A little empty, and the idea is kind of hard to follow. No vote for now.
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(account deleted)Is it just me, or was this plagiarized?
Really, this is a genuine question, and I mean no disrespect by it. I think I've read this article before, but I can't remember. Maybe it got deleted and this is the repost, i'm not sure.
Now that that's cleared up, I can post my thoughts. Yay, individualism!
The concept on the whole is a little boring and cliche, but what made me give my upvote was that exchange between the two entities at the end. Especially:
No fair, you get the supply closets!
Maybe you saw it on the drafts forum? Sustainable Future, I believe the thread was called.
Yes, it was originally called Sustainable Future. (and is also under my name).
It's weird, and a little hard to follow at times. I like it, though. Pretty solid writing throughout. I'm still not sure that I /get it/, but I'm not sure that's important. +1
Edit: After another read through, I don't like the dust bunnies thing. I don't mind the idea as a "biological building has an immune response" thing, but I don't like that you /call/ them dust bunnies. Not enough for a no vote, but just my thoughts.
If you notice, the logs become less formal as they progress. B2 is minimal, almost robotic. B4 is less robotic, but still formal (almost business-like, if you will). By the final log, both sides are losing their cool until they eventually start acting like human beings. The conflict that they both have (which comes to light in the final log) brings them closer together.
This was just something new I was trying out (well, new for me). If anything else is unclear, feel free to ask.
I was planning to do something like this a while ago, where a building grows at an exponential rate, but I think you did it better than I ever could. +1
Are they literally "dust bunnies", because the -1s seem kinda vague in description.
It's definitely interesting. I like the idea of a building that not only grows, but houses two separate entities that control it. However, there's one that bothers me.
I like the arguing between the two brothers, however I don't know how I feel about them mentioning their father. Why does he want them to control the building and grow? I get that a certain amount of vagueness is nice in any SCP, but this just makes me ask "why?" I totally understand that some SCPs don't need an answer to "why?" because they just are, but this one doesn't give me that vibe. I want to know more, but not in a good satisfying way. I feel like there's something missing.
I probably missed something along the way, and I'll continue giving it another read, but for now I can't seem to vote either way. There's definitely a lot of good potential though, and you seem on the right track!
I like the individual basements, and how they get more complex as they go on. I do have a question though. Is the DNA sequence in B1 supposed to code for anything in particular, or is that just the buildings way of saying "yo, there's some new lifeforms up in here."?
Why does he want them to control the building and grow? I get that a certain amount of vagueness is nice in any SCP, but this just makes me ask "why?" I totally understand that some SCPs don't need an answer to "why?" because they just are, but this one doesn't give me that vibe. I want to know more, but not in a good satisfying way. I feel like there's something missing.
I think the reason you're feeling that way is because there clearly is a "why," it just isn't logically suggested nor explicitly hinted at. This article "tells" quite a lot, so there's no sense that the SCP is ultimately beyond our comprehension or inherently mysterious. It's kind of mysterious just by omission, which results in that sense that something is missing.
To the author, if you're comfortable saying, I would be very interested in the backstory you conceived for this. Knowing that could help suggest some improvements, because while I do think it could use a little work, I also think it is interesting enough to merit doing that work.
My original back story was that this building was designed by an Architect with a vision. That vision is a mix between AWCY and the Venus Project.1
The man who designed this building wanted to show that humanity should take a direction in which our management of resources is self-sustaining. SCP-2555 as a standalone is completely self-sustaining. It gets renewable energy, absorbs nutrients from deep underground, and spits out its wastes back into the ground.
In addition, the two entities (Central and P-Guard) highlight the fact that the building is not just living, but is a complex organism, like most organisms are. The Architect put this in place to show this, but to also have a building that can think for itself and react in certain situations when needed be. After some time though, this Architect stepped out and allowed the two to figure things out on their own (which is the reason why they might feel some anger towards him. He is almost like a father to them).
I really wanted to include this, but I was struggling with how I could include this story element in without it being forced. Even if the Architect himself were to come back to check on the building once in a while, it just seems too much of a coincidence that the Foundation would stumble into him. Similarly, I tried to do a "note drop" in the form of a fancy plaque in the lobby. However, that quickly fell out of favor.
In the end, I decided to drop this. I felt having the conflict between the two entities as the highlight was more natural for me.
EDIT: Now that I think of it, I think this back story would be better expressed as a tale.
Footnotes
1. A real life organization that seeks to turn humanity towards a self-sustaining, resource-based system.
I was digging it up until the final collapsible. The sudden injection of family drama felt unnatural and out of place. +-0 from me.
This is my reaction. "Growing building" has a tasty Series 1 vibe to it. "Growing building… but there's a narrative only tenuously connected and it's conveyed through a bunch of collapsibles" has a rancid Series 3 vibe. The writing was competent and the idea was quite good, but the injection of fighting canceled my upvote.
It works on a lot of levels. It's weird, it's inexplicable, it's interesting, it hints at "more going on beneath the surface" without falling back on generic "oh it's really a threat!", it's dark and whimsical without cheating one for the other, and I love it.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
