It's been a while since there's been a Class of '76 SCP, and this is a pretty good one. Great work on your first article. +1.
SCP-4976 / Discussion
Forum
» Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions
» SCP-4976
This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4976.
Summoned for crit
This doesn't do a whole lot for me, it's covering well-tread ground already explored by other Class of 76 skips, and the inclusion of the receipt and what happens should it exchange hands seems like it makes it needlessly convoluted.
What killed it for me was the addenda detailling various photos and their inscriptions. Nothing here really stands out as intruging. The subjects of the photos don't seem significant in any way, to the point where I could imagine them being interchangeable with one another/something else entirely, and while the text has an air of progression, nothing about it really sinks in as evocative or meaningful, and I'm left nodding, with a basic impression of surface-level Co76 shenanigans.
I think this needs more specitivity or seeming intent to carve out its own niche in the Co76 collection, what's present doesn't cut it for me, personally.
The addendum is meant to provide some story as to the purpose for the SCP's creation. I understand and accept the downvote (it is still my first SCP, after all, so I'm bound to make some mistakes), I just wanted to explain the purpose for the addendum (and I'm not sure if you noticed the hidden text, so if you didn't, check it out - you may find something interesting).
(account deleted)Really subtle and intriguing; I love it when I am hooked by the uniqueness of an anomaly's containment procedures and description (as opposed to just the addenda). I have very little familiarity with the class of '76 so I'm going to novote for now out of ignorance and come back to this after I've caught up. But I'll point out what I can:
The second paragraph of the description presents an opportunity to get rid of some redundancy: the word "seemingly" is included in each of the sentences.
I think the hidden text, the "Class 4/4976 Security Credentials", and of course the item # are all really great homages to the Class of '76 and SCP-2316. However, the content of the hidden text prior to the Addenda is overdone in my opinion and a bit to roll the eyes a little about. The hidden text in the Addenda is a very nice touch cast as dialogue.
Over time, the true anomalous properties of SCP-4976-3 on SCP-4976-2 will begin to reveal themselves.
I personally feel like this line is unnecessary and is the article's only slight stumble in tone.
Looking forward to more of your work.
Fixed! I appreciate the critique and I agree with you on all points. The pre-addendum hidden text was a relic of an earlier draft and looking back at it, it is kind of an eye-roller. I hope I get to the point where I have more work for you to look forward to!
Hey, I should probably do one of these, huh?
Thanks to RockTeethMothEyes, ExaltedFury, poppychips and more whose names I fail to remember for critiquing this. Thanks to my brother for giving me the idea.
This is my first SCP, so I'm certain it's not devoid of problems. But I look forward to doing more in the future.
It's taken long enough, so I'm going to explain the story of 4976.
In 1976, the Kirk Lonwood High School senior class took a trip. We don't know the details of this trip, but what we do know is that it didn't end well, resulting in SCP-2316.
As you might have guessed, the individual here is a member of the Kirk Lonwood High School Class of 1976. But not all members of the class died. One in particular. That one student was special in a different way as well. They were a minor reality bender. Nothing major, but had Gamers Against Weed been a thing, he probably would have joined.
So this member of the class didn't die, but due to the cognitohazard, he can't visit the lake, or this time he will die. So he needs to reach into his and others' memories to find where his friends are. And he's a reality bender. I'll let you put the rest together.
This is great. Its got a great class of 76 feel to it and is very melancholic.
I also really like the way that 2316 is actually trying to ward someone of from joining them.
+1
My only complaint is that the containment procedures goes too long without even hinting what each subdesignation is supposed to be so it's hard to keep track of it all
/forum/t-9580885/scp-4976#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
