I can't get the picture to work right so I'm just going to fix it later.
SCP-1847 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1847.
Hey, this is pretty cool. Good storytelling. I just know you're going to get complaints about the dude's effects on lady folk, but it ties in well with the SCP and isn't given undue weight, so I fail to see any issue with it.
if your reading this your gay
Amusing pun in the title. This is decent, though the time-loopy bit seems a bit off. An item with this much in the way of side-effects seems like something MC&D would have to warn its buyer of.
Thought for how to patch the logical flaws: It's a picture of Dorian Gray deal. There's a real Mr. Whitword floating around, in possession of the original dagger, and no idea any of this is going on. He is, however, unaging. Every year, at Christmastime, a copy of him (aged to Mr. Whitword's "true" age) appears on a plane headed in to England, and seduces and kills some women. At the end of the year, it vanishes, and necklaces and jewelry belonging to the women killed appear wrapped around the original dagger. If the Foundation stops the copy, Mr. Whitword ages normally that year.
The dagger feels slightly off for MC&D. I get that it's giving someone a chance to live out some weird fantasy, but that and the murdering should be spelled out in the note somehow.
Also, minor nitpick. Unless you're excluding Northern Ireland while including the rest of the UK, you should use 'United Kingdom', though I'm mostly saying this because I think changing it to solely England might help with the Victorian vibes MC&D has always given me.
butts
It's just England, not Scotland, Ireland, or Wales. Which term would be best used in this case?
Just 'England'. The first time you use it you should say 'England, United Kingdom'.
butts
Seconding. I saw "England" and my immediate reaction was, "All right, does he really mean England, or the UK?" Would help clear that up.
He has actually already done this. He was originally using Great Britain, which refers to England, Scotland and Wales.
butts
This dude is anomalously attractive to women?
Does that include lesbians? Transgendered individuals (either flavor)? Post-menopausal women?
My own mother actually pointed this out during reading. I'll edit it to heterosexual and bisexual women (of all ages), and transgendered (from male to female).
Derp. You're right.
if your reading this your gay
I think it makes more sense to keep it as is, because it doesn't apply to all androphilic individuals, just those that identify as "female" (homosexual and bisexual men are unaffected, as are female-to-male transgender individuals who are attracted to men).
'androphilic individuals that identify as female' could be a simply fix for technical accuracy.
butts
I'm holding off for now. Not sure if I like it or not… yet. It's well written, but does not feel very original to me.
Not sure about the phonecall addendum. If no voice or signal is detectable, how do we know he's even contacting someone and not just pretending to talk on his cell (I do that all the time; it makes me very attractive)
A typo: '' I have never been England before'' (I guess TO England).
I don't like the sentence ''will increase at a linear rate'' for something that can't be really measured quantitatively. I suggest just ''increase constantly''.
To be fair, he's probably never been England either unless he's more anomalous than previously thought.
I downvoted for three reasons.
1. This is in no way Keter.
2. The MC&D connection is out of character for that group and feels really tacked on.
3. This effect still does nothing to interest me. The interview comes close, but it just isn't enough.
I did appreciate the attempt at storytelling and see what you were trying to do with this, but it's just mediocre all around. I'd probably neutral vote if you fixed the first two issues, and upvote if you could spice up the effect to the point where the third issue is overcome. I don't know what to suggest to make it less dull though, just that it needs more. Something needs to just go completely off the rails here.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
How do you figure this isn't Keter? It's uncontained, and kills a pretty large number of people.
Nah, for this to be Keter he'd have to kill people on the level of SCP-755 which he doesn't really do. It's about five people dying on occasion, which isn't really enough to make it Keter(at least for me)
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
Sure, but look at 682. It doesn't exactly kill very many people when loose. It's basically just an angry, indestructible tiger. And this thing is way harder to contain than 682.
We could debate the merits of using a 5 year old article to judge modern containment standards, but that would be getting off-topic. Let's stop this here.
He changed the object class to Euclid, so this is moot anyways.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I disagree about the MC&D bit because it doesn't kind of fit how that group works: they sell things to people that are interested in them. They don't care about the safety of their customers, or honesty. They care about doing business, and if something goes wrong, about making sure word doesn't spread.
I like to think that the scip wasn't entirely the result of the dagger alone. Maybe the dagger originally just had some minor side effect that the customer complained about. Maybe it only made its user beautiful under very specific circumstances, or maybe it only produced jewels that it had obtained from someone else's possession.
And maybe MC&D decided complaints were bad for business.
I think the containment could be fixed up a bit. If you could go on about how he disappears, what does video surveillance show? A bright flash or static and then nothing. Can cameras even capture his image? He is said to be handsome.
As for the plane fiasco, maybe a random glitch in the system introduces his name and he gets dropped off by an unmarked taxi.
Its a great SCP without a doubt. But I feel like some things are missing. Upvote for his attracting lesbians.
Oh crap. I think should fix the "all female individuals" part. At the risk of losing your upvote, I'd like to clarify that he does not actually attract lesbians.
You got the upvote.
A man so handsome that he can't be contained is pretty awesome. Even if he isn't really handsome.
SCP-056, 'A Beautiful Person'. We've got that already, and we contain it fine.
Am I mistaken, or do you never actually describe 1847-1 within the actual Description?
The writing is decent, but I find the content mediocre, unfortunately. Magical rapist serial killer manifestations: Meh.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
