A Shift at The Factory / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Shift at The Factory.

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TwistedGears 21 Nov 2013 04:04

After reading Randomini's draft of the Toymaker/Doctor tale I thought about trying my hand at a tale. Got the idea after listening to a Dr. Steel song. Fun fact! There are four skip references within the tale. Can you spot them? Spoilers below.

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Factory Makeup
"Grow Your Own Child" Kit
Robo-Dude
Dr. Wondertainment Young Surgeon's Transplant Kit

Edit: Check out Voct's comment on the second talk page to see why I changed the last line from ROBO-DUDE to THE WORKING MAN.

Double Edit: Look at this tumblr thing! eeeeeeee~

Last edited on 16 Apr 2015 07:02 by TwistedGears Show more

DrBerggren 21 Nov 2013 04:16

I like the idea, implied here, that the Factory needs humans to make its magic work.

Accelerando 21 Nov 2013 04:17

I thought that the tin container was this.

RJB_R 21 Nov 2013 04:37

Now that'sa punchline.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!

Major Blackwood 19 Sep 2015 16:51

I think I don't get it…

Agent MacLeod 19 Sep 2015 18:17

"DO NOT INTIMIDATE THE WORKING MAN!"

"DO NOT IMITATE ROBO-DUDE!"

See also: this.

Last edited on 19 Sep 2015 18:18 by Agent MacLeod Show more

SoullessSingularity 21 Nov 2013 05:59

I still say I think Manager is really cute, but other than that I don't care for the rest of the tale. Neutral vote.

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Living the dream, or dreaming the life?

UglyFlower 21 Nov 2013 06:18

A few issues with grammar, for example the last line uses the word tinny instead of tiny. I wasn't sure if I should change that incase you wanted the word tinny to describe a robot voice or something. A few issues with the way sentences are structured. for example: "Before he could place the torch to metal a hand placed itself on his shoulder." needs a comma between "metal" and "a".

"A single sentence, spoken in a tinny voice. Something no doubt meant for the dying Manager." This can easily be one sentence rather than two that sound confusing together.

For example it might sound better as, "A tiny voice uttered a single sentence which was undoubtedly directed towards the dying manager"

There are more issues similar to these, but I'm too exhausted to go over them right now.

Altogether I enjoyed it.

Last edited on 21 Nov 2013 06:29 by UglyFlower Show more

Falling Objects 21 Nov 2013 06:56

Agreed with the tiny/tinny issue. "Metallic" would work better if you meant it to be "tinny" in my opinion.

Or perhaps both?

TwistedGears 21 Nov 2013 07:03

tinny

• having a displeasingly thin, metallic sound.

• thin in tone <a tinny voice>

AdminBright 21 Nov 2013 07:02

It doesn't match up with my view of the Factory… but then I also feel there's no good way to represent what goes in within the Factory without removing a lot of its creep.

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Admin, SCP Wiki

FaustoV 21 Nov 2013 10:25

Does it mean The Factory is not as creepy as it makes itself look?

Falling Objects 21 Nov 2013 12:57

It's Hard work, but they're actually a rEally nice place to work at. Safety issues are greatly exaggerated, aLl the dangerous work is done automatically by machines. The Pay is top tier, and we get three days off a week. I aM in no way paid or coerced into giving this statement, it is givEn entirely out of my own free will.

Doctor Dew 21 Nov 2013 07:45

Nice job!

MrMan098 21 Nov 2013 18:13

Fuck yeah Doctor Wondertainment! Kick the Factory's ass!

DoctorM 21 Nov 2013 19:48

I had to retain a "Go Doctor Wondertainment, go!" from my desk. Nooo need to have weird looks given, no sirrrr.
+1 !

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