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This is a complete rewrite of SCP-1344 (original author 182crazyking). I've kept the main concept: eyeball-piercing body horror, but I decided to forego pupil dilation control in favor of a new direction. Hope you enjoy it.
Edit: Soulless, the eyes are yours, 'kay?
i really want to know what the orbs mean, but i guess it's probably better to leave it a mystery.
Okay, soul viewer with some eye squick, whatever. Here are my qualms.
Test lead's comments
Everything under this bar just sounds awkward. The fact that he's asking questions instead of making statements regarding uncertainties makes me cringe.
What's the point of the last two addenda? Am I missing something? There's nothing to hook me here.
Otherwise, no vote. If this was the first thing I saw on the wiki it'd probably get me curious, but I know this is a very bland article.
Everything under this bar just sounds awkward. The fact that he's asking questions instead of making statements regarding uncertainties makes me cringe.
They're the test lead's observations and notes. Perhaps that's not clear enough? Otherwise I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to get across.
Edit: Removed the casual remarks
What's the point of the last two addenda? Am I missing something? There's nothing to hook me here.
Someone recruited a craftsman to produce goggles that can be used to determine certain aspects of people's souls (the fact that animals have them too is secondary). They fucked up in their background check of this individual though, thinking he was reliable to work with. He wasn't. Didn't get that this wasn't some kind of Halloween joke and ended up shipping an anomaly through the post, which then made it end up in Foundation care. Whoever ordered these things, and whatever their plans for them are, they aren't content with loose ends. And they'd probably kill to have a mole inside the Foundation to get their goggles back.
I value your opinion, Faminepulse, so thanks for commenting. If you have specific suggestions for improvements, let me know.
I'm guessing the mole is the soul-lacking Assistant Researcher?
Huge improvement to tone here. The note at the end and related comments make me more intrigued about the variety of goggle types, something that bothered me from last round.
…the psychological repercussions are as expected… This provokes the expected physical responses…
Love these lines. A similar line was my favorite part of the original, and these are somehow even better. Likewise love the psychological manipulation of the D-class by enticing them with an improvement of their vision. Also, the clinical talk about dangling, scooped-out eyeballs. Ick.
I'm not terribly intrigued by the orbs, but I can see how paranoid foundation researchers could become obsessed with divining their "meaning."
Love these lines. A similar line was my favorite part of the original, and these are somehow even better.
Thanks, those were a very conscious choice.
I'm not terribly intrigued by the orbs, but I can see how paranoid foundation researchers could become obsessed with divining their "meaning."
Indeed. In fact, it's to be seen whether they're actually there or simply a translation of something else by the goggles.
First off: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Eye horror always gets me. +1
I would actually like to see more tied to this. Your reference to the research assistant being the motivation aparks my interest in a larger story behind the scenes here.
There's a story beyond the narrative. Not sure if it'll get fleshed out, but it's there. :)
You keep having such awesome sounding stories going on behind the scenes. You awesome terrible person, you. ;)
I have a set of welding goggles exactly like the ones in that picture, color and all. Got them for a Halloween costume. Aaand now I'm afraid to put them on.
Generic mad scientist. Was fun, though. I never pass up an opportunity to wear my lab coat.
Also: Have some love from one Star Control fan to another.
Sounds like good fodder for the Personnel mugshots thread, if there are any pictures.
And thank you! I'm always pleased there are so many here with a Star Control affinity.
Oh, I know it's been done better. This wasn't an attempt to outdo either of those. As I tried to explain, the Junior Research Assistant really isn't the problem; it's this guy "John".
Damn you on your eye-squick-immunity though. Damn you!
Just enough here for an upvote. Interesting, a little mysterious, and good job on the body horror. I mean really, go blind or lose your eyeballs? The only remedy is don't put them on.
(account deleted)
