djkaktus's Proposal II / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page djkaktus's Proposal II.

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The Way Out

djkaktus 04 Jun 2018 13:02

“An exit is just an easy way out.”
― Anthony T. Hincks

Part two.

Many thanks to Soulless, Kalinin, Lazar, CaptainKirby, ARD, Hippo, Yossi, Westrin, and anyone else who had eyes on this throughout the process of writing it. There is work still to be done here, and this is a step towards that.

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Image Credits

• The file "exterior.jpg" is taken from here and is licensed under creative commons.
• The file "drdesmet.jpg" is taken from here and is licensed under creative commons.
• The file "destroyed.png" is taken from here and is licensed under creative commons.
• The file "accelerator.jpg" is taken from here and is licensed under creative commons.
• The file "01_solitude.jpg" is taken from here and has been authorized for my use in this article by the original artist, Damien J. McDonald, and is otherwise All Rights Reserved. More of Damien's work can be seen at www.damianjmcdonald.com.
• Lastly, the images "darkbodyclassified.png" and "darkbodywarning.png" are original creations of mine, released under Creative Commons.

Last edited on 04 Jun 2018 13:32 by djkaktus Show more

Amazing!

Yossipossi 04 Jun 2018 13:48

It was fun to do some CSS for this, but it was more fun reading it. The realization of what the Blackbody is doing hit me really well the first time, so I proudly upvote!

Re: Amazing!

Atlas Alias 28 Jun 2018 16:20

What's the Blackbody doing I don't fully understand. As far as I can tell, the Blackbody is killing THIS universe's life off, in favor of all of the other universes?

Re: Amazing!

Yossipossi 03 Aug 2018 05:46

Sorry for the late reply!

The Blackbody needs to kill all anomalous phenomena in the multiverse to save the universe. That also means destroying any trace of the anomalous, and thus, it is destroying the SCP Foundation.

Flawed 04 Jun 2018 14:08

you absolute madman

all rise for he of many 001s

一楼with my opinion

MySpacehero 04 Jun 2018 14:16

Have already seen.
A really good article.

Expect for the stupid Overseer Council.

I wonder how the Overseers trust a entity just because of his word. Compare with their attitude to other SCPs,I just don't know what to say. Really stupid. Especially this entity could let the whole world disapper in the twinkling of an eye if it want to.
And I really don't know if the temperature of the containment chamber remaining 3.2K is effective for the containment. If there is a explanation about it,I wii make a apology about my terrible eyesight :).
3812 2nd ver 2.31:)

I will finish my opinion tonight because It's time to go to school TAT

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Wenn der Zweck die Mittel heiligt, dann ist der Zweck unheilig.
用不正当手段达成的目的，不是正当的目的。

Last edited on 04 Jun 2018 22:36 by MySpacehero Show more

Re: 一楼

W Asriel 04 Jun 2018 14:25

em.. Your vote and comment should be based on the article itself. It is improper to vote without actually reading it, and leave a comment that does not contribute anything

Re: 一楼

MySpacehero 04 Jun 2018 14:26

我就是太晚了睡觉占个座（笑）
I'll see it tomorrow and give my opinion.

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Wenn der Zweck die Mittel heiligt, dann ist der Zweck unheilig.
用不正当手段达成的目的，不是正当的目的。

Mod Post - Open

LilyFlower 04 Jun 2018 14:32

I see you've downvoted; that would be malicious if you haven't read it. I suggest you remove it and read the skip.

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~🌸~Flower Power~🌸~

Re: Mod Post - Open

MySpacehero 04 Jun 2018 14:44

very sorry,I just want to recall my vote ,but I misclicked
I'll see it tomorrow and give my opinion.
sorry.

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Wenn der Zweck die Mittel heiligt, dann ist der Zweck unheilig.
用不正当手段达成的目的，不是正当的目的。

Re: 一楼with my opinion

MySpacehero 04 Jun 2018 22:35

WTF I misused a text…

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Wenn der Zweck die Mittel heiligt, dann ist der Zweck unheilig.
用不正当手段达成的目的，不是正当的目的。

multizig 04 Jun 2018 14:24

monster
how darest you have so many proposals

Prototype_Toaster 04 Jun 2018 14:30

Holy crap

1 man

3 001 proposals

All are god tier

I am simply finding it hard to create words that describe how impressed I am with this

Take all the +1s, chief

CyrusFiredawn 04 Jun 2018 14:49

Awh shit dawg, I was trying to form a similar idea, but not on this epic scale. I figured with the onslaught of pata articles in Series IV that the Foundation would have figured out they're part of a narrative, and want to contain/destroy the others to stop anomalies spawning, so I was desperately trying to think up some Super Thaumiel Anti-Meta/Pata skip.

There's no way I could have pulled it off this well though. Dis shit is awesome.

+1

Freedom Koo 04 Jun 2018 14:57

I’m comming! wait me sometime to translate!

OptimisticLucio 04 Jun 2018 15:15

You still haven't fixed the misspelling in the logo aaaaaaaaaaaaa-

Honestly, this feels way too much like SCP-3812 2.0. It's a humanoid with a power to destroy other narratives that seems to have a sort of split personality disorder and in the last log threatens to destroy its own narrative (or atleast, a chunk of it).

Along with feeling a bit like a rehash, the clinical tone is half-broken¹ almost the entire article, "destroying narrative = everything in that narrative vanishes" doesn't quite seem to make sense, and the O5's are way too goddamn trustworthy of something that could just instantly wipe out their entire dimension if it so pleased, considering that their previous method of dealing with such anomalies was "kill it before it even knows you're there."

But I enjoyed it. Despite all of that, I enjoyed reading it, so despite almost everything else pointing me to either nonvote or downvote, I'm not gonna do either.

+1 with a sour taste in my mouth

Footnotes

1. The text is still clinical in tone, but the way the story is being told is essentially the same way as it would be told in a book, rather than how it would look as an actual report written after the fact.

djkaktus 04 Jun 2018 15:26

the clinical tone is half-broken¹ almost the entire article

+ Spoiler

I would definitely hope so, because that's intentional. This document isn't written by researchers and scientists - it's written by Overseers, for other Overseers. I imagine the way they perceive these events would be different than the way they're typically perceived by the standard Foundation lay-person.

this feels way too much like SCP-3812 2.0

+ Spoiler

I expected that, and there are certainly a lot of similarities between the two. The difference, I think, is that 3812 doesn't destroy narratives - whether it can or not is irrelevant because it doesn't ever seem interested in it. The Darkbody only wants one thing though and it's fucking disgusting /meme

That being said, you can definitely imagine the two of them almost like brothers. They're not opposites, but similar situations brought them into existence and although their destinies are as far removed from each other as you could imagine, I think they'd find a certain kind of kinship together.

undergroundmonorail 04 Jun 2018 18:15

+ show block

I would definitely hope so, because that's intentional. This document isn't written by researchers and scientists - it's written by Overseers, for other Overseers.

I noticed the tone being just a bit off in a handful of places and thought (+ hoped) it was intentional, for exactly that reason. The idea that it's not quite clinical tone because it doesn't have to be is interesting, and at least for me it came through loud and clear, making it just one of the many cool things about this proposal.

Croquembouche 04 Jun 2018 15:45

I saw this in your sandbox a few times so maybe I've had a little longer to dwell on my thoughts

+ Criticism

I agree with a lot of the stuff that OptimisticLucio said.

The SCP itself feels very bland, just a superpowered dude who managed to convince the O5s to release him and all his power. Feels like Dr Manhattan with the manipulation reversed. It has been pointed out to me that Manhattan wore a watch

Desmet and O5-1 also feel like just avatars for advancing the plot (I forget the technical term), they lack any personality of their own. As a result, I believe the dialogue could use some refining, as it seems far too basic and/or "intentionally mysterious":

SCP-001: I can see everything.
O5-1: Do you know what you're looking for?
SCP-001: The mirror.
O5-1: Do it.

The clinical tone is… odd, in places. I don't want to say "off", but it's not quite spot on, either. The section beginning "O5-1 collapses in on himself, folding and distorting down into a single point" is a good example of this. Who's writing? Whose perspective is this segment from? How does this portion of the text exist? The writing quality here is excellent, but it's from the viewpoint of an omniscient narrator and that breaks the immersion for me.

EDIT: Read your response to Lucio about this being written by Overseers for Overseers, and I guess I can excuse it in that case. Either way, even if it's O5-3 writing this stuff, he's being awfully descriptive about it.

Plotwise things don't really make sense, but Lucio covered that in far less words than I would. I also feel like everything that's here is on the surface, I don't need to do any digging to find out backstory - I could well be wrong, but if I'm not, that's not always a bad thing honestly.

While I respect completely that this is part of a contest, I'm of the opinion that a 001 should be a self-contained work in and of itself, and to have this unfinished feeling lingering over it taints it for me, sort of reduces the value of having an 001 itself. Maybe I'm a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to that :P

+ Praise

Formatting is excellent - especially the addenda titles, and even the spacing on the content boxes.

I really, really love the photo of DEEPWELL #9. That sort of architecture really gets my motors going.

As usual, the writing quality is stellar throughout. I've written paragraphs in the previous spoiler and only a few lines for this one, but when I say stellar I really mean it. It counts for a lot.

Overall, it's a no-vote from me. Perhaps extra context from future entries in the contest series will swing me one way or the other.

EDIT: After a couple of days, the absolute implication that this is 001, branding the other proposals as decoys (no matter how true that is); and the fact that I feel I shouldn't be underwhelmed by a 001 has led to my downvote. Again, perhaps future contest entries will sway that vote.

Last edited on 06 Jun 2018 17:27 by Croquembouche Show more

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