(account deleted) 11 Aug 2012 07:16
This is extremely cheesy but I like the effect itself enough to upvote it. Very nice.
SCP-1457 / Discussion
Forum
» Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions
» SCP-1457
This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1457.
(account deleted) 11 Aug 2012 07:16
Thanks!
And uh, yeah, I really did (and still do, by the looks of it) need help trimming down the journal log. I was trying to convey how vivid the transferred memories were, without bordering on cheesy and without seeming overly clinical and detached.
Any suggestions on how to tone down the cheesy?
I don't know, just how vivid is a memory for the average person? Speaking personally, most of my memories are sort of vague, and the ones I remember better are more abstract not-pictures centering around smells and such.
I think you'd do best to making a note, something sciency (sorry, I can't help with tone) explaining how the person has total… recall of the events that took place. I would put this in the body of the description, or in an addendum. Read it over again, and if the Journal entries do not sway you in any particular way, delete them. No one will be disappointed that the article is succinct.
I don't know, just how vivid is a memory for the average person? Speaking personally, most of my memories are sort of vague, and the ones I remember better are more abstract not-pictures centering around smells and such.
I sort of wanted the article to read in a way that would imply that the memories are vivid to the point where recalling them would trigger emotions (but the writer of the journal misinterprets the SCP's effect and believes the SCP itself embeds the emotions in)
I think you'd do best to making a note, something sciency (sorry, I can't help with tone) explaining how the person has total… recall of the events that took place.
I was thinking of that. What made me hesitant was thinking if a short note stating the subject has total recall would be more effective than seeing the different scenarios the SCP has "collected".
Read it over again, and if the Journal entries do not sway you in any particular way, delete them
Like I mentioned before, I tried to provide a variety of memories to show the extent of the different scenarios the SCP encountered. As such, if the memories are excessive, out of the ones currently in the journal, which do you think should be trimmed out?
I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one. Link please? (though I can try looking for it myself if it's a bother to you).
In the meantime, any advice on what I could change to make this SCP different from the spider?
I think there's a difference. Also I like this a lot, and I like it pretty much purely for the journal.
The telepathic spider was about a spider getting wigged out when it was talking to the equivalent of eldritch beings from beyond the veil (and said beings actually sympathizing with the spider on account of also dealing with things that are equally beyond their own ability to understand).
This is also about a researcher trying to understand what the butterfly is transmitting… but it seems like the researcher is overwhelmed by the content rather than understanding it.
I think the ultimate idea here is that suffering is lessened by sharing it with others. The butterfly is not feeding, it's sharing. But if you take on too much, you'll be crippled by it like the researcher was.
edit: also it's kinda neat that the telepathic bugs are so close together in the list completely by coincidence.
I read 1470, and knowing that the author of that article likes this one is, well, awesome. Thanks, Sorts!
I think the ultimate idea here is that suffering is lessened by sharing it with others. The butterfly is not feeding, it's sharing. But if you take on too much, you'll be crippled by it like the researcher was.
I had the idea that the butterfly didn't want just anyone to share its stories with; it wanted someone who would care enough to keep experiencing all the memories, until the butterfly "trusted" the person enough to share the very first memories of loneliness it ever experienced.
Of course, it didn't really work out for the doctor because he was only interacting with the butterfly for research purposes, and the years and years of memories did overwhelm him.
I think you would have a better piece by losing all of the journal. Maybe split that off into a Tale? The prose is a bit overwrought ("cried and laughed and shared our dreams," "paperwork streaming onto the floor," "I won’t be able to stand it if their smiles disappear"), whch comes off as cheesy, and also the journal starts up a whole new story at about the point when the regular SCP part should be ending, then goes on for a long time, which tries the patience a bit. Plus, I think that either 1) it's a bad idea to try to resolve the back story as thoroughly as you have here, or 2) the idea's okay but it wasn't executed well.
That said, this is only my opinion, and other people may disagree, so don't do anything drastic just yet.
That definitely makes sense, although I'm unsure of how well the article and journal would be able to stand alone as a separate article and tale.
I agree with you on the journal being too long; I'll trim those parts down as soon as I'm able. Thanks for the specific feedback on this—I was having a lot of trouble trying to decide which parts weren't needed.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
I echo the comments that this would be a much better piece without the addendum and the journals, they really detract from the clinical tone.
I felt that the addendum gave more information about the SCP in a way that didn't make the delivery blatantly obvious (i.e. The butterfly feeds on human emotions. The butterfly can communicate. The butterfly can transmit memories of its own; humans are not the only beings that experience tragedy.)
If you feel that the addenda detract from the clinical tone so much that it merits a downvote, could you offer some advice on how to incorporate the addenda into the article itself? (Unless, of course, you don't think the interview or journal should be included at all. Personally, I'm inclined to keep the addenda, but if enough people comment that I should do otherwise, I can always create a separate Tale for the addenda and simply link the article to it.)
I think SCPs are supposed to be clinical and cold, and if it is a research journal in the addendum, then that should be clinical too. The personalization of the journal seems better for a tale.
I see. However, I still don't think the article would be able to stand on its own without the journal, simply because a lot of the significance of the SCP itself is contained in the journal entries.
Anything you could suggest in regards to making the journal sound more clinical?
Journals are useful in that you can in fact break some tone in order to express what is necessary to express. In journals, you can make them sound like actual people rather than mere reports. This also applies to Interviews. I think it would be better to have a concern in which does the scientist sound like a person? Does he sound like a scientist taking notes in a journal?
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
Tbh, the journal is what made it for me.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
Upvoted and generally like, but the entire time all I could think of was this.
Looks like the doctor didn't realise that he'd reached the end. That second-to-last scene must have been horrifying from a betterfly's perspective.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
I wish I could upvote twice, btw. It's not often someone posts an SCP that evokes the sort of emotions this one did for me without overdoing it. It was just right.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
Psychic butterfly that feeds you sorrowful images to make you feel bad and then eats your empathy.
I can dig it.
This reminds me a lot of my own first article on the site: SCP-1655. 1655 is far more malicious, and its effects are much more potent, but the idea at the core is similar- the fear and sorrow of loneliness. This is probably a bit better written, I must say.
Actually, I came across 1655 while reading through articles to check if my idea had been done before. I definitely agree that 1655 is more malicious, which is why I decided to give 1457 a backstory that would make its actions somewhat pitiable.
This is probably a bit better written, I must say.
Wow, thank you! (That means a lot to me, seeing as I really liked the way you structured 1655. I personally think that the journal excerpt for 1457 is too long, but I can't for the life of me think of how to trim it down further…)
Your choice to make 1457 more sympathetic was a wise move, methinks. I do think the journal is a tad too long, as you said, but it gets the point across. 1655, along with my second SCP, will probably get a rewrite sometime in the future.
/forum/t-550207/scp-1457#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06