SCP-3556 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-3556.

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Thank you!

JanitorCakeworth 22 Jun 2018 15:41

Again, big thanks to those on the SCP Discord server who helped me slowly refine this file. And thank you for tolerating me constantly posting the draft into the chat every hour. You're all cool dudes, and you get Durbal's stamp of approval.

Re: Thank you!

IAmTheOoga 22 Jun 2018 16:08

I love this. A funny concept, well-developed test logs and running gags, and actual story behind it? +1

Great Job!

Uncle Nicolini 22 Jun 2018 16:22

I've been critting this for some time now, and I'm glad to see you post it. Good job, Janitor Doctor Kakeworth!

Modern_Erasmus 22 Jun 2018 16:34

I think this would work better without the second addendum, just ending after Durbal callls itself perfect. That said, I enjoyed it very much regardless. The criticism logs blended comedy and serious pathos in a very compelling way. +1

Last edited on 22 Jun 2018 16:35 by Modern_Erasmus Show more

H0dari 28 Aug 2018 17:27

Why isn't Durbal just permanently attached to a copy of its own documentation, if it stays silent after calling itself perfect?

Kalinin 22 Jun 2018 17:05

This reminds me of a more simplistic version of the Insult Box, an article I don't care for that much as well. The joke is sort of amusing the first time, and gets quickly run into the ground by the successive tests.

+ anti-spoiler collapsible

I can't honestly say if this would work better without the second collapsible or not. It definitely sealed my downvote by being yet another permutation of the Convenient Note at the End thing that serves as a less-than-effective substitute for actual narrative, and also raises questions like "why does the guy not just throw away a post-it note rather than killing himself." However, without it, an already thin concept becomes even thinner.

Last edited on 22 Jun 2018 17:05 by Kalinin Show more

SecretCrow 22 Jun 2018 17:08

I've also been critting this so its good to see you took it to heart. Good job, Cakeworth! +1

duodude55 22 Jun 2018 21:17

Why would the guy choose suicide over destroying the sticky note?

JackZR 02 Oct 2019 05:50

Maybe because the artist isn't seeing much success in the other works, and although Durbal is annoying, the artist still think it's a success somehow.

TL333s 22 Jun 2018 22:46

I agree with Kalinin that the second collapsible might not be needed, especially because of what duodude55 points out.

Mirror is a cheating mirror that steals people’s hard earned light and deserves to serve 30 years in prison for stealing light.

That said, I love the Durbal. +1

clubby789 22 Jun 2018 23:35

Almost feels like a -J, but not quite. Still enjoyed this, although I feel it could have done without some or all of the second addendum.

TheShrike 23 Jun 2018 00:52

D-8913 hates legitimate criticism.
D-8913 doesn’t know how she gets into terrible situations and chooses to blame those around her.
D-8913 has a terrible relationship with her mother.

Sounds like my ex.

(I could have also included the hair dying line, except I don't think she thought her regular hair was ugly or bland.)

Caprica Six 24 Jun 2018 08:13

I like this article a lot! I don't have any structural feedback, but a few sentences stuck out as wonky to me. Here's some suggested rewordings to help the article really flow. I recognize the irony of giving you a list of fussy edits given the second addendum, but the former technical writer in me can't help it :)

Oh, and regardless of these, +1 from me!

+ Sentence edits

• SCP-3556 is a yellow adhesive note pad, measuring 2.5 cm by 5 cm, depicting a crude drawing of an unknown creature with the word “Durbal” being written near the drawing.
  • rewrite to "SCP-3556 is a yellow adhesive note pad, measuring 2.5 cm by 5 cm, with a crude drawing of an unknown creature and the word “Durbal” written near the drawing." This phrasing eliminates the awkward gerunds and makes the sentence more direct and active.
• any flaws the anomaly perceives of the item it is placed upon
  • Idiomatically, at least in American English, you would generally say "perceives in" rather than "perceives of". This sticks out to me a lot but this might be regional so if you don't care ignore this one.
• The following are a series of transcripts recorded from experiments using SCP-3556.
  • change the beginning to "The following is a series of transcripts". Your verb in this sentence refers to "series", which is a singular noun.
• SCP-3556 was recovered from the apartment of ██████ ████████ (PoI-3556), a writer and illustrator for various children’s books
  • Change to "A writer and illustrator of children's books." "for various" is redundant because if they wrote several books, of course they're varied. This also makes the sentence shorter.
• Foundation agents planted in local police stations apprehended SCP-3556, as well as PoI-3556 and the personal journal of the subject as evidence following a suicide attempt by PoI-3556.
  • This sentence has a lot going on and some awkward uses of conjunctions. I'd suggest splitting it into a couple sentences. Here's my take: "Foundation agents planted in local police stations apprehended SCP-3356. They also apprehended PoI-3556 after a failed suicide attempt, and took his/her/their personal journal as evidence." I'd lean toward "his' or "her" in that second sentence where I wrote "his/her/their" since "they" will already refer to the foundation agents.

OK, this last one is within the comments from the SCP itself so if these are stylistic choices feel free to ignore:

• D-8913 dyes her hair to forget about the fact their hair is ugly and boring.
  • You change from "her" to "their" for the same person within this sentence. This is an awkward construction and I'd suggest you pick one or the other and stick with it.

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