Downvoted for being a mess. There are too many parts that are only vaguely related to each other, there is no description of what the damn thing does until the second addendum, and on the whole there is too much text that says too little.
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I did some cleaning. Hope you'll take another look, when you get a chance.
Specific notes would be greatly appreciated.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
i really enjoy scps where i start saying "oh cool…another (blank) scp. blah blah blah… and then I see the attachments and each one I click makes me shiver a little more, until at the end i am successfully freaked out. The pictures are great and it just gets more interesting with each scroll down/click +1
Holy crap. +1
A complete set of 32 chess pieces carved in the Oriental style
Is "Oriental style" a technical name for a particular style of chess pieces?
Thanks for the +1.
Here's the photo source:
http://www.rhodonscollectables.co.uk/collectable.html?id=000407
Caption author lists style as "Oriental", but I'll do a bit more research to see if it's the recognized style.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
Upvoted for potential, but there are some things you need to adress. The biggest one being the GWFT Syndrome (otherwise known as Giant Wall of Fucking Text syndrome). Try to find a way to convey your concept using less words.
A few other things:
- No need to specify measurements to four decimals, two will do
- It's O5, not 05 (fixed that for you)
- Try to use local images. Just upload them to the page using the 'Files' option below the article
I like the idea of an anomalous chess automaton though.
Thank you.
Tried to address your GWFT by making some edits for clarity. Will fix image sourcing.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
Lose the samurai, it's redundant.
Also change the fact that the foundation is borrowing the steam engine, the foundation doesn't get anything "on loan".
I like the Samurai, it's basically a red herring but it's necessary because of how the "chess automaton" hoax worked.
Anyway, I thought this SCP was great! The disconnect between the "A steam powered chess computer?!" and the "haunted by the ghosts of little girls" angle was pretty jarring, but I actually think it's stronger for it. As an aside, I'd advise trying to replace all of the more mundane instances of [DATA EXPUNGED] in the article with corrupted gibberish or something. The great thing about this SCP is it gives insight into why the Foundation would expunge data when it's records are compromised, and what kind of stuff could be lurking behind every [DATA EXPUNGED].
Thanks for the idea. Also glad you liked the Samurai :)
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
It probably would have been a good idea to spend a little more time on the "has the brains of a chess master's daughters in it" part. perhaps another addendum outlining it's discovery?
(account deleted)1. You're responding to a comment from more than two years ago. Although I'm not sure why, since what you're saying isn't really germane to what Digiwizzard said in those times of yore.
2. This article is rated at +240. I'm pretty sure it's fine as it is.
3. Shoehorning backstory into things is fast becoming a cliche in its own right. Discovery logs and overly detailed explanations of things can just as easily kill mystery as build interest. There's a balance to these things.
4. You've been a member less than a day. While there's no rules saying you can't offer critique, it may be advisable to absorb a little more of the site, both in content and culture, before doing so.
I still think Addendum 4's picture is really too pushy. -1
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
It's helping me not sleep tonight. My level of tired just now is about right for the moving image effect described to seem to happen.
I know this is more than a bit retro, but COULD add to the jumpscare…does this site support animated .gif's? A subtle "moving" background could be made without too much difficulty, and just MIGHT convince a casual reader they've actually been infected.
I've read the rest of this thread, and have discovered a not-quite subtle attempt made awhile ago. A less-obvious edit (leaving the girl's faces essentially untouched/moved) with small background details moving…might lead to a "did I just see that move," rather than the "Blaaarg!" that the offered image causes.
aaaagh
I did like the sudden transition from long, vaguely foreboding prose to BAM KIKIA ON YOUR FACE.
Thank you.
That's definitely what I was going for. Some folks are complaining about the "wall of text"—I might trim it somewhat, but I'll try to maintain that pacing effect.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
That last picture was shocking. In a very good way. You have my sincere upvote.
Many thanks.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
The red herring definitely through me off. I jumped in my seat from that damn picture. Damn you.
+1
Although, the collapsible stretches the screen for no good reason. Just a couple CORRUPTEDs would work.
That's what I originally had. I'mma switch it back.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut
/forum/t-472786/scp-1875#post-
page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
