Here's something I've been working on for about a week now. Again, criticisms/questions are always welcome.
SCP-1417 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1417.
"Magic from Mundane Industries" ?
can't that be a Factory product?
My idea was that MfM was a competitor to The Factory.
The Factory doesn't really have competitors. It might be a competitor to Wondertainment, or Prometheus Labs, but, even then, It's a dumb idea. We've got so many GOI, it's ridiculous.
Admin, SCP Wiki
It wasn't really meant as a GoI, it was just giving the product context.
You should either do more with the note, or get rid of it. Right now it doesn't do much besides restate information.
Think so? I just wanted it to introduce MfM's product thing.
If it's irrelevant, I can fix it up.
Unless you're trying to introduce a new GOI (in which case MfM needs a lot more characterization), the current note doesn't seem to add anything to the article. The only part I thought was interesting in it was the disclaimer against eating,
As for the SCP itself, meh. I guess a banana that you can kill people with is kind of charming, but a lot of the "anomalous properties" you include seem a bit contrived:
SCP-1417-1's anomalous properties include the inability to continue peeling it; when an effort is made to peel it, the peel is unable to be moved, with testers reporting an intense resistance on the part of the skin. Robotic attempts at peeling have also met with similar results, with pressure increasing equal to the resistance applied in peeling.
The paper is apparently indestructible, with ripping, burning and compacting attempts proving to have little to no effect.
These seem like forced lines, put in to cover your ass in case people start asking about how this thing hasn't been damaged. Instead of just shoving these into the articles, take time to think about how you can work off of problems like this instead. for instance, I think this article would be much more interesting if the banana actually was decomposing, and the Foundation was pulling on all of its assets to find a preservative that can keep this thing operational.
Also: "MAGIC FROM MUNDANE INDUSTRIES" don't we have enough of these?
This is pretty cool, and very unique/original, though it has a few word choices I'm a bit iffy on and errors, detailed below. As well, I hate seeing the designation of a specific doctor, because that doesn't leave wiggle-room for containment/research if something happens to him, and the last sentence of containment is pretty self-evident. We've long past moved beyond the days that the Foundation employees would consider taking items outside of the containment/testing wings of a site.
On to specific areas of the text that could use touching up, though…
decomposition; since it's acquisition
its/it's error. People will downvote based on that alone, regardless of the charm that a swiss army banana has. You don't want that. Also, these sentences could possibly stand to be split up.
means other then the
Then/than mixup.
amnesiacs
I personally prefer to say amnestics, but there seems to be a site schism on which is the proper term (amnestics is the more "proper" term, amnesiacs is grandfathered in). Just figured I'd point that out.
but it's properties
Another it's/its mixup.
mentally disturbed individual
Not sure how clinical that is.
Also, sorry if a few of these were out of order, and if I may have missed anything.
The idea is fun, but this needs a LOT of cleanup. Word on the street is that Vincent_Redgrave is typing up a review; I'd recommend listening to him and the other people in this thread.
if your reading this your gay
/forum/t-671155/scp-1417#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
