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<- Notice: Continued from 02XX.
Test 914-0300
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 30/11/2018
Total Items: One Seismic Sensor in Original Packaging, One Shipping Invoice
Input: One Seismic Sensor With Packaging
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Seismic Sensor, detects earthquakes 3 years in the past and prints out all relevant data.
Could be useful, better send it to the geology department, maybe it can be used to track seismic SCP's - Researcher I. Darby
Input: One Shipping Invoice
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Shipping Invoice, Address of Delivery was changed to Anchorage, Alaska and object delivered was changed to one 7.0 Magnitude Earthquake.
Researcher I. Darby was very shock up by the location and size of the quake as ██ ███ ██████ ███ ██████ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ████
Note: Has anyone seen my X-Sponge? -Dr. Anton
Test 914-0301
Name: Dr. Lloyd
Date: 06/12/2018
Total Items: One Garden Lion Cement Statue
Input: One Garden Lion Cement Statue
Setting: 1:1
Output: A complete 1 for 1 model of SCP-173. Object confirmed to be non-anomalous.
Note: Dr. Lloyd was briefly admitted to the medical bay to treat acute distress. - Veritas
Test 914-0302
Name: Dr. Garber
Date: 06/12/2018
Total Items: 5 Cherrywood tobacco pipes.
Input: 1 Cherrywood pipe
Setting: Rough
Output: Pile of wood pulp. It should be noted that the pulp was measured to be at 40 degrees Celsius when it reached the output chamber.
Input: 1 Cherrywood pipe
Setting: Rough
Output: A broken pipe. Rather than simply turning it into shavings, the pipe was snapped in half as if it were done by hand.
Input: 1 Cherrywood pipe
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 Japanese Maple pipe of higher quality.
Note: Requesting to keep this in my office for personal use. -Dr. Garber
Input: 1 Cherrywood Pipe
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 Cherrywood Pipe. Testing showed that upon use, any tobacco in the pipe would burn immediately. Item has been placed in a low-value storage locker.
Input: 1 Cherrywood Pipe
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 Cherrywood pipe with intricately engraved thaumaturgic runes. During testing, the object exploded in blue fire, killing subject D-3377. No fragments recovered.
Input: 1 Japanese Maple tobacco Pipe
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 pipe of identical design. anything placed in the smoking chamber transmutes into cannabis. Cannabis will be of different quality depending on what is placed in the chamber. Cannabis that is placed in the chamber does not undergo transmutation.
Note: Can I keep it if I promise to keep it low-key and only use it after-hours? - Dr. Garber
Note: I will reluctantly allow it. Let it be known that if I catch you under the influence at work, there will be serious consequences - Veritas
Test 914-0303
Name: Dr. G
Date: 06/12/2018
Total Items: One complete Santa Suit
Input: Aforementioned Items
Setting: 1:1
Output: All the white parts of the suit were colored red, and vice-versa
Note: Dangit, I was hoping for a "grinch" suit. - Dr. G
Test 914-0304
Name: Jr. Researcher Terron
Date: 08/12/2018
Total Items: 3 different pictures
Input: 1 picture that shows a caucasian woman with some pine trees on the background
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 picture of an african-american man sitting on a car of brand Lamborghini
Input: 1 picture of Jr. Researcher Terron (the conductor of this test)
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 picture of Senior Researcher ███████
Input: 1 picture showing whale swimming
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 picture of a dead dolphin surrounded by people at a beach, covered by [DATA EXPUNGED]
Note: I could've imagined the first two results, but I don't know what 914 wants to say about the last picture. -Jr. Researcher Terron
Test 914-0305
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 12/12/2018
Total Items: Three Sony brand bass speakers
Input: One of the aforementioned speakers
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Yamaha brand bass speaker
Input: One of the aforementioned speakers
Setting: Fine
Output: A set of headphones from an unidentified brand. No anomalous properties discovered, but the volume of the output is well beyond safety regulations. Normal use is not recommended.
Input: One of the aforementioned speakers
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unaltered speaker. Sound within a 30-foot radius of the speaker is muted to inaudibility. Whatever mechanism produces this appears to have a side effect of rendering the air within the radius unusually stagnant, which causes subjects in the area to have difficulty breathing and may result in asphyxiation.
Note: An unrelated mechanical fault in the door to SCP-914's test chamber prevented it from opening properly. Dr. Hadian has been rushed to the infirmary and is currently undergoing resuscitation.
Test 914-0306
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 13/12/2018 or 10/12/2018
Total Items: One antique bronze Clock, One steam-powered Robot, One suit of medieval Armor
Input: One antique bronze clock
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Smart watch made of compressed bronze. No anomalous properties Watch has been contained in a temporal stabilization field and only personnel with Senior status and O-5 approval can access it.
Note: The Watch apparently can send someone through time, I'm writing this from two days ago. Since I have been stranded from my experiment and there are no duplicates of me I have to assume I am in an alternate time line. I'm discontinuing this experiment and going to the Medbay, time travel gives me a headache - Researcher I. Darby
Test 914-0307
Name: Dr. Anton
Date: 10/12/2018
Total Items: Several Personnel Files, five 200 g iron cubes
Input: Personnel File for Dr. S. Pider, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: A bingo card, containing several marks on it, including a "bingo" configuration. several iron balls, engraved with numbers, some of which correspond with the marks on the card.
Input: Personnel File for Maintenance Technician Johnston, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: One small metal and paper statue of Maintenance Technician Johnson holding a wrench and standing in a gallant pose. Statue has memetic properties leading to viewers gaining an intense urge to give M.T. Johnson either a promotion or a pay raise, whichever would lead to him getting paid more. This effect lasts for an average of two hours after viewing.
Note: This again!? - MT. Johnson
Input: Personnel File for Dr. Veritas, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: Documentation for SCP-914, level 3 clearance. Test logs not included.
Note: …No comment. - Dr. Anton
Note: To whoever gave Anton my personnel file: Pray that I don't find out who you are. - Veritas
Input: Personnel File for Dr. Day, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: no change the document has significant changes, and a memetic effect where talking about them changes the color of text. Main changes include [DATA EXPUNGED]. Cube has a purple tinge.
Input: Personnel File for Dr. Anton, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: An iron gear, and an apology note. Upon reading, Dr. Anton burst into tears and had to be removed by security personnel.
Test 914-0308
Name: Dr. Greenway, Memetics Researcher
Date: 10/12/2018
Total Items: Three thesauri
Input: One thesaurus
Setting: 1:1
Output: One dictionary
Note: This is about what I expected. - Dr. Greenway
Input: One thesaurus
Setting: Fine
Output: One “Ultimate Thesaurus” that has the memetic property of causing anyone who sees it to use copious amounts of synonyms until amnestics are applied.
Note: I would like to solicit prompt amnestisation conductive to ameliorating these idiosyncratic vocalisational abnormalities. - Dr. Greenway
Note: Dr. Greenway was allowed to take a small dose of Class-A amnestic and a short rest before continuing.
Input: One thesaurus
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unlabeled thesaurus that now contains words that do not exist as synonyms in addition to the normal synonyms. The new words possess a minor memetic effect that causes them to be perceived and used as normal words by a reader. Hearing the words spoken out loud carries the same effect. The effect is able to be partially counteracted by standard Foundation anti-memetic infection training.
Note: [REDACTED] need another amnestic [REDACTED]. - Dr. Greenway
Test 914-0309
Name: Weapons Researcher. Isaac D.
Date: 12/12/2018
Input: Two M67 Grenade, Two M4A1 Assault Rifles, 10 Kilograms of C4
Input: One M67 Grenade
Setting: Rough
Output: Two piles of Metal Fragments and Explosives
Input: One M4A1 Assault Rifle
Setting: Coarse
Output: One Heavily Damaged M4A1 Rifle, Appears to have been dragged through mud and scorched by explosions.
Input: One M67 Grenade
Setting: 1:1
Output: One M69 Practice Grenade
I don’t think 914 Approves of what I am attempting - Weapons Researcher Isaac D.
Input: One M4A1 Assault Rifle
Setting: Fine
Output: One M107 Barrett Sniper Rifle. Mass is less than what would be a factory standard rifle.
Input: 10 Kilograms of C4
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 10 Kilogram board game titled WW3
Note: I'm taking this for experimentation - Isaac
Test 914-0310
Name: Dr Cleveland
Date: 14/12/2018
Total Items: Two post-it notes with a random SCP object number on them.
Input: One post-it note with the number 1024 inscribed upon
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Post-it note with ten dots in a specific pattern inscribed upon
Note: Nein, danke - Dr. Cleveland
Input: One post-it note with the number 1128, and the words "HANDLE WITH CAUTION" inscribed upon
Setting: Very Fine (Dr. Cleveland accidentally dialed the knob in the opposite direction from his intended "Rough" setting)
Output: One book, titled The Eleventh Hour. The book details the eponymous military operation from an alternate universe, in which the part of the [DATA EXPUNGED] Ocean SCP-1128 resides in was nuked by 192 Trident ICBMs, neutralizing the cognitohazard at the expense of the radioactive contamination of water supplies in [DATA EXPUNGED]. The book has an anomalous effect that nullifies the effects on anyone who was exposed to information regarding SCP-1128, provided that they do not become re-exposed to said information.
Note: The book was immediately handed over to Dr. Veritas, along with an apology note.
Test 914-0311
Name: Dr. Margeon
Date: 12/12/2018
Total Items: One Drawing of the painting The Scream by Edvard Munch, hand drawn with crayon.
Input: Aforementioned drawing.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 91 cm × 73.5 cm cardboard canvas with oil, tempera, pastel, and crayon drawings resembling that of a hairless face screaming at an unknown entity. Estimated time of creation is approximately the year 1893. Painting has been released to Dr. Margeon.
Note: This seems awfully familiar, but I'll take it. The Scream has been stolen before, right? - Dr. Margeon
Test 914-0312
Name: Dr. Rodriguez
Date: 14/12/2018
Total Items: A complete manga collection of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Blood
Input: Manga collection
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper mosaic of the character Dio with the caption "You were expecting something completely different, but it was me, Dio."
Test 914-0313
Name: Dr. Maguire
Date: 14/12/2018
Total Items: Two replica art pieces from Dr. Maguire's living quarters.
Input: One replica of traditional Chinese painting depicting Emperor Huizong of the Song Dynasty.
Setting: Fine
Output: One near-identical painting, with Huizong replaced by man in traditional Mongol clothing. Assumed to be Khublai Khan of the Yuan Dynasty. Painting appears to more accurately match painting techniques of the era than original replica.
Note: It appears that 914 believes in the Mandate of Heaven. -Dr. Maguire
Input: One replica of traditional Chinese painting depicting Qing-era Guangzhou.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One highly detailed painting of Guangzhou in traditional Chinese style. Animated in the style of time-lapse photography, depicts Guangzhou at a highly accelerated speed from its founding to the modern PRC era. No deviations from standard history recorded, other than the apparent use of SCP-████ in an unsuccessful attempt to defend the city during the First Opium War. Loops approximately every four hours.
Note: This is one of the most gorgeous pieces of art I've ever seen. Requesting permission to hang this in my office once the memetics department does its usual testing. -Dr. Maguire
Note: Granted. - Site Command
Test 914-0314
Name: Dr. Vulpes
Date: 15/12/2018
Total Items: 1 Mobile Task Force Issued Flamethrower
Note: Said test was unauthorized; as said flamethrower was previously in the possession of Lieutenant Church, who misplaced it in the storage depot.
Input: One task force flamethrower.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One flamethrower with all previous markings erased. When tested, the flames were noted to burn twice as hot, and the canister containing the fuel was noted to be highly unstable.
Note: Dr. Vulpes has been reprimanded heavily, and he's under watch right now. Just don't tell Veritas, he'll have my ass for not watching the flamethrower. - Lieutenant Church
Test 914-0315
Name: Dr. Hadian and Junior Research Assistant Brown
Date: 15/12/2018
Total Items: 1 cubic meter of ice, broken into fist-sized chunks.
Note: The items in this test were placed into SCP-914 consecutively, without disturbing the output. Settings remained unaltered throughout this test.
Input: Various chunks of ice
Setting: 1:1
Output: A seamless block of ice, precisely 1 meter in all dimensions, which showed no sign of deterioration upon retrieval.
Note: That was somewhat interesting. I'll break up the ice again and try for different results. -Dr. Hadian
Input: Various chunks of ice, comprising half the total mass of the original cube.
Setting: 1:1
Testing halted for fifteen minutes to allow the remaining inputs to melt and lose integrity.
Input: Various chunks of ice and a small pool of water, comprising half the total mass of the original cube.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A hollow cube of ice, 1 meter in all dimensions. A body of water can be seen in its center, comprising a volume roughly consistent with the melted ice.
About what I expected. I was hoping the relative simplicity of the materials would prevent any accidents. Let's see what happens if we try this method in the middle of refining. -Dr. Hadian
Input: Output of the aforementioned test, Assistant Researcher Brown's wristwatch (inserted after initial refinement)
Setting: Fine
Output: A compressed block of ice, blue in coloration, roughly half the size of the original input. The watch itself remained unaltered, imbedded in the center of the ice block, still functional.
Note: You owe me a new watch. -Assistant Researcher Brown
Test 914-0316
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 17/12/2018
Total Items: One map of East Asia, one map of Russia, ten electronic copies of Our Father, Who Art in Gdańsk stored in one microSD card
Input: One map of East Asia, dated 2015
Setting: Fine
Output: No change On closer inspection, several cities in Outer Manchuria, including Vladivostok, Khabarovsk, Komsomolsk-on-Amur, Blagoveshchensk, and Birobidzhan, are drawn to the Chinese side of the border. China as a whole is marked as the Republic of China, while Korea is united. The map is dated 2047.
Note: We will wait and see -Dr. Cleveland
Input: One map of Russia, dated 2017
Setting: Fine
Output: Kaliningrad is absent from the map, while all of Kazakhstan north of and including Karagandy is marked as four Russian Oblasts (Kostanay, Petropavlovsk, Astana, Pavlodar) and one Russian Krai (Ust-Kamenogorsk). Astana itself is a Federal city, while Oral / Uralsk is directly incorporated into Orenburg Oblast. Apart from Crimea, Donetsk and Luhansk Oblasts of Ukraine are also annexed by Russia. The map is dated 2036.
Note: Now this is interesting… -Dr. Cleveland
Input: One microSD card containing ten copies of Our Father, Who Art in Gdańsk
Setting: 1:1
Output: No change in appearance. The contents, however, have changed. One copy of Our Father, Who Art in Gdańsk is left unaltered, while nine other titles replaced the remaining nine copies of the book. None are anomalous, and detail other parts of Europe from the same universe as Our Father, Who Art in Gdańsk. Publication dates vary from 1985 to 2023.
Note: Perfection. -Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-0317
Name: Dr. Anton
Date: 18/12/2018
Total items: 3 miniature replicas of the Earth, made of solid plastic.
Input: 1 replica of the Earth
Setting: 1:1
Output: a miniature model of SCP-3003.
Input: 1 replica of the Earth
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 replica of Site-19, which can be opened to show the layout of every floor. Object was confiscated.
Input: 1 replica of the Earth.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A replica of the Earth, that, when viewed under a microscope, can show the layout of the Earth in real time; humans will be visible and cars will appear to move, the only exception being planes and rockets, which disappear from the replica on takeoff. Object is in the possession of Dr. Anton.
Test 914-0318
Name: Researcher Lime
Date: 18/12/2018
Total Items: An instance of that gosh-awful straw thing.
Input: One horrible straw
Setting: 1:1
Output: A normal straw.
Note: This machine is wrong, these two things should never be even considered equivalent! - Lime
Test 914-0319
Name: Jr. Researcher Gregorius
Date: 20/12/2018
Total Items: 3 analog quartz wristwatches, 1 barometer, 1 analog thermometer, 1 plastic ruler
Input: One wristwatch, one barometer
Setting: Fine
Output: One analog quartz wristwatch similar to the original. When the button is pressed, the watch functions as an altimeter with one hour being the equivalent of one kilometer.
Hm, kind of what I expected. Let's see what it does with the others!
Input: One wristwatch, one plastic ruler
Setting: Fine
Output: One item with similar appearance to an analog stopwatch. The watch has only ten "hours" with each division subdivided into ten smaller units. Testing revealed that when the reset button is pressed, the item calibrates itself to any object it is laid on and displays speed relative to that object: the "hour" hand shows km/s with each large division being equivalent to 1 km/s; the "minute" hand shows m/s with each small division being 1 m/s, and finally the second hand shows cm/s with each small division being 1 cm/s.
That's actually quite useful. Item assigned to vehicular testing lab for use.
Input: One wristwatch, one thermometer
Setting: Fine
Output: One wristwatch without markings. The hour hand appears immobile at first. Further testing indicates that it moves albeit extremely slowly; it completes one full round every 1407.5 hours.
Note: That's the sidereal rotational period of Mercury. Son of a… - Lime
Test 914-0320
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 21/12/2018
Total items: 1 KRISS Vector SMG, 1 LAR Grizzly Win Mag Mark V Pistol, 1 Walther WA 2000 Sniper Rifle, 1 copy of the documents regarding SCP-2118, Personnel File for Maintenance Technician Johnston
Input: All three aforementioned guns
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Four intricate 1:10 models, corresponding to Vector, Grizzly MkV, WA2000, as well as Kar98k from Girls Frontline.
Strange. Perhaps 914 figured that the raw materials is enough to make four models. They do look cute though. Requesting permission to keep all four of them in my office if they pass the testing in the Memetics Department. -Dr. Cleveland
Granted. -Site Command
Input: Documents regarding SCP-2118
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 newspaper by True Nation News Magazine, dated June 27, 20██, and a transcript. The documents detail a heated exchange between South Carolina State Representative ███ ██████ and SCP-2118 (under the name █████ ███████)
That sounds like a hate rant by 914. Also, is it implying that she (2118) will be released from Foundation custody in the future? -Dr. Cleveland
Input: Personnel File of MT Johnson
Setting: Fine
Output: Two documents. One is a wanted list by Interpol, dated August 31, 203█, including MT Johnson, researchers Isaac D., Dr. Cleveland, Dr. Veritas, Dr. Gears, Dr. Rights, O5-█, O5-██, the entire Bright family, and Administrators [DATA EXPUNGED]. The other is a news article from The New York Times, dated September 11, 202█, detailing the start of a war crimes trial, in which O5-█ is trialled for funding the Rwandan Genocide, for assassinating Vice President and President-elect of the United States Al Gore on December 24, 2000, and for orchestrating the September 11 attacks, which killed President Joe Lieberman. Documents confirmed to be from a parallel universe in which the Foundation collapsed in 20██, likely from the same universe as The Eleventh Hour, as the book mentioned that the trial of O5-█ was ongoing in its epilogue.
Note: I will need a Class-A amnestic for this. And it's just the Fine setting! You snarky ████████████, 914. -Dr. Cleveland
Note: Documents were directly handed to O5-█ due to its severity. - Site Command
Test 914-0321
Name: Researcher Westrin
Date: 21/12/2018
Total items: 15cm x 5cm block of wood
Input: 15cm x 5cm block of wood
Setting: Rough
Output: Several broken pieces of wood
Input: Several broken pieces of wood
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small pile of saw dust
Input: A small pile of saw dust
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small pile of saw dust, theorized to originate from a different species of tree
Input: A small pile of saw dust, theorized to originate from a different species of tree
Setting: Fine
Output: Several broken pieces of wood
Input: Several broken pieces of wood
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 15cm x 5cm block of wood
Note: What a rollercoaster of emotions. - Researcher Westrin
Test 914-0322
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 22/12/2018
Input: 5 copies of the plans for a theoretical containment cell for a Keter-class memetic hazard, authored by Maintenance Technician Johnson for the purposes of this test
Note: I want to see how 914 reacts to containment cell plans, but I’m not going to use actual plans in a test for security reasons.
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Course
Output: A pile of ashes
Note: It looks like it was put through an incinerator. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of paper scraps
Note: The cut pattern is identical to a standard Foundation secure paper shredder. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 copy of the plans for a theoretical containment cell for a Euclid-class memetic hazard, ostensibly authored by Maintenance Technician Johnson
Note: I never actually wrote this, but here it is. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Fine
Output: Plans have been streamlined and are now labeled as “SCP-████ Containment Cell Plans” (This number has not yet been assigned.) Plans put into secure storage.
Note: This is interesting. Let's see how accurate these turn out to be. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 copy of the plans for an “All-Purpose Arcadian-Class Containment Cell”. Plans include the use of beryllium bronze, as well as samples of SCP-████ and SCP-████ in it’s construction. Plans put into secure storage.
Note: I can’t really tell what this is meant to contain, but this is probably pretty much what we would get if we routinely used anomalies for containment purposes. Needless to say, we probably shouldn’t build this. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Test 914-0323
Name: Junior Researcher Sean
Date: 02/01/2019
Input: 1 copy of Shrek on DVD
Input: 1 copy of Shrek on DVD
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 copy of Shrek on blu-ray
Input: 1 copy of Shrek on blu-ray
Setting: coarse
Output: 1 copy of Shrek the Third on blu-ray
Input: 1 copy of Shrek the Third on blu-ray
Setting: very fine
Output: 1 copy of Shrek 7 on blu-ray. Theorized to be from an alternate reality. Disc put in secure storage
Test 914-0324
Name: Dr. Einen
Date: 03/01/2019
Total Items: Five standard blue and green lava lamps.
Input: One standard lava lamp.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of broken glass, covered with the separated contents of the lava lamp (Carbon tetrachloride, mineral oil, paraffin wax, and water)
Input: One standard lava lamp.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One lava lamp containing nothing but hydrogen chloride.
Input: One standard lava lamp.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One standard, red and orange, lava lamp.
Input: One standard lava lamp.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [REDACTED], Entity terminated on sight with zero casualties.
Test 914-0325
Name: Junior Researcher Murray
Date: 04/01/2019
Total Items: Four 8GB SanDisk 8GB Cruzer Blade USB 3.0 memory sticks, each containing a single FAT32 partition with the file ''monika.chr'' from the 2017 parody horror visual novel "Doki Doki Literature Club", developed by Team Salvato.
Input: One memory stick
Setting: Rough
Output: Melted heap of silicone, metal and plastic, equal to mass, volume and weight of input product. Data likely lost.
Input: One memory stick
Setting: Coarse
Output: Memory stick disassembled into it's separate components. FAT32 partition has been corrupted.
Input: One memory stick
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Kingston DataTraveler G4 USB 3.0 8GB flash drive containing a single ExFAT partition with one file on it; analysis reveals to be all of the dialogue, in-game sprites and compilation of fan art of character "Sans" from "Undertale", a game created by Toby Fox in 2015.
Input: One memory stick
Note 2: Upon closer inspection of security camera footage, it appears that Junior Researcher Murray had also placed a large bucket's worth of stolen human tissue (from the medical department) into the input chamber.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED], promptly terminated after breaching the walls of SCP-914's containment. Junior Researcher Murray, showing an almost memetic attraction to the entity, was also terminated after trying to shield said entity from the bullets of the guards' assault rifles.
Note 3: Alright, who else wants to create a fucking sentient reality bender waifu with SCP-914? For those that fail, your prize will be Class E amnestics. - Senior Researcher ██████
Test 914-0326
Name: Dr. Anker
Date: 04/01/2019
Total Items: Three completed ‘Revell’ plastic models consisting of one German Battleship Bismarck 1:350, one British Aircraft Carrier Illustrious 1:700 and one German Cruiser Prinz Eugen model 1:720. This is along with one completed ‘Trumpeter’ model of British Battlecruiser Renown 1:700.
Input: One completed ‘Revell’ German Battleship Bismarck model, 1:350.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A completed ‘Revell’ German Battleship Tirpitz model, also 1:350.
Input: One completed ‘Revell’ German Cruiser Prinz Eugen model 1:720
Setting: 1:1
Output: A completed 1:720 model of German Aircraft Carrier Seydlitz. ‘Revell’ and ‘Revell of Germany’ have both never made a model of Seydlitz, carrier or cruiser and in-fact Seydlitz was never finished as either.
Note: This will be a fine addition to my collection. - Dr. Anker
Input: One completed ‘Revell’ British Aircraft Carrier Illustrious model 1:700
Setting: Fine
Output: A completed 1:700 model of British Aircraft Carrier Illustrious which was found to be functional. The planes were able to drop miniature bombs which were painful but non-lethal. They Dr. Anker and he was admitted to the infirmary for minor burns after the planes subsequently attacked him. Item placed in secure storage.
Note: This is why I prefer boats. - Dr. Anker
Input: One painted ‘Trumpeter’ British Battlecruiser Renown 1:700 put back into the box.
Note: I got bored so I painted it but I remembered it was for the test so I put it back in.
Setting: Fine
Output: A painted in-box ‘Figma’ of British Battlecruiser Renown from the mobile game ‘Azur Lane’. ‘Azur Lane’ is about girls being made from weaponry, in this case, ships. ‘Figma’ has never released an item related to Azur Lane.
Input: One completed 1:350 model of German Battleship Tirpitz
Setting: Very Fine
Output: When the door opened a full-size artillery shot killed █ and severely injured Dr. Anker. It escaped containment and was observed as ‘floating in midair’. It was terminated due to a weapons malfunction around 24 minutes after with total casualties estimated at ██ caused by both it and the breach of containment caused by it.
Note: Ow - Dr. Anker
Note: To the next genius that decides to test model military equipment: This is why you don't do it. - Veritas.
Test 914-0327
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 05/01/2019
Note: Forgot to write the report. Writing this on 3/1/2019. - Stan
Total Items: One plush Christmas blanket, One cardboard box, One roll of wrapping paper, and a bow
Input: Blanket, box, bow, and wrapping paper
Setting: 1:1
Output: Box was neatly wrapped in the blanket. Upon opening, the bow was found to be attached to the inner surface of the box, along with the wrapping paper.
Note: Should have expected something sly like this. Going to have to ask someone here to wrap it for me… - Stan
Test 914-0328
Name: Junior Researcher Altdamm
Date: 06/01/2019
Total Items: Two 4GB SanDisk 4GB Cruzer Blade USB 3.0 memory sticks, each containing a single NTFS partition of the .apk file of the 2.0223_274 version of Girls Frontline; one X-Sponge; one 1:10 model of the Girls Frontline character Grizzly MkV
Input: One USB stick and one X-Sponge
Setting: Fine
Output: One X-Sponge which automatically redacts all information not related to the game Girls Frontline in any form. ███████ ███████ ████ ██ ████████ ███████████ ██████████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ███████ ███████ ██.
Note: ██████ ██, ████ ███ ████ ██ ████ ████████ ██ ████? -Altdamm
Input: One USB stick and one model of Grizzly MkV
Reviewing security footage has shown that Junior Researcher Altdamm inserted a box full of human tissue stolen from a deceased D-class personnel in the Medical Department, including said personnel's clothing.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An entity resembling the Girls Frontline character Grizzly MkV, as well as a fully loaded Kel-Tec PMR-30 automatic pistol. Initially disoriented, the entity grabbed the pistol and shot Junior Researcher Altdamm six times in his abdomen and chest, before surrendering itself to Foundation authorities. Junior Researcher Altdamm himself died of blood loss.
Note: Again? Seriously? The next person caught attempting to create a reality bender waifu with 914 will be rewarded with a bullet in the head. -Senior Researcher ██████
Addendum: When cleaning up 914, a clock was found at the output booth. The hour hand always points at Dr. Veritas, the minute hand always points at Dr. Cleveland, and the second hand always points at Maintenance Technician Johnson. The clock would also constantly rotate such that the "V" marking always point towards the entity resembling Grizzly MkV. Security footage has shown that the entity used 914 at the "Very Fine" setting in an attempt to alter the automatic pistol.
Test 914-0329
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 09/01/2019
Items: One set of United States history books (totaling four books: 1776-1861, American Civil War, 1865-1945, 1945-2015), a lock of hair taken from the contained entity resembling Grizzly MkV
Disclaimer: There will be no waifus, thank you very much. -Dr. Cleveland
Input: One set of United States history books
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A set of four history books, named The Unexpunged Anthology of America, detailing United States history from 1776 to 2076. Of note is the prominent appearance of the SCP Foundation, a war between the United States (under the administrations of Jeb Bush, Hillary Rodham, and Marco Rubio) and the Foundation between 200█ and 202█, and [DATA EXPUNGED].
Come on, another hate rant? And to say that the Foundation was solely responsible for all genocide campaigns in the 20th Century is utter ████████. Nazism was a real thing, for starters. Also, recognize the facts and the severity of the so-called God Gene before giving this kind of anti-Foundation propaganda. Though to their credit, they did manage to obliterate that fallen star. Parts of the Anthology could be a great referential tool. -Dr. Cleveland
Input: Lock of hair from entity (testing approved by the O5 Council as the entity is not hostile)
Setting: Fine
Output: The hair is apparently tied into the form of the 10_11 knot.
Note: Now that's just… anticlimactic. Anyone who wants to try undoing this knot? -Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-0330
Name: Dr. Anker
Date: 10/01/2019
Items: One schematic of the USS Cyclops, which was lost in the Bermuda Triangle and 1 0.5 x 0.5m steel piece.
Note: Nudge nudge wink wink. - Dr. Anker.
Input: USS Cyclops schematic, 1 steel piece.
Setting: Fine
Output: A steel book DVD case, much thicker than normal with USS Cyclops on the front. Schematic cut into disc shape.
Note: 914 you are the biggest disappointment I've met besides my son. - Dr. Anker
Test 914-0331
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 10/01/2019
Total Items: One SanDisk 16GB MicroSD card containing a copy of the files pertaining to Iris Thompson
Input: One MicroSD card
Setting: Fine
Output: One 32GB MicroSD card manufactured by "Monterrey Electronics". Inside is a ebook titled El Genocidio Gaélico: Una Historia de las Islas Británicas 1835-1915, written by Irish Mexican historian Iridiane MacTamhais.
Note: Alright, so now we know the Potato Famine could have went much worse. It also sheds insight to her ethnic background, and the fact that Mexico could have won the Mexican-American War. -Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-0332
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 10/01/2019
Total Items: One "Bumblebee" Transformers action figure, in vehicle form
Input: Action figure
Setting: 1:1
Output: One "Ironhide" Transformers action figure, in bi-pedal form
Note: I just wanted it to transform it for me because I lost the instructions, but Ironhide's always been my favorite, so I can't complain. - Stan
Note: The action figure later animated and attacked Jr. Researcher Stan in his sleep, where, despite its small size, it was able to seriously injure Stan. The object then "transformed" into vehicle form and escaped the testing room, leading security on a chase throughout the facility, where it was able to exceed ██km/h. Object was eventually terminated when a security officer shot and destroyed it.
Test 914-0333
Name: Researcher Reis
Date: 11/01/2019
Input: Five Daisy "Buck Jones" Air Rifles, One Thumb Drive containing one copy of A Christmas Story
Input: One Aforementioned Air Rifle
Setting: Rough
Output: One block of iron, one block of wood, a small pile of sand, a few drops of water, and a puddle of liquid identified to be wood varnish.
Input: One Aforementioned Air Rifle
Setting: Coarse
Output: One rifle barrel, one stock, a pile of screws, a pile of springs, a pile of slides, one sight, one demagnetized compass float, one glass hemisphere, one trigger guard, one trigger, one miniature sundial, and a few drops of water on the floor of the output chamber.
Input: One Aforementioned Air Rifle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One custom Daisy "Red Ryder" carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass and sundial in the stock. The rifle was briefly tested on the firing range, determined to be non-anomalous, and produced results which were within one standard deviation of a normal Red Ryder.
Note: At this point, Researcher Reis instructed that the rifle be tested at the firing range while she retrieved something, and left the testing chamber. She returned with a thumb drive and added an impromptu step to the end of planned procedure.
Input: One Aforementioned Air Rifle
Setting: Fine
Output: One Daisy "Buck Jones" Air Rifle. When test-fired, the actual muzzle velocity was equivalent to the maximum muzzle velocity of an average Buck Jones rifle. Shots were also more accurate at range despite being smooth-bore. No other anomalous properties were detected.
Input: One Aforementioned Air Rifle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Gaussian Handcannon with a miniature sextant and a spring-powered clock in the butt. Weight was equivalent to input rifle. Clock is functional but unwound, ammunition and batteries were not included. Object being tested for anomalous properties prior to test-firing.
Note: I'm not sure what I expected, but such an anachronistic combination is fascinating. - Researcher Reis
Input: One Custom Daisy "Red Ryder" from prior test, 1 Thumb Drive containing one copy of A Christmas Story
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Custom Daisy "Red Ryder" carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass and sundial in the stock. Further inspection reveals the stock is engraved with the words "Ol' Blue". The rifle appears to have a memetic effect; if an individual attempts to aim it while observers are present, one will state "You'll shoot your eye out." It is unknown if the gun has any secondary properties, as nobody has fired it. Object has been contained in a gun safe, awaiting further classification.
Note: Under no circumstances should anyone with an instance of SCP-718 be permitted to touch this. - 05-█
Test 914-0334
Name: Dr. Francisca Baumgarten
Date: 11/01/2019
Total Items: Three wind-up musical boxes, all playing "If you wish upon a star." with a Tinkerbell figurine rotating on the top
Input: One musical box.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A hand-crank musical box that plays "Let it Go". An Elsa figurine is in the box. Box is notably difficult to operate. Non-Anomalous.
Note: So I got the song I wanted, but the crank keeps jamming when I turn it three or four times. "Let it go?" More like: "Leave it be." - Dr. Baumgartner
Input: One musical box
Setting: Fine
Output: A music box without the wind-up that plays "If you wish upon a star." without pause. Was dismantled in an attempt to discern its power source, only for the anomalous activity to cease.
Notes: Honestly, it was getting quite a bit on my nerves. - Dr. Baumgartner
Input: One musical box.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: One wind-up musical box. Upon being wound up, the box plays soundtrack from various Movies, Series and video games that are generally associated with childhood memories, or otherwise possess strong sentimental value to the person winding it.
To date, songs played include: Hakuna Matata, Once upon a Dream, The Zelda Theme, I Like to Move it, You Can be a Hero, the Pokemon Theme, One Summer's Day (from Spirited Away) and His Theme (from Undertale). Listening to the songs played frequently cause a strong emotional reaction to the user, ranging from outbursts of tears to contagious laughter.
Note: Could this please be transferred back to Site-88 with me? After passing Cognitohazard screening of course. - Dr. Baumgartner
Note: Certainly, it would make a great addition to our site break room. - Ass. Dir. of Personnel Lucy Pierrette
Input: The aforementioned faulty hand-crank music box playing: "Let it go."
Setting: Fine
Output: A wind up music box that plays "Papa can you hear me?". Has a figurine of Yentl.
Note: Oh come on. - Dr. Baumgartner
Test 914-0335
Name: Assistant Researcher Johannes
Date: 12/01/2019
Total Items: one #2 pencil, one sketchbook, one note saying "Let's get creative!"
Note: On this episode of Johannes experiments, we try to get SCP-914 to draw us something!
Input: Above Items
Setting: 1:1
Output: A sketchbook with various childlike scribbles, A note with a pencil drawing on it, a broken #2 pencil
Note; Well, I mean technically it counts as being creative. I'll be back in a few days. - Assistant Researcher Johannes
Test 914-0336
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 12/01/2019
Total Items: One set of five wrenches, measured in inches
Note: I don’t have much use for these, so I thought I’d use them to test 914’s effect on tools
Input: One 1/4 inch wrench
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of scorched metal shards
Input: One 3/8 inch wrench
Setting: Rough
Output: A small cube made out of stainless steel
Input: One 1/2 inch wrench
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 1-centimeter wrench
Input: One 5/8 inch wrench
Setting: Fine
Output: One short metal rod. It causes the holder to be instinctually aware of the location of every wrench, regardless of measurement, within a 5 meter radius of the holder.
Note: Well, that was an interesting experience. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out what this did. - MT Johnson
Input: One 11/16 inch wrench
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One outwardly unaltered wrench which will teleport to the vicinity of MT Johnson whenever it is not being observed. It has no observable range and nothing has been able of inhibit the effect aside from constant observation of the wrench itself. Regardless of it’s condition upon disappearance, the unobserved portion of it will always appear whole and undamaged.
Note: It’s both useless and apparently impossible to get rid of. Anyone got any ideas on how to undo an anomalous quantum entanglement link? - MT Johnson
Test 914-0337
Name: Jr. Researcher Smith
Date: 13/01/2019
Total Items: 5 rolls of single ply toilet paper.
Input: 1 roll of toilet paper
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wood pulp
Input: 1 roll of toilet paper
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of shredded cardboard and toilet paper
Input: 1 roll of toilet paper
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 roll paper towels
Input: 1 roll of toilet paper
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 Paper-Mache toilet
Input: 1 roll of toilet paper
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 cylinder resembling a roll of toilet paper 1 roll of incredibly thin toilet paper.
Test 914-0338
Name: Doctor Cleveland
Date: 14/01/2019
Total Items: 3 blueprints of a theoretical curium-247 nuclear bomb, printed on a piece of A0 sized paper.
Input: 1 blueprint of a Cm-247 nuke
Setting: 1:1
Output: The entire Wikipedia article ''Atomic Bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki'' printed on 16 pieces of A4 sized paper.
Note: Thank you, 914. I know the consequences of using nuclear weapons. -Dr. Cleveland
Input: 1 blueprint of a Cm-247 nuke
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 map of Europe from a universe similar to that of 1983: Doomsday, dated 2009. The only differences between the Europe of the map and that of 1983: Doomsday were that Munich, Vienna, Bratislava, and Lida escaped nuclear destruction, and that the Alpine Confederation never formed.
Note: I said, thank you, 914. -Dr. Cleveland
Input: 1 blueprint of a Cm-247 nuke
Setting: Very Fine
Output: No change in appearance. However, the blueprint spontaneously ignited in the lab coat of Dr. Cleveland.
Note: That's my fault this time. -Dr. Cleveland
Test 914-0339
Name: Doctor Calloway
Date: 11/01/2019
Total Items: 5 hard drives, each containing a different edition of the videogame "Half Life 2".
Input: 1 hard drive containing a copy of "Half Life 2"
Setting: Coarse
Output: Assorted microchips and 1 metal casing.
Note: That was predictable. -Dr. Calloway
Input: 1 hard drive containing a copy of "Half Life 2"
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 hard drive containing a copy of the game of the year edition of "Fallout 3".
Note: Hey, I don't have that one yet! - Dr. Calloway
Input: 1 hard drive containing a copy of "Half Life 2"
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 hard drive containing detailed instructions on how to construct a "Gravity Gun". Notably, several of the materials referred to, such as a ''Xen Crystal'', do not exist.
Input: 1 hard drive containing a copy of "Half Life 2"
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 working "Combine Gunship", scale 1:30.
Note: Dr. Calloway is forbidden to continue with these attempts. This is an SCP, not a toy. - Site Director
Note: Aforementioned ''gunship'' activated and proceeded to fire tiny blunt pellets at all personnel in range. Destroyed by security officer Schwartz (me). Don't leave potentially dangerous objects around people, I heard that Veritas chewed Calloway out for two hours straight. - Schwartz
Test 914-0340
Name: Researcher Mikk
Date: 11/01/2019
Total Items: Three pairs of "Versace" brand spectacles
Input: A pair of "Versace" brand spectacles
Setting: 1:1
Output: One pair of "Prada" brand sunglasses
Input: A pair of "Versace" brand spectacles
Setting: Fine
Output: Two dark tinted monocles. No anomalous properties.
//Note: Uh, that was unexpected. I would've thought that the result would be a super good pair of glasses or something like that. I guess it works though. - Researcher Mikk
Input: A pair of "Versace" brand spectacles
Setting: Very fine
Output: One knife with a glass blade. When used to cut something, it will heat up to roughly 3000°C. This heat is strong enough to cut iron, gold and steel, and has proven to be a great weapon, if not completely deadly as the heat from the blade completely cauterizes the wound, stopping external bleeding but causing severe internal bleeding. Strangely, the heat does not seem to affect the holder of the knife, who does not need to wear any protective gear or get any burns on their body. Further analysis needed. It is currently being held in the Site-37 armory.
Note: I guess you could call this… a glass cannon? - Researcher Mikk
Note: I moved the knife to a containment locker, where it belongs. And Mikk, I'm revoking your testing privileges for this and for that last joke. - Veritas
Test 914-0341
Name: Assistant Researcher Johannes
Date: 13/01/2018
Total Items: 5 sketchbooks, 3 boxes of different colored Sharpie pens, 2 No. 2 pencils
Input: 1 Sketchbook, contents of 1 box of Sharpies.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of powder weighing about equal to a similar sketchbook, 13 unique cubes of plastic and a vial of ink. The vial appears to also be made of a solidified ink.
Input: 1 Sketchbook, contents of 1 box of Sharpies
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 pile of sketchbook paper, Several uncapped Sharpies.
Note: Rough was expected, and so was Coarse. I wonder why it got lazy with the Sharpies though.
Input: 1 Sketchbook, contents of 1 of Sharpies
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 plastic rainbow colored sketchbook cover, with the pages untouched.
Note: Not quite what I had mind, but still pretty neat I suppose.
Input: 1 sketchbook, 1 No. 2 pencil, note with Johannes's grocery list
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 sketchbook cover with the pages torn out, Several origami figures shaped like grocery items with proper labeling and tiny details, though monochrome, 1 dull pencil.
Note; Well, looks like I'm not going shopping tonight. No way am I bringing origami to the store.
Input: 1 Sketchbook, 1 No. 2 pencil.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 Sketchbook with a sketch of SCP-173, SCP-049, and SCP-079 having what appears to be a party. Further investigation revealed that the sketch was drawn with microscopic numbers and letters in a sort of code. Object currently in decryption.
Note: I'm guessing some kind of Enigma code? Maybe a modified version of Caesar?
Input: Output from 1:1 experiment
Note: Might as well see if we can't get anything more vibrant.
Setting: Fine
Output: A holographic rainbow coated sketchbook. Anomalous property realized when attempting to draw in the sketchbook. All users will, regardless of previous artistic skill, seemingly have the ability to draw anything they can desire, with no inherent flaws in the design. It also appears to have an infinite amount of paper
Note: Would be pretty useful to have in the break room. If not, I'd just love to put this on my desk.
Test 914-0342
Name: Researcher Kravale
Date: 14/01/2019
Total Items: SCP-035
Input: SCP-035
Setting: Fine
Output: None
Note: Kravale was terminated before 914 could be activated. She was most likely manipulated by the mask. Surveillance footage is currently being reviewed. - O5-4
Test 914-0343
Name: Dr. Ricardo
Date: 15/01/2019
Total Items: 1 piece of A4 paper, with a sketch of a human face on it
Input: 1 piece of A4 paper, with a sketch of a human face on it
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 photograph of SCP-096. Face is obscured.
Note: No more of this. It's too risky to continue. I don't know whether 914 is in a bad mood today, or what, but we can't continue. - Dr. Ricardo
Test 914-0344
Name: Assistant Researcher Deborah
Date: 15/01/2019
Total Items: Researcher I. Darby, one 20cm Clock
Input: All above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Researcher I. Darby Researcher was visible for a period of 2 seconds before vanishing into thin air. Further investigation suggests that researcher I. Darby has been sent through time and as he has not appeared in the past will return into the time-continuum shortly
Note: Assistant Researcher Deborah was arrested by stationed personnel and sent to Dr. Veritas office for interrogation, I suspect she will then have a 9mm hemorrhage and be released from service. - Dr. Wu
Test 914-0345
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 15/01/2019
Total Items: 1 photo of SCP-105, Personnel Files of Dr. Anton and Dr. Calloway, 1 partially censored photo of O5-9 at Site-81
Input: 1 photo of SCP-105, Personnel Files of Dr. Anton and Dr. Calloway
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One photo of SCP-105, Dr. Anton and Dr. Calloway being deployed to Afghanistan under the International Security Assistance Force in 2005, and one mission report signed by (United States) Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and (Germany) Federal Minister of Defense Franz Josef Jung. Theorized to be from a world where either the Foundation never formed, or SCP-105 never discovered her anomalous abilities.
Eh, that wasn't what I had in mind. -Cleveland
How the hell did he get my personnel file?! -Dr. Calloway
Input: 1 photo of O5-9
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 photo of O5-9 (geologist Dr. Donna Taylor) leading a group of students to explore the Diahot River in New Caledonia. Except for one subsequently identified as Virginia Toy, the identities of the students are unknown.
Note: Okay, now that's interesting. -Cleveland
Test 914-0346
Name: Dr. Thompson
Date: 15/01/2019
Total items: Three slices of pepperoni pizza made by Dr. Thompson
Input: A slice of pepperoni pizza
Setting: 1:1
Output: Human feces on top of stale bread.
My cooking isn’t that bad. This SCP is defective. - Dr. Thompson
Test 914-0347
Name: Researcher Ed
Date: 15/01/2019
Total Items: 5 Nintendo Brand DOL-003 Gamecube Controllers
Input: 1 Gamecube Controller
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of various electronic components.
Input: 1 Gamecube Controller
Setting: 1:1
Output: One MadCatz Gamecube Controller
Huh, would have guessed another controller from a different console. -Researcher Ed
Input: 1 Gamecube Controller
Setting: Fine
Output: One Generic Gamecube controller. When used, the plastic seems to form to support the user's hand. Additionally, all buttons except for the shoulder buttons have an extremely short travel distance, and therefore responsiveness.
Upon prolonged use, the controller heated up and fused with another researcher's hand, causing fourth-degree burns, and destroying itself in the process.
Input: Two Gamecube controllers
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Generic Gamecube controller. However, when collected, the controller appeared to fuse with Researcher Ed's hand quickly, causing 5th-degree burns. After the fusing "process" finished, Researcher Ed's hands had become black, amorphous objects. Upon a medical examination, it appears that his hands have completely disappeared. Examination of the black amorphous objects have shown that it contains some kind of alloy, additionally, it appears Researcher Ed has a degree of control shaping the objects into an imaginable solid made of the alloy. Further testing is required.
This is a weird feeling. I can feel whatever these touch, even though they aren't fingers. Also it really hurt. It's also an experience relearning to type and write with these "fingers" -Researcher Ed
Test 914-0348
Name: Detective Brandt
Date: 16/01/2019
Total Items: A photograph of Researcher I. Darby and an arrest warrant for said Researcher.
Input: Above Mentioned
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A Photograph of Researcher I. Darby that shows his actions, no time of reference is included so no information can be granted from said photograph. Arrest warrant has been folded in shape of a small German Shepherd and is completely animate.
Note: First off, HOW THE HELL DID A POLICEMAN GET INSIDE THE FACILITY?! Second, why did you let him walk out of here after using 914? - Security Overseer Brundon
Note: How this man managed to enter this facility aside, given the arrest warrant, will someone please do a background check on Researcher Isaac Darby? The last thing we want is a criminal in charge of these experiments. - Dr. ██████
Note: The detective was administered amnestics. I would also really appreciate it if you yelled at the Human Resources instead. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0349
Name: Dr. Nukea
Date: 17/01/2019
Total items: A copy of the movie “Seventeen again.”
Input: One copy of the movie “Seventeen again.”
Setting: Very fine.
Output: A copy of the movie “Seventeen again” but all the actors are replaced with SCP-049. Some scenes have also been altered like a scene in which SCP-049 “cures” another SCP-049.
Note: It was still good. -Dr. Nukea
Test 914-0350
Name: Dr. Natalidae
Date: 17/01/2019
Total Items: Three $1 USD bills
Input: One bill
Setting: 1:1
Output: One $1 USD coin, which appears to have been made by tightly compressing the original paper bill into the shape of a coin.
Input: One bill
Setting: 1:1
Output: One "-$1" USD bill, which largely resembles a standard $1 USD bill except that all instances of "1" are replaced with "-1", and the print's color has been inverted as if it were a photonegative of the original bill. It is assumed that this bill represents a negative amount of currency but otherwise displays no abnormal properties.
Note: Still having trouble wrapping my head around how this would work in normal economics. - Dr. Natalidae
Input: One bill
Setting: Fine
Output: One visually unaltered $1 bill. When assigned D-Class was about to retrieve the output, it autonomously shifted out of his reach. Subsequent attempts to capture the output were met with similar resistance, with it rapidly outmanoeuvring anyone who came near it. The bill was able to escape the testing chamber and went out into the halls of Facility 23, where it spent a total of 43 minutes eluding capture attempts until several researchers coordinated to corner and trap it in the incinerator room, where it was promptly disposed of.
Test 914-0351
Name: Assistant Researcher Johannes
Date: 17/01/2019
Total Items: 1 piece of empty sheet music, 1 jar of ink.
Note: Since I'm such a creativity nut, lets see if 914 can create music.
Input: Above materials
Setting: fine
Output: 1 piece of ink-soggy sheet music, 1 toppled over jar of ink. Surprisingly, there does appear to be notes placed on the lines, and further examination shows it to be an excerpt of Franz Liszt's etude "La Campanella". It is unknown if the jar of ink tipping over was accidental or purposeful work of SCP-914.
Note: Well, It did technically qualify for the results of the experiment, but now I'm wondering why it would choose such a weird etude to print, considering it was one of the etudes where it's artist was accused of selling their soul to the devil just to print and play it.
Test 914-0352
Name: Dr. Playford
Date: 17/01/2019
Total Items: Five magnifying glasses with a plastic handle
Input: One magnifying glass
Setting: Rough
Output: Cut up pieces of plastic and glass shards
Input: One magnifying glass
Setting: Coarse
Output: Disassembled magnifying glass
Input: One magnifying glass
Setting: 1:1
Output: Magnifying glass with a concave lens
Input: One magnifying glass
Setting: Fine
Output: The plastic was changed into a lens shaped object in a glass frame, and was noted to vibrate slightly, further inspection revealed it treated sound as light, the focal points for the sound being the same as the original lens.
Note: Item handed over to the acoustics lab for further inspection. – Dr. Playford
Input: One magnifying glass
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Plastic cylinder 4cm in diameter and 5 in length, with an undetermined number and configuration of lenses inside, the object can be looked through either end. It displays an orthographic projection of whatever the object is pointed at.
Note: We pointed this thing at the Moon and managed to see individual pebbles and dust particles on the lunar surface, however, due to the nature of orthographic projection, only a 12.5cm2 area can be observed, making this an extremely powerful telescope, as long as you only want to see post-it sized bits of whatever you’re looking at. – Dr. Playford
Test 914-0353
Name: Dr. Harvey
Date: 18/01/2019
Total items: A picture of SCP-096.
Input: A picture of SCP-096
Setting: Fine
Output: A picture of SCP-690
Note: Thank goodness -Dr. Harvey.
Note: No one looked at the photo and it was upside down the entire time.
Note: What the hell? What made you think this was a good idea? Didn't you learn from the test I performed earlier this year? This isn't a game! Requesting Dr. Harvey be reviewed for disciplinary actions. Count yourself lucky it didn't decide to kill you all. - Dr. Ricardo
Test 914-0354
Name: Dr. Harvey
Date: 18/01/2019
Total Items: A wallet, pieces of a desk, a mug labeled “number 1# researcher”
Input: A wallet
Setting: Rough
Output: Torn up leather and plastic
Input: Pieces of a desk
Setting: Rough
Output: Sawed up wooden planks
Input: A mug labeled “number 1# researcher.”
Setting: Rough
Output: None
Note: Dr. Harvey was detained before he could continue. He also had other items that belonged to Dr. Ricardo.
Note: Both of their testing licenses have been revoked. Don't care who started it, I'm finishing it. Now get the hell out of the testing area. - Terren
Note: What the hell?! Look, I know you're mad about last Sunday, but that's just low. -Dr. Ricardo
Test 914-0355
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 18/01/2019
Total Items: 5 copies of The Gun that Changed the World by Mikhail Kalashnikov, 1 16GB USB containing information pertaining every gun Kalashnikov produced
Input: The Gun that Changed the World
Setting: Rough
Output: The same book, but torn up and being annotated by McCarthyist and anti-Communist propaganda.
Ugh, disgusting. -Cleveland
Input: The Gun that Changed the World
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same book, but written in German.
Input: The Gun that Changed the World
Setting: Fine
Output: No change in outward appearance. The contents, however, deviated from standard history, including at least one visit to Site-118, an interview with Zena Cho, as well as a private friendship with Dr. Agatha Rights dating back to the 1970s.
Okay… I don't know what to say about this. -Cleveland
Input: The Gun that Changed the World
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One paper mâché statue of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
Input: The Gun that Changed the World, USB
Setting: Very Fine
Output: What appears to be an autobiography of a "Stanislava Mikhailovna Kalashnikova" titled The Artificial Daughter, dated 2064. Reference material not found in the book is in the form of two 32GB SD cards. Experimenting showed that there is a 0.4 percent chance that when placed in the vicinity of a submachine gun, it would convert into an AKS-74U. Placed in secure storage as Kalashnikov never had a daughter named Stanislava.
Test 914-0356
Name: Dr Hadian
Date: 18/01/2019
Total Items: One model clock, unpainted, carved from balsa wood. (It should be noted for the record that the model is made of one continuous mass and is completely lacking in functionality, resembling a clock in appearance only.)
Input: One model clock
Setting: Rough
Output: Several wooden gears and casing, as well as a pile of sawdust.
Input: The output of the previous test
Setting: Fine
Output: An ornate hourglass, several times the size of the original clock. The mass has remained consistent, and the "glass" portion of the device appears to be a form of cellulose.
Note: The output of this experiment is no longer available; upon emptying, the hourglass disintegrated into sawdust, and no attempt at re-integration has yet been made.
Test 914-0357
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 18/01/2019
Total Items: One bag of salted and roasted sunflower seeds, in shell
Input: Pile of seeds
Setting: Fine
Output: One "cup" made from fused shells. The cup contained the kernels from the seeds, lightly salted.
Note: I'm scared to be happy about this, but it's a start considering how much this thing likes to hurt me or otherwise screw me over. -Jr. Researcher Stan
Test 914-0358
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 20/01/2019
Total Items: Files pertaining to Mary Talish, a biography of former President Richard Nixon authored by John A. Farrell (Richard Nixon: The Life), An American Life authored by former President Ronald Reagan, Known and Unknown: A Memoir by Donald Rumsfeld
Input: All of the above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Four books:
1. A book titled They Led Us to Midnight: The Last Presidents of America, authored by Doris Goodwin, dated 2015. This book mentions the last presidents of the United States as Richard Nixon (1969-1977, 37th), Jerry Brown (1977-1981, 38th), Ronald Reagan (1981-1985, 39th), Mary Talish (1985-1989, 40th), and Donald Rumsfeld (1989-1993, 41st). The 25 years were marred with controversy, and culminated with a nuclear war with the Soviet Union under Gennady Yanayev (General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union 1985-1993) after a nuclear false alarm on November 22, 1993. It was stated that a system malfunction in the Dead Hand / Perimeter nuclear weapons control system misinterpreted a background signal as 6 Minuteman ICBMs heading for Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky, thus causing the nuclear war.
2. An autobiography titled Murder, They Wrote by Mary Talish, dated 1992. It details her ritual murder and subsequent resurrection in 1952, her senatorial career from 1967 to 1977, her vice presidency from 1977 to 1981, and her presidency from 1985 to 1989. A foreword, written by Georgia Governor Jimmy Carter, suggested that American-Soviet relations deteriorated rapidly after Talish's presidency ended.
3. A book titled United Counties of Indiana: The Founding of a Nation by Former Governor of Illinois James R. Thompson, dated 2015. It detailed the first twenty years of Indiana and Illinois after the Nuclear War of 1993. Of note was the appearance of Site-81 Director Oliver J. Rights as President of Indiana from 2007 to 2011.
4. An autobiography titled Our Struggle: Memories of Athens by Alexis Tsipras, Prime Minister of the Imperial Union of Greece, Samothrace, Cyprus and Turkey (Greek: Η Αυτοκρατορική Ένωση της Ελλάδας, η Σαμοθράκη, η Κύπρος και η Τουρκία), dated 2020. It detailed his life from after the nuclear war, being one of the few who witnessed a nuclear bomb hitting Athens without exploding. The current monarch is Paul II (Pavlos II), following Constantine II's abdication in 1996 in exchange for the restoration of the Greek Monarchy.
In books 1 and 4, a world map is seen. One could infer that continental Eurasia, the British Isles, the former Soviet Union, and North America is heavily devastated. All four placed into secure storage pending further review.
Note: So it turns out that Mary Talish could have done much more in her life. However, a nuclear war is probably the last thing we would want to see. -Cleveland
Test 914-0359
Name: Researcher Kingston
Date: 20/01/2019
Total Items: Five identical die-cast toy models of 1992 Stock London Underground train cars.
Input: One die-cast London Underground train car model.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of zinc with traces of aluminium and magnesium.
Input: One die-cast London Underground train car model.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One crudely assembled wooden model of a 1938 Stock London Underground train car.
Input: One die-cast London Underground train car model.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One die-cast model of a Glasgow Subway train car.
Input: One die-cast London Underground train car model.
Setting: Fine
Output: One die-cast model of a London Underground train car; model resembles the "New Tube for London" rolling stock design, currently scheduled for manufacture in 2023.
Input: One die-cast London Underground train car model.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One model of unknown composition, resembling a small barge with a London Underground logo on its sides; model is capable of basic independent locomotion when placed in water.
Note: Perhaps that last result is a hint at the future of the Thames Barrier more than anything? - Researcher Kingston
Test 914-0360
Name: Dr. Tamsen
Date: 21/01/2019
Total items: A copy of Super Mario Sunshine
Input: Above mentioned.
Setting: Very fine
Output: A copy of Luigi’s mansion for the GameCube. After further testing, the game also allows multiplayer and every object is colored red.
I like it. -Dr. Tamsen
Test 914-0361
Name: Dr. Nukea
Date: 21/01/2019
Total items: A copy of the game Super Smash Bros Ultimate
Input: Above mentioned.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A copy of Super Smash Bros Ultimate but all the characters are replaced with Lucas. Their animations are the same but with the Lucas Model using it. All the soundtracks have also been replaced by remixes of the announcer saying “Lucas.”
Note: I, personally, am not a fan. -Dr. Nukea
Test 914-0362
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 23/01/2019
Total Items: One 10cm cube of steel, one artificial fireplace log, the contents of 10 bags of ██████
brand fruit snacks
Note: Since 914 at least partially operates by intent of the operator and purpose of the items inserted, I want to see how it reacts to a set of items with no single purpose. Don't worry, neither the log nor the fruit snacks contain any natural ingredients, so there's no chance of biological contamination.
Input: All of the above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 20 cm cube of an unknown alloy. Testing shows it to be made up of an even mix of all of the input items. The alloy has a much worse structural stability than steel, as well as the anomalous properties of being flammable and gaining the same texture and hardness of a fruit snack when bitten into. However, the combination of materials making it up would mean that any attempt to eat any amount of it would almost certainly be fatal.
Note: I wasn't expecting it to give me something as cohesive as this. It almost seems like it noticed that I was more interested in it rather than the stuff I was putting into it and didn't put much effort into refining the materials. If we ever need a small supply of a structurally unstable, flammable, and edible metal, it'll be in anomalous item storage. - MT Johnson
Test 914-0363
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 23/01/2019
Total Items: One printed copy of the 666th book of the Yongle Encyclopedia (永樂大典, the book in question is 雄·南州府三·人物, currently in the possession of the Kyoto University)
Input: Copy of book
Setting: Fine
Output: A book denouncing the Yongle Emperor as a traitor to the Ming Dynasty.
Considering the circumstances to which Zhu Di became the Emperor, if I were a historian, I would give 914 a pass. -Cleveland
Test 914-0364
Name: Assistant Researcher Erickson
Date: 23/01/2019
Total Items: One Bugle, three cubes of brass (Varying sizes)
Input: The aforementioned bugle, One small cube of brass.
Setting: Fine
Output: One piccolo trumpet.
Input: The aforementioned trumpet, One medium sized cube of brass.
Setting: Fine
Output: One trombone.
If I'm correct, the next one should be a tuba. - Assistant Researcher Erickson
Input: The aforementioned trombone, One large cube of brass.
Setting: Fine
Output: One brass statue of Rick Astley. Statue played the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" nonstop from an unidentifiable source.
This goddamn machine… I can't deal with this. -Assistant Researcher Erickson
The statue was melted down to scrap in the site incinerator as instructed, but it's still playing the [REDACTED] song -Agent Alyson
Test 914-0365
Name: Dr. Alexander
Date: 24/01/2019
Total Items: Four binders full of SCP files. Each binder contains SCP-002 - SCP-300.
Input: One binder of SCP files.
Setting: Rough
Output: A burning pile of plastic.
Input: One binder of SCP files.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One binder of unmarked papers with ink all over binder itself.
Input: One binder of SCP files.
Setting: Fine
Output: One binder of short stories, all by H.P. Lovecraft.
Input: One binder of SCP files.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One binder containing [REDACTED] copies of SCP-914's information file. Binder seems to contain an infinite number of pages, and is currently stored in Dr. Alexander's office.
SCP-914 is the most boring skip. Especially once you've read it over a hundred times. What a narcissist. - Dr. Alexander
Test 914-0366
Name: Dr. Williams
Date: 24/01/2019
Total Items: 5 ███ brand HB Pencils
Input: 1 aforementioned Pencil
Setting: Rough
Output: Burnt sawdust, graphite, yellow paint, rubber, and aluminum in one pile
Input: 1 aforementioned Pencil
Setting: Coarse
Output: Wood, graphite, yellow paint, rubber, and aluminum, all separated and keeping their shape.
Input: 1 aforementioned Pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 pencil, brand less
Input: 1 aforementioned Pencil
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 pencil, with 2 fine tips on each side
Dr. Williams: Very funny 914, very funny.
Input: 1 aforementioned Pencil
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 pencil that seems impossible to break, graphite, wooden structure, and paint. Seems to slow the user's writing down when they spell a word wrong and "remind" them that it is wrong.
Dr. Williams: Keeping this pencil for "research"
Test 914-0367
Name: Researcher Boston K.
Date: 24/01/2019
Total Items: Three binders full of SCP files.
Input: One black binder containing files of SCP-1100 through SCP-1399.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One blue and green binder, containing the plots of all Shaun the Sheep episodes.
Note: What else could I say but "thank you"? -Boston
Input: One white binder containing files of SCP-2700 through SCP-2999, with a small note in front stating that SCP-2935 is not included.
Setting: Fine
Output: A novel titled Dead Days, ostensibly authored by alternatehistory.com Administrator Ian. The premise is the mass teleportation of Utah, the Colorado Western Slope, the Navajo and Hopi Nations (sans Tohajilee Indian Reservation), San Juan, McKinley and Cibola Counties, NM, Alamo, NM and Uinta County, WY from SCP-2935 on April 20, 2026, to the regular world on April 20, 1626, and at the same time resurrecting everyone within it.
Note: 914, you are a God forsaken heretic. -Boston
Input: One red binder containing files of SCP-3700 through SCP-3999, with the front cover printed with a warning stating that SCP-3930 does not exist.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The first item that came out was an anti-Foundation poster by the Christian Democratic Union, dated 2017. On it was the Foundation logo with a Swastika in the middle. The texts read "Secure. Contain. Protect. Exterminate." (Sichern. Enthalten. Schützen. Vernichten.), "Never Forget the Holocaust." (Vergiss Niemals den Holocaust.), and "Vote for the Union Parties." (Stimmen Sie für die Unionsparteien.) It should be noted that according to The Eleventh Hour, Germany was part of the United States-led Bloomington Alliance (other important members included Poland, Italy and India, with Russia being in an associated state status), which uprooted much of the SCP Foundation in a ten-year war (it was a few years after the war ended when the titular military operation took place).
The second item was a political commentary by Popular Socialist Party of Mexico Chairwoman Esther Amalia Zapatista titled Our Ultimate Revolution: 13 Reasons Why Capitalism Will Fail, dated 2047. In the book, Ms. Zapatista claimed that the existing Capitalist world is fundamentally flawed, and with the possible yet controversial exceptions of Cuba, Finland, Iceland, and Estonia, no country has came close to attaining real, egalitarian Socialism. The opening quote of the book, "You don't walk away from Gethsemane", implies that blood would be shed on the path to achieving Socialism.
Both items placed into secure storage.
Note: And here I was, thinking what the absolute ████ was wrong with the existing system. This Zapatista person sure is good at debating and persuading, but the problem is: in a world of political █████████, can Socialism ever triumph? - Boston
Note: When you're done debating philosophy with a malfunctioning inanimate object, Site Director Hackett would like to know how you obtained 898 classified files, some of which above your clearance level. Don't tell me, I don't want to know. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0368
Name: Assistant Researcher Erickson
Date: 26/01/2019
Total Items: Two flash-drives, each containing the entire foundation dossier on Dr. Beiderman.
Note: This test was never approved by any senior staff.
Input: One flash-drive.
Setting: Fine
Output: One bust of Dr. Beiderman, made out of the same materials as the hard drive, with an equivalent mass.
That's not what I needed, 914. C'mon, help me out here. I need to find him. -Assistant Researcher Erickson.
Input: One flash-drive.
Setting: Fine
Output: One flash-drive. Said flash-drive contained all previously redacted details on the current whereabouts of Dr. Beiderman.
Note: Thank you 914. -Assistant Researcher Erickson
Note: The current whereabouts of Assistant Researcher Erickson are unknown. Anybody who encounters him is to apprehend him IMMEDIATELY. He is in possession of information above his clearance level.- Security Chief Ozark
Test 914-0369
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 26/01/2019
Total Items: One solid-state USB drive with a capacity of 128 GB. Drive is empty and unformatted.
Note: I wanted to see if 914 could write information onto a drive, and if so what it might put in there. I have a Windows computer on a closed system with no internet or system access. This will be tested with the drive. - Stan
Input: One SSD, empty
Setting: 1:1
Output: One SSD with a USB compatibility. Appears to be a different model than the input device. The drive has a small switch on the top, with the activated position marked with an engraved 'X'. The computer appeared unable to recognize the drive when plugged in, disallowing any manual transferring of files. When the switch was pushed to the 'X' position, the computer malfunctioned. Upon further testing, it appears the drive deletes "System32" off of any computer running Windows OS when the switch is activated. Item has no effect on non-Windows operating systems.
Note: Later that day, a researcher wearing a plastic Guy Fawkes mask entered secure storage using proper security clearance and stole the drive. All Windows computers connected to the Foundation system later came under malware attack despite foundation security software and were disabled via deletion of System32. The researcher responsible was identified through the records of the security card scanner. The researcher has been fired and amnesticized.
Note: I don't think he realized that all of the important Foundation computers run SCP OS. -Stan
Test 914-0370
Name: Researcher Westrin
Date: 28/01/2019
Total Items: Five 16 month 2019 "Baby Animal" calendars.
Input: One 16 month 2019 "Baby Animal" calendar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 16 month 2019 "Sexy Lady" calendar. Pictures show various women in revealing clothing, such as panties, fishnet stockings, and a thong.
Input: One 16 month 2019 "Baby Animal" calendar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 16 month 2019 "Computer Monitors" calendar. Pictures show various computer monitors, each displaying a piece of clothing on their screen, such as a sweater in January, a beanie in April, and a thong in July.
Input: One 16 month 2019 "Baby Animal" calendar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 16 month 2019 "Burritos" calendar. Pictures show various types of burritos being served on a white plate to a table in a restaurant. Each month correlates to a different burrito, such as a bean and cheese burrito for January, a beef burrito filled with jalapenos in September, and, interestingly, a chicken burrito with a thong inside of it in July.
Input: One 16 month 2019 "Baby Animal" calendar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 16 month 2019 "OSHA Hazards" calendar. Pictures show various situations in a workplace that would constitute as a violation of OSHA code, such as a teenager using lab equipment without goggles in January, a blocked fire exit in October, and a construction worker without a hardhat and wearing a thong in July.
Input: One 16 month 2019 "Baby Animal" calendar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 16 month 2019 "Flags of Moldova" calendar. Every month in the calendar is an unchanged national flag of the European nation of Moldova, with the exception of July, where the cross in the bird's beak is replaced by a thong.
Test 914-0371
Name: Doctor North
Date: 28/01/2019
Total Items: Cimmerian's copy of “Clef, Kondraki, and a 20oz Aquafina Water Bottle. Part 2”
Input: Above mentioned.
Setting: 1:1
Output: “Clef, Kondraki, and the 20oz Aquafina Water Bottle. Part 3, but now with Bright”
Test 914-0372
Name: Dr. Calloway
Date: 29/01/2019
Total Items: 1 note, labeled "Best Researcher ever".
Input: 1 note, labeled "Best Researcher ever".
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 note, labeled "Veritas"
Note: Suck up. -Dr. Calloway
Test 914-0373
Name: Dr. Cleveland
Date: 29/01/2019
Total Items: 1 post-it note, printed with the question "Is the Russian Federation democratic or not?"
Input: 1 post-it note, printed with the question "Is the Russian Federation democratic?"
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 post-it note, printed with the Presidential portraits of George W. Bush and Donald Trump, and the words "Consider these two guys".
*Cough* Electoral college *Cough* -Cleveland
Test 914-0374
Name: Dr. Thompson
Date: 29/01/2019
Total items: A picture of Dr. Thompson with her husband Eric Thompson. The background is white and Eric Thompson is on the right with Dr. Thompson on the left
Input: Above mentioned
Setting: 1:1
Output: A picture of both Dr. Thompson and Eric Thompson. The background is gray and the two are kissing in the photo with Dr. Thompson on the left and Eric Thompson on the right.
Compared to others, this is pretty tame. -Dr. Thompson
Test 914-0375
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 29/01/2019
Total Items: One blue Mad Bomber rabbit fur hat
Note: Found my old hat in my attic and decided to put it through. - Stan
Input: Rabbit fur hat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Hat appears unchanged, except red. The USSR national anthem is playing continuously from an unknown source in the earflaps.
Note: Evidently 914 is a fan of the Motherland. Can't seem to get it to shut up, but it looks nice. - Stan
Test 914-0376
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Date: 30/01/2019
Total Items: five pieces of sourdough bread.
Input: One piece of sourdough bread.
Setting: Fine.
Output: One piece of toasted sourdough bread.
Input: One piece of sourdough bread.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Appeared to be above piece of bread, however, on contact with open air, it began to grow exponentially, until the testing chamber was filled. Testing revealed that the yeast inside of the bread had been modified to produce gas at increased rates. Bread was incinerated.
Note: Remaining proposed tests aborted. I understand that the plant life was overlooked, but this serves as a warning. Living organisms are still Living organisms, and require O5 approval. - Veritas
Test 914-0377
Name: Researcher Ewen Brooks
Date: 30/01/2019
Total Items: One book named: Garfield at Large
Input: Garfield at Large text.
Setting: Fine.
Output: One Garfield at Large text. All comic strips were converted into live action images of Garfield: The Movie.
Note: The altered images made no correlation to the previous comic strip. I will recycle this later - Researcher Ewen Brooks
Test 914-0378
Name: Dr. Nukea
Date: 30/01/2019
Total items: Two copies of 17 again.
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of 17 again but it’s animated and the main character Mike O’Donnel has been replaced by Wolf O’Donnel from the Star Fox series.
It was decent, I guess. -Dr. Nukea
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of 13 going on 30
I’m a huge fan of 17 again. But 13 going on 30 isn’t my cup of tea. I’m leaving it in the break room if anyone wants to watch it. I might put more of my copies of 17 again into SCP 914. -Dr. Nukea
Note: …How many copies do you need in life, Nukea? - Veritas
Test 914-0379
Name: Dr.Peterson
Date: 30/01/2019
Total Items 2 fountain pens.
Input: 1 fountain pen
Setting: 1:1
Output 1 spinning pen.
Input: 1 fountain pen
Setting Fine
Output 1 "fountain" pen that proceeded to shoot copious amounts of ink from an unknown source. Item was immediately incinerated.
Note: I just bought these! - Peterson
Test 914-0380
Name: Dr. Fiael, MD
Date: 30/01/2019
Total Items: 5 complete SynCardiaTM brand total artificial hearts (TAH)
Input: 1 TAH
Setting: Rough
Output: Pile of plastic (biocompatible), Velcro, magnets of varying shape and size, and a patent for the device printed on squares of antimicrobial cloth, which appear in several languages (English, Chinese, German, Japanese).
Input: 1 TAH
Setting: Coarse
Output: A metallic box that has four chambers of equal size and outflow valves to and from each. The chambers are lined on all interior surfaces with biocompatibale plastic. Attached to the exterior of the box is a handle, which is attached to a crank. The crank moves fluid through the box for as long as manual force is applied to it.
Input: 1 TAH
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two ventricular assist devices, one intended for placement in the right side of the heart; the other intended for placement in the left side of the heart.
Note: The output machines each take the function of the heart's pumping action. The one intended for the right side of the heart isn't used much in practice due to high risk of complications, which is why the TAH was created. Essentially, 1 artificial heart = two $\frac{1}{2}$ artificial hearts.
Input: 1 TAH
Setting: Fine
Output: Nothing is initially observed in the output chamber. Closer inspection of the surfaces shows a thin accumulation of dust that was not present previously. The dust is later revealed to be millions of individual nanoparticulate mechanisms. Chemical analysis of the immediate environment as well as shavings of the output chamber's interior reveal a significant increase in oxygen and extrinsic nutrients.
Note: The purpose of the cardiovascular system is to deliver oxygen and nutrients to the tissues. The nanoparticles apparently achieve this via controlled diffusion, without the need for an organ or delivery system.
Input: 1 TAH
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Native materials of the TAH have been rearranged to resemble several fruits and vegetables (inedible). A perfectly functioning pedometer was also retrieved.
Note: Seems to be suggesting preventative care.
Test 914-0381
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 30/01/2019
Total Items: 3 abridged copies of MT Johnson's personnel file, which have been scrubbed of all sensitive information
Note: Since 914 partially operates by intent of the operator, let's see what happens when I create some feedback by putting in information about myself.
Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of the mission statement of the Department of Maintenance, an obscure department which is responsible for the upkeep of SCP containment enclosures.
Note: If no one's heard of us, then that mean's we're doing our jobs correctly. - MT Johnson
Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: Fine
Output: One large origami wrench embossed with the words "Secure, Maintain, Protect"
Note: About what I expected, but that's not the Foundation's actual slogan. Perhaps it's my perception of it? - MT Johnson
Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The file now contains several pages of the word "maintain" handwritten over and over in printer ink. Writing confirmed as identical to that of MT Johnson. Writing starts out normally but gets rougher and rougher as it progresses, as well as containing an increasing number of capital letters. By the end it is barely legible as well as being entirely capitalized. The folder has what appears to be an emblem made up of a pair of crossed wrenches pressed into it's front and back as well.
Note: This feels like its from the typewriter scene from The Shining. I'm just going to leave this in secure storage and try to forget that this ever happened. - MT Johnson
Test 914-0382
Name: Dr. Harvey the ll
Date: 30/01/2019
Total items: One microwaveable breakfast with a biscuit and a sausage.
Input: Above mentioned
Setting: 1:1
Output: One microwaveable breakfast with two pancakes & a piece of bacon. After further testing, the items are made out of the same ingredients & are the same mass.
Note: Dr. Harvey the ll says he has poor eyesight & mistook SCP 914 for a microwave. I’m not sure how he did it either. - Terren.
Test 914-0383
Name: Jr. Researcher Smith
Date: 02/02/2019
Total Items: Two old computers
Input: Computer with Linux Mint installed
Setting: 1:1
Output: Computer with Arch Linux installed. Colour of case changed from beige to pink, technical specifications remain the same.
Input: Laptop with windows/mint dual boot and a nonfunctional battery.
Setting: Very fine
Output: Laptop with no obvious way of connecting any peripherals. Keys on the keyboard have been replaced with unidentified symbols which are also used to present the text on the screen. Battery has shown life of at least twelve hours and is unremovable.
Note: That language? It's all geek to me - Jr. Researcher Smith
Test 914-0384
Name: Doctor North
Date: 02/02/2019
Total Items: 1 United States of America penny. 1 United Kingdom penny. 1 Reichspfennig (A penny used by Nazi Germany).
Input: 1 United States of America Penny.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 United States of America Penny with the year 1111 printed on the date. An unknown female face is printed on the face of the coin. The coin’s tail is a picture of a hand with seven fingers spread out.
Input: 1 United Kingdom penny
Setting: Fine
Output: A small circular object that spins with constant perpetual motion.
Input: 1 Reichspfennig
Setting: Very fine
Output: A small square metallic disk that reflects light. The color of the reflected light is inconsistent, ranging from all possible known colors every time a new light source is reflected off of it.
Notes: “Tests with the perpetual motion coin and the reflective metallic disk are still being conducted. Facial recognition software is inconclusive regarding the unidentified female face. -Doctor North.”
Test 914-0385
Name: Dr. Nukea
Date: 02/05/2019
Total items: Three copies of 17 again
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: Fine
Output: A copy of security footage of the hallway nearby SCP 914. The date for it is 02/07/1997.
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: Very fine
Output: A copy of 17 again but it’s always played in reverse. The entire screen is also red and the words PK fire appear on the screen whenever someone says a word with the letter O in it.
I’m so confused -Dr. Nukea.
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A copy of 17 again but all the actors are replaced with SCP staff members. Examples of people in it are Dr. Nukea, Dr. Thompson, former staff member Dr. Harvey, Dr. Harvey the ll, Dr. Terren, Dr. Tamsen, Dr. Doe, Dr. Peterson, Dr. Vand, Dr. Veritas, and Dr. Ricardo.
Note: I’ve spoken with every other person and they have no memory of this. I don’t even remember this. - Dr. Nukea
Note: Nukea, how many of these do you have? More importantly: Why? - Veritas
Note: If you don't mind, I'd like a copy of the last test's results. For research, of course. -Dr. Ricardo
Test 914-0386
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 02/02/2019
Total Items: One Keurig K-cup. K-cup contains Swiss Miss brand hot cocoa.
Note: Wanted to see what might come out. - Stan
Input: Hot cocoa K-cup.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Small plastic container. The container does not fit into any Keurig brand machine and appears to be a form of puzzle box.
Note: I don't hear anything in here when I shake it, gonna keep this and work on opening it. - Stan
Additional note: I got it open a few hours later. The box had a cube of hardened cocoa powder in it. The cube dissolved in water and made a fine cup of cocoa. - Stan
Test 914-0387
Name: Dr. Nukea
Date: 03/02/2019
Total items: Four copies of 17 again
Just a little spring cleaning ya know? I got this pocket dimension filled with copies of 17 again and want to improve them. -Dr. Nukea
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of shredded plastic next to broken pieces of the movie 17 again
Note: Dr. Nukea cried when he realized that it wasn’t on 1:1
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of the movie Seventeen again. This isn’t the 17 again made in 2009 but the 2000’s version.
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of sixteen candles
Input: A copy of 17 again
Setting: Very fine
Output: A Russian bootleg of ''17 again'' called ''18 once more''.
Note: What a horrible movie. That was a blatant cash grab. -Dr Nukea
Note: For God's sake, Nukea, this question is keeping me up at night! - Veritas
Test 914-0388
Name: Researcher Carter Wilson
Date: 03/02/2019
Total Items: One piece of paper with "Hello" written on it in pencil
Note: I'm going to try to talk to 914. -Carter
Input: One piece of standard notebook paper, with "Hello" written on it.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Same as above, but instead of "Hello" written on it, there is a drawing of a duck.
Input: Above Output
Setting: 1:1
Output: An origami duck.
Note: That was not what I was going for. -Carter
Test 914-0389
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 04/02/2019
Total Items: One standard-issue military entrenching tool, one block of steel approximately one kilogram in weight.
Input: The aforementioned items.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two standard-issue military entrenching tools.
Note: …I suppose that's about what I expected. Since I've got the two of them here, though… - Dr. Hadian
Input: One standard-issue military entrenching tool, as produced by SCP-914.
Setting: Fine
Output: An anomalous military entrenching tool that, when held, prompts the subject to attempt to exchange it for cheap goods and services, regardless of whether the recipient is willing to accept it.
Note: The remainder of the test postponed while I go see if anyone wants a duplicated shovel. - Dr. Hadian
Note: Dr. Hadian has been sent to the antimemetics department for treatment by Dr. Veritas, or to use his words: ''No, I don't want a [REDACTED] spade.'' - Security Officer Schwartz
Test 914-0390
Name: Dr. Greenway, Memetics Researcher
Date: 04/02/2019
Total Items: 3 DVD box sets containing the entire television series Monty Python's Flying Circus
Note: After what happened last time, all the products of this experiment will only be viewed by D-Class. I prefer being able to remember my experiments after I perform them.
Input: 1 DVD Box Set
Setting: 1:1
Output: One DVD box set of all the Monty Python movies. No observable anomalous effects.
Note: Left in anomalous items storage, just in case. Yes, I know I'm overly paranoid. Please stop bugging me about it. It's hard to tell what's normal and what's not when it comes to Monty Python reactions. - Dr. Greenway
Input: 1 DVD Box Set
Setting: Fine
Output: One mosaic of the Monty Python comedy group, using the plastic packaging as backing. Confirmed to match an existing photograph. Observers profess approval of the persons depicted, even if they have never heard of Monty Python before.
Note: I left it in the part of the anomalous item storage wing reserved for stuff from 914, right next to the DVD box set.
Input: 1 DVD Box Set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 unmarked box containing one very large DVD. It was found to contain θ' seasons of a cognitohazardous TV show that causes all viewers of it to fall into a coma. Application of amnestics reverses these effects.
Note: What… I don't… I don't understand… what? - D-8117
Note: It appears I accidentally created a congruous confusion-coma causing cognitohazard. - Dr. Greenway
Test 914-0391
Name: Doctor Briggs
Date: 05/02/2019
Total Items: 1 ''Oculus Rift'' brand virtual reality headset.
Input: 1 headset
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 sphere comprised of plastic and electronic components. When viewed, the sphere takes the appearance of an enlarged version of the observer's eye.
Note: Oculus. Eye. Very funny 914.
Test 914-0392
Name: Dr. Range — Medical Department
Date: 05/02/2019
Total Items: 1 Class-B amnestic, small tablet.
Note: Attempting to see if 914 can create more powerful amnestics. A low level one was used for obvious reasons.
Input: Class-B amnestic tablet
Setting: Fine
Output: Visually unchanged tablet. Anyone within a five meter radius of this tablet appears to suffer from short-term memory loss, which is removed once outside the range.
Note: Took a while, but eventually tablet was incinerated. Every time someone tried to move it, they'd take two steps, forget why they had it, and set it down -Dr. Range
Test 914-0393
Name: Jr. Researcher Glass
Date: 06/02/2019
Total Items: 1 "Bongo Controller" used in the game Donkey Kong Jungle Beat
Input: 1 Bongo Controller
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 name brand set of bongos with an image of the character Donkey Kong imprinted on the side. When played, anyone who has played any video game featuring any character from the Donkey Kong Series will experience feelings of nostalgia, regardless of their opinion of the series or when they last played a game in the series. Those who don't apply to this condition will simply find the beat from the bongos to be extremely pleasant.
Test 914-0394
Name: Dr. Wallace
Date: 06/02/2019
Total Items: One Milka white chocolate bar.
Input: The Milka chocolate bar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Three Musketeers chocolate bar, upon closer inspection the wrapper reads: "0% less fat!", upon ingestion, a individual may feel sick, vomit, and faint if not given medical attention.
Note: Ingestion of the respective candy bar has been restricted due to a health hazard to personnel.
Note: No way! Because I was absolutely itching to try that. - Veritas
Test 914-0395
Name: Jr. Researcher Micheal Isalo
Date: 07/02/2019
Total Items: Three 1 dram samples of SCP-837
Input: 1 dram of SCP-837, rolled into a ball.
Setting: Rough
Output: The entire 3mx2.1mx2.1m output chamber was initially filled with clay, with small lines noticeable along the surface. Upon applying slight pressure to empty the chamber, the clay began collapsing in on itself, eventually setting down to a single dram of clay. Final sample demonstrates consistent properties of SCP-837.
Input: 1 dram of SCP-837, rolled into a ball.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 2 clay balls of different sizes, measured as weighing 2 drams and 0.5 drams. Both balls were able to have 1 dram chunks removed without affecting mass, consistent with SCP-837. While the 2 dram ball could be combined and removed as normal, adding the 0.5 dram sample to a 3 dram sample resulted in a 1.5 dram sample which could not be restored. Adding the 2 dram sample resulted in a standard 3 dram sample, which could not be further factorized.
Input: 1 dram of SCP-837, rolled into a ball
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 clay ball, weighing 1 pennyweight, exhibiting similar features to SCP-837. Sample could not be combined with standard instances of SCP-837. As well, output chamber contained a small pile of non-anomalous clay weighing just under 217 mg (the weight difference between 1 dram and 1 pennyweight.)
Test 914-0396
Name: Dr. Clocks
Date: 07/02/2019
Total Items: Three pieces of quartz.
Input: One piece of quartz
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of amethyst that shares the same weight and shape as the input quartz.
Input: One piece of quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: One opal with the same weight and shape as the input quartz.
Input: One piece of quartz
Setting: Very Fine
Output: When output door opened a bright light partially blinded all in testing area. Source of light was a piece of quartz. Testing revealed that the quartz reflected and increased light that struck it, the quartz could also contain a large amount of energy.
Note: Permission to keep amethyst and opal? - Dr. Clocks
Note: Granted. - Veritas
Test 914-0397
Name: Researcher C. Boy
Date: 07/02/2019
Total Items: Three copies of the movie "Back To The Future" on DVD.
Input: One copy of the movie "Back To The Future".
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the movie "Back To The Future Part II".
Input: One copy of the movie "Back To The Future".
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of the movie "Back To The Future" that alters from the original in that the character ''Doc Brown'' makes a machine which appears to be SCP-914 instead of the time machine.
Input: One copy of the movie "Back To The Future".
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One copy of the movie "Back To The Future" that when viewed slowly ages the viewer by one year every five minutes. The copy was destroyed after its anomalous effects became noticeable.
Test 914-0398
Name: Dr. Williams
Date: 08/02/2019
Total Items: One wooden yard stick, half a kg of wood
Input: One wooden yard stick, half a kg of wood
Setting: Fine
Output: One meter stick, thicker then the yard stick
Note: I think I hear a bald eagle crying - Dr. Williams
Test 914-0399
Name: Researcher C. Boy
Date: 08/02/2019
Total Items: Two standard issue rubber erasers.
Input: One standard eraser
Setting: Fine
Output: One standard eraser that can completely erase any marks made by a writing utensil no matter the tool used.
Input: One standard eraser
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One standard eraser that seemingly erased everything it managed to make contact with. A researcher attempted to collect the object. This caused his fingers to be erased from existence. Object then bored through the ground and was lost.
Note: Interestingly enough, the second object did not bore through the base of SCP-914 - Researcher C. Boy