It's not very interesting. We have a lot of unexplained disappearances, and a few compulsive loves. There's not much else. Also, rating module.
SCP-1759 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1759.
There's just nothing of interest here. It has all the trappings of an article, but nothing actually happens. It's like a sandwich with bread and condiments — only appetizing if you're me and it's not a perfect metaphor, okay? Sometimes powdered apple cider mix and Sriracha on white bread are what you crave, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But yeah. Needs more meat to it.
if your reading this your gay
Meat like back story or something? I could delve into the planes history I guess.
Try to think of the story you want to tell with your article, or what kind of idea or theme you want to explore. For example, the affected individuals saying that they "love Lucy". Why? What's their reasoning for doing that? How does that relate to the plane? Why is it the only thing they say, and why does it seem to sap their focus on anything else? These are questions you have to be able to answer yourself, and then have to be able to hint at in the article. Adding a history for the sake of meat won't necessarily help your article as a whole, but it will at least provide the reader something to latch on to, something to perhaps clue us in as to why we should care about your article.
In addition, your last testing log has a poor use of [REDACTED], namely redacting the entire test. Redactions of tests can be used well, but only if there's suitable buildup for the audience to possibly guess what happened, or suitable aftermath for the audience to wonder what went down. Just saying "let's not do that again" and saying nobody should enter the plane without touching the artwork isn't enough of a hook for us to feel the creepiness or mystery you're trying to provide.
I'm really not feeling the dialog here; it's pretty clumsy, particularly the second and third experiments. Also, light aircraft do not hover in a circle unless they are a Robinson R22! I see what you're trying to do, but like Scantron said, not really enough meat here.
EDIT: The above comment is from the initial iteration of this skip, before the author worked hard to turn it around.
The individual(Regardless of gender or sexual orientation) will become enamored with the artwork
I don't think I have ever seen a variation on this sentence that has worked on this site: It always comes off as either cheap or creepy. Thankfully, I feel that this falls into the first category, though that is a small blessing.
It seemed sensible when I wrote it on the sandbox…
I wasn't really sure how. I didn't see any forum tab on the sandbox.
You need to make a thread in the forums at this site and add a link to your sandbox. There's probably something in the guides.
Very underwhelming. Nothing here for me to get the urge to upvote. Like they said above. History would do it for me.
Okay, gave her a bit of an overhaul. Wrote some history, changed it from a Cesna to a WW2 era plane, changed the reaction of contact from enamored to seeming sadness, changed the fate of the pilot. Currently working on writing some new test logs. How does the rewrite look?
Hmm. It is definitely different, and I would argue significantly better, but I'm not sure if you're quite there. For what it's worth, this would have made an excellent SCP about four or five years ago. It's very short and to-the-point. Your main issue is that the article is now a fairly standard creepypasta entry, a couple of steps above "haunted airplane." It's still a lot better, and you're moving in the right direction. I'm at a loss for specific suggestions for what to improve, but generally adding more to the hook should beef the object up a bit.
TL;DR: The article is begging for a story to carry it. On its knees and begging.
The aircraft flew 8 bombing mission
missions*
The aircraft flew 8 bombing mission over its three years of combat service. Across these missions, a total of 9 soldiers were killed by enemy aircraft fire. The plane was naturally retired after the war.
I think this information is less relevant than actually telling us what it does.
SCP-1759 displays its unusual effect when an individual makes contact with the "Lovely Lucy" artwork. The individual will become unresponsive for several seconds, then appear to begin weeping. After this emotional response, they will demand they be allowed to pilot the plane.
I kind of like that it makes someone cry, but without a reason for the tears this just seems like "crazy to death". I mean, this thing is just begging for some heartwarming story of a plane that just wants its pilot, just wants to fly again, or something. A plane with insecurities and fears to never take to the air and feel the clouds against its wings again with its beloved pilot or something.
After this distance, the plane will return to the hangar. The affected pilot has yet to return alive. Upon return, they are discovered with seemingly spontaneous wounds matching the impact of a bullet. Examination of the deceased has identified them as matching the wounds produced from WW2 era German fighter planes. The cause of these wound is as of yet, unknown.
This seems like a cop-out death. Again, this is begging for some kind of backing, narrative, or story. It leaves me as a reader wanting.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
Re: TL;DR: The article is begging for a story to carry it. On its knees and begging.
(account deleted) 18 Jan 2014 05:05
I'm working on something akin to a heartwarming/tragic thing at the moment.
Unfold
Re: TL;DR: The article is begging for a story to carry it. On its knees and begging. by (account deleted), 18 Jan 2014 05:05
(account deleted), 18 Jan 2014 05:05
Yesss. I like it a lot. Well, on the D-class side. I like a lot less the doctor. Here, let me break it down. Also, the formatting is off. Remember that to make a line gap you actually have to leave a space after the ">"
Dr. Silver: Yes, I mean the plane. Do not interrupt when I am speaking.
There is no need for a doctor to be this much of a sweaty armpit when we're just trying to speed along to feelings.
D-9002: Effects? This thing isn't gonna drive me nuts or something is it? Cause I'm out if it does.
Dr. Silver: Please note the armed guards in the hangar, D-9002. You will do as ordered, or we will find a more cooperative subject.
D-9002: Fine, fine. Douchebag. So I just touch it like this?
Ditto this, I feel the bantering get in the way of the thing itself. At least this is just personally me. Espeiclaly since the D-class changes his mood right on its head.
Dr. Silver: Names confirmed as soldiers who flew SCP-1759 during wartime. Implies some form of memory.
I already figured this out, so stating it again is a bit annoying.
What kind of [Expletive Deleted] were they?
We're adults. We're mature enough to know curse words!
Overall I still think the deaths are a little contrived, but I really like the idea. Really. If this gets deleted, please to be reworking it.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
The format thing. Do you mean I'm supposed to go
Arrow
Space
Arrow ?
I'll help you out with that.
Edit: Okay, it looks like you've got a page lock. The issue is that you need a space after the arrow thing. So it'd look like
> there is a space
not
>there is a space.
Pretend the text saying "there is a space" doesn't exist. You just need to press the space bar once for wikidot to register that you want to add a space in the quote box.
It's not working. I can't get it to space after the "You will-" line.
You didn't put spaces on the > without text after a certain point. I fixed it for ya.
/forum/t-764259/scp-1759#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
