SCP-1389 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1389.

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(account deleted) 23 Oct 2013 06:22

As noted in the forums, I'm just not digging where you end up going with the original concept of an anatomical figure trapped in a painting. I feel in general that it's an interesting starting concept that ends up being played disappointingly straight.

Wheats 23 Oct 2013 06:32

Was looking for a hook, let down at the end. As Kalin stated, it's just not interesting enough to be it's own hook.

Rioghail 23 Oct 2013 09:04

The starting idea is good, and the description is the sort of thing I can get behind, but it just sort of trails off at the end. The initial messages (and the method they are transmitted in) are rather interesting, but it's disappointing that you decided to have the painting dissolve into standard 'crazy repetition' rather than expand on what it had already said, give us a little more understanding of what happened.

Accelerando 23 Oct 2013 09:16

This I exactly why I no-voted. It's good in writing and concept and such, but the end was generic.

HammerMaiden 23 Oct 2013 12:57

3rd'd

Edit: Unimpressed with the changes. My no-vote stands.

Last edited on 24 Oct 2013 13:07 by HammerMaiden Show more

Falling Objects 23 Oct 2013 19:10

Fourth'd.

I really like the concept though.

StickFigureNumberOne 23 Oct 2013 13:06

I really want to like this, I really do, but it just falls flat. Those first messages are properly creepy, the entire concept is delightful, but trailing off into, as Rioghail says, "standard 'crazy repetition'" just makes it fall down. I mean, surely suddenly having the ability to communicate help keep her slightly more sane?

So maybe have a bit of a think about how being able to communicate has changed her. About how she's no longer in the monastery, but in a scientific facility. About how she came to be in the icon, and how she might want to tell her story - if she can.

Because I really do want to like this - hell, I want to love this. I love the idea. But I need to have it more than just "She's trapped in a painting and it's ka-razy!"

StickFigureNumberOne 24 Oct 2013 12:51

Nice to see you changed it. +1 from me.

Dr Solo 23 Oct 2013 13:26

Definitely some potential here, but its just kind of uninteresting as is. No vote

Montala 23 Oct 2013 16:33

It started out really well, very interesting concept and item. But it does trail off at the end. You lost coherence as you went. You have a great idea, but you don't have a hook. I'm no voting for now, but if it is still up later on today, I will come back, read again, and then vote.

ProcyonLotor 23 Oct 2013 16:35

I was ready to upvote until that last addendum. Then it was a downvote.
Repeating something creepy over and over hasn't worked since The Shining.
Addendum at issue has been removed.
+1

Last edited on 23 Oct 2013 20:07 by ProcyonLotor Show more

Abettik 23 Oct 2013 18:22

Looks like he changed it, but I didn't mind it. I saw it more as a legitimate act of an extremely frustrated, trapped soul than "creepy." I mean, if you were trapped, wouldn't you at least try stubborn repetition once? We've all done it, especially as children. "Take me out for ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream. ice cream!"

It showed a soul who doesn't understand her circumstances very well and has a certain young naivety.

Inkshooter 23 Oct 2013 17:20

You guys are right, that repitition thing is pretty cliche. I changed it.

Abettik 23 Oct 2013 18:24

+1

I like it. I think there's enough hints at something deeper to be enjoyable and interesting. I liked the hints at breaking the chastity bond, that she thinks this is punishment for that, and that the people who imprisoned her worshipped something other than God, while claiming to worship God.

rcletus 23 Oct 2013 21:04

I always get nervous when I see SCPs with blatant Christian imagery but this is actually quite good.

Inkshooter 23 Oct 2013 22:01

This actually didn't have anything to do with Christianity at all when I first wrote it. It was initially a simple painting of a woman that was owned by a nervous, unstable man. But I loved the melancholy expression on the picture I chose, so I changed the story a little so it would fit.

Last edited on 23 Oct 2013 22:02 by Inkshooter Show more

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