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Nice and creepy. Just the way i like 'em. +1.
That last experiment log makes this incredibly creepy. I like it. +1
Downvoted because while I loves me some ghosty type stuff, you didn't do enough with it. There's a start here, but where the reenacted scenes in SCP-1382 left my brain full of fuck, this just fizzles out.
Might change my vote if that changes, but for now it's a -1.
Edit: I'm not seeing the creepiness.
I don't think it's ghost-shop part that's creepy, it's the transition in behaviour for me that made it creepy. I think it's the kind of happy atmosphere from the first log broken up by bits of sad/depressing atmosphere from the second log. It's like the latter is being covered up by the former. That sort of thing creeps me out but maybe that's just me.
Apologies if I've explained this terribly.
A couple of minor things:
- "████ department store" — If this is a proper name, it should be capitalized.
- "makeshift sleeping bags" — This doesn't make sense to me. Should it be "makeshift bedding" instead?
I think a lot more could have been done with this. You gave yourself an idea that you really could have run with but kept it too simple in my opinion. No vote for now because it's a good simple article, but still simple.
… so the intangible ghost thing is punching the walls? Or is he just making punching motions in the direction of the wall? The current phrasing makes it sound like he's actually striking the physical wall.
I'm not really getting the hook either. It's the ghosts of department store workers who occasionally seem dissatisfied with their job. Or something. It just doesn't pull me in. I'm sorry.
It's not actually punching it; intangible and all that.
Suggestions on rewording?
Assuming there actually is a wall there (one of the hallmarks of ghosts is that the "walking through walls" is generally considered to be a case of the ghost walking through a door that isn't there anymore), probably your best case is to indicate that it appears to have collided with the wall and possibly a note at the end indicating that the wall shows no effect from the repeated impacts (under the heading of "wall that wasn't there at the time", and assuming they're punching hard into your typical drywall / light wood / etc wall, and assuming someone was close enough to observe, you could note that the hands briefly passed into the wall as if a hole or dent had been punched into it) to reinforce that no, it's still intangible despite it seemingly interacting with the environment.
Of course, it's also possible that the wall there doesn't exist due to it having crumbled away, etc (the description in the article is slightly confusing to me with how it notes that paint seems to appear on the walls, support columns no longer crumbling, etc, but then notes that no matter is added. Is it just a veneer of illusion? Does new paint and mortar appear and then disappear at the end? Have the Foundation tried to take samples if it's not illusory? Have they tried senses outside of the human range?) in which case you simply note that the figure collides with the location where the wall used to be and is punching that empty space.
This is a pretty standard Twilight Zone style ghost story. I'm afraid I don't find any interest here.
-1. Written fine, but the idea is not executed with sufficient originality for me to enjoy it.
This is way too plain vanilla for my liking. It seems to borrow elements from other skips without bringing anything particularly new or inventive to the table.
I agree, but also like how it is now. The appetite is whetted, but not satisfied. This can be good or bad, especially with SCPs. I'd consider a minor expansion of it, maybe descriptions of more of the "ghosts", or more info on why the store closed down.
/forum/t-679921/scp-1775#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
