SCP-1148 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1148.

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Requitefahrenheit 23 Jul 2012 03:40

I liked it and gave it my vote:
One suggestion as to tone in the testing log (its up to you)

Instead of having the subject speak folksily, have him be more well-spoken:

In other words, instead of this:

Subject: Nothin so far Doc. I’m just kind of bored sittin here is all. Couldn’t you've thrown in a TV or a magazine or something?

I would go with something like this:

Subject: Nothing I can tell, doctor. I'm bored sitting here that's all. I would have appreciated a TV or a magazine.

xxHBxx 23 Jul 2012 03:53

I agree with Requite's suggestion on the diversity of D-Class vocabulary. Just because they are prisoners does not necessarily condemn them to a lifetime of speaking like they're from Jersey.

Last edited on 23 Jul 2012 22:19 by xxHBxx Show more

Aridorn 23 Jul 2012 04:04

I dunno, on the other hand it would seem our prison systems contain a surprisingly large number of extremely eloquent and level-headed people, to judge by some logs on other SCPs. I've said before that it's always a little eyebrow-raising when someone ostensibly recruited from a place it was assumed no one would miss them rattles off answers like "Vocalizations are emanating from approximately twenty to twenty-five meters in a descending direction, Control. Do you wish me to proceed?"

I agree it's a matter of personal choice on the part of the author, but on the whole I think it's a bad idea to attempt to extend some amount of the clinical tone to D-class, or even in every case the researchers. I'd say the original's fine, but "nothin" and "sittin" should be "nothin'" and "sittin'", since I believe that's the proper way to convey an accent via text.

The "correction" just sounds way too polite, in any event. D-class are usually portrayed as fairly aware of their status as lab rats. Saying "Doctor, I would have appreciated a TV or a magazine" makes me picture some guy in a prison orange jumpsuit and a bowler hat, monocle carefully in place and pinkie extended from his tea cup, giving the camera a mildly scolding look.

Edit: Dude all sitting there, sighing in a much put-upon manner and shaking his head. "This really is a most perturbatory waste of my time. Why, today D-18395 was going to complete my ritual scarification in the shape of a crumpet. My dear mum had one just like it, you know, when she went to the 'big house' in her own day." Dammit now I can't get the image of Extremely Refined British Delta out of my head.

Last edited on 23 Jul 2012 04:12 by Aridorn Show more

Requitefahrenheit 23 Jul 2012 06:04

you made me laugh. =D
I guess I just don't like the folksy tone.

Goodwill 23 Jul 2012 04:02

I like the image

Timmantha 23 Jul 2012 04:05

Thanks. That's my actual bedroom window and was the inspiration for the peice.

Wolfrover 23 Jul 2012 06:11

Nice work, there. You don't actually cover the absorption until the testing log, though; it should really be mentioned right after the arms drawing them closer. I will point out that the force (or whatever it is) has been defined as grabbing them at a range of two centimeters… that's 0.78 inch. That doesn't leave much time for that final dialogue in the test log. 20 cm would give you 7.8 inches… was that what you wanted, or did you mean 2 cm?

Timmantha 23 Jul 2012 06:20

In my mind, only part of the person has to be that close, like a finger or something. The arms grab further up, like around the bicep. Its also not like they pull in at lightning speed either; more methodically because they know its too late for the victim to escape.

Last edited on 23 Jul 2012 06:20 by Timmantha Show more

Wolfrover 23 Jul 2012 06:46

Fair enough, then. Just wanted to be sure. (Oh… and I hope you don't mind, but I corrected an "SCP-XXX" you missed. There was only one; I just figured I shouldn't bother you over such a tiny oversight.)

Timmantha 23 Jul 2012 06:53

Thanks for the fix. I just used the replace function in Word. Must have forgotten an X in that one.

Wolfrover 23 Jul 2012 07:07

You're very welcome. :)

Finnegar 23 Jul 2012 06:14

I really like this. I always make sure to pull the blinds on my windows as soon as it gets dark. You get my first upvote.

EFS19 - MC_Kejml 23 Jul 2012 09:31

Now this is a SCP I can point to when I say why I don't read them at night D:

+1

Last edited on 23 Jul 2012 13:32 by EFS19 - MC_Kejml Show more

Doktori 23 Jul 2012 10:52

Very nice. Upvoted.

Lumancer 23 Jul 2012 14:43

Uhhh… so it's a window that makes you a little crazy, then eats you? Am I missing something here?

Foxen 23 Jul 2012 15:19

I think everyone's had that uncomfortable feeling when they think they've seen a reflection on a window at night. Is it something outside? Something behind you? Or, as in this case, something else entirely? This article does a great job of capturing that sensation.

Ink Asylum 23 Jul 2012 15:50

The test log adds nothing to the article. It's completely predictable given the symptoms listed in the description. Either make the description more vague or the test log more interesting.

DisquietRiot 26 Feb 2015 15:41

This was my exact criticism and the reason for my downvote.

firewoven 23 Jul 2012 16:06

This was an interesting concept. I have a few gripes with the log, mainly it's both unecessary and doesn't have his accent right, no apostrophes. Which is agitating to me.

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