You left an XXXX in the image description. Apart from that, I love the concept. Get rekt Smokey.
SCP-3468 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-3468.
There are too many issues with grammar, tone, and formatting for me to give an upvote. I would recommend looking at interview logs of other successful SCPs for guidance with your own. How do the researchers talk? How do the subjects talk? How are things like movement and laughter recorded? This will help you polish your interview. Furthermore, take note of capitalization. It seems to be a sticking point for you.
Sure, ill definitely look into it, thanks for the advice!
So, you’ve got a pretty good concept here, but there are a quite a few small errors with clinical tone, grammar, sentence structure, that sort of stuff, and it seems to be dividing people based off the ratings.
Starting with the containment procedures:
- “The Fence line” ‘Fence’ should not be capitalized
- “when under scorching temperatures.” That doesn’t seem very clinical. ‘Extreme temperatures’ would be better.
- “any Non-Foundation personnel” ‘Non’ should not be capitalized.
- “only permitted to remove them when exactly 15 kilometers away” Exactly 15 kilometers? So when they get 16 kilometers away they’re shouted at to put the suit back on? You want ‘further than 15 kilometers’
- “[REDACTED] Trails park.” Seems like you would redact the entirety of the name, not just the first bit.
Quick intermission - this whole paragraph:
SCP-3468 was ordered to be relocated to Site-45 for active testing away from the general public. However, when Agent [REDACTED](KIA) attempted to remove SCP-3468 from its affixed position SCP-3468 began to vibrate rapidly before exploding into a ball of fire with the approximate temperature of 1200°C. SCP-3468 then began to rapidly pump super-heated steam out of its post which began to push outwards towards the 10 kilometer limit of SCP-3468 radius of effect and into Foundation research camps nearby. This repeated for twelve hours before SCP-3468 returned to its docile state, leading to ██ casualties and ██ confirmed dead, for the full casualty list view Incident Report 3468-██/██/20██. Attempts to remove via robots or mechanical methods have so far been met with failure due to the inability of Foundation machinery to operate under such high temperatures.
Are you suggesting that this was how it was discovered? If so, why the hell did the foundation decide to randomly test this wildfire sign that looks more or less identical to every single other sign? If this was something that just happened after discovery, then its kinda out of place - you might want to sequester it to an addendum.
Resuming LBL:
- “SCP-3468's anomalous effects manifest themselves when the pointer on SCP-3468 is moved to any quadrant not marked as 'Moderate', the environment in a 10 kilometer radius around SCP-3468 will…” This seems a tad odd. I would get rid of “SCP-3468's anomalous effects manifest themselves” and start off with the “When”. As is, you have a run-on sentence.
- “After contact with a living organism is made, SCP-3468-1 will begin to quickly move to the organism” So it touches a thing… and moves toward it until it touches it again? You might want to rephrase that.
- “Testing has been inconclusive as to if SCP-3468-1 is sentient.” I would remove that bit, or at least move it somewhere more appropriate. You have it kinda stuck in the middle of everything for no apparent reason.
- “James Thuss: (Stands up and slams down hands on recording table) You dare slander his holy name with your concrete tongue!” I get that the guy is in a cult, but that seems a bit much - I’d tone it down a tad.
- “James Thuss: (Raises his hands and cups his palms) The Green Father himself gave it to me, and told me "Go, my son, if they wish to burn on their planet, then I will make them burn" and make them burn he did.” Same here.
Right now, this is a novote from me, but i'd upvote if the above changes were implemented.
Thank you very much! I'm still trying to nail down the clinical foundation style so I knew there would be a few errors scattered around. I can happily say that all of these crits have been applied! Party Blower Anyway, hope you'll enjoy the revision! Cheers.
Bit of an issue with how the area of effect is described, here.
First, you have:
a chain-link fence that is exactly 10 kilometers in circumference
so the area is a circle that has a circumference of 10 km.
But then you have:
the 10 kilometer area of effect
so the area is a circle with an area of 10 km2? (Circumference = 11.21 km, not exactly 10 km)
And then you mention:
All SCP Foundation personnel are required to wear fire retardant suits during active testing and are only permitted to remove them when further than 15 kilometers away from SCP-3468
The radius of a 10 km2 area would only be about 1.78 km, so that's a long way beyond the AoE, making me think maybe you intended it to be a 10 km *radius* for the effect (which the first two measurements do not indicate).
Not sure which it should be, but all three of those are mutually exclusive with one another.
The image that was used in this article is non-compliant with the SCP wiki's license (CC BY-SA 3.0) as the image comes from here which prohibits "selling and redistribution of the images", making it non-commercial. Thus, the image has been removed.
Mm Mm Good
The FBI defines eco-terrorism as "...the use or threatened use of violence of a criminal nature against innocent victims or property by an environmentally-oriented, subnational group for environmental-political reasons, or aimed at an audience beyond the target, often of a symbolic nature.", So I'm not really sure why an eco-terrorist group would own? (create? be enthusiastic about?) an object that literally starts wildfires. Doesn't fit the bill of ecoterrorism.
Sidenotes: Lacks a strong hook, but the first interview log was funny
/forum/t-6320291/scp-3468#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
