My First SCP
Okay, here is my first SCP. After weeks of trying to come up with a good idea, finding a way of putting it into words, and submitting it for peer review, I think it's ready. Please, any criticism is welcome.
SCP-2044 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2044.
You should probably name this on the Series III page.
Just edit the page to put a name next to the link to SCP-2044.
if your reading this your gay
It was strong in the sandbox, and it's strong here. Well done for making a solid first entry! I look forward to seeing a lot more!
I feel it could be a little bit longer, but over all I think it's very soild!
Fairly original, and really dig the visual of a tiny tiny town on a dude's head.
The fly-helicopter repurposed really sold it for me, though. I was just kind of nodding along expecting some wierd dark twist- AND THEN BAM- Helifly carrier shows up. Took it back to a good place for me. +1 all the way!
You have "its"/"it's" mixups and the note in the Procedures is borderline LOLFoundation.
Besides the errors mentioned by Aelanna, you have some other apostrophe placement issues (such as "sit's"). Overall I didn't find the idea captivating enough to upvote and some of the dialogue seemed a tiny bit off to me, but I couldn't really find it in myself to downvote it either. + 0
The idea is cool, but the writing is just a little too off for me. There are a few tonal issues, and some lolfoundation-like moments scattered throughout this that I'm not really a fan of. Also, I doubt that a small explosive device would be precise enough to knock someone into a comatose state without just straight-up killing them.
Downvote, because the writing isn't good enough to back up the strong idea.
I really enjoyed this, I'm a bit of a sucker for SCPs that are "things that are on/in human bodies that shouldn't be" and I felt this one was good, upvoted accordingly
Also you might want to fix the SCP-2044-B spoiler/collapsible thing, when clicked there's a XXXX-B
Not a huge fan of this, it's not terribly written, but at the same time, it's not written well enough either. That and I'm just getting burnt out on the 'weird for the sake of weird' articles.
/forum/t-782306/scp-2044#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
