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How many times is too many when it comes to number 23?
So I may have rushed the posting because I wanted a specific number for this, hope it doesn't bite me in the ass too hard. I am open to any post-posting criticism. Hope you enjoy the skip.
Oh and big shout-out to CyrusFiredawn, who helped me with the draft.
You definitely could stand to go back through with an editor and tighten up dialogue and fix some continuity and grammar errors.
I was initially hooked, but gradually discovered it was very old hat as I went and so lost interest.
And just like that I have become the first, final, and ONLY meme-ber of the O25 council.
"Dice" is plural but the first collapsible only has the one die. I almost fixed this myself, but I wasn't sure if you'd want to change the title text too.
Normaly I would try to come up with an excuse as to why that is and what i was thinking at the time.
Not this time. I honestly have no idea how that went past me. If there are more mistakes like this one than I get the downvotes.
Fixed.
A lot of grammatical errors. Also your bl█ck bar redactions can be read through when highlighted, not sure if this was intentional since you did use pr█per redaction on one of the dates.
The ████ redactions are readable on purpose. They are meant to expand upon something if you want it to but they can also be hiden if you like things redacted. The "properly" redacted stuff, is actually meant to be redacted.
"Actually meant" by whom?
Like… are we talking in-universe, or by the author's intent? Because neither one really makes much sense to me.
If it's in-universe, just… why? And if it's purely for the audience's benefit, why not just make up some numbers for the dates?
What? I'm sorry but that makes no sense. Redactions are…redactions, dude. It's redacted, as in, redacted. Like removed. Redacted.
Man I just went back and looked at that, that is a great detail! It can be really cool reading the entire article and highlighting the ████ afterwards. I loved this SCP and putting little secrets like that is really cool, good job!
While this was some damn good build-up I don't feel the reveal is worth it and was somewhat underwhelming.
I feel like this article would be substantially better if it were pared down - less ambitious, less audacious. Not every article has to introduce a major new thing to the universe, or be a Grand Unified Theory behind a whole bunch of SCPs. IMO it would be better just being a small interesting thing that haunted a group of researchers for a while. No need to create an O6 council (that annoyed me), no need to have Mary Nakayama, no need for the clear comparison between 4023 and the Factory. Plus some of the symptoms caused by the anomalous objects were… just too much.
Just too much melodrama. It needs to be smaller and more self-contained, and not lean on every other part of the universe so much while attempting to change them and multiplying entities.
(Like other readers said, there are also quite a lot of obvious grammar errors.)
I feel like this is just trying way, way too hard to be meta. I lost interest as it dragged on. It's just a bunch of unrelated skips, several of which are pretty insubstantial. And the bit about the ritual involving overseer items is just… No.
I get what you're doing, but it's just not a great idea, and there's already a movie about the number 23.
Also, there is too much [redacted] that doesn't really serve any purpose and instead just feels like lazy writing.
I say salvage a few of the better items for their own sakes and trash this entry.
I'm not saying this to be mean, I just don't think this entry as a whole works very well.
I understand what this is trying to do here, but a lot got lost in the execution. I'm almost inclined to believe that this was a coldpost for a few reasons.
It's a really fun read :)
Entertained me until fortnite finished downloading.
+1
As for oblivion? Delay that, we have more work to do.
