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Haha, excellent catch! I considered putting in an entire list of tongue twister inspired flavors since it was so much fun coming up with those few, but figured it was probably better for story flow not to indulge too much.

by Jim NorthJim North, 18 Sep 2021 17:07
DrMassDrMass 18 Sep 2021 17:07
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-049

OH damn the new images actually look good!

by DrMassDrMass, 18 Sep 2021 17:07

Oops, thanks for catching that! And thanks for the good words. Shame I'm probably never going to finish this.

Or, at least, this particular version of this. Other ideas are in the works …

by Jim NorthJim North, 18 Sep 2021 17:03

Typo fixed, thankya!

Re: 411 upvotes by Jim NorthJim North, 18 Sep 2021 16:58

I appreciate your feedback and il try reworking the story of my scp. :D

Thanks For Your Feedback by AgentRoseAgentRose, 18 Sep 2021 16:57

Thanks for the feedback! After taking a little bit to organize my thoughts based on the feedback, I wanted to follow up and see if you had any additional feedback you could provide:

1) I think horror is likely the wrong category, especially the more I think about it. While it would likely be considered a "horrible"/"horrifying" creature, I don't believe the article itself would be horror in that way, especially in the SCP boards.

2) The more I thought about the SCP when I was originally conceptualizing it, I had wanted it to be a few things:

  • Sadistic and interested in causing harm/pain, but not a random murder monster who kills everyone nearby
  • Strong enough with its anomalous abilities to cause appreciable harm, but still imminently "mortal" (i.e., if the Foundation decided to neutralize the anomaly with a MTF armed with conventional foundation weaponry, they would be able to)
  • The anomaly has the ability to determine right from wrong in at least its own moral compass that is similar to a humans (more on this at bottom)
  • The anomaly stays contained in timeout because it recognizes it has done something wrong, but an infraction is only able to keep it in timeout for a period of time (that the anomaly believes to be an appropriate amount of punishment)

As an example of morality, one of the ideas was that during an experiment, a D-Class personnel would be sent in to be mutilated, and afterwards upon attempting to chastise the anomaly, the anomaly would reply that it didn't do anything wrong and, in fact, was a god girl for doing exactly what they wanted it to: mutilating the provided sacrifice. This carrying the implicit/explicit weight that it could not just be periodically "fed" a D-Class to keep it in timeout, but instead would have to cause harm to a person it was not intended/supposed to (researchers, guards, etc.).

3) I think my goal/idea for the Foundation response and part of where my interest in the SCP lies is that, in addition to the original issues/errors in containment and understanding the anomaly, there would be three pending actions on the SCP file:

  1. A request to upgrade containment conditions. The SCP foundation doesn't have unlimited funding, so the anomaly is contained in relatively low security conditions due to its current "compliance" but indication that it may only stay in containment so long due to its current deeds may necessitate a stricter containment procedure
  2. A request to attain a counselor for the SCP with the idea that the SCP understands right from wrong and the severity of what it does, so it may be able to be reformed or convinced to cease its sadistic ways. An addendum includes however the point that the SCP considers following instructions to be a "good" act, so doing this would likely decrease the amount of time between any containment breaches (as the SCP balances good vs bad for it to determine whether or not it believes it should be in timeout).
  3. A proposal to the ethics committee for the neutralization of the SCP. This uses some of the same logic as the proposal for a counselor, the SCP understands ethically/morally what it is doing and therefore will not change its ways. Additionally, this touches on the above that it is believed that neutralization of the SCP could be handled relatively simply through use of conventional force.

The idea is some similar but competing ideas for dealing with the SCP. For neutralization, I am a bit back and forth, because I think it paints the right tone for the foundation as cold and primarily interested in containing anomalies, but willing to consider neutralization as an option (hence the proposal). Also, tying in to the difference, in my opinion, with other "murder monsters" where the SCP is dangerous is will maim/disfigure individuals, but doesn't just periodically go on a murderous rampage so it is not as high of a threat to safety/life.

Apologies for all of the text, but it has been helpful for organizing my thoughts on what exactly the goal/purpose of the article is. If you have any additional feedback, I would love to hear it.

1) The narrative is solid.

2) Sorry about the missing bits of crit. I have no idea what happened to it. That said, how will you end this story? You say it's the computer dealing with its own emotional problems, but how does it end? When will you end it?

3) What sort of emotional problem is the computer facing to actually cause the anomaly to happen?


I like it. The idea that the couple conflates "being better" with "making the other worse" is sound, and that this situation is somehow the ideal method an AI chose to do to sort out its problems is fun. There's a lot of potential here. Greenlight. Reminder you need one more greenlight.

Good luck.


bloop

You're free to delete the article yourself, but it'll get deleted by staff if it reaches -10.

by Dr GoldenDr Golden, 18 Sep 2021 16:49

Thank you for the input. I go back to the drawing board I guess.
should I delete the article or is that something you all will take care of?

by Doctor StormshotDoctor Stormshot, 18 Sep 2021 16:42
Cole 13Cole 13 18 Sep 2021 16:40
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-5707

Number 100! Congrats!

by Cole 13Cole 13, 18 Sep 2021 16:40

Resummoned via PM.

1) Are you ESL? It's not exactly a problem, but it's far more difficult to make a successful article like that.

2) Judging by what you've written here, there's a lot of telling and not enough showing. This guy is just spilling out his whole life story. What was the narrative up to that point? What did you write?


I don't really know what's going to happen, where the story will end. How will you end this story?


bloop

Hello author! Your SCP has several glaring issues. Let's take a look.

  • There are several SPaG errors and a lack of clinical tone present within this SCP.
  • "Subject is allowed to roam freely around the facility, accompanied by no less than one (1) security personnel." - Allowing SCPs to roam freely in a facility is not only a major security risk but is also frowned upon lately.
  • "In the event of another SCP breaching containment, SCP-6105 is to be allowed to track down and pursue the subject in question." - Again, a major security risk. The Foundation would almost never allow this.
  • The description of the SCP remarkably resembles the "Gems" species from the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe". Both this SCP and Gems dissipate their physical forms to a gem-like structure when heavily damaged and take time to reform their bodies once they do this. Both this SCP and Gems are able to freely manipulate their body. Both this SCP and Gems are able to manifest weaponry from thin air. I am unsure if you were aware of this so I'll chalk it up to coincidence but the resemblance is uncanny.
  • The narrative present in this SCP makes unnecessary connections to popular Series I SCPs. The character of SCP-6105 is nearly nonexistent; they feel like a Mary Sue. The SCP is trusted by the Foundation, helpful towards them, able to subdue SCP-682, is part of their own MTF squadron is fairly intelligent and doesn't fear death. The entire document serves to show the reader how "cool" SCP-6105 is, instead of telling a coherent story.
  • Overall, there is very little (original) substance within this SCP.

I'd recommend taking a look at our guides:

How to Write an SCP

Guide for Newbies

Good luck!

by Dr GoldenDr Golden, 18 Sep 2021 16:32

Summoned via PM.

1) This isn't wholesome. It's actually somewhat creepy. You have an anomaly hitting on a woman that knows intensely personal information about her. It's less a matter of "hey, it knows about the Foundation" to "hey, this is stalking".

2) As you've pointed out, it's incel behavior to do a heel turn when she rejects you, but judging from what you've described so far, it's actually uncharacteristic of the anomaly. It's slightly obsessed, it's overbearingly confident. It's going to have some grudges. It's going to react negatively.

3) There's a real good story here about internet culture. The use of Spotify playlists makes sense, in that there are a lot of people out there that act harmless but are super fucked up. Personally, I'd recommend pursuing horror.


There's a pretty good idea here. This could be a very scary and very realistic story. It's a story that every woman out there has seen. Just need to iron out some of the kinks.


bloop

Summoned via PM

Kind regards,

Golem.

I enjoyed this. I think more tests, or even opening it up for other people to contribute to the experiment log, could be a lot of fun. Then again, I have a soft spot for inncent objects potentially being dangerous thanks to sentience. I could get a sense of the quarters personality.

Maybe a little more to justify it hating Hartwell enough to kill him. Seems a little extreme for movie opinions and lotto numbers. Especially since Dune was flipping it despite it not liking it, and he made an effort to keep from hurting them.

No vote on verge of up vote for now.

by MissAdjustedMissAdjusted, 18 Sep 2021 16:09

LETS GOOOO HOLY SHIT

Absolutely insane. I'm still somewhat in shock at how much people like this.

As part of a promise I made, Jackson is getting a name change, he is now… the buddy Eric.

+400 by LamentteLamentte, 18 Sep 2021 16:02

I feel like this is somewhat familiar to an already-existing SCP.

by SpottierSpottier, 18 Sep 2021 16:00

I'm honestly surprised I didn't read this sooner. I don't know how you feel about this article nowadays, Stonefish, but I seriously loved it. Stories like this that cross existing media with the SCP Universe have always intrigued me, and this has probably become one of my new favorites.

1+


pastarasta1 is quick-talking and often scheming

by pastarasta1pastarasta1, 18 Sep 2021 16:00

This does so much in such a short word count, I've had to reread it a few times just to understand why it appeals to me so much. The buildup is great, and the world building is presented in such a matter of fact historical tone that it feels like its being read straight from a textbook, but leaves plenty of room for other stories to be imagined in the gaps that it leaves. The combination of real history and SCP Canon works really well here, and the last line is a fantastic slam dunk of a finisher. +1 forever

by YefreitorYefreitor, 18 Sep 2021 15:54
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