Thanks to 19, especially BlackWing, Deveraux, and especially Zyn for adding that rating module I always forget >.>
SCP-2164 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2164.
I like the idea behind this, but the execution just seems a little off. The nature of the "magic field" isn't fully explained (do they each have their own, or are they connected in some way?). I didn't like that last log in particular because of the "old english" -A spoke and the clumsy expungement at the end. No vote for now.
Each has their own field, and they're not supposed to enter each other's. I did draw on my limited knowledge of old English as much as I could, but I would appreciate more help polishing it.
Honestly, if this guy is an immortal, his dialect probably would have kept up with the times, so there's really no need for old english in the first place.
I assumed that he talked that way just to be pretentious.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
Yep. He's old and stubborn and thinks B is an idiot, so I didn't think he'd update his dialect.
I like it; The new age vs old age thing is clever, the dialog in the incident log is fun, and it's all around excellent writing. This could have slid easily into -J territory, but it's been done well as a serious SCP. +1
2 little notes:
The 'Tests Involving SCP-2164-B' section, Test 2, last line, "SCP-XXXX-B refused to elaborate further."
Just need to replace that XXXX
Also, in the closing statement - The italicizing '//' at the begin and end are visible, and did not italicize that part. Not exactly sure why not, but shouldn't be too tricky to fix.
Those are the only things I saw wrong with the entry.
Okay you guys want Middle English? You get your Middle English
Oi, I remember this one when it was in the forums. Always loved it.
Ooookay. Well, I like the overall idea, of a field in which magic works. I like -A a lot, it seems well-thought out and interesting. I do not at all like your attitude towards -B, which seems full of lazy stereotypes (O.C. California? Really?) and a sneering attitude.
I also think it's far too long. I got bored reading through the descriptions of -B's tests, as they were all basically the same. I did like that you can't bring people with a high IQ near her, because I couldn't figure out why that might be, and that was intriguing. But that was about all I liked about -B.
My suggestion: get rid of -B, explore -A's attitude a little more. Where does he think he is? What has he been doing for hundreds of years? How was he contained initially? Some hint of his personality (beyond a generic 'I am warlock I have power' cliché) would be very nice.
Oh, and the Middle English is essentially pointless. I respect that you've put effort into it, but think about this from a Foundation point of view. How is it in any way useful to them to have untranslated text in an entirely different language to the rest in the middle of documentation? 99% of the readers of this file aren't going to understand it.
I'd been mulling over how to do a "new age magic actually works… sometimes" SCP for a while, and I think that you knocked it out of the park here. Contrasting it with alchemy was a great idea.
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.
(account deleted)The one thing keeping me from upvote is the plethora of logs. After one or two showing their effects and personalities, I think we get the point. The interview helps drive home their feelings toward each other. I do suggest making it clearer that each person has their own field effect.
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page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
