17 Luxemburg Prospekt / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page 17 Luxemburg Prospekt.

The cellar door is an open throat

(account deleted) 03 Jan 2019 13:52

Written for the Art Exchange for Zhange, who requested "a story about the Neo-Sarkites."

Inspired by a bit in Mikhael Bulgakov's Master and Margarita, where he describes an apartment where people keep getting disappeared by the secret police. I don't know if it was in the section proper, or just something I read on the section, but I remember the description of it as a "hungry apartment," and that always stuck with me.

Thanks to Rumetzen, Hippo, DarkStuff, Metaphysician, GeneR, and lots of other people I am forgetting (I am sorry, and will add you when I can look at IRC logs) for great critique.

Last edited on 15 Jan 2019 12:56 by (account deleted) Show more

mayoculpa 03 Jan 2019 15:26

This is just beautiful. One can't really say "humans are the real monsters" applies here, but humans are definitely also monsters. The house and the secret police have quite a few similarities, from their victims' perspective, so the mistake is understandable.

Very much captures the mood of Master and Margarita, a book I loved and haven't thought of in awhile. It was, ironically, recommended to me by an ex who was also named Maria and also (spoiler) very keen on setting things on fire.

rumetzen 04 Jan 2019 21:36

As always, your attention to detail and historical vision is excellent. I liked this a lot.

Gene R 10 Jan 2019 16:57

I started working on a translation. There are some errors that I've likely missed during proof-reading:

+ Show

Maria still time to adjust

Did you accidentally a word?

work at the the telephone company

I honestly doubt there were any companies. Phone stations, probably, or this.

and responded to her questions with one .

one what?

Maria hear a soft thumb.

Two typos.

unsure of what to do

Is seen two times within several paragraphs of each other, kinda repetitive.

better known as the Okhrana

Okhranka, with a second "k". I do know that "Okhrana" stands for "security", "okhranka" is like a tongue-in-cheek term for "that security joint"

(account deleted) 15 Jan 2019 12:56

Thanks for the look over, and all of your help.

All fixed, except the last one. It's one of those translation convention things, like using militia vs. police. In English, they are almost always referred to as the Okhrana.

MalyceGraves 21 Nov 2019 19:31

I loved this. +1