This started out really weak but slowly build up to being something awesome. Just remember to change the miles per hour to kilometers per hour.
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-3957.
Thank you for pointing that out. I changed the references to miles and miles per hour to kilometers and kilometers per hour.
There is an amazing, fascinating, chilling idea presented here, but to me, its ruined by significant grammar issues. I love the idea of a rogue gulag doing it's own anomalous thing decades after the end of the USSR, and I especially love the choices you've made with regards to its effects (my grandfather was GUSG and later, KGB, so I am definitely biased). I would just like to see some of the grammatical choices tightened up a bit.
Thank you so much for the compliments and feedback! Going back to the grammatical errors, the only ones I can think of off the top of my head could be where I have full sentences and then the following sentence could be a fragment. I thought these made it seem more formal/technical, but in retrospect I can see how this was a serious error.
For example, where it discussed the instance of SCP-3957-1-E, it had something like "There is a table with surgical implements on the opposite side of the room. SCP-3957-1-E can be seen standing in front of the table across the room. Instance appears to be dormant." Are you referring to grammar choices like that (specifically the last sentence)?
Might want to use "lenses" instead of "glasses" in regards to the gas mask.
Thank you for the feedback. I was looking for a proper word to use but couldn't put my finger on it. The change has been made.
Upon entering the correct combination, the door will open on its own, revealing the interior of the SCP.
We avoid "the SCP" in articles. Try "interior of SCP-3957" or "the prison," or even just end the sentence with "on its own."
The cell block appears to be constructed out of solid concrete, albeit some sections in a dilapidated state. Rust appears to cover some of the doors, with a few potholes and cracks present in the flooring.
You way overuse "appears" in the article. If they can enter the prison, they can check if its rust or not.
Paragraphs 5 and 6 of the description are boring, and seem unnecessary. The description is excessive. Just say it's a prison cell and move on. I nearly downvoted here, and left.
SCP-3957 is home to several strains of anomalous entities, designated as SCP-3957-1-A through SCP-3957-1-E.
I would replace "several strains" with "five types." Precise and simple.
1 FN P90 submachine gun, automatic
Look, I love the P90 (I was even just watching Stargate SG1 literally moments before reading this), but it's a weird choice to place in Russia in 1997. Also, the dialogue of the task force has a quality like its been translated. Especially given what happens later, you meant mention that all dialogue is translated out of Russian. People don't speak English like that, but translations do.
Upvoted, I really love the helpfully evil guards.
Thank you for your constructive feedback and your upvote! I went ahead and changed the article according to your advice.
- I went through and looked up all uses of "appears", replacing them as needed.
- FN-P90 was replaced with a PP-90, which was used by Russian law enforcement in the 90's.
- I went through and looked up all uses of "the SCP", and replaced them as necessary.
- replaced "several strains" with "five types".
- I edited paragraphs 5 and 6, condensing them into one paragraph and eliminating (what I believed was the) unnecessary information.
I feel like there's a kernel of a good idea in here, but it's ruined by the heaps of grammar and tone problems that come up often in this skip. Author, do you mind if I edit through your skip not just for grammar, but to try to make it all sound more natural?
I remember seeing this SCP back when it was in its infancy, and while it's improved a lot, I do think it needs editing. I hope Doomblade allows you to make the necessary changes.
I'd love it if you would be willing to; it would help me out to see where I went wrong. Thank you for the assistance and feedback!
EDIT: Thank you for the revisions!
At first I wasn't sure if this would be good or not, and the first exploration log with the tired trope of the agents all failing their mission and getting captured almost got a -1 from me. However, the following addenda and the ending secured my +1.
Thank you for the feedback! I'll be sure to remember that tidbit about "agents all failing their mission" for future SCP's.
When I first started reading this, I thought it was a rather unoriginal idea, a mental facility with ghosts/crazy people in it, but as I started to read the reports and addendums it started to get really interesting. This is obviously very well thought out, and very well executed.
The one thing I have to suggest is adding what is going to happen now with the SCP? Are people still going in, and how is the Foundation staying connected with people undercover inside the facility? I think this will leave an open end for this SCP that'll let the reader interpret what will happen next, and also brings the writing back to being a clinical report since it relates to the present. With all the addendums and recordings, it's dangerous to let this stray off into a narrative.
porge
Thank you for the feedback! Given how Dr. Alexei Yarstev is still at large, I believe the most logical course of action would be for the foundation to monitor the facility once a month, using the same strategy used in Exploration Log SCP-3957-C.
The purpose of this would be to ensure nothing has happened as a result of the former Foundation personnel being converted into SCP-3957-1-B instances (potentially compromising the Foundation's secrecy with the instances), as well as to see if there is any sign of the doctor's return/presence.
Since it is hinted that he played a major role in the prison (since one of the anomalies stated that only he knows how the prisoners are sustained), I would assume the Foundation would want to find out more about him, or track him down if he's alive for questioning.
(account deleted)"Ammo Rounds" is redundant and most modern firearms the FN P90 (which I agree is an unusual choice here) included, uses magazines. I know people often use "clip" coloquially, but I don't think Foundation Agents in a stressful situation are among them.
Otherwise, I like the concept you've got going here.
/forum/t-5919810/scp-3957#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
