimeji will automatically “turn” the page for the reader once they have reached the bottom of the current page. If clicked after he has turned the page, he will display a smiling emoticon. |
| Technician Akchote | Upon launching any resource-intensive applications for video-editing, rendering or other professional use-cases, the Shimeji will advise the optimal settings for said task and provide tips on using the current application. If his advice significantly helps in the task, he expresses happiness and vocalizes the phrase: “Glad I could help!” |
| Dr. Nicholas Rose | Provides medical assistance to other Shimejis that are "injured" due to file corruption or being dropped. Can occasionally be seen looking at photographs, which he occasionally shows to other Shimejis. Examining the photos via file enlargement reveals them to be of various foxes. |
| Dr. Cleveland | When activated, he will find a literature piece on the computer and begins reading. If none are available, he searches for a random title on the internet and reads the first available version of it. |
| Junior Researcher Regal | Displays annoyance if the cursor interacts with him. If a Java IDE is open, he will automatically correct any syntax or semantic errors the user makes. Will also insert comments and notes into a code, attempting to describe its function, although they might be inaccurate. |
| Intern Beauvillier | Automatically changes the system language to French. He can be seen most of the time playing a game in the background, consuming a non-negligible amount of RAM. Any attempt to pick him up with the cursor will result in retaliation, as he will attack the cursor with a blunt weapon closely resembling a baguette. |
| Junior Researcher R. Skye | Occasionally pulls random work-related inspirational quotes from the side of the screen. |
| Researcher Lopez | If a calendar application is open, she will mark down a schedule for all four major phases of the moon for the next month. |
| Researcher Zita Ni | If dropped onto a webpage or document window written in a language other than Chinese or the system language, she will automatically translate the contents to Chinese. However, this is limited to languages spoken by at least 500 thousand people. |
| Intern Lunar | If clicked, he will pull out a kazoo plant, which plays a brief song. |
| Jeff the Mugcat | Opens folders and carries files out. Will run away from the cursor, forcing the user to “chase” him in order to retrieve the files. |
| Dr. Cahill | When clicked, opens a browser window to the Youtube video of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”. |
Note: Hey, it is a good song. Don't look at me like that. Haven't you jammed to it before? - Dr. Cahill
Note: I should be getting back to work, but I feel extremely mesmerized watching them. It’s like a fish tank, or a very disorganized ant farm. I think I might check back on this computer from time to time and log their behaviors. Think I can get a copy of the Kai Shimeji to proofread my documents? - JR Boneka
Test 914-1731
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 17/10/2020
Total Items: Five Polaroid cameras
Note: I had one of these lying around my house, and thought I’d put it to good use. I bought another five, just for the test. The last one is currently being made into a lightsaber model, if you’re wondering. - Dr. Rose
[ROUGH AND COARSE TESTS OMITTED FOR BREVITY]
Input: One of the aforementioned cameras
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical camera. When a picture is taken of a living being, the resulting image contains the individual dead, with varying results from different people and in one instance, the same person twice. Image results include decapitation, lacerations to vital arteries, [REDACTED] and drowning in the subject’s blood. It is not believed that the images predict the subject’s death.
Addendum: Upon having his own photo taken, Dr. Rose was shown the resulting image, which depicted him being torn apart by a large number of foxes of multiple species. Dr. Rose immediately took the image and disposed of it via the incinerator, and proceeded to lock himself in his office.
Addendum: All further tests were cancelled on request of Dr. Rose.
Note: I don’t want to talk about it. As for the camera itself, I want this thing to be tested for any other effects, especially for cognito-/infohazardous material. No researchers or other Staff are to have their pictures taken. I’m also formally requesting a few days leave, due to trauma. That photo was… too real. - Dr. Rose
Test 914-1732
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 18/10/2020
Total Items: One ceramic Jack-o-Lantern ornament, one OPS-CORE FAST helmet
Input: Aforementioned ornament
Setting: 1:1
Output: One rectangular Christmas present ornament, made out of ceramic.
Input: Aforementioned FAST helmet
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A hat visually resembling a witch's hat, made from composite. The output contains four articulated appendages made from the same materials as the input attached to the brim of the hat. These limbs are retractable into the brim. Upon retrieval from the Output booth, the object began to crawl onto W.R. Szymons' head with its appendages, attempting to settle on top of his head. Once fully attached to W.R. Szymons' head, the appendages retracted into the hat's brim. The output became unremovable from W.R. Szymons through anomalous means. As of now, no harmful effects have been observed from the output.
Note: I am requesting one week's leave in order to reflect on how my choices have led to this point. - W.R. Szymons
Addendum 01/11/2020: Whenever W.R. Szymons entered the facility on the first of November, output became removable from his head. No anomalous effects have been observed after removal from W.R. Szymons. Object placed in Non-anomalous Storage.
Test 914-1733
Name: Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Date: 19/10/2020
Total Items: One note with “Hi 914, I’m back!” written on it, three 100g pieces of malachite, one 100g piece of tetrahedrite
Note: I’m going to see how 914 reacts after I change out the malachite for tetrahedrite for the 1:1 test and put the output I get back in on Very Fine. – Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Input: The aforementioned note
Setting: Fine
Output: A cognitohazard that causes those who view it to recall an embarrassing memory.
Input: One piece of malachite
Setting: Rough
Output: One 100g lump of malachite showing signs of high temperature treatment
Input: One piece of malachite
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of copper and a pile of carbon. Both materials are part of malachite. The oxygen and hydrogen are presumed to be in the air.
Input: One piece of tetrahedrite
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of haematite, one piece of malachite, and one piece of antimony. Researchers present in Research Cell 109-B also reported the smell of sulphur dioxide emanating from the Output booth.
Input: One piece of malachite
Setting: Fine
Output: One polished malachite gem in a ''rectangular'' cut.
Note: I’m now putting the haematite from the 1:1 test back in. – Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Input: One piece of haematite
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unchanged piece of haematite. Upon picking up the output, blood seemingly began flowing out of the haematite and the D-Class lost consciousness from general hypoxia.
Note: Ah. Haematite, or ''blood stone'' . – Researcher Dafydd Lewis
Test 914-1734
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 21/10/2020
Total Items: 50 kg of molding clay in assorted colors
Input: 50 kg of molding clay in assorted colors
Setting: Fine
Output: One small clay car. Output autonomously drove out of the Output booth before rolling to a stop in the middle of the testing chamber. The door of the vehicle opened, and many clay figurines began to exit one by one, posing and stacking into a pyramid-like formation. Once all the clay figurines had been assimilated into the formation, they became rigid and all anomalous activity ceased. While the total mass of the output is equal to that of the input, it would have been impossible to fit all the clay figurines into the vehicle under normal circumstances. Furthermore, upon closer inspection, it is revealed that each clay figurine resembles a staff member employed at Facility 23.
Note: Ah, I get it. It’s calling this entire facility a circus. Dr. Veritas even looks like a ringmaster here. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1735
Name: Junior Researcher Reimer
Date: 21/10/2020
Total Items: A CD copy of the album Meliora by Ghost, a map of Alta California dated 1824
Input: Meliora
Setting: Fine
Output: A DVD copy of the 1990 film Ghost
Note: How did 914 manage to botch the refining process of a music album like this? - JR Reimer
Input: Map of Alta California
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A cultural map of a "Californian Empire" dated 1974, stretching from Utqiaġvik, Alaska to León, Nicaragua, with the Continental Divide forming much of its eastern boundary. Notably, Fort Ross and Monterey are designated as the summer and winter capitals of the nation respectively.
Note: The D-class who handled the output began speaking a hybrid language that incorporated Russian, Spanish, English, Navajo, and Nahuatl words and grammar. The output itself has been placed into anomalous storage, while a non-anomalous copy of the map has been made available. Investigation into the language is ongoing. - JR Reimer
Test 914-1736
Name: Dr. Noelle Cahill
Date: 24/10/2020
Total Items: Three Christmas albums from assorted artists in CD format
Note: The music store in the nearby town has already begun selling these, despite Halloween not being over yet. Got three for the price of one, which says a lot about how much CDs are worth these days. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One More Drifter in the Snow by Aimee Mann
Setting: Fine
Output: Get Wet In Deep Space by Constellation Starfish
Note: Incinerated. Where does SCP-914 even get Fifthist infection material from? - Dr. Cahill
Input: The Ultimate Motown Christmas Collection by Motown Records
Setting: Fine
Output: One miniature figurine of a man with a large afro, made from the inputted materials. The output is anomalously capable of playing the same songs as those on the input despite the lack of a visible power source or sound generator, albeit at an average volume of below 30 dBA.
Note: This would make for an excellent centrepiece for Christmas dinner. I'll be keeping it if it passes anomaly screening. - Dr. Cahill
Input: A Jolly Christmas From Frank Sinatra by Frank Sinatra
Setting: 1:1
Output: Elvis' Christmas Album by Elvis Presley
Note: You must have miswrote “Rough” as “1:1” for the last output, Dr. Cahill. - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1737
Name: J.R. Kai
Date: 24/10/2020
Total Items: One padded box of six Zalto hand-blown universal wineglasses
Input: Box of wineglasses
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two large glass tumblers, one bottle sleeve
Note: I've put the outputs through every single test we have in this Facility and not a single anomaly has shown up. This is either the best prank ever by SCP-914, or we really just got a pair of non-anomalous tumblers and a bottle sleeve from a Very Fine test. - J.R. Kai
Addendum: D-91753 and D-13094, personnel with a history of alcohol consumption, were loaned the outputs for use in an empty multipurpose room converted to an observation chamber. One bottle of generic red wine was provided and D-91753 was instructed to place the bottle sleeve over it. No anomalous effects were observed. Both D-class reported no anomalous effects on the wine after it was poured into the tumblers, though D-13094 managed to catch the bottle after it slipped out of the sleeve.
Test 914-1738
Name: Junior Researcher Simon Seals
Date: 28/10/2020
Total Items: Five flags and accompanying flagpoles
Note: Morning, all. I was recently transferred to the Site and decided I'd contribute a bit to testing with this particular SCP. Some work colleagues were happy to donate the following items, so I shall be using those for these first tests. - JR Seals
Input: One flagpole flying the flag of Greece
Setting: Rough
Output: Shards of metal and strips of fabric. Mass equal to that of the input. Materials show signs of simply being smashed or torn apart.
Note: Every indication from previous tests is that this is normal for this particular setting, so nothing out of the ordinary just yet. - JR Seals
Input: One flagpole flying the flag of the United Kingdom
Setting: Coarse
Output: An unchanged flagpole. The flag itself has been separated into three different flags identified as Saint George's Cross, the Cross of Saint Patrick and the Saltire of Saint Andrew, all of which represent the nations that formed the original Kingdom with England, Ireland and Scotland being represented respectively.
Note: Interesting historical footnote by 914. Moving on. - JR Seals
Input: One flagpole flying the flag of Israel
Setting: 1:1
Output: A miniature dumpster formed from the metal of the inputted flagpole, with two small flags hung in front of it, being the flag of Israel and the flag of Palestine. The dumpster itself burst into flames upon the output door opening and was unable to be extinguished.
Note: An… accurate, if simple summary of contemporary events, I suppose. That said, I was expecting a religious inference as opposed to political commentary. - JR Seals
Input: One flagpole flying the flag of the United States of America
Setting: Fine
Output: An unchanged flag and flagpole. The same flag and flagpole. Upon closer examination, the flag itself was found to have an additional 10 stars placed on it alongside the original 50. Output found to contain a memetic hazard causing any individuals of American origin within 20 metres of the output to experience feelings of irritation and annoyance to individuals of Canadian origin. Effects of the memetic hazard develop over time the longer affected individuals remain within the radius, evolving to anger and outright aggression. These emotions ceased upon leaving the 20 metre radius of the output. Output incinerated.
Input: One flagpole flying the flag of Australia
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate 1:2 scale model of one Dromaius novaehollandiae (Emu) constructed from the materials of the input, with its main body composed of the materials of the flag, including coloring, and its feet and beak composed of the metals from the flagpole. Output was hostile and contained a cognitohazard that induced severe ornithophobia within individuals that observed it. Output destroyed by security and subsequently incinerated after causing minor injuries to personnel.
Note: I- Ugh. Ahem, no comment. - JR Seals
Addendum: After the final test, JR Seals was seen undergoing Class-A amnestic treatment in the Facility infirmary.
Test 914-1739
Name: J.R. Regal
Date: 28/10/2020
Total Items: One USB flash drive containing the text adventure game “Zork III: The Dungeon Master”.
Input: One USB flash drive containing the text adventure game “Zork III: The Dungeon Master”
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB flash drive containing an executable file named "The SCP-914 experience". Upon initiating the program a title screen will be displayed in the same font as the one used in the original program and with the same text display during gameplay.
The game starts with an explanation that SCP-914 is being tested by the Foundation and that the player can choose how to interact with the researchers and their tests, from there the player is presented with various tests where they are given information about the researcher or D-class, the settings and the inputs which the user is compelled to use to create an output describing its effects if any, and see how the researchers use, test, or destroy it in a recreation of a standard SCP-914 test log. Personnel can be killed, fired, or relocated through specific outputs, or random events, some of which appear to be related to how the player interacted with them. As the game progresses any patterns or significant changes affect the tests by the in-game researchers according to their personalities and their relationship with other affected personnel. Current personnel are referenced or appear in notes but won't make any tests.
The output had been clear of any cognito or infohazards.
Note: The game maintains an incredible amount of consistency with how researchers react or the consequences for use or misuse of the outputs given. The logs are so well made that they could be mistaken by real ones. - J.R. Regal
Addendum: After reviewing the test logs, to check if the logs generated by the output correspond to any real ones, it was discovered that some blank tests have been filled with information matching the logs generated. Memory alteration effects were discovered when interviewing personnel related to the generated logs when they recounted the test performed in the output.
Note: Even though this output will probably be incinerated to avoid complicating the review of our records it does make me wonder if SCP-914 could work in an analogous way. - J.R. Regal
Test 914-1740
Name: J.R. Evangeline Perry
Date: 28/10/2020
Total Items: One handheld Nintendo 3DS R4 cartridge containing a variety of Nintendo games
Input: One R4 cartridge containing a variety of Nintendo games
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One R4 cartridge containing a variety of original games based on personnel employed in Site 19-23.
| Director Veritas | Manage The Dimwits | The goal of the game is to spot and correct any rule being broken by any of the employees, which move around the map randomly. If not spotted in time, the facility takes damage. Every day, or level, more rules are added. The game allows for fewer mistakes every level. No one has beaten it thus far, although Dr. Veritas made the most progress. |
| Junior Researcher Evangeline | The Foundation Project | A casual Facility management game, where the player is able to design and decorate a Foundation Facility, including options like furniture, lighting and what the employees wear. Employees may be hired or leave depending on how much the player interacts with them. The player can give other employees in their Facility gifts, which will elicit a positive or negative reaction depending on the gift and their personality type. Dr. Veritas will not accept gifts. |
| Junior Researcher Kai | Let's Play A Little Game | For every grammatical error spotted in a given text file, the player is rewarded with bonus time. If the player fails to correct the entire text file at the end of the allotted time, an animation of Junior Researcher Kai kneecapping the player with a pipe wrench is displayed. It is currently unknown how the game is capable of obtaining a 100% accurate 3D-render of the player, despite verification confirming that the game had not accessed the Nintendo 3DS camera during gameplay. |
| Junior Researcher Boneka | Fuwa Fuwa Bonbon Adventure! | A 2D pastel pixel platformer in which the player, playing as JR Boneka, has to traverse a country and rescue her stuffed animal friends who have been kidnapped by dark forces. The player is able to collect rare candies that function as power-ups, as well as use a magic drawing pad to summon other personnel to assist her throughout the game, such as JR Evangeline and JR Kai. After the main storyline is completed, the player is given access to new game modes, including a baking minigame, a friend sim, and a dress-up minigame. |
| Researcher Connolly | The Time Traveler's Researcher | A historical themed trivia game. Different characters, each one an employee of Site 19-23, are trapped in various historical moments in time. By answering enough trivia questions about the events taking place at that time, the characters are rescued and are unlocked as playable characters. Confirmed characters include Researcher Connolly during the First World War, JR Kai during the Three Kingdoms period of China, Intern Beauvillier during the French Revolution, Dr. Cleveland during the Dominican War of Independence, and Researcher Rasclon during the settlement of New South Wales. Notably, some of the events in the game are noted to have occurred only in alternate universes or possibly the future, such as Intern Scott in the Scottish Independency Wars and JR Boneka in the War of Thorns taking place in the 2040s. |
| Intern Scott | Call of the Highlander | A 2D "side scroller beat 'em up" which is set in early medieval times. The game has the player control Intern Scott as he tries to defeat the evil king of England using swords and other weaponry to defeat enemies on various levels culminating in a final battle with the King. Different swords and weapons can be unlocked by passing bonus levels which include hunting criminals and a realistic mode, which makes all weapons do double damage. |
| Junior Researcher Reimer | Edge of Yesterday | A simplified first person shooter set in the 2040s. The game follows a group of survivors led by Louise "Grizz" Reimer, as they strive to survive and fight their way out of hordes of zombies. The default player character is only described as a person in their twenties. Occasionally, other playable characters, based on various Facility-23 researchers, would appear. When rescued, the player may play as those characters. |
| Researcher MacLean | M4: MacLean’s Microgame Mega Mix | A collection of “microgames” that increases in speed and difficulty as time passes. The Microgames consist of mini-games stolen from the WarioWare franchise, the Rhythm Heaven series, and the Mario party series, with the controls modified to be compatible with the 3DS. Also included are an unknown amount of original microgames including various researchers from Facility-23. Players are encouraged to complete as many microgames as possible, to obtain a “winning streak”, where initials are inputted similar to an arcade game’s high score board. Over 2000 individual microgames have been seen, and more are currently being catalogued. |
| Intern Beauvillier | French the world! | An action RPG game in a fantasy/sci-fi world. The player is depicted as a young French hero, wielding a tremendously massive baguette, aiming to conquer the world and unite the whole planet under the French flag. At times, the narrator, voiced by Intern Beauvilier, will provide help to the player via either a riddle or a sarcastic comment. |
| Dr. Nicholas Rose | Medical Malpractice | A game much like ''Surgeon Simulator''. The player is confined to the Site 19-23 Medical Ward and forced to perform various surgeries and other medical practices of varying difficulty of patients. Said patients are modeled versions of Site 19-23 Staff. The player must successfully complete each surgery, and will lose the game should the patient bleed out or run out of time; time varies for each surgery however. Procedures include Heart Transplant, Hysterectomy, Bone Marrow Extraction and a Sex Change. |
| Junior Researcher Regal | Regal Emblem | A tactical role-playing game based around recruiting researchers and other notable personnel while advancing through a Facility-23 under attack by several GOI in order to repel the attack. Characters will have scenes interacting with each other if they have been deployed in battle together and have certain levels of affinity. |
| Weapons Researcher Szymons | Poland Can Into Tank | A puzzle game taking place within a tank factory. Player is tasked with putting together increasingly redundant tank parts to create a functioning vehicle. Initial playthroughs display it to be unnecessarily difficult due to many provided parts being useless. Occasionally, W.R. Szymons will be displayed with a small text bubble, offering somewhat useless and anecdotal advice to the player. |
| Researcher Ken | Krazy Karaoke | A rhythm game consisting of Researcher Ken touring with band members, each an employee of Site 19-23 and manually selected, playing songs consistent with Researcher Ken's Spotify playlist at various fictional performance arenas. Consists of 3 difficulties: Easy, Medium and Hard; with each difficulty increasing the frequency of button inputs. |
Note: There are so many good games on this cartridge! After trying to gift Dr. Veritas five times in a row he locked his office for three days. - J.R. Evangeline
Test 914-1741
Name: WR Markham
Date: 30/10/2020
Total Items: Two USB flash drives containing the speculative fiction 17776, two QSB-91 knife pistols.
Input: One USB flash drive containing 17776
Setting: 1:1
Output: One SD card containing Welcome to Night Vale
Input: One QSB-91 knife pistol
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Type 82-2 knife pistol
Note: To be fair, knife pistols are nowhere near the mainstream, so I do expect some predictability. - WR Markham
Input: The output SD card
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB flash drive, seemingly empty upon insertion to a standalone computer. When connected to a device for more than 215 seconds, an interactive map of the southwestern United States is opened, with anomalous incidents that happened between 2016 and 2019 highlighted. Information on the USB flash drive is deemed inaccurate upon further review.
Input: One QSB-91 knife pistol
Setting: Fine
Output: One PSM pistol, optimised for effective firing range, plus eight extra bullets of the 5.45×18mm cartridge.
Input: One USB flash drive containing 17776
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Eight Micro SD cards, each one anomalously containing ██ zettabytes of data. When inserted to a standalone computer, it shut down after exactly 910 seconds. Upon rebooting, the computer initiated contact, claiming to be the Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer spacecraft. Computer and all micro SD cards placed in Anomalous Storage.
Input: The output Type 82-2 pistol dagger
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An open metallic circle. When open, miniature bullets can be fired from the circle. When clasped together, a blade manifests in the circle, cutting through whatever was contained in between.
Note: Thanks, but no thanks. I already ended up as the headless horsewoman last year. Back in the intake it goes. - WR Markham
Input: Above output
Setting: Coarse
Output: A miniature metallic decorative pumpkin, with a blade forming its stem, and a bullet inside of it. Output has been determined non-anomalous.
Test 914-1742
Name: Dr. Nightingale
Date: 30/10/2020
Total Items: Two foam decorative pumpkins, three paper notes
Note: Trying to get into the Halloween spirit. I wonder if SCP-914 is in the mood for this time of year as well. I gathered a handful of decorations that will hopefully result in some tricks and treats. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One foam decorative pumpkin
Setting: Fine
Output: One foam decorative pumpkin, hollowed out and carved to resemble a stereotypical “buck-toothed” jack-o-lantern. Upon being placed into a darkened room, it was observed that the pumpkin developed an anomalous glow from within its interior, similar in illumination to that of a small tealight candle. No hazardous properties found. Placed into the employee break room.
Input: One foam decorative pumpkin
Setting: Fine
Output: One foam decorative pumpkin, hollowed out and carved to resemble a stereotypical “buck-toothed” jack-o-lantern. Carvings were noted to change each time they were not being observed, gradually growing more threatening in appearance. The original “buck-toothed” face was replaced by one with serrated teeth, one that gave the appearance of screaming, one that realistically depicted a human skull, etcetera. Personnel reported feeling uncomfortable while viewing subsequent carvings. Output incinerated once the carvings began changing into depictions of the facial features of numerous SCPs.
Note: Since the “treats” part of this worked out fairly well, I now will be trying for the “tricks”. - Dr. Nightingale
Input: One piece of paper with “Something that will scare Dr. Veritas.” written on it in No. 2 pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper, crudely cut-out and shaped to resemble a “sheet ghost”. “Researcher Darby” is scrawled across the front of the ghost in No. 2 pencil. No anomalous properties observed. Output vanished shortly after being removed from the testing chamber. Re-discovered approximately three hours later by Dr. Veritas after it dropped down in front of them upon entering their office. Destroyed by firearm when Dr. Veritas interpreted this as a hostile ambush. The bill for removing the bullet hole from the office ceiling has been forwarded to Dr. Nightingale.
Input: One piece of paper with “Something that will scare SCP-914.” written on it in No. 2 pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper with a No. 2 pencil drawing of SCP-914. The drawing depicts SCP-914 half-buried in a landfill, noticeably run-down and displaying signs of rust, crushing, and overall neglect. No anomalous properties observed.
Input: One piece of paper with “Something that will scare Dr. Nightingale.” written on it in No. 2 pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper with “They are never going to let you see her again.” written on it in No. 2 pencil. Dr. Nightingale was observed to become visibly agitated upon reading the note, and further testing was halted on his orders. No anomalous properties observed.
Test 914-1743
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 31/10/2020
Total Items: Three plastic pumpkin-shaped trick-or-treat baskets
Input: One trick-or-treat basket
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bowl, presumably for serving candy.
Input: One trick-or-treat basket
Setting: Fine
Output: One cauldron-shaped trick-or-treat basket that began anomalously filling up with candy upon being removed from the Output booth. Whenever candy is removed from the basket, more will appear to take its place.
Note: Further investigation reveals that the basket will take whatever candy is closest to it as to constantly remain full. I’m relieved that we figured that one out, because we were about to get up in arms about who took all the candy from the bowl that was set up in the break room. - JR Boneka
Input: One trick-or-treat basket
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One hollow replica of a severed human head. When a piece of candy is inserted into its mouth, it will become animate for a short period of time during which it will consume the candy and then vocalizing something at random before becoming inanimate again. Vocalizations so far have ranged from Halloween-themed songs to biographies about various serial killers to continuous screaming. Output terminated by security personnel and subsequently incinerated.
Test 914-1744
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 31/10/2020
Total Items: Three flash drives, each containing a copy of a simple C#/.NET console program that uses the Console.Beep() method to play a simplified version of the song “Spooky Scary Skeletons”
Note: I’ve been too busy working on my degree to do much testing recently, but I had some free time today and decided to apply for a slot. It’s been a while, everyone. - Intern Snevets
Input: One flash drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flash drive of different make, containing a similar program which seems to simply play “Spooky Scary Skeletons” in a different key.
Note: The key for this version is actually the same as a parody of the song by Senzawa. - JR Boneka
Note: That seems like it could be a Coarse output to me. - Intern Snevets
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: The same flash drive. The program has been modified to allow audio to be mixed in a buffer of sorts, allowing both “vocals” and multiple instrumental channels of the song to play at the same time. However, the audio loops infinitely and the program runs in the background, so Task Manager is required to terminate it.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An SD card in a plastic case. Contains a program which, when run, appears to open an empty terminal window.
Addendum: After approximately half an hour, four animate, intact, complete human skeletons with no remaining flesh entered the facility, approached the test computer running the program, and began dancing to music that the program started playing upon their arrival. The skeletons deanimated once the music stopped, and efforts are being made to determine their source and return them to their proper resting places.
Note: For clarity, we did not just let them in. They broke the locks on the front doors, and security personnel that attempted to hold them down just got dragged across the floor. - Agent Sedna
Test 914-1745
Warning: Access to this test log is restricted to Clearance Level 3
Name: Intern Francois Beauvillier
Date: 31/10/2020
Total Items: Three glass syringes containing Class-C amnestics
Note: A friend in the R&D department at Site-██ asked me to try this in order to get a more effective variant of amnestics. They recently found a particular cognitohazard which has effects that can't be mitigated with Class-C amnestics, so they thought SCP-914 could help. Oh, by the way, happy Halloween to you all. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes
Setting: Fine
Output: An unchanged syringe containing an unknown compound
Note: The lab analysis revealed that it has similar effects as that of a Class-C amnestic, but effective for a much longer period. They said it could be useful, but unfortunately, it wasn't the effect they were looking for. - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes
Setting: Fine
Output: An unchanged syringe containing Class-X mnestics
Note: Still not what they're looking for. But as my grandmother used to say, "Third time's the charm." - Intern Beauvillier
Input: One of the aforementioned syringes
Setting: Fine Very Fine
Output: One miniature glass vial containing an unknown compound
Note: Turned the dial a bit too far. Well, it might work, so let's see what we get. - Intern Beauvillier
Addendum A: Upon retrieval, Intern Beauvillier accidentally dropped the vial. After breaking, the contained liquid instantly evaporated. Filtration systems in the ventilation system did not seem to have detected any anomalies. Notably, Intern Beauvilier was reported missing after the following note was logged, leaving behind his personal computer.
Note: My hand slipped, but it looks like nothing happened. A bit concerning for a Very Fine output, but I wouldn't worry over nothing. - Intern Beauvillier
Addendum B: A copy of the audio logs from Intern Beauvillier's computer has been attached below for investigation purposes.
ENTRY 1: 31/10/2020
I tried to give my report to Dr. Veritas, but he's not here. After looking around it seems everyone is gone. I wonder if I missed a PSA. I don't have anywhere to go anyway, so I guess I'll stay here.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 2: 31/10/2020
I'm starting to get a little worried. I tried to contact the other researchers, but nobody answered. The Facility is awfully silent. It's a bit uncomfortable, but I guess it happens. Perhaps there's a network outage around here, and that's why I can't contact anyone. I guess I'll get more data tomorrow.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 3: 01/11/2020
Alright, it's been a day now and nothing happened, I still can't reach anyone. I'll try to leave the Facility and go to Fort Lauderdale. I'm getting more and more worried about this. I'll make an update once I'm there.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 4: 01/11/2020
I'm at Fort Lauderdale now. Still no one around. I saw no cars on the way there, and nobody in the town. Everything is closed and silent. A bit too silent. I'm not feeling well, I'm getting back to the Facility.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 5: 02/11/2020
Second day of loneliness. I'm starting to think this vial I broke wasn't completely inoffensive. SCP-914 is at it again, huh? I'll try to study the glass shards, see if I can get any data out of them.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 6: 02/11/2020
I have good news and terrible news.
First off, I found something about the glass shards. It seems some of the liquid condensed on the glass, and it gives me a sample to study. It's useful, but here comes the bad news: the power cut out. I mean, the Facility still has backup power, but the emergency generator isn't made to last years, months, or even weeks. If I can get a few days out of it, I'll be happy. Since all the power it outputs is used for essentials, I can't recharge my laptop. My journal entries might be a little more sporadic.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 7: 04/11/2020
I knew it.
As expected, the power didn't last.
I am extremely worried. We're in a Facility containing only a safe skip. But in the main Site-19, things might be a little messier. I hope they're doing okay over there.
In the meantime, after exploring thoroughly the surroundings of the facility, I have concluded that there are no living humans in a 50km radius.
I'll keep looking for people.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 8: 08/11/2020
That's it. I'm getting out. My laptop's at 25%, the power's out, and the perishables are rotting. Nothing's keeping me here. I'll take the glass shards, some food, and a weapon from the armory.
I tried to contact Site-19 via the emergency channels I found while snooping around some restricted areas on the inner network. If any high-up sees this, I hope you'll understand. I digress. The point is, I didn't get any answer.
I'm leaving tomorrow for the main Site-19. I'll probably give updates once I'm there.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 9: 24/11/2020
I didn't think it'd take me so long to figure this out, but given the fact that most people working at Site-19 don't even know where Site-19 is, and that I had to look around some archived content to pinpoint its location, I guess two weeks is a pretty short period.
Well, I should've guessed where it was earlier, since Site-19 is now a big flaming crater in the ground, as is the land around it for miles and miles. I guess, since I saw absolutely nobody on the way here, that this phenomenon has affected the whole planet, and that I am alone on Earth. I deserved it, for making a test with amnestics on Very Fine and on Halloween. Anyway, some skips must've breached containment and the automated defence protocols must've triggered the on-Site nuclear warheads. I'm back to square one. I'll get back to Facility 23, since I have an idea that might just work, and I don't plan on staying around for the nuclear winter.
Beauvillier, signing out.
ENTRY 10: 07/12/2020
Home sweet home. I'm finally about to put my plan to execution.
Basically, I'm putting those glass shards back through 914 on Very Fine. It's the last idea I have. If it fails, I guess I'll have to resort to other alternatives, I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life.
Anyway, here goes nothing. I hope it works.
Beauvillier, signing out.
Addendum C: When Intern Beauvillier reappeared while appearing to be in a coma, a test log was found in his pocket and has been attached below for investigation purposes.
Name: Intern Francois Beauvillier
Date: 07/12/2020
Total Items: One broken vial (result of the last experiment from 31/10/2020)Input: Aforementioned broken vial
Setting: Very Fine
Output:Note: I'm breaking this one intentionally. If this doesn't wor I hope this works. It has to. - Intern Beauvillier
Note: After Francois Beauvillier reappeared on 07/12/2020 in Research Cell 109-B while in a comatose state, he was transferred to the medical bay and was awoken on 10/12/2020. He was administered amnestics immediately and new memories were created. All data pertaining to this incident shall remain redacted as learning about this could possibly cause permanent brain damage and psychological trauma. I do not recommend testing with amnestics in the near future, and an investigation is currently ongoing to find out what exactly happened, but until we finally know everything about this case, I urge all personnel involved to remain silent. - Facility Director Hackett
UPDATE: Lucius has suggested that we amnesticise all personnel involved. After talking it over with him, we decided that it won't be necessary for all personnel with access to this test. Disciplinary actions will follow, however, if discretion is not exercised. - Facility Director Hackett
Test 914-1746
Name: Dr. Maria Thompson
Date: 01/11/2020
Total Items: One picture of a jack o' lantern
Input: One picture of a jack o' lantern
Setting: 1:1
Output: One picture of an orange skull
Input: Above output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One picture of a Christmas tree. When held, the song "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey would play at around 35 decibels.
Note: At first, there were claims of people hearing the song. After further testing, it was confirmed that the song "All I Want for Christmas Is You" did play quietly. - Dr. Terren
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine Very Fine
Output: One haiku
Note: After testing it, we found an anomaly, makes us write haikus. - Dr. Thompson
Test 914-1747
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 04/11/2020
Total Items: Six sculptures resembling foxes comprised of wood, each weighing 0.5kg
Note: I’m back after the last ordeal. As for the sculptures, they are made from ironbark wood, a native of Australia’s Eucalyptus genus. Don’t expect any gifts; I have none left after this. - Dr Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned sculptures
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of woodchips and wood-dust
Input: One of the aforementioned sculptures
Setting: Coarse
Output: A cube of wood in equal weight of the input. The cube appears to be roughly formed.
Input: One of the aforementioned sculptures
Setting: 1:1
Output: A wood sculpture of a wolf in a howling stance.
Note: Provided this passes screening, I might give this to Lopez. - Dr Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned sculptures
Setting: Fine
Output: An animate wood sculpture of a fox. Subject acted like any member of its biological basis, though it did not require nutrition or need to defecate. Subject was also non-aggressive to personnel, allowing for itself to be held and petted, and was notably playful. Subject is currently held in Anomalous Storage.
Input: One of the aforementioned sculptures
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical sculpture. When the subject was held by D-█████, they stated they could hear the sound of a fox’s laughter. Three minutes and two seconds after holding, the D-Class began to emit vocalisations akin to those of a fox. This has not ceased, even after releasing the sculpture. Examination of the D-Class’ brain activity revealed no change in neural activity, though a physical examination revealed that his larynx had been anomalously changed to one identical to that of a fox. Item was incinerated, and the D-Class returned to their holding cell.
Note: Quite unusual, even for 914’s standards. I wish for the D-Class to be interviewed for any other telepathic vocalisations and possibly be taught ASL. - Dr Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned sculptures
Setting: 1:1
Output: One sculpture of a fox head and a small pile of wood shavings. Closer examination reveals the head to be identical to that of a Common Red Fox (Vulpes vulpes), and carved with extreme detail. No anomalous properties manifested and passed screening.
Note: If I may, I wish to keep this. The craftsmanship is insanely good, and it might make a good gift to my wife. - Dr Rose
Note: Sure! While you're at it, interested in a safe class anomalous item for your kid's birthday? It's going to anomalous storage. - Veritas
Test 914-1748
Name: Dr James Adam
Date: 14/11/2020
Total Items: Two USB drives with a copy of the video history of the entire world, i guess by Bill Wurtz
Input: One USB drive as mentioned above
Setting: 1:1
Output: A USB drive containing 19 minutes and 26 seconds of clips similar to the style Bill Wurtz uses in his videos; however, none of these clips were ever posted by Bill Wurtz.
Input: One USB drive as mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A USB drive with over 4 terabytes of storage with an ever growing video clip labelled True History of the World, I guess by [REDACTED]. There is no known system of determining what time on the video corresponds to a date and time that is usable. However at the time of [REDACTED] the video ceases to focus on all events and only on events that occur within the view of Earth.
Addendum: The video itself does contain commentary, however the commentary is spoken in an unknown language, the video is made of clips that are animated in a style similar to Bill Wurtz, even though the commentary is spoken in a unknown language the text itself seems to change depending on who views it, translating itself into the persons primarily used language, if two people with different primarily used languages are watching the video it will stop all audio and pause the video.
Test 914-1749
Name: Sr. Researcher Vil
Date: 17/11/2020
Total Items: Two paintings, one sketch
Input: A painting of a bamboo thicket in daylight
Setting: 1:1
Output: A painting of a distorted densely wooded forest
Input: A painting of a bouquet of ten roses
Setting: Fine
Output: A painting of a hand carrying a ruby rosary
Input: A sketch of a tree stump
Setting: Fine
Output: A sketch of a mahogany sapling
Test 914-1750
Name: Intern Scott
Date: 17/11/2020
Total Items: Three 18mm thick sheets of cedar wood, three packs of guitar strings
Note: Had these left over when I was making my own acoustic guitar. - Intern Scott
Input: The sheets of wood, the strings
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One stringed wooden musical instrument. The wood appears to have been morphed and shaped into a mass of stringed instruments merged together. Next to each string appears to be a "finger" made of wood with two joints.
Addendum: Approximately one hour after the instrument was placed in anomalous storage, the "fingers" started to pluck and stroke the strings making "music". Personnel listening to the "music" reported feeling relaxed and content. The music continued for approximately five minutes before ceasing and the "fingers" returning to their previous position.
Note: This is very interesting. We could keep this in D-Class residence so that they calm down every once in a while. - Intern Scott
Addendum: The instrument triggers an auditory cognitohazard causing listeners to avoid basic instincts such as eating or sleeping. Intern Scott was subjected to this for three days, neglecting work and hydration. Intern Scott was then forcefully brought to the infirmary for hydration and amnestic therapy. The instrument was incinerated.
Test 914-1751
Name: Junior Researcher R. Skye
Date: 23/11/2020
Total Items: One extra-large inflatable globe, three separate issues of a conspiracy theory magazine, printed from an online source.
Input: One conspiracy theory magazine
Setting: Fine
Output: Upon inspection, all conspiracies mentioned in the inputted magazine were reframed as historical facts in the output, with the input's topic of the month being about secret government experiments. D-25521 was instructed to read the magazine and after an hour of doing so, claimed to be a "Dr. Heimich" from a "Science Cooperative Registry Division" and requested to be amnesticised. No such organization exists in Foundation records and the output was incinerated while D-22521 was amnesticised and dismissed.
Input: One extra-large inflatable globe, two conspiracy theory magazines
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One thick hardbound book made from inputted plastic and paper. After D-22134 picked up the output, he began to ignore all instructions given by researchers, instead exclaiming gibberish about knowing "the secrets of Area 51", then walking towards and colliding with a wall in the opposite direction of the United States Air Force facility commonly referred to as Area 51. Regained consciousness, amnesticised and dismissed.
Test 914-1752
Name: Researcher J. E. Bernabad
Date: 29/11/2020
Total Items: Four 300 millilitre glass cups
Input: One of the aforementioned glass cups
Setting: Rough
Output: Glass shards of various sizes.
Input: One of the aforementioned glass cups
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 500 millilitre glass cup. The walls of the cup are slightly thinner than the ones of the original one, resulting in the same mass.
Input: One of the aforementioned glass cups
Setting: Fine
Output: One precisely cut glass cup that refracts light in a manner that creates complex light patterns. The colour of these patterns is influenced by the drink in the glass. However, due to the point of convergence being within the cup the contents of the cup heat significantly faster when it is exposed to visible light. It holds the same amount of liquid as the original one (300 millilitres). The molecular lattice of the glass molecules is altered in a way that greatly increases the impact resistance of the cup.
Input: One of the aforementioned glass cups
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One shot glass, with the expected volume of 50ml. The shot glass has the same mass as the original cup - this property is caused by a great increase in the density of the original material. Through anomalous means, it is capable of holding up to 300ml of liquid before overflowing. This anomalous property only manifests if a beverage is used for filling the vessel. The glass has shown high resistance to pressure, impact and heat.
Addendum: It was later discovered that beverages containing ethanol slowly begin to degrade the ethanol into methanol, making the beverage toxic. This process begins immediately after 55 millilitres of beverage is poured into the shot glass. The speed of the reaction depends on alcohol content in the beverage, with beverages containing a higher percentage of alcohol degrading faster. Beverages containing 40% alcohol completely degraded after approximately 2 hours, while those containing only 12% alcohol fully degraded after more than 9 hours. This effect is believed to be a consequence of the cup's anomalous property. It is speculated that the excess liquid is contained within a small pocket dimension, where physical and chemical constants are slightly different, causing ethanol to be able to decompose itself into methanol. Placed in anomalous storage.
Test 914-1753
Name: Intern Lyfeld
Date: 06/12/2020
Total Items: Five Four scrubbing mitts
Note: After reading most of the test logs about this, I feel like I might be ready for getting something out from this after two weeks of working here. - Intern Lyfeld
Input: One of the above
Setting: Rough
Output: Nothing Various nylon strings, thin and spread out enough to make them difficult to perceive. Otherwise, they do not display anomalous effects.
Input: One of the above
Setting: Coarse
Output: Same as input A broken scrubbing mitt A mitt that perpetually unravels itself through anomalous means. Cannot be sewn back together, as the unraveling will start immediately after.
Input: One of the above
Setting: 1:1
Output: A nylon sock of a different brand. Aforementioned brand does not make socks. Weight is consistent with the other results, and displays no anomalous properties.
Input: One of the above
Setting: Fine
Output: A nylon glove, capable of absorbing any liquids upon contact. It is deemed unable to absorb liquids when those are protected by other materials. Despite that, it has been observed that it can reduce environmental moisture. Having its absorption capabilities tested, incineration of this anomalous item has been requested due to possible environmental hazards.
Note: I don't want to test my or anyone else's luck by putting this into someone's mouth, nor I think going Very Fine will be a wise decision as of now. I'll let the others risk themselves for science for now. - Intern Lyfeld
Test 914-1754
Name: Dr. Ignam
Date: 09/12/2020
Total Items: Three Four printed photographs depicting various celestial objects and phenomena. All printed in full color on letter sized pieces of white paper.
Input: One long-exposure photograph taken on 17/11/2015 of the 2015 Leonids. Exposure time of approximately one hour.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One slightly crumpled piece of paper with drawing on both sides. One side of the paper depicts a poorly drawn feline with the word “kity” [sic] written below the creature, all drawn with what appears to be orange crayon. The other side of the paper is covered in what are rather many failed attempts at legible writing, or random scribbles. One phrase is slightly legible on this side, which reads “4 yers od” [sic]. The scribbles on this side of the paper are drawn in various colors of what also appears to be crayon, with black and blue scribbles being noticeably abundant. The aforementioned phrase is notably the only thing drawn in pink.
Note: Although everything on this paper appears to be drawn with crayons, further examination has shown that the drawings are composed of the same printer ink used to print the original picture. The handwriting of the words is fairly consistent with that of a 4 year-old’s. I’ll hang this one on the break room fridge. - Dr. Ignam
Input: One photograph taken on an unknown date of a segment of the constellation Ursa Major, centered on the Big Dipper
Setting: Fine
Output: One photograph similar to the input photograph, but with most of the celestial bodies in the original photograph arranged in a different manner, seemingly randomly. Upon further inspection, the photograph is consistent with predictions of how the ''Big Dipper'' and other notable celestial bodies present in the photograph will appear when viewed from Earth in approximately [REDACTED] years.
Input: One photograph taken on 21/08/2017 of the solar eclipse that occurred on said date during totality.
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, non-anomalous pile of ashes, the amount that would be expected from burning a piece of paper
Note: The outcome of this test was rather unexpected, considering the results of the last two. Requesting approval from Dr. Veritas to retest the same photograph with a different setting. - Dr. Ignam
Note: Approved. - Veritas
Input: Same as previous input
Setting: Very Fine
Outcome: 6 photographs, all one-sixth of the size of the original photograph, depicting a series of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Date(s) unknown. Incinerated by request of O5-██.
Test 914-1755
Name: J.R. Regal
Date: 09/12/2020
Total Items: Five pieces of paper with partially erased code written in them.
Note: For this test, I took a simple code that generates empty test formats, erased most of it, and divided the paper into five sections, each of which will be handled by a different D-class with a different idea of how many pieces there are and what they contained. It is possible that we will be able to see how 914 interacts with conflicting information and if it is able to use stored data to determine the correct configuration and purpose.
They will be told that their paper contained an infinite loop printing "Fine" on each cycle, one-twentieth of code made to analyze grammatical errors, a fifth of a generator of empty 914 test formats, and a segment of a predictive algorithm for 914 tests. - J.R. Regal
Input: One piece of paper
Setting: Fine
Output: Fine fine fine fine One piece of paper, containing a cognitohazard that causes affected individuals to replace their vocabulary with "fine". Effect ceases once the output is no longer in contact with the affected individual
Input: One piece of paper
Setting: Fine
Output: One piece of paper with half a drawing signed by J.R. Kai One grey piece of paper with a cognitohazard that causes the viewer to see half a drawing signed by J.R. Kai.
Input: One piece of paper
Setting: Fine
Output: One piece of paper with a complete format generator code.
Input:
Setting:
Output:
Addendum:
Note: The fourth output appears to have retroactively erased all test logs information written after it leaving only the format and notes, which means the fifth test is lost. This test proves that SCP-914 is indeed capable of making connections between information obtained from the inputs of the prior tests and using it to filter incorrect or misleading information. I expect the effect to subside within a day since the output has been incinerated, and I shall now apply for leave before someone has me terminated for erasing the rest of the entire day's tests. - J.R. Regal
Note: Rosen backs up the test every few hours to protect the logs from idiots vandalising it. So you're fine. Well, you're not, but you're not in trouble. - Veritas
Test 914-1756
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 15/12/2020
Total Items: Five signs reading “Caution: Wet Floor”
Input: One wet floor sign
Setting: 1:1
Output: One sign reading “Caution: Burning Floor”.
Input: One wet floor sign
Setting: Fine
Output: One sign reading “Caution: Wet Ceiling” that anomalously adheres to any ceiling.
Input: One wet floor sign
Setting: Fine
Output: One wet floor sign that, when placed, anomalously causes water to materialize on the floor within a 3-meter radius of it One wet floor sign that, when placed, exhibits a cognitohazard that compels all viewers to believe that the floor around it is covered in water and go out of their way to avoid it.
Input: One wet floor sign
Setting: Fine
Output: One sign reading “Caution: The floor will be wet”.
Addendum: Shortly after being placed in Research Cell 109-A, the water cooler in the break room started leaking, emptying its contents onto the floor. Further research suggests that whenever the output is placed on the ground, a water leakage or spill will occur somewhere nearby within the span of a few hours.
Input: One wet floor sign
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One visually unaltered wet floor sign.
Addendum: When the assigned D-Class personnel placed the output on the floor of Research Cell 109-A, he abruptly experienced rapid desiccation in which all the moisture in his body was drawn out and distributed evenly on the ground within a 3-meter radius of the sign. Remains and output incinerated.
Test 914-1757
Name: Junior Researcher Evangeline
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One CD with the single ''All I want for Christmas is you'' sung by Mariah Carey
Input: One CD with the single ''All I want for Christmas is you'' sung by Mariah Carey
Setting: Coarse
Output: One CD with the single ''All I want for Christmas is you'' sung by Nicki Minaj. Several lyrics have been altered to where Minaj makes references to her rear without it seeming to be relevant.
Test 914-1758
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One CD of Frank Sinatra’s version of the song “Let It Snow”
Input: One CD of Frank Sinatra’s version of the song “Let It Snow”
Setting: 1:1
Output: One CD crudely labeled “le tits now [sic]”. Contains an hour-long audio documentary of a monotone male voice describing various medical disorders that affect the mammary glands.
Note: I’m not sure if it’s because of a cognitohazard or just my own paranoia, but I feel highly compelled to go in for my annual checkup a little early this year. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1759
Name: Intern Lyfeld
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: Two CDs, labeled "Folklore Christmas Songs".
Note: I'm incredibly tired of hearing Mariah Carey here around, so, I beg of you, please, give me something that isn't her. - Intern Lyfeld
Input: One of the CDs mentioned above
Setting: 1:1
Output: A DVD titled "All I want for Christmas is Folklore", by Mariah Carey. Songs seem to not have any anomaly whatsoever, and are perfectly performed by its singer.
Input: One of the CDs mentioned above
Setting: Fine
Output: One CD going by the title of “All Christmas Songs for you” written on both sides. Upon direct contact, its holder will hear any song as interpreted by Mariah Carey. The duration of these effects are not known yet. Effect ceases on the 26th of December.
Note: Intern Lyfeld's request of going under amnestic treatment has been denied.
Test 914-1760
Name: Researcher Zita Ni
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One CD containing the Stranger Under My Skin EP by Eason Chan
Note: Christmas usually has a pleasant connotation, but what if the Christmas song used is more melancholy? - R. Zita
Input: Above CD
Setting: Fine
Output: A DVD containing the nine songs in the EP played in reverse order. However, when "My Private Christmas Song" is played, the voice instead corresponds to the person closest to the DVD player, and is sang in the person's native language.
Note: Interestingly, all songs on the EP had a more upbeat style than the original. "Snow in June" in particular sounded quite unnatural considering its depressing lyrical content. - R. Zita
Note: Christmas songs are even worse in Dutch. - Veritas
Test 914-1761
Name: Intern Francois Beauvillier
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One CD of "364 Days", by the rock band The Murder City Devils.
Input: The aforementioned CD.
Setting: Fine
Output: The inputted CD.
Note: Weird. Absolutely nothing changed. That's extremely unusual. - Intern Beauvillier
Addendum: Subsequent testing has shown that listening to this CD will induce in the listener a dislke for all things related to Christmas proportional to the attachment they have for the Christmas holidays. It has no effect on people who already dislike Christmas.
Test 914-1762
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One CD containing a .mp3 file of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” by Andy Williams
Input: Aforementioned CD
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged CD. Upon being placed within a player, a .mp4 file is found in place of the previous .mp3. When played, the video displays SCP-914’s input and output booths as fireplaces. The entirety of the Facility 23 residents, including former residents, is seen gathered around the booths in a traditional Christmas celebration. The audio is a wind chime instrumental of the inputted song.
Test 914-1763
Name: Researcher MacLean
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One DVD of the 1966 movie “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, One CD of “White Christmas”, covered by Bing Crosby
Input: One CD of Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas”
Setting: Fine
Output: One well-worn DVD. Playing the DVD shows a slideshow depicting Facility 23 employees celebrating with their families, with Nat King Cole’s version of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” playing in the background. Placed in storage due to privacy concerns.
Input: One DVD of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”
Setting: Fine
Output: A DVD labelled “Holidaze [sic] fight medley”. When played, shows a video of Facility 23 personnel singing a medley of Christmas songs, which is abruptly interrupted by a fistfight between Researcher MacLean and an as of yet unidentified Researcher. The fight appears to have started over the order they were to sing in.
Test 914-1764
Name: Intern Scott
Date: 25/12/2020
Total Items: One USB flash drive containing a mp3 file of the song "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues
Input: The flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB flash drive containing a mp3 file of a song called "Swearytale of New York" by The Rogues. The song is identical to the original but each word in the lyrics has been replaced by an expletive.
Test 914-1765
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 27/12/2020
Total Items: Three bottles each of Ritalin, Zoloft, Risperdal and Codeine
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Ritalin
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of Adderall medication
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Ritalin
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of pills. The bottle has a sticker indicating it as a medication to treat Attention Deficit Disorder. Upon consumption, the subject will become increasingly lethargic and their mental state deteriorates, eventually becoming a form of depression. The subject will refuse to perform any task it must perform manually, and eventually autonomously. After a period of four hours, the subject will cease respiration and suffocate unless action is taken.
Note: There is currently one surviving D-Class in a coma. They will be examined carefully until all possible information is gathered. - Dr. Rose
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Zoloft
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bottle of Prozac medication.
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Zoloft
Setting: Fine
Output: A bottle of white powder. There are no labels to discern any intent of the powder. Subjects who ingested the powder began acting in a similar manner to those abusing cocaine. After twenty-three minutes, the subject will begin bleeding from all cranial orifices. Despite medical intervention, the bleeding continues until the subject expires in a varied time between thirty minutes and three hours.
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Risperdal
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bottle of pills that, when consumed, have the subject placed in a drug-induced psychosis. D-Class was sedated after attempting to attack personnel; effects wore off after an hour.
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Risperdal
Setting: Fine
Output: A bottle of pills in similar design to standard red-white antibiotics. The bottle’s label indicates them as a drug to enhance creative freedoms. Subjects who take the drug experience schizophrenic symptoms in line with disembodied voices. The subject will become increasingly paranoid and incomprehensible, but will show an increased aptitude for a style of art they were previously proficient in. The effects cease after a period of fourty-six minutes, with the subject having no recollection of the events.
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Codeine
Setting: 1:1
Output: An unnamed bottle of pills. When taken, the subject will experience full-body pain, despite there being no physical signs of pain in any case. The effects cease after 6 minutes and thirteen seconds. The pain has been described as extreme burning and being stabbed or shot.
Input: One of the aforementioned bottles of Codeine
Setting: Fine
Output: A bottle of green pills. When taken, the subject will enter a stage where they will feel no pain of any kind, despite taking serious injuries or wounds. After fifty-two minutes, the subject will lose their remaining senses one by one at random. After this, the subject will collapse and begin screaming hysterically, complaining of extreme pain all across the body. Within five minutes, the subject expires, though the cause is unclear.
Note: I’ve done everything in the autopsies to try and locate the cause. Nothing comes through with enough evidence to determine it. At first, we believed it to be a cardiac-related issue, however there are no signs of palpitations or damage to the heart that were not previously recorded in the D-Class’ medical files. - Dr. Rose
Input: The remaining bottle of each drug
Setting: Fine
Output: An unnamed bottle of red and blue pills. The effects are similar to that of SCP-500, however they are much stronger, and result in the taker becoming an obsessive hypochondriac. The subject will also begin suffering from severe overdosing symptoms akin to those of illicit substance abuse. The subject expires within one hour of ingesting the pill, and autopsy results reveal the subject to be in perfect health medically. No cause of death can be determined.
Note: All of the outputs are contained in a locked cabinet in Anomalous Storage to allow for additional screening and analysis, and because we don’t know if they will affect the incinerator in any way. Better safe than sorry. If you need medication for any reason, just come down to the medical wing; we don’t bite. - Dr. Rose
Note: Rose, I've read your report. Despite producing results, I'm hereby formally reminding you that D-Class personnel do not, in fact, grow on trees. Please see me in my office at the earliest convenience so we can have a talk on resource management and a personal evaluation. - Veritas
Test 914-1766
Name: Researcher Carson
Date: 27/12/2020
Total Items: Three 12th Grade textbooks on world history, brought from a library in New York City, New York, USA.
Input: One history textbook
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 12th grade mathematics textbook, identical to those from a library in Portland, Oregon, USA.
Input: One history textbook
Setting: Fine
Output: One hardcover book with exterior dimensions identical to that of the original textbook. The book appears to be 835 pages long has an indeterminate number of pages that each viewer interprets differently, and the interior of the book appears to contain biographic details on Researcher Carson has been proved to be blank upon advanced testing, but contains a memetic effect that affects any individual viewing the book's interior to contain biographic details of the said individual, written in their native language.
Input: One history textbook
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One origami figure of an unidentified middle-aged man. When any question concerning a future event is asked within its audible range, the figure will respond with a prediction in the same language as the question asked. Upon further testing, the predictions have be determined to be approximately 63% 49% 31% accurate the predictions' accuracy appear to decrease over time. Upon the 927th question being asked, the figure spontaneously collapsed into dark grey ashes, which have been determined to be non-anomalous paper ashes upon analysis.
Test 914-1767
Name: Doctor Jakob Reigen
Date: 03/01/2021
Total Items: Four 250mL vials, each containing 100mL of siphoned Elan-Vital Energy (EVE). Measurements of siphoned EVE report minimal intensity levels with no observable Aspect Radiation being detected. Siphoned EVE extracted from Taraxacum (Dandelion flowers).
Input: One vial of siphoned EVE
Setting: 1:1
Output: A visually unchanged vial containing the aforementioned 100mL of siphoned EVE. Analysis of the vial determined that, despite no change in intensity, measured EVE displayed significant fluctuations from previous aura signatures.
Input: One vial of siphoned EVE
Setting: Fine
Output: A visually unchanged vial containing the aforementioned 100mL of siphoned EVE. Increased intensity from previous measurements detected. Minor Aspect Radiation was also observed, but insufficient for reality warping to occur.
Note: That's… not right. - Dr. Reigen
Input: One vial of siphoned EVE
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged vial containing the aforementioned 100mL of siphoned EVE. Significantly increased intensity from previous measurements detected. Aspect Radiation was also observed, with minimally destructive reality warping phenomena occurring around the immediate vicinity of the vial itself. Object transferred to Site-119's Thaumatology Department for further investigation.
Note: Wow. SCP-914 is concentrating the EVE inside each vial after every conversion without changing the total quantity. But how? It should be decreasing. This possibly means that: 1) SCP-914 possesses living energy and/or sapience and 2) it's adding this energy onto other objects to compensate. - Dr. Reigen
Input: Final vial of siphoned EVE
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged vial containing 100mL of concentrated lemon-lime soda. No measurements of EVE or Aspect Radiation detected.
Note: Or not. - Dr. Reigen
Note: It likes to do that. - Senior Researcher Pines.
Test 914-1768
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 04/01/2021
Total Items: Two bottle each of following substance: Morphine, Saline Solution and Ibuprofen Oral Fluid
Happy New Year, everyone! Hope you all are happy to leave behind the travesty of 2020. Now, onto business; once again, I’m using medications, but this time it will be isolated to liquids. - Dr. Rose
Input: One bottle of Morphine
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of a thick, yellow liquid. The label describes it as a painkiller medication, by use of transferring pain to another person. It is unclear how this process is possible. During testing, two D-Class were subject to an injection of 25ml of the liquid. As one was subjected to a series of controlled electric shocks, the other D-Class screamed in pain. The aforementioned subject later described feeling electrocuted, with the first being otherwise unaffected, despite receiving electrical burns to the hands. The effects of the dosage ceased after thirty-seven minutes, but is theorised to be relevant to the dosage amount.
Input: One bottle of Saline Solution
Setting: Fine
Output: Five bottles of a clear liquid, with equivalent mass to the input, and a paper note. The note reads ”Read well and listen close, for ye risk life with this choice. One elixir you face could save you of all ailments, while all its friends will lead to a grave. Choose well, and be awakened. Choose poorly, and be slain.”. Chemical analysis of all liquids showed no differences. Testing cancelled, and the bottles and note stored in Anomalous Storage.
I’m not exactly in the mood for a fatality, especially with only a one in five chance to live. - Dr. Rose
Input: One bottle of Ibuprofen Oral Fluid
Setting: Fine
Output: A pile of brown, translucent pills. Chemical analysis revealed them to contain traces of paper and glass. Testing resulted in a D-Class ingesting a single pill, and describing an absence of pain, sense of heat and a quieter stomach. After fourteen minutes, the D-Class collapsed, complaining of severe stomach pains and began to cough blood. Testing with the D-Class’ medical state is ongoing, though they have since recovered. All the pills placed in a secure container and isolated in Anomalous Storage.
Input: The remaining bottles of each drug
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large bottle of a thick black sludge with a texture akin to tar, and is extremely pungent. Testing with the liquid reveals it to be extremely painful, with the subject D-Class reporting searing pain. This pain would be felt all across the body after injection for nine minutes. After the time period elapsed, the D-Class was found to have an improved status of health, that has yet to waver. The D-Class also has an increased level of pride and recklessness, and has been detained in a secure Human Containment Cell.
Note: If we could isolate the medical properties of this output, we could theoretically have an army of super-soldiers. That being said, however, any further testing of this liquid is better not performed with humans again, until we are sure of its full capabilities. - Dr. Rose
Note: Rose, are you familiar with the concept of something ''falling in the wrong hands''? It's going into storage, no less than O5 is deciding on this one. There's not much of it, and we can't replicate it because 914 does nothing twice, as far as we observed anyway. - Veritas
Test 914-1769
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 07/01/2021
Total Items: Five cuboidal 100g samples of pyrite, commonly known as fool’s gold.
Input: One sample of pyrite
Setting: Rough
Output: The same sample, cut into jagged pieces
Input: One sample of pyrite
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same sample, neatly cut into smaller cubes
Input: One sample of pyrite
Setting: 1:1
Output: One sample of pure iron, cloud of reddish-brown gas (later identified to be sulphur)
Note: Pyrite is iron sulphide. I apologize to future researchers if the test chamber now smells like rotten eggs. - Researcher Connolly
Input: One sample of pyrite
Setting: Fine
Output: The same sample in the shape of a medal, complete with ridges and an embossed number “1” in the centre
Note: I guess this is technically an improvement? - Researcher Connolly
Input: One sample of pyrite
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One sample of pure gold One physically unchanged sample of pyrite. Exhibits a cognitohazardous effect causing every person who looks at it to believe it is pure gold. Item incinerated.
Test 914-1770
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 14/01/2021
Total Items: Three novelty singing fish
Input: One novelty singing fish
Setting: 1:1
Output: One novelty singing lobster
Input: One novelty singing fish
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually identical novelty singing fish. When it is activated, it exhibits an auditory cognitohazard that compels all those who hear it to stick themselves to a wall and sing along loudly until the song is over, at which point the cognitohazard ceases.
Note: That’s three minutes of my life I’m never getting back. Can we delete that security footage? - JR Boneka
Input: One novelty singing fish
Setting: Fine
Output: One animate novelty singing fish that vocalizes profanities and personal insults towards anybody that approaches it. During testing and transport between different areas in the facility, the output was exposed to various personnel. A brief list of how it responded to the individuals it encountered is included below.
| Personnel | Vocalization |
|---|---|
| D-639274 | “I bet you had a lot of fun scamming all those families out of their life savings! Well look where you are now, asswipe! Was it worth it to you? I have more dignity than you and I'm a fucking singing fish!” |
| D-937262 | “Look at me, I’m [D-937262’S FORMER NAME REDACTED]! I’m going to murder my wife and children so I can get my filthy little hands on that sweet sweet life insurance, and I’m obviously such a genius that I’m going to get away with it! Well, look at where that got you, you fucking jackass!” |
| JR Boneka | “Oh look, it's Boneka, the pinkest most cutesy thing that somehow found her way into the Foundation! I don't know what's worse, your incompetence, the fact that I feel like snorting pink glitter when you get near, or that singing from earlier!” |
| Dr. Veritas | The output paused its insults to cheerily sing “Happy Birthday to You” before resuming and calling him a “neurotic, sadistic tyrant that probably failed [his] anger management course”. Following this, fish's head exploded. |
Test 914-1771
Name: J.R. Evangeline
Date: 19/01/2021
Total Items: One DVD-Rom containing the video game ''The Sims 3''
Input: One DVD-Rom containing the video game ''The Sims 3''
Setting: 1:1
Output: One DVD-Rom containing the video game ''The Sims 3'' but all the default ''Sims'' representations of employees at the 19-23 facility. By starting the game, a character can be created, who will become researcher working under Dr. Veritas and Dr. Hackett. Various other researchers from the facility can also be interacted with.
Input: Tested object above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A heavily modded version of the output above. Other researchers can be commanded to take various actions (canceling their current actions, walking somewhere or sitting down). Testing reveals that these commands affect the represented researcher in real life. Controlling a ''Sim'' for too long will result in the effect ceasing, going around 5 minutes. Trying to control Dr. Veritas will result in crashing the game.
Note: Can whoever keeps playing this stop canceling my actions? - J.R. Evangeline
Test 914-1772
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 19/01/2021
Total Items: One Crye-Precision Cage Plate Carrier
Input: Aforementioned plate carrier
Setting: Fine
Output: One bag made from 1000 denier nylon from the input. The bag is identical in mass to the input. An anomalous effect is observed whenever a person holds the output and attempts to pull an item from it. The user of the bag will experience a cognitohazard where they will feel the need to place an equivalent amount of money to the item inside the bag the user is attempting to pull out.
Note: I see, it is punishing me for how much I spent on that thing. - W.R. Szymons
Test 914-1773
Name: Junior Researcher Syc Abrams
Date: 21/01/2021
Total Items: Five replicas of medieval war hammers, purchased from a collectible store.
Input: One war hammer replica
Setting: Rough
Output: A puddle of melted steel
Input: One war hammer replica
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same hammer, but dented and scratched in many areas. The hammer is also considerably rusted.
Input: One war hammer replica
Setting: 1:1
Output: One replica of a medieval longsword
Input: One war hammer replica
Setting: Fine
Output: A seemingly unaltered war hammer replica. The war hammer is anomalously lightweight for its size and the material it was made from. It also deformed upon usage, rendering it unusable.
Input: One war hammer replica
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A hammer resembling the war hammer prop used by the band Gloryhammer during live performances. When held, the person in question performs a song composed by the band Gloryhammer at random. Further testing reveals that no improvement is made on the subjects' singing capability or sense of rhythm.
Test 914-1774
Name: Junior Researcher Shion
Date: 21/01/2020
Total Items: One plastic model of a spear, one plastic model of a shield
Input: One model spear
Setting: Fine
Output: One model spear, with an ornate clockwork design decorating the spearhead. When the spear tip is placed against any surface, an incision is anomalously created on the surface. An imprint on the spear handle reads "914 Brand Spear - Pierces any Shield!"
Input: One model shield
Setting: Fine
Output: One model shield, with an ornate clockwork design matching that of the previous output. The shield is impervious to incision or laceration from any sharp edges. An imprint on the back of the shield reads "914 Brand Shield - Defends Against any Spear!"
Addendum: Bringing the outputs within 5 meters of one another causes a cognitohazardous effect to manifest, compelling observers to attempt to impale the shield with the spear. D-Class retrieving the output was restrained after attempting to do so. Both outputs placed in Anomalous Storage, permission to cross-test outputs requested denied, for the sake of personnel safety.
Test 914-1775
Name: Weapons Researcher Sam Szymons
Date: 22/01/2021
Total Items: One Logitech G512 keyboard
Input: Aforementioned keyboard
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visually unchanged keyboard, except for the logo on the shell being replaced with a logo of a gear. Anomalous effects were observed immediately when a key was pressed. The outputted keyboard appears to manifest certain anomalous actions in the real world. Notable functions documented in the table below.
| Key(s) Pressed | Corresponding Occurrence |
|---|---|
| Ctrl+F | Any object or person specified using the numerical and letter keys will be "highlighted". This is signified by a blueish aura floating around the "highlighted object" |
| Ctrl+X | Any "selected" object or person will immediately demanifest. Later it was found the affected individuals were sent to the "clipboard" (The bulletin board in the Break Room), a corresponding pencil drawing on a post-it note resembling the affected object/person would manifest on the "clipboard." The only way to remanifest those affected is to press "Ctrl+V" |
| Ctrl+Alt+Escape | Opens a "Task Manager", a visual apparition appearing approximately a meter above the user's face, similar in appearance to the same application used on Windows computers. Any actions attempted with the generated "Task Manager" by any non-administrative personnel seems to fail, it is presumed that only Dr. Veritas could use this feature. |
| Ctrl+H | Causes a "selected" object or person to become "Transparent", being unable to be viewed by other people or cameras. This effect can be reversed by pressing the key combination again. |
Addendum: The output lost function after its internal battery ran out. Replacing the battery did not cause the anomalous effect to remanifest.
Test 914-1776
Name: Junior Researcher Boyett
Date: 01/02/2021
Total Items: Three balance scales, each loaded with two 1 kilogram stainless steel cylinder standards, one on either end of the scale
Suggested Note: Each standard was calibrated by comparison to an original kilogram mass standard in a pressure sealed chamber, and are accurate to within a billionth of the standard
Input: One balance scale and weights
Setting: 1:1
Output: Scale with two 500 gram weights, of exact same design as the original weights, on either end. Scale noted to be painted blue instead of green, but otherwise identical to input.
Input: One balance scale and weights
Setting: Fine
Output: One scale that upon initial opening appeared unchanged, but upon closer examination appeared to have many smaller more precise marks as small as 1 nanometer. Weights were smaller, and had a density identical to the platinum-iridium alloy used in the international prototype kilogram. Spectroscopy tests show the same composition as the original steel cylinders.
Input: One balance scale and weights
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unchanged balance scale, tilted heavily towards the left side. Both cylinders were identical in appearance. The left cylinder appeared extremely heavy based on the scale, but as soon as a D-class personnel reached to pick it up, the cylinder flew as if struck with large amounts of force. It immediately fell, with tests later confirming it to fall at roughly 2g of acceleration. Despite this, the cylinder reacted as though much larger forces were applied, even in extremely small shock load tests. The right cylinder was entirely unaffected by gravity, if left undisturbed it begins to float and tilt due to earth’s rotation, but requires much more force to move relative to a normal cylinder.
Test 914-1777
Name: Researcher H. Franklin, assisted by anomalous computer expert ██████ ████.
Date: 08/02/2021
Total Items: One Game Genie device, one copy of Tetris, one copy of Loopz, one Light Zapper controller, one standard controller, all for the Nintendo Entertainment System
Note: I had a couple of these sitting around that my dad had. After finding out they wouldn't sell for anything on eBay, I found better use for them here. I was also assigned an actual computer scientist to help me. - H. Franklin
Input: One Game Genie device
Setting: Fine
Output: An externally identical device. However, when used in the same way as a non-anomalous counterpart, the header text reads "I WISH…" and the keyboard can be used to write a request in English which the game will mirror. The device uses exact wording to create undesirable versions of these requests, similar to a stereotypical genie. Such as if "MARIO DIDN'T DIE" is entered in Super Mario Bros, the resulting game will simply replace both players with the Luigi character. The internals of the device seem to be a highly advanced AI to read the input text and an unidentified board that performs the usual functions of the device, as controlled by said AI.
Input: One Nintendo Entertainment System copy of Loopz
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A complex array of electrical components, made of the same materials as the input. Despite no clear power source, touching the device with bare skin will cause it to shock and burn the person doing so. After this, they experience neurological alterations akin to severe OCD, causing them to arrange objects so that they create a circle. There is no known way to reverse the effects, but they can be managed in the same way as mundane OCD tendencies.
Input: One Nintendo Entertainment System copy of Tetris
Setting: Fine
Output: An otherwise identical cartridge with a white label reading "eBay" with the same colors as those on www.ebay.com, but with a 1980s font. Placing the device in a fitting console will load a game which acts as a primitive interface with the site, somehow updated despite no clear internet connection. Internal examination reveals an incoherent mass of plastic and metal.
Note: SCP-914 seems to have been influenced by the fact that input was intended to be sold on eBay. - Dr. ██████ ████
Input: One Nintendo Entertainment System controller
Setting: 1:1
Output: A similar device, with the exception of a third button labeled "C" next to the first two. Pressing this sends a signal to pressing the down and A button at the same time.
Input: One Nintendo Entertainment System Zapper Light Gun controller
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small orange and grey robot resembling Dynastes hercules, or a Hercules Beetle. The robot will attempt to grab any gun within visual range and grip the trigger with its legs. As of yet it has never successfully fired one by doing so, but it is contained with active-item security to prevent it from reaching a firearm outside of testing.
Test 914-1778
Name: Researcher MacLean, Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 10/02/2021
Total Items: Three penny press machines
Input: One penny press machine
Setting: Fine
Output: One “pressed penny presser”. Inserting a pressed penny will result in it being compressed into a thin, featureless disc, then dispensed.
Input: One penny press machine
Setting: Fine
Output: One coin press machine that accepts the coin of lowest value from any existing currency. The coin is printed with an image of a landmark from the region where the currency is used. For example, inputting a Japanese 1-yen coin yields a print of Mount Fuji, inputting a British 1-pence coin yields a print of the Big Ben tower, and inputting an Indonesian 25-rupiah coin yields a print of Borobudur. Inputting a 1-cent euro coin will yield a landmark from a random nation in the European Union.
Input: One penny press machine
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A modified penny press machine with a chute instead of a slot. Inserting any material into the chute will result in the machine dispensing multiple “pressed penny” shaped objects made out of the material, compressed to an extent that would not be possible under normal circumstances.
| Input | Output |
|---|---|
| One mandarin orange | Discs composed mostly of the orange's compressed peel, noted to be very sticky with juice. |
| 0.5 kg of sand | Discs of sandstones, compacted enough that they do not crumble apart just from being handled. |
| 2 kg of peat | Discs of lignite coal |
| A piece of carbon | N/A |
Addendum: When attempting to wind the machine after inserting the piece of carbon, it became jammed. Attempts to repair it are currently ongoing.
Note: I was trying to see if I could get it to create diamonds. I should've known it wasn't going to be that easy. - JR Boneka
Test 914-1779
Name: Junior Researcher Arcadia
Date: 20/02/2021
Total Items: Three plastic mouth guards
Input: One mouth guard
Setting: Coarse
Output: One mouth guard with sizeable holes in it.
Input: One mouth guard
Setting: 1:1
Output: One retainer, seemingly ineffective at retaining teeth.
Input: One mouth guard
Setting: Fine
Output: One bluish green mouth guard with an inscription reading, "For fresher breath."
Testing has revealed that inserting the mouth guard inside of a person's mouth kills
approximately 99.9% of all bacteria present around the tongue and teeth areas. Using the output seemingly lowers the immune response to mouth infections, and gum disease.
Note: Class-D personnel stated that it tastes like spearmint. - Junior Researcher Arcadia
Test 914-1780
Name: Dr. Transom
Date: 25/02/2021
Total Items: One thumb drive containing a CSS stylesheet retrieved from twitter.com
Input: The thumb drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One thumb drive containing an executable program. When installed onto a computer and run, it displays an interface resembling the layout of a Twitter account page, although initially there are no posts displayed. Clicking the button that would usually be used to write a post will instead generate one automatically, the content of which is a "callout post" about whoever is using the computer when the post is generated, detailing an extensive list of "problematic" things that the user has done in the past. Despite being framed as severe crimes, the actions of which the user is accused of seem to be mundane or mildly offensive at most. A brief list of users and generated posts is included below.
| Name | Post |
|---|---|
| D-194725 | "hey yall pls block user @/D-194/725 she's actually a huge anti-environmentalist. i dont have any screens but i used to be in first grade with her and she threw a big tantrum when the teacher asked her to participate during clean-up time so ik she doesn't care about trying to clean up the planet either" |
| JR Boneka | "ik most of u guys like this user for her art so dont fuckin white knight at me ill block u xoxo anyway @/b/one/ka is a total art elitist bc on this forexposure post from a few years ago she said u shouldnt trace other ppls work and claim it as ur own which is oppressive for people who cant draw on their own. art should be for everybody and shes a bigot for saying artists have a right to not want other people to trace or edit their shit also i think her commission prices are too high like omfg ur """art""" is not worth that fucking much sweetie get off ur high horse LMAOOOO" |
| Researcher MacLean | "omg ok so there's fucking jackass i know (user @/m/acl/ean) and he's an entitled piece of shit, he ALWAYS takes the last donut at company parties like dude has it never occurred to you that there are starving children out there or is your stomach so big that your brain had to downsize in order to compensate. he just has such rancid douche vibes if u like him we cant be friends sorry uwu" |
| Dr. Veritas | "i dont like bosses to begin with bc theyre always bastards but i especially hate @/ve/ritas bc hes so fucking nitpicky about making sure that his employees write their documents with decent grammar like yall know that some ppl literally CANT write well bc they have mental conditions right??? sorry im missing full stops or whatever idfc i dont need to be the next edgar allen fucking poe to write these posts yall get my point. tldr ableism cringe lol" |
| Dr. Transom | "after reviewing his funding for the previous year and cross-referencing them with other documents (more screens r in my caard) im p sure @/tr/a/nsom is fudging the numbers? im inclined 2 believe hes just straight up misappropriating cash idk what for tho. some1 found out about it a while ago and tried to make their own callout post already but when i went to go check they had already deactivated their acc? i might be going out on a limb here but i think he probably harassed them off the site to try and cover up the evidence. sus af" |
Addendum: After viewing his result generated by the program, Dr. Transom became agitated and attempted to damage the computer. He was quickly apprehended and detained by site security. A thorough investigation reveals that Dr. Transom has been covertly embezzling Foundation funds for several years, and that he is linked to the previously unsolved murder of a coworker at one of his former assignments, likely due to the victim discovering his crimes. Termination request is currently processing.
Note: What I want to know is, why did even the convicted D-Class have really inconsequential things written in her callout post but that guy's had actual crimes? - JR Boneka
Test 914-1781
Name: Researcher Erin
Date: 08/03/2021
Total Items: Five wooden cups, five steel cups, five ceramic cups
Note: Just transferred here from Site 17. I'm hoping I'll be a help to the team! - R. Erin
Input: One wooden cup, one stainless steel cup, one ceramic cup
Setting: Rough
Output: Broken ceramic shards, pile of ashes, and one rusted iron cup.
Input: One wooden cup, one stainless steel cup, one ceramic cup
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pile of wood pulp, iron, cobalt, chromium, and various other elements sorted by weight, and a misshapen piece of unhardened clay.
Input: One wooden cup, one stainless steel cup, one ceramic cup
Setting: 1:1
Output: One small wooden bowl, one small stainless steel pan, and one light brick.
Input: One wooden cup, one stainless steel cup, one ceramic cup
Setting: Fine
Output: One very dense cup, created from the three previous cups. Tests on the cup revealed that the cup is evenly made up of the elements that make up wood, stainless steel, and ceramic. Upon testing to determine stability, the cup shattered into several pieces. All pieces were cleaned up and placed into storage.
Input: One wooden cup, one stainless steel cup, one ceramic cup
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ceramic cup filled with a molten substance, which was revealed to be wood pulp melted in liquid steel. Upon sight of the cup, the viewer is immediately compelled to drink the liquid. Item was retrieved and disposed of.
Test 914-1782
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 12/03/2021
Total Items: Three cans of Off! brand mosquito repellant spray
Input: One can of Off! brand mosquito repellant spray
Setting: 1:1
Output: One can of Off! brand spider repellant spray. This is not an existing product from the manufacturer.
Input: One can of Off! brand mosquito repellant spray
Setting: Fine
Output: An animate bat made of metal, with an insect spray contained inside its abdomen. The bat is typically passive, but if it detects a mosquito it will chase after and spray it, using a sprayer on the inside of its mouth.
Input: One can of Off! brand mosquito repellant spray
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One can of On! brand mosquito attractant spray
Incident Report: After all those overseeing the test were given protective clothing, D-017472 was instructed to spray himself with the output. Shortly after doing so, masses of mosquitoes began to swarm into the facility and clustered around D-017472, who died from blood loss within thirty seconds. After the D-Class expired, the mosquitoes began attempting to attack other personnel in the facility. Mosquitoes were eventually terminated via H2O-9000, the on-site sprinkler system, the Fine output produced prior to this one, and chemical bug spray, and a cleanup crew has been assigned to remove the dead insects and perform a thorough cleansing of the facility. Though several personnel have developed rashes due to mosquito bites, the only casualty was the assigned D-Class. All people on-site will be screened for malaria and other mosquito-borne diseases.
Note: You know what? This is it. This is the single most horrifying thing that I have experienced at this facility. Not the 8-ball spider thing. Not the fact that I was put in a coma for three days. Not that I witnessed as all the water was violently siphoned out of a D-class's body, turning him into a shriveled-up raisin. No, this is what's going to make my skin crawl for months. I overheard someone saying that there were mosquitoes pouring out of the drains in the sinks. And that D-Class… I could hear him scream, and then the screaming became drowned out as his mouth was filled with mosquitoes. I am so stupid. Why did I even for a single second think that it would be a good idea to test this output? It's literally what it said on the tin. Fucking mosquito attractant. It attracts mosquitoes. Didn't need a fucking rocket scientist to figure that one out. Nice going, Boneka. I think I'm going to have nightmares about this. - JR Boneka
Note: JR. Boneka has been scheduled for psychiatric evaluation at my request. Amnestic treatment is currently being considered has been performed by on-site psychiatrist Dr. Serrano and myself. JR Boneka has been informed about the reason behind this decision, but security recordings have been destroyed for the well-being of herself and other personnel. - Veritas
Test 914-1783
Name: Junior Researcher Yuyuni Belopaku
Date: 18/03/2021
Total Items: 5 stepped caps lock keycaps, 5 plain caps lock keycaps
Input: One stepped caps lock keycap
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded plastic
Input: One stepped caps lock keycap
Setting: Coarse
Output: One plain caps lock keycap
Input: One stepped caps lock keycap
Setting: 1:1
Output: Near-identical keycap, with only the print being replaced by the words "Hats Lock". Using it on a keyboard produces no anomalous effect.
Input: One stepped caps lock keycap
Setting: Fine
Output: Near-identical keycap, with only the print being replaced by the words "Cap Lock". Using it on a keyboard in place of the caps lock key prevents all other keycaps from detaching.
Input: One stepped caps lock keycap
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small plastic pill.
Note: Object has been transported to another site for safe testing. - Belopaku
Input: One plain caps lock keycap
Setting: Rough
Output: A thin irregular disk of plastic that appears to be a solidified puddle of molten plastic.
Input: One plain caps lock keycap
Setting: Coarse
Output: One menu key keycap
Input: One plain caps lock keycap
Setting: 1:1
Output: Near-identical keycap, with only the print being replaced by the words "Cups Lock". Using it on a keyboard produces no anomalous effect.
Input: One plain caps lock keycap
Setting: Fine
Output: A similar-sized keycap with the words "Caps Lock Undo" printed on the top. Closer inspection has revealed that it may cause some anomalous effect when used on a keyboard, but it appears to be unable to fit in any known make of keyboard.
Input: One plain caps lock keycap
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A thin plastic film, with the words "Locks Cap" printed on its surface. Upon touching the surface of any lock(the definition of "lock" appears to be arbitrary but reasonable), it will wrap itself around it, turning itself into a removable 'cap' for the lock. The object returns to its film state once removed.
Test 914-1784
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 20/03/2021
Total Items: One each of the following monitors: Electrocardiogram, Electroencephalogram, Electrooculogram, Electroretinogram, Pulse Oximeter, Electromyogram
Input: One Electrocardiograph
Setting: 1:1
Output: An identical electrocardiogram. When activated, the device records the surrounding heart rate and electrical activity of the heart of every individual within a 15m radius. There are no indications as to who the heart rate may be monitoring at the time, unless an individual is either added or removed to the radius.
Note: While seemingly useful, this monitor is quite the opposite. There’s no way of telling whose heart rate is whose and there’s no way of seeing any irregularities since it ends up affecting all of the monitors. If someone had arrhythmia, for instance, the graph would show all individuals as having such. - Dr. Rose
Input: One Electroencephalograph
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical monitor. When connected to a subject patient, the monitor works as intended. After a period of 1 hour, the subject’s cranium begins expanding at a rate of 2mm per minute. There are no indications of pain or damage to the subject or their cranial condition. If the subject is removed, the subject will attempt to reattach the probes to their cranium, in a similar manner to an addict. Further testing cancelled after a D-Class damaged the output by forcibly removing the electrodes.
Note: Attempting to replace the electrodes just resulted in electrical damage. The D-Class has been restrained and is currently in an isolated cell. - Dr. Rose
Input: One Electrooculogram
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical monitor. When active, the monitor records all current vision of whoever is connected to the machine. The subject connected to the monitor feels no sensation of any pain, and instead can function normally. However, all dials and buttons on the monitor change an aspect of the eyes, despite their labeling; dials to regulate the rate of electric activity instead change the colour of the subject’s iris. This leads to the subject’s vision becoming tinged to the selected colour.
Input: One Electroretinogram
Setting: Fine
Output: Testing Cancelled. ERG was found to be non-functioning and had sustained damage to the cords. Dr. Rose removed the ERG from the testing site for safety reasons.
Input: One Pulse Oximeter
Setting: Fine
Output: A near identical Oximeter. The labels on both the monitor and the laser device have been replaced with the logo of Are We Cool Yet? When in use, the subject connected reported excruciating pain across the body. The monitor readings reported toxicity of the blood was at maximum levels. After three minutes, the subject suffered anomalous hemorrhaging of all internal organs. D-Class died by exsanguination after a period of seven minutes and nineteen seconds.
Note: As far as we’re aware, this isn’t an item among AWCY?’s collections. Further investigation may be required. - Dr. Rose
Input: One Electromyograph
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A monitor in similar style to the input. To the monitor, a multitude of varying cords have been added, each with their own purposes. When active, the monitor acts with the ability of all previous inputs. When an individual with a minor medical ailment is connected to the device, the individual anomalously becomes subject to an extreme method of treatment. The following table details some examples.
| Name: | Ailment Prior to Connection: | Treatment: |
| D- 47102 | Pneumonia | Was subject to a successful lung transplant. |
| D-38123 | Rash on the elbows as a result of Eczema | Was subject to skin grafts on the affected areas. The skin was repurposed from the thighs. |
| D-93527 | Subject has been noting feelings of Dysphoria before being connected. Medical records confirm subject was infertile | Underwent a sex change that anonamously also resulted in the D-Class regaining fertility. D-Class was a biological male before treatment. |
| D-10666 | Suffered several minor cuts to the hands and arms after an altercation with another D-Class | Both arms amputated after D-Class complained over having no sense of feeling in their left hand. This was previously noted as a symptom of a spinal surgery prior to joining the Foundation. |
| D-42099 | Complained of lack of sleep due to stress. Insomnia diagnosis pending. | Subject immediately ceased all vital functions and died. 8 hours after connection, the subject anomalously resumed vital functions, but remains comatose. Hormonal balance was completely typical. |
Note: Well, he's not stressed anymore. - Dr. Norton
Note: He's a vegetable. - Dr. Rose
Test 914-1785
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 26/03/2021
Total Items: Five slips of paper, each one having a different Latin expression written on it; five blank stone slabs measuring 50cm x 2.5cm x 50cm.
Input: One stone slab, one slip of paper with “Fiat justitia, ruat caelum” (Translation: Let justice be done, though the heavens fall) written on it
Setting: Fine
Output: The same slip of paper, nearly folded in two. One stone slab, with the top rounded off in the style of a tombstone. Etched on the slab is the Lord’s Prayer and an inscription reading: “RIP Justice - Forever in Our Eyes”.
Input: One stone slab, one slip of paper with “Audentes fortuna iuvat” (Fortune favours the bold) written on it
Setting: Fine
Output: A pile of ash, and the same stone slab. Etched on the slab is the phrase “Et mites autem haereditate possidebunt terram”. This phrase translates to “And the meek shall inherit the Earth.”
Input: One stone slab, one slip of paper with “Ecce homo” (Behold the man) written on it
Setting: Fine
Output: The same note, unchanged, and the same stone slab. Etched into the slab is a relief of a human face in lifelike detail. Who the slab is depicting is yet unknown, as all facial recognition databases indexed have yet to detect a match on any person.
Input: One stone slab, one slip of paper with “Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?” (Who will guard the guards?) written on it
Setting: Fine
Output: The same slip of paper, folded into the shape of a cross, and the same stone slab. Etched into the slab is the logo of the Foundation.
Input: One stone slab, one slip of paper with “Dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori” (It is sweet and honourable to die for one’s country) written on it
Setting: Fine
Output: The same slip of paper, precisely cut into the shape of a poppy. The stone slab, precisely cut into a sword and shield. Produces a slightly memetic effect causing those who view the sword and shield to become increasingly hostile towards people of other nationalities they deemed “enemies”.
Note: We have a lot of different nationalities here. Item incinerated before anyone decides to shoot another Archduke. - Researcher Connolly
Test 914-1786
Name: Intern Francois Beauvillier
Date: 29/03/2021
Total Items: The board games Monopoly, Diplomacy, Battleship, and a game of chess
Input: The Monopoly board game
Setting: Fine
Output: A visibly unchanged Monopoly board game. All in-game transactions between players are also reflected in real life, with money transfers between the players' bank accounts. Should a player's bank account be empty, he will be unable to pick any die before replenishing his account.
Input: The Diplomacy board game
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A visibly unchanged Diplomacy board game. However, when players get their country assigned, their personality will change to reflect that of the leader of said country in 1914. Effect lasts until the player's country has either lost or conquered over half of the board.
Note: Should such an incident happen again, please try to separate the players as soon as possible, and isolate them, before one kills someone. The German player attempted to hit me just because I am French. Unbelievable. ‐ Intern Francois Beauvillier
Input: The Battleship board game
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small, animate, plastic model of a battleship. It seeks out the nearest tiled floor before placing itself on one tile, on which it will remain until someone says the coordinates of it using the format used in the board game Battleship out loud. As soon as this happens, the model will emit a soft sound resembling an explosion, before moving to another tile.
Input: The game of chess
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A game of chess with very detailed pieces. Should a move be ordered out loud to a piece using the international chess movement encoding, it will animate itself and follow these orders. If an invalid move is given, a person different from the player gives an order, or a player gives an order before his turn to play, no piece will move. Should a piece be captured, each of the two pieces will animate and proceed to fight each other, after which the captured piece will lose and move to the side of the board.
Test 914-1787
Name: Dr. Lucius Veritas, Director of Research
Date: 12/04/2021
Total Items: One 100 gram gold bar of 99.14% purity, a 10 Euro bill, a bottle of wine. Crosstesting approved by O5 command, under condition that SCP-662 would be returned unharmed.
Note: This test is aimed to determine how predictable 914 can be when we subject it to an object that has, in certain conditions, innate knowledge of what is possible and what is not. We're doing something approximating a control test first. - Veritas
Input: One 100 gram gold bar of 99.14% purity.
Setting: Left to the prerogative of Mr. Deeds. (1:1)
Request: ''Could you please use SCP-914 to refine this object into two pieces roughly equal to each other in mass?'' Mr. Deeds dialed SCP to the 1:1 setting.
Output: Two separate cubes of gold, 99.14% purity. Mass equaled 49.91g and 50.09g respectively.
Input: A 10 Euro Bill
Setting: Left to the prerogative of Mr. Deeds. (Fine)
Request: ''Could you please use SCP-914 to refine this object into the equal value in Yen?''
Output: Thirteen small coin-shaped objects, bearing the ¥100 symbol, pressed from the materials of the Euro bill. It was noted that SCP-914 displayed uncharacteristic signs of strain, groaning with a higher volume than normal, and a black puff of smoke exited from somewhere within its inner workings. Mr. Deeds seemed to observe SCP-914 closely during the refining process. When pressed, Mr. Deeds remarked that SCP-914 was offering ''unusual resistance to [his] requests'', but claimed that it could not elaborate further. It then apologised to Dr. Veritas for not being able to follow his request.
Note: We're breaking out of standard procedure here. I'm going to be asking Mr. Deeds for outputs instead. - Veritas
Output Request: ''Two glasses of wine, procured from the bottle that I have on my desk.''
Input: Mr. Deeds placed the bottle of wine in the input booth after procuring it from the specified location, and turned SCP-914's dial to ''Fine''.
Output: SCP-914 took considerably longer to refine the object and it strained noticeably. After 22 minutes, the output booth opened. The results were two smashed wineglasses and a pool of spoiled wine.
Note: During testing, a small gear was loosened from the outer workings of SCP-914, which was launched at Mr. Deeds' head at high speed. Mr. Deeds dodged the part, after which it embedded itself into the wall behind him. After testing concluded, Mr. Deeds was requested to reinsert the gear into the inner workings of SCP-914. Mr. Deeds requested precision tools, which were granted. The repair was successful, but Mr. Deeds remarked that this was with difficulty. Further testing was aborted to avoid damaging SCP-914.
Test 914-1788
Name: Researcher Gary Johnson
Date: 12/04/2021
Total Items: Thirty printed pages of scam emails received by Gary Johnson’s computer.
Input: Ten pages of printed scam emails
Setting: 1:1
Output: Ten printed email announcements sent by Foundation internal affairs
Input: Ten pages of printed scam emails
Setting: Fine
Output: Ten pages of printed emails sent by POI-dado. Emails contain defunct links to buy various anomalous products created by the POI.
Input: Ten pages of printed scam emails
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A 61cm tall paper humanoid entity who claims to be Prince Musa Aadi, lord executive commander of the Nigerian special armored legion who requires the subject to pay a fee of 5000USD to transport his gold to the United States of America. The alleged reward will be a cut of the gold, approximately a 30-70 split. He also bears “A grave warning, for your car warranty has expired” and “Your computer has been afflicted with a dangerous disease that threatens your data” despite no virus being present on any the subject's devices. Item terminated when it became physically hostile to the presiding researcher.
Test 914-1789
Name: Dr. N Rose
Date: 16/04/2021
Total Items: Five Penlights
Input: One penlight
Setting: 1:1
Output: One plastic pen. Notably, the pen lights up with fluctuating colour when used for its intended purpose.
Note: A RGB pen would be useful as a last resort torch, but it’s really nothing more than a novelty. - Dr. Rose
Input: One penlight
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical penlight. When utilised in a medical examination, the subjected patient will experience severe ocular and cranial pain, and proceed to go blind. The penlight does not get progressively hotter with use, and its effects only affect individuals who stare into the pen itself.
Input: One penlight
Setting: Fine
Output: A plastic tube with a small metal button. When the button is pressed, the tube emits a light from both open ends. It is unclear where the light emanates from nor what powers the light itself. The light level is estimated to be at 130000 lumens, with a maximum distance of 3290 metres. No other anomalous properties manifested.
Input: One penlight
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One strobe light identical in size to the input. When activated, the output works as intended, despite its size. When held for between thirty-seven seconds and three minutes and nine seconds, the holder receives second and third severe burns to the full arm of the hand holding the light. The burns appear as a combination of incendiary and electrical nature. The subject will have extreme difficulty releasing the object without assistance, often requiring a minimum of three individuals to help. If not released, the burn damage continues in intensity and furthers the location damage until reaching the ocular and cranial tissue, of which the subject expires due to a combination of 3rd and 4th degree burns. When the subject dies and releases the output, it becomes inactive until held once again.
Note: I’m never going to get the smell of burnt flesh out of my coat or the medbay now. - Dr. Rose
Input: One penlight
Setting: Fine
Output: A plastic magician’s wand. When examined, one end of the wand is replaced with a small light. When held, the output works as a wand found in any magic kit, however the light activates and anonymously emits a hologram to what the wielder imagines for a “spell”. When requested, a D-Class cast a “Fireball”, and a hologram of said fireball appeared. The D-Class reported feeling the sensation of intense heat emanating from said hologram. The D-Class then attempted to escape by trying to produce an intense flash and sound. However, he managed to ''flashbang'' only himself by waving the ''wand'' in front of his own face at the wrong time, and was brought back to his cell.
Test 914-1790
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 18/04/2021
Total Items: Five English copies of the Poetic Edda
Input: One copy of the Poetic Edda
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of ash, in the form of the Runic character Tiwaz (↑)
Input: One copy of the Poetic Edda
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same copy of the Poetic Edda, now translated into Old English
Input: One copy of the Poetic Edda
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the Prose Edda
Input: One copy of the Poetic Edda
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper sculpture of Fenrir, the legendary wolf of Norse mythology fated to kill the god Odin during Ragnarok
Input: One copy of the Poetic Edda
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unchanged copy of the Poetic Edda An identical copy of the Poetic Edda. Reading the copy results in an increased acquisition and retainment speed and skill of the Icelandic language.
Addendum: After D-Class testing reported no adverse effects, Researcher Connolly read the output and reported no change from the input whatsoever. Despite this apparent initial stagnation, both Researcher Connolly and the D-Class involved in testing the output showed a remarkable increase in knowledge of Icelandic, being able to recognize words and phrases merely hours after exposure, and being able to completely read and understand the Icelandic Wikipedia page after just two days.
Addendum: After prolonged testing, the D-Class complained of regular headaches and nosebleeds, notably communicating this in Icelandic. A few hours later, he suffered a stroke and expired. Researcher Connolly was subsequently admitted to the medical wing, but it is believed that his exposure to the output was not long enough to do permanent damage. Connolly reported his fluency on Icelanding fading and going back to the state before he was exposed to the output over the course of 3 days.
Test 914-1791
Name: Junior Researcher Arnolds
Date: 29/04/2021
Total Items: Five boxes of sodium bicarbonate, five spray bottles each containing 200 ml of white vinegar, five pieces of steel wool, and five cans of WD-40 brand metal lubricant
Input: One of each of the aforementioned items
Setting: Coarse
Output: One box of coarse sand, 1000 ml of nitric acid and water solution in a spray bottle, a large amount of iron filings, and a can of WD-40 brand metal delubricant, which is not a product sold by the company.
Note: After testing of the items, I’ve concluded that they would harm any machine’s maintenance approximately as badly as the originals would have helped. - JR Arnolds
Note: Oh, by the way, whoever misread the delubricant’s label and gave it to the engineering department, I think Dr. Veritas was looking for you earlier. - JR Arnolds
Input: One of each of the aforementioned items
Setting: 1:1
Output: One container of baking powder, one bottle of rice vinegar, one sponge, and one bottle of canola oil.
Input: One of each of the aforementioned items
Setting: Fine
Output: A device that resembled a paint scraper. Could scrape rust and other forms of oxidized metal off of non-oxidized metal easily. Anomalous properties demanifested within 48 hours.
Input: One of each of the aforementioned items
Setting: Fine
Output: A small metal figurine resembling a repairman. When placed near metal objects with oxidized surfaces, the figurine animated, walked to the objects, and began to perform maintenance, slowly removing oxidation from the item’s surface via non-anomalous means using a tiny spray bottle and piece of steel wool. Contained in anomalous item storage.
Input: One of each of the aforementioned items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A black cube, approximately 0.3 meters on each side. When retrieved by the assigned D-Class, a small button on its side was accidentally pressed, causing it to emit a flash of green light that instantly removed much of the oxidation from a large section of SCP-914. Assigned D-Class collapsed within seconds due to the removal of all oxygenated hemoglobin from his body, but is expected to make a full recovery over time given iron supplements, similarly to patients suffering iron deficiency anemia, since the deoxygenated hemoglobin was not removed. Output retrieved safely by a second D-Class. Further testing revealed that the output transports all oxidized compounds containing significant amounts of metallic elements in an approximately 10-meter radius inside itself, then refines them into various pieces of pure elements, all of which can be retrieved from inside of it by opening a release latch on the top, although gaseous elements disperse immediately. Placed in anomalous containment.
Note: Interesting. This could be a good way to maintain 914 itself, although we’d have to find some way to do it without using a D-Class. We can’t make them go into anemic shock every time we want to maintain 914, it takes a long time to recover from and it’s inhumane. - JR Arnolds
Test 914-1792
Name: Junior Researcher Davidson
Date: 05/05/2021
Total Items: Four plastic bars, four steel cubes
Input: One plastic bar, one steel cube
Setting: Rough
Output: Plastic and steel strips
Input: One plastic bar, one steel cube
Setting: 1:1
Output: One plastic cube held together with steel bolts
Input: One plastic bar, one steel cube
Setting: Fine
Output: One Colt 1911 pistol with a plastic magazine. When a bullet is fired out of the pistol, it ricochets until it loses its momentum. During testing, it was discovered that any type of bullet can be loaded into the magazine. The magazine anomalously transforms the bullets into .45 ACP ammunition, which is the standard ammunition for this pistol model.
Input: One plastic bar, one steel cube
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A steel box with a plastic lid that freezes anything that touches the box. When opened, the box releases a fog composed of ice crystals. The fog was measured to have a temperature of -60°C. Being exposed to the fog without protective gear for more than half a minute causes frostbite. Two attempts at neutralization were made. Researchers were able to defrost the inside of the box, only for the anomalous properties to return twenty-four hours later. Further attempts at neutralization were not made due to the box's ability to restore its properties.
Note: To avoid incidents, the box is to be destroyed as soon as possible. – JR Davidson
Note: Turns out incinerating it works, who would have thought it! - Veritas
Test 914-1793
Name: Researcher Connolly
Date: 05/05/2021
Total Items: Five diagrams of the Homo sapiens anatomical position
Input: One diagram of the anatomical position
Setting: Rough
Output: A diagram of a neuron
Input: One diagram of the anatomical position
Setting: Coarse
Output: A diagram of the anatomical position of Australopithecus afarensis, an earlier stage of human evolution
Input: One diagram of the anatomical position
Setting: 1:1
Output: One diagram of the anatomical position for a canine
Note: Interesting that this is what it chose to equate humanity with. - Researcher Connolly
Note: Connolly, 914 isn't comparing humanity to anything, it spits out a paper portraying something of roughly equal complexity. Canines are roughly 85% equal to humans genetically anyway. - Veritas
Input: One diagram of the anatomical position
Setting: Fine
Output: A detailed drawing of a quantum computation apparatus
Input: One diagram of the anatomical position
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A diagram of SCP-914 Initially a diagram of SCP-914, however after approximately 42 minutes, the diagram changed to a revised diagram of the Homo sapiens anatomical position with notable changes to the anatomy and physiology. Changes included a larger cranium size, longer and presumably more prehensile toes, increased muscle mass in the extremities, the beginnings of what appear to be a tail, and a noticeable absence of sexual organs.
Addendum: After another 42 minutes, the diagram once again changed, this time reverting to the diagram of SCP-914, with the diagram matching all schematics of SCP-914 in the Foundation’s custody. Similar to those, however, the diagram was, at most, 24% complete, as attempting to charter more of SCP-914 would require disassembling extremely delicate and intricate clockwork, which was never attempted due to high likelihood of damaging it.
Test 914-1794
Name: Network Technician Rare
Date: 06/05/2021
Total Items: One Intel iAPX 86 16-bit computer central processing unit
Input: One iAPX 86 CPU
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One computer CPU, matching no known design. Connects via a unique two-row slot-type socket.
Addendum: A socket was successfully reverse-engineered for the output, and it has been found to use the standard x86 instruction set. During testing, the output was found to absorb heat via unknown means, rather than producing it as a result of electrical resistance. The increase in current due to this overloaded the circuits of the test computer, causing significant damage to the motherboard and rendering it inoperable.
Test 914-1795
Name: Junior Researcher Cens
Date: 06/05/2021
Total Items: Seven Frixion-brand Erasable Fine-liner pens (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, and black), One Seagate 4 TB External hard drive with multiple video games each of variable completion
Input: Three fine-liner pens (red, yellow, blue)
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three pens of the same brand and type (orange, green, purple)
Note: Interesting how the output pens are different shades of the orange, green, and purple of the normal and original pens. - J.R. Cens
Input: Previous output, three other fine liner pens (orange, green, purple)
Setting: Coarse
Output: One pile of plastic shavings, large puddle of erasable cement ink made up of the three colors input
Note: Okay, that's to be expected, but what about black? - J.R. Cens
Input: One fine liner pen (black)
Setting Fine
Output: Physically unchanged pen. When used to draw over redacted text, the cement will dissolve the ink being used to hide the original text and subsequently turn invisible, allowing users to “unredact” certain parts of documents. Output placed in Anomalous Storage.
Note: As tempting or useful as this might be in the future, I really don't feel like accidentally unredacting an infohazard or something of similar consequence, so this is being put away. How about we move on? I've wanted to do this one for a while. - J.R. Cens
Input: Aforementioned Seagate hard drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One model “Northstar” Titan from the video game Titanfall 2. Stemming from one of the rear jets of the model is a USB-A cable. Plugging this cable into any gaming console with a compatible port will allow access to the games (and their progress/multiplayer data) found on the original input.
Addendum: During anomalous testing (twelve hours after this test was completed), the model began levitating through unknown means and started firing pieces of the original Seagate's internal components at researchers using its rear mounted launchers. Researchers in the room could reportedly hear the model loudly saying various quotes from one of Titanfall 2's antagonists, “Viper”. After the model was restrained, the cable was plugged back into the test console, and it was determined that the files were still accessible, making the model's method of file storage unclear. Files backed up for further testing, researchers treated for lacerations, and model incinerated.
Test 914-1796
Name: Junior Researcher Boneka
Date: 10/05/2021
Total Items: Three bicycles
Input: One bicycle
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two unicycles
Input: One bicycle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One tricycle missing its front wheel
Input: One bicycle
Setting: Fine
Output: One bicycle with its wheels oriented sideways, parallel to the ground. It was discovered that the output is capable of riding on walls if given enough momentum. However, due to the awkward orientation of the wheels, it is extremely difficult to pedal.
Input: All above inputs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large spherical cage constructed by swathes of gyrating wheels, wires, and metal poles. A bicycle seat is anomalously suspended in the center, attached to nothing; however, it is impossible to enter the output due to there being no actual entrance anywhere on it. It also appears that there is no room for a person to sit inside the cage, and that attempting to do so would likely result in severe injuries, due to the constantly moving poles and wires surrounding the seat.
Note: I think this one should be called an "omnicycle". - JR Boneka
Test 914-1797
Name: Dr. Noelle Cahill
Date: 11/05/2021
Total Items: Four plastic bags of cotton for stuffing four "King"-sized mattresses
Input: One bag of cotton mattress stuffing
Setting: 1:1
Output: One woven cotton bag of plastic fibres
Input: One bag of cotton mattress stuffing
Setting: Fine
Output: One rolled sleeping bag woven from the inputted cotton in a plastic case
Note: Testing conducted with multiple D-Class subjects revealed no hidden anomalous properties, though Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry reported feeling unease when viewing the output. - Dr. Cahill
Input: One bag of cotton mattress stuffing
Setting: Fine
Output: One fully-stuffed "Queen"-sized mattress
Input: One bag of cotton mattress stuffing
Setting: Fine
Output: One human-sized teddy bear
Note: Extensive testing, to the point of dissection, has revealed nothing anomalous at all. This is extremely unexpected - three outputs on Fine with no anomalous properties whatsoever? I will be incinerating the output, just in case. - Dr. Cahill
Addendum: When the incinerator was activated, the output manifested the ability to independently animate clumps of cotton stuffing, attempting to ensnare Dr. Cahill and accompanying D-Class personnel into the plastic-lined teddy bear shell, then propelling itself towards the incinerator. Fortunately, D-69718 saved Dr. Cahill by pushing her away from the output before being dragged into the incinerator and terminated with the output. Next-of-kin have been compensated and D-69718 received a posthumous pardon for outstanding service to the Foundation.
Test 914-1798
Name: Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry
Date: 18/05/2021
Total Items: One ticket for an amusement park
Input: One ticket for an amusement park
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A year pass that randomly changes to depict a pass for different amusement parks. Attempting to use the pass to book a visit an amusement park will cause it to shift to a different amusement park than the one nearby.
Note: Well that was embarrassing, when standing at the entry gate. - J.R. Perry
Test 914-1799
Name: Intern Scott
Date: 18/05/2021
Total Items: One bottle of "Hugo Boss" aftershave
Input: Bottle of aftershave
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One bottle of "914 Brand" aftershave. Applying to skin causes the wearer to act more provocative and flirtatious.
Note: D-Class subject that was tested on is now in the hospital wing after suffering a broken nose from Junior Researcher Perry.
Note: The next one who comes to make a comment about my ass behind again will get more than just a broken nose. - J.R. Perry
Note: Guy had it coming to him. - Intern Scott
