Added a rating module for you. Honestly, this is boring. I read the article, hoping for some kind of wonderful twist in the addenda, but you just went took the obvious route with the letter. -1
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There was a twist in the addenda, but I'm not sure if you understood it or if it is good enough for you :p
You're welcome to explain, either here or in a PM. :)
How did the guy die? When the bed doesn't allow you to get harmed?
Addendum A says he died with bullets in his chest, but with no visible gunshot wounds.
Now look at Addendum C. It says he went to watch a WW2 movie.
He watched it. He got drunk(slightly), went to bed on that, had a nightmare about WW2, and got gunned down.
Remember that you could bring back items from the dream?
His wounds were healed, and the bullet wounds were stuck in his chest.
An unfortunate loophole.
I didn't find it to be much of a twist, honestly. Seconding Crayne's assessment.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
If the subject isn't harmed physically, how did the first person die?
Upvoted anyway because alternate universes and dream travel are fun, but some polish would help.
Perhaps you could show more of the psychological damage hinted at in the description. Those two dreams and that last one can't be the only ones. There's a lot of potential horror and distress to be had as his subconscious comes out and gets twisted.
I can't help but feel it doesn't really capture the whimsicality of dreams enough, also the death at the end doesn't do anything.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
Yeah, this needs work. I've attempted to do this via Addendum B, but it may still need more work
GPS devices attached onto the subject will be temporarily disabled; however audio, visual and other recording devices retain their functionality.
SCP-1587 transports the subject and itself into an alternate dimension
If it's being transported to an alternate dimension, the GPS devices don't need to be deactivated. They'll simply be unable to get any signals, and as a result won't be able to determine the location. (Unless the alternate reality also has its own GPS satellites)
That was what I was trying to mean. Alternate reality gps also doesn't send the same signals as earth
I like the idea of being able to transport yourself to your dreams, take anything from there and bring it back to the real world. Jesus that explains why he died too, he transported the bullets from the dreamworld that where inside his chest to the real world…
Aside from that, it's well written and it did keep drawing my attention 'til the end, I really wanted to know from where did those bullets come.
+1
I don't find it particularly interesting either, unfortunately.
I'm pretty sure I can fix this, although I'm tired right now because I was up late writing a Wikipedia article and waiting for new year's.
Part of it will include fucking around with the parameters of what exactly this thing does and can do. It still involves dreamland, yes, but… hmm.
Humans. Only humans.
I'm thinking that all the humans you meet in your dreams are, ultimately, you. If it's human, it can get back onto the bed with you and come back with you if you're not careful.
On the bed, they find a severed forearm-and-hand, holding the gun that shot the bullets that killed him. DNA shows it's his arm-and-hand, 100% match. Except he's clearly got both arms and hands.
Do I have permission to rewrite this to implement all sorts of interesting stuff?
Permission granted
that's gonna be super spooky and awesome
Beginning deletion vote at -13.
Anyone wanting to request a stay of deletion or ask for the opportunity to rewrite may respond to this post. Do not 'vote' if you are not staff.
if your reading this your gay
For this one, I definitely know what I'm going to do. Metalsonic already gave me permission; can I have until Saturday?
Go for it.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
Sorry should of sent those 2 posts I made as a reply to you. Read-em mabye you can squeeze them into the story
Good idea but you left out what constitutes what comes back with you. Does it need to be physically touching you or could it simply be in your pocket? If I ate food there would it remain in my stomach when I returned? Furthermore you should probably adress how he was able to breathe on a planet made entirely of candy with no plants to provide oxygen.
Oh and
(hereafter referred to as “the subject”)
They would be called scp-1587-1 not "the subject"
/forum/t-756289/scp-1587#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
