SCP-2958 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2958.

Here we go again

Penton 02 Apr 2018 13:55

Been working on a re-write of this article for a while now.

Many thanks to Captain Kirby for their feedback and anyone else who responded!

Picture taken myself

Last edited on 25 Sep 2019 06:17 by Penton Show more

Kalikak 02 Apr 2018 14:08

I gotta punch, i gotta punch!

DrSevere 02 Apr 2018 14:38

Feedback!

+ show block

There's a seed of a cool idea here, a roundabout literally becoming a desert island for those on it, but for me the execution is off.

For one, the language is clunky and somewhat hard to follow. It was kind of fuzzy for me what exactly the boundaries of the effect were, and when or where certain things triggered. The descriptions aren't clear enough for me to really be able to visualize what this actually looked like, which is a problem since the visuals are 90% of the SCP.

It also lacks a hook. It's just a traffic circle that makes you hallucinate. The bit about people emerging from cars looking like they're emerging from sharks is cute, but it's focused on too heavily; that kind of bit works best as an aside in a log, not as a main focus of the article.

I like the concept, but I didn't enjoy the read

Best of luck!

Last edited on 02 Apr 2018 15:43 by DrSevere Show more

fieldstone 02 Apr 2018 22:22

Subjects located on the roundabout will perceive any vehicles on the surrounding road to take on the appearence of some form of large ocean life, swimming through the hallucinated ocean matching the movement and speed of the actual vehicle.

"Subjects" should be "individuals" or "persons" instead since there's no experiment going on, but this sentence really made me smile and decide to upvote.

those that have exited a vehicle will instantaneously become seveare bodily wounds by no percievable means, before shortly expiring.

Lost the upvote here, unfortunately. "And then it kills you" was kind of a letdown as an ending. There were some good moments in the encounter report, but not enough to bring it back for me - I feel like if you did a revision that toned down the danger and focused on the surreallism I could be really into this.

hello cakeguy 04 Apr 2018 17:16

Yeah. do something to make it so it isn't a And Then It Kills You. You could Make them turn into Remoras, make them become aquatic scavengers feeding on a shark carcass, or you could even make them the body parts of the shark that suddenly fall off and start rushing at them. there be a lot of options here, matey.

Last edited on 04 Apr 2018 17:18 by hello cakeguy Show more

Aceofmoxes 04 Apr 2018 18:35

Honestly, invisible flying sharks what kills you was good enough for me. Adding transformation or extra mind-affecting things would ruin the simplicity.

Maxyfran73 01 Sep 2022 01:32

I like this! It's very simple, but it really thrives on that simplicity with the incident report. The execution of this last part really helps tie the rest of the article together, which really helps it stay afloat.

+1