Okay, I'm sure I shall reap the flames, but here goes.
The Judgmental Bible - this text interjects commentary on the reader's past deeds and misdemeanors throughout whenever it is read. They are crass, mean-spirited, and display an amazing amount of knowledge, even going so far as to detail repercussions and fall out that the reader had no way of knowing… and then to mock the reader continuously, often in vile and demeaning ways. Readers report finding the book incredibly hard to put down, despite wanting to very much.
The Nightmare Bed - this normal looking headboard is decorated in Egyptian hieroglyphics. when attached to a bed that is then slept in, the sleeper experiences extremely lucid and terrifying nightmares, from which they are unable to awaken until the cycle is complete. While the subject sleeps, the hieroglyphics change to apparent depictions of the events going on inside the subject's mind. After 6-8 hours pass, the subject awakens however, apparently refreshed and unbothered by their restless night.
When questioned about the events they claim to have no recollection, even under hypnosis or drugging. When questioned about items depicted in the hieroglyphs, subjects usually indicate that these represent their greatest fears. Repetitive testing on the same subject shows progressively more restive and less intense nightmares, with a corresponding drop in phobic trigger sensitivity.
However, two notes of caution: anyone coming in contact skin to skin with a sleeping subject will experience intense sensations of terror and confusion, sometimes resulting in heart-attack like symptoms that can be fatal, and exposure to the headboard of a small percentage of individuals, typically those with sociopathic tendencies, seems to result in worsening them, as it seems to reduce their fears of getting caught and punished.
Pool of Tendrils - shows no interest in women, will disassemble any technological device and fix it. if it the device is not broken it will disassemble it and then reassemble it. If parts are missing it grows agitated and consumes the item. if given puzzles it will reassemble them in a solved state. If given the parts of an object it will assemble the object. If any part, no matter how minor is missing, it grows agitated and consumes the parts. If later given the missing part, even if that part is included in a second object, and needed to fix that second object, it will use the part to repair the first object, then store the second object's parts for later. If given a random selection of parts, it will clean them, then store them for later. Its mass never increases.
It will open and dismantle any container, thus potentially releasing dangerous chemicals into the environment. These have no effect on the creature, though after the introduction of subject XX-B into its cell it began to absorb them.
It appears to feed off of any dead organic substance, but seems yo prefer oils and other biologically rich liquids.
At one point a ferret (Subject XX-B) escaped from [Redacted] where it was part of the Oberon-Protocols being conducted by [Redacted]and managed to get into the pool's containment vessel. The pool somehow dismantled subject XX-B and put it back together again, alive and whole. The pool resisted efforts to reclaim the ferret, even going so far as to throw previously stored parts at those sent to retrieve it. Dr. [Redacted] decided to allow the pool to maintain possession of the ferret to observe. All the other ferrets from that test group died within the next week, but subject XX-B survives and shows no sign of [Redacted]. Subject XX-B is now 12 years old and has been dismantled by the pool and put back together on at least two occasions, although for what reason is unknown at this time.
Infectious Plaid - This is a swatch of fabric displaying a slowly changing plaid pattern. Any natural fabric coming in contact with it will turn into a carrier of this shifting pattern and is able to thence transmit it to other natural fabrics. Exposure salt (NaCl) dissolved in water will halt the shifting of the pattern, but not kill the agent of transmission. Exposure to heat above 697 degrees Kelvin will kill off whatever agent transmits this effect, leaving the fabric permanently dyed with whatever pattern it was displaying at the time.
Floating Buddhas - this collection of statues of Buddha number fifteen at this time. Crafted of 7 different materials that resist chemical analysis but resemble commonly found substances such as gold, bronze, jade, etc, they range in size from 8cm high to 3.1m in height. Among them they are in 13 different poses and artistic analysis indicates that they were carve/sculpted by between 4 and 6 different artists over a thousand plus year period. Each of them floats free of the ground, regardless of how much weight may be applied to them, yet any human or animal may cause them to sink simply by placing an appendage on them.
The Body Jars - this SCP would be broken into two sections. The first is an ancient Egyptian Canopic Jar, which (according to sonigrams and MRIs) contains a still-beating human heart. The jar has not been opened and remains sealed by a seal of melted lead stamped with the kartosh of Thutmose II. The second is a collection of modern glass jars as might be used to store flour or sugar. Each is filled with a clear greenish liquid in which is suspended a dismembered human body, including hands, feet, all significant organs (heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, stomach, eyes, spleen, womb, bladder, colon, etc.), and head. Larger vessels contain the limbs, torso, small intestine, and the skin (including mammaries) taken from all but the hands, feet, and head. All appear to be still functioning.
The head is capable of communication by moving it's mouth, but not of sound generation. It can see through the eyes, regardless of where they are located on the planet, but has difficulty hearing, as the liquid distorts sound to some degree.
The liquid's formula was recorded in the documents taken from the lab of [Redacted], and is [Redacted]. It must be replaced from time to time, as it does evaporate. Suggestions to transfer Subject XXX-B to evaporation resistant containers is being considered.
The Hollowness of Mr. X - Subject X is a perfectly normal Asian man of 50 years or so. He is required to wear mirrored sunglasses or a blindfold at all times to keep anyone from making eye contact with him. He is hollow inside. Below a depth of 6mm, there is absolutely nothing inside of him. Dr. [Redacted] performed experimental surgery on Mr. X and suffered a mental breakdown, repeating "The Abyss gazed back" over and over again until sedated and administered an amnesiac. Looking Mr. X in the eyes has been described as unnerving, with prolonged or repeated exposure resulting in depression and suicidal tendencies. Mr. X heals rapidly from most wounds, including bullet holes, but bullets fired into him do not exit out the other side. He exhibits only muted emotions, although since he was a [Redacted] before being brought to the facility, this may be due to training as opposed to his condition. He is extremely polite, but refuses to cooperate with any experiment or test unless he finds it interesting or has been sufficiently bribed with rewards such as puzzle books, anime, or candies, which he seems able to eat in endless quantities. Although quite fit (he exercises for 5 hours daily if allowed to) he is not superhumanly strong or fast. He will attempt to escape given any opportunity and has shown absolutely no compunction against injuring staff in order to do so, although he exhibits no pleasure in it and refrains from killing or taking hostages, both of which he has said he considers "Dishonorable". Although he claims to be in his fifties, he has been making such claims for [Redacted].
The Proper Dictionary - This is a dictionary printed in [Redacted] by [Redacted]. Anyone reading two or more consecutive entries from it will find all the words that would be found in a more modern dictionary that would lie between the first and last entry read erased from their vocabulary. Test subjects appear cognizant of missing words when pressed, especially for technical terms, and can be reminded of them, although such reminders often have to be repeated several times before it sticks.
Ferret in the Hall - this is a bandit ferret the size of a mastiff (108kg). Although mostly harmless and extremely playful (never doing more than scratching or nipping and tussling with staff assigned to play with it, "Loki" as the staff have named him, keeps managing to escape from every cell he has been held in… usually after waking up from a nap, which he does for up to 146 hours out of every week. He will then proceed to scamper through the facility in search of treats, preferring anything made of rubber (including car-tires) or breakfast cereals or ham. He will also eat snack cakes, muffins, lox, ice-cream, glue, books, cotton sweatshirts, plastic water jugs, and cooking oil. He does not like carbonated beverages and will sneeze violently enough to knock over a grown man if exposed to them. He appears to be immune, or at least extremely resistant to all forms of damage, including that of running full tilt into walls or falling off of high ledges. He simply ignores all forms of negative reinforcement, but is clearly intelligent enough to understand complex commands which he will follow if promised treats. If treats are not received he will sulk and if multiple such instances of betrayal are repeated by the same individual he will begin playing pranks on that individual. (i'd like to add something about him trying to play with 682 durring one of it's escapes and being totally unphased by its attempts to rebuff him, but fear that would be "newbie powergaming", but I do want to reflect that this is a ferret with even less reaction to negative stimulus than most of their insane ilk have. I've seen my own ferrets stick their heads into dusty places and start sneezing uncontrollably… only to do it ten more times. They don't learn.)
The Third Eye - This appears to be an exceptionally well crafted glass eye, save that it is actually comprised of many colors of sapphires, fused without seam and with a lens of optically perfect clear sapphire. When held up to a test subject's forehead it will burrow, quite painfully, into their skull and then extrude nervous tissue that interfaces with the subject's brain. Each subject reacts differently, but they can be generally grouped into four categories.
- The Wicked - those who exhibited limited or no redeming traits seem to be rejected by the eye, as they soon kill themselves, some of them leaving behind messages such as "I have Failed" or "I am Unworthy."
- The Foolish - those who have made many mistakes in their lives report feelings of regret, then clarity, before dying in their sleep. They report that they can see through clothing, or rather cannot see clothing.
- The Wise - those who have been exposed to the eye who believed themselves to be of superior intellect but do not fall into the first two categories seem to gain some sort of insight and humility before the eye dissengages from them, also a painful process, healing the wound as it goes. They report that they are unable to see people except as clouds of energy, but are unable to make any judgements beyond this.
- The Serene - on two occasions the Eye and its "wearer" have simply walked out of the facility and disappeared from Foundation observation. One was a [Redacted] and the other was a [Redacted]. Both exhibited personalities that were best described as extremely calm and introspective. In both cases the eye was eventually returned to the Foundation via untraceable methods. Prior to their escapes, both responded similarly to type C test subjects, although neither claimed not to know what the energy patterns might mean.
Containment: The Eye releases intense pulses of some unknown form of energy once every lunar month. If it is not placed in contact with a new subject during the following month, that pulse will grow stronger, doubling in power with every month it goes unlinked. The pulse after three months is strong enough to vaporize everything within a 3.7 meter sphere (which some have claimed is equal to a hindu dhanu). It is thus recommended that it be used as a termination method for the most violent of Class-D staff when no more suitable test subject can be found. It cannot be used on the same subject more than once.
The ICE-9 Snowflake - Dubbed the Ice-9 Snowflake after a famous short story by Agent [Redacted] better known to the world as (i'll look it up), this snowflake refuses to melt at any temperature able to be generated by the Foundation. It will instantly cause the crystallization of any water, water-vapor, or even ice it comes into contact with, thus causing a veritable explosion of snowflakes if the quantity is high enough. The created snow is, however subject to melting as normal as long as it is not in contact with the snowflake. The Snowflake itself is many times larger than normal and apparently unnaturally perfect, measuring over a centimeter in diameter. It's ability to absorb heat is apparently endless, but functionally limited, as air is a poor conductor of heat. Its surface temperature cannot be measured, but is assumed to be absolute zero kelvin.
Clarent - This item is to be stored in a room with absolutely nothing above it, including any flying objects or satellites. The roof of this room is to be comprised of frangible material that will not be structurally weakened by the sudden and catastrophic atomic vaporization of the center 28 meter radius section and the chamber shall be crafted to be able to dissipate the sudden force of the atomic vaporization of the central 56 meter circle of ceiling without taking undue structural damage. Under no circumstances is anyone to be permitted to grasp the handle of the object, except under experimental conditions, at which time the central 4 meter circle of ceiling directly about the object shall be removed. The Anvil the object is embedded in shall be placed in a 10cm deep indent in the floor and then surrounded by at least 1000 kilos of steel which shall be welded to the floor to prevent the object from being knocked over under any circumstance
The object takes the form of a cruciform broadsword with a dragon embossed pommel and gold filegree. Upon the forte of the blade is the legend "Post Draconis, Per Draconis Rex, In Gracia Dei". It is plunged into a large Anvil made of iron and shows no sign of wear from where it was found in a ruined and overgrown churchyard in [Redacted] where it had apparently lain open to the elements for at least [Redacted] centuries.
Anyone who grasps the handle and attempts to draw it from the Anvil will undergo spontaneous atomic disintegration and be transformed into a pillar of light three meters in diameter. The conversion of a 100 kilo human into pure energy is of course roughly equal to a blast of 2.25 gigatons of TNT and would be enough to vaporize large percentage of the surface of the planet, hence the welding of the anvil to the floor.
Whatever you're typing these posts up using, use something else. Probably just type them into the site.- Scantron
