I'm not sure what to think of this. While its very well written, it's essentially one of those "mythical item works exactly as intended" articles. There's no twist or hook other than the historical connection.
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(account deleted)Presumably dying in space wasn't a part of the original plan.
I dig the idea, but the tone is not very good, so I'll abstain from voting.
I'd be happy to edit it as I already have for the mistakes tretter has pointed out. Although I think that the tone has been significantly improved since it was first put online, I'd be glad to make it a bit better if I knew what exactly you were looking for.
I admit, I was kind of worried about getting this reaction. I generally tried to give the object a kind of "feel" to give it some place in the modern day, with the references to the actual 5 Mao Party and Chinese censorship, as well as use the Addendum to give it some additional draw. I was originally intending on having all sorts of tests for it, but then I realized how much it would cost to retrieve it over and over and all the cover-up required for a simple Safe-class object, and so I used the Addendum to portray the Foundation as being a very busy organization with limited funds and urgent priorities, and the researchers having to make do with making hypotheses that may or may not be true. I completely understand this reaction, though, and as long as you enjoyed the writing itself I'm still quite pleased.
I want to like this, but the tone errors forced me to downvote.
Could you please elaborate on this? Is the article not adequately clinical in tone? It would help me a lot to know what the specific issue is, so that I can improve it here and in the future. I'm still relatively inexperienced in trying to adopt this kind of tone and it would be good to know where my mistakes were made.
Tone errors are just one of those dumb non reasons in which a guy goes "I don't like it… but it's not bad. I know! Tone errors!" *downvotes, smugly posts comment*
Tone errors is a legitimate criticism, though it'd be nice if they were pointed out, especially in large articles like this one.
I find that your comment has plenty of tone errors.
Admin, SCP Wiki
If only I could +1 discussion posts…
Tone is a definite category that I rate each SCP in. To get that +1, this is something that most certainly has to be taken into account.
Because the object is susceptible to normal wear-and-tear,
There is this.
When carbon dated,
I don't know, maybe it's right.
each of the two horizontal opposite sides
I'm not sure what you are trying to say here.
Foundation personnel monitoring the Internet
"So what do you do at the Foundation?"
"Oh, I browse the Internet all day. And you?"
"I go to amusement parks to look for anomalous stuff."
Finding something over the internet just doesn't sound very professional, IMO.
They were detailed to the point of providing apparent coordinates of [REDACTED] and very low-resolution pictures. The Foundation immediately investigated the rumors with the Foundation telescope located at [REDACTED] and saw the object as well as what appeared to be a dead body in a sitting position.
This doesn't quite sound right.
The errors are scattered here and there. I'll look for more, but I have to go do something quickly.
Addressing these concerns in order: (will address other ones when they appear and when I return)
1. In retrospect, "wear-and-tear" does appear to be somewhat out of place. I have changed it to "mishandling", which would probably where most of the damage would probably come from in the first place.
2. "Carbon dated" is an actual way to refer to an item that has been radio-carbon tested.
3. I agree that this is a very bad wording, and it has been changed to something more indicative of their positioning.
4. I used this method of discovery because I had seen it on other SCPs in the past. For example, both SCP-1733 and SCP-261 used similar discovery stories.
5. Reading through it, I think the last sentence was probably the most problematic one. Changed it to "a dead body seated in the chair", which sounds more natural.
Storage Site-23 was chosen to be the destination of the object after extraterrestrial retrieval, due to general proximity and its standard storage chambers being suitable for its containment.
I dont't know if this is needed.
After it was brought to Storage Site-23, the body was taken away and brought to the medical wing for an autopsy
Now, it sounds like you're telling a story. You know the "And then this happened" kind of story.
At the same time, Mr. C████ had been contacted as an outside expert on his subject and was asked to give an inspection of the object based on his expertise.
See above post.
He had inferred correctly that the piece dated from the Ming Dynasty and noted the damage the object had received, then suggested measures that could restore the object and preserve it in the long-term.
Now, I know SCPs are supposed to tell stories, but not in the same style as you would find in a book.
Based on his knowledge and skill in his field of expertise, he was hired shortly afterwards and inducted as a curator for SCP-1445, and has since led the effort in preserving the object.
You already said he was an expert.
Upon detailed examination of the retrieved objects by scientific personnel, it was noted that neither the chair nor the body suffered the damage that they should have sustained upon traveling at escape velocity from atmospheric friction and drag.
Scientific personnel? Makes me think this: The Foundation personnel run around everywhere bopping people on the head with foam bats, screaming "For Science!"
The body was noted to be wearing a hanfu appropriate to the style of the Ming Dynasty and a wushamao3, providing further evidence of the object's time of origin.
You already said it was from the Ming Dynasty. Why bother repeating yourself?
he specimen also appeared to have suffered from micrometeoroid damage like the chair also had.
Bad tone.
A testing procedure for SCP-1445 has been proposed by Dr. A███, in order to discern the anomalous properties of the object directly through experimentation. After consultation with other departments of the Foundation and a week of consideration, the proposal was denied by Site Director ██████.
Wait… We don't even know what this thing does? For all we know, this may be an elaborate hoax.
The fuses of the object are capable of regeneration. The object was found with fuses whole and unburnt, but contemporary documents clearly describe a "[…] ceremonious lighting of the fuses".
So regenerating fuses? That's only an Anomalous Object, not an SCP.
The addendum.
Yeah, we don't need this. It serves no purpose to the article. It also could be considered a form of LoLFoundation.
1. I don't think it's needed, strictly speaking, but it was more of a brief explanation and a nod to practicality, by the Foundation using already existing facilities and resources that required only the addition of a humidifier as per the procedures.
2. Regarding the "sounds like a story thing" - I kind of understand what you're getting at, but I don't think it would seem particularly out of place in a scientific journal or something along those lines. It's simply a description of what was done after recovery, in the same way a scientist might describe what steps were taken preparing for an experiment.
3. Changed it to something other than "he's an expert". Instead he demonstrated the effectiveness of his methods.
4. Is using "scientific personnel" to describe researchers really a break in clinical tone?
5. They're just pointing out that the clothes are appropriate to the alleged time period.
6. Changed that part of the article to make the micrometeroid thing read better.
7. Regenerating fuses: well, that's one of several hypothesized anomalous properties.
8. Addressing the lack of testing and addendum together, seeing as they are related:
Yes, we don't know for sure what this thing does, and yes, it might be an elaborate hoax for all the Foundation knows. That's a major point of this article. The Addendum is a nod to practicality, the Foundation can't really afford to blow millions of dollars on sending a chair to space and then covering it up every single time. Trips to space are expensive in real life and the Foundation realizes it very much. And the second will be rather costly considering how visible a trail of smoke and fire in the air will be, even if it's conducted in a remote condition. And, what if the chair gets damaged/lost? What if it veers off course? The consultations the Site Direction did led him to believe that the benefits of testing would not be worth the massive cost, and all of the risk involved as well. The way he treats the matter is entirely serious: he's pointing out that there are far better things to spend millions of dollars on. Again, it is fairly integral to the article, and I cannot really change it.
In any case, I still thank you for your comments, as they have pointed out some things that I have missed.
4. Is using "scientific personnel" to describe researchers really a break in clinical tone?
Yes, because agents on a recovery team will get the artifact, not the researchers.
Ohh, I see what happened. We parsed the sentence differently. When I read it, I saw it as the recovered objects being examined by scientific personnel, while you parsed it as the recovery done by scientific personnel. I will change that to eliminate ambiguity.
I like it for the most part, particularly for of the Chinese censorship aspect of the containment. But the science in me doesn't like one bit.
just outside the gravitational pull of the Earth
That's just outside the universe… Which I suppose makes this way more anomalous than we first thought.
Quick edit: I really hope Mr. C[BLACKBOX] isn't Mr. China…
OK, I think I understand what you're getting at. Gravitational field will be the term I change it to.
Also, Mr. China would be an amusing name, but it's not. It's an actual Chinese surname.
That still doesn't make sense. The gravitational pull of the earth does not actually stop - it extends throughout the universe, just like that of all other masses. Plus, the point at which the earth's gravity becomes negligible (which is what I assume you meant) is pretty far beyond even the Foundation's ability to retrieve it. Depending on you definition of "negligible" that could easily be outside the solar system.
I actually quite enjoy this. SCPs should have realistic testing logs, even if that means no testing at all.
Seconded. I don't really like the object itself, but the fact that you didn't go "lets send some class Ds to space for no reason at all" and actually included a strong argument for why was good. No vote, though. Overall I didn't find it interesting.
I love this, however it's not for the SCP itself(no offense). It just makes the Foundation seem…real. The bureaucratic feel is what clinches it for me, and I love it for seeming so…well, grounded. No pun intended.
There's really only room in my heart for one ancient Chinese thing that can into space but shouldn't be, and SCP-907 was much more entertaining than this. It doesn't help that this is pulled more or less directly from mythology.
if your reading this your gay
/forum/t-622364/scp-1445#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06