The word is 'paid,' not 'payed.'
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I like it! However, several criticism:
It's spelt "paid".
This seems like a definite case of a Euclid, since this SCP's behavior is not entirely understood and it's just roaming around on it's own. We have no insurance that when you ask for a fudgesicle, it won't charge you for more money then exists in circulation.
You're totally blue balling me with the [DATA EXPUNGED] here. A six foot hatch opened up and what? How horrible could it be that that the data needed to be destroyed? That's just lazy.
The driver stepped out, stabbed her several times with an ice cream cone, dragged her into what appeared to be a meat grinder, and made her into ice cream.
My theory anyway.
Thank you. The [DATA EXPUNGED] here is kept to keep the reader in a state of fear. The van is not entirely harmless and I am leaving it up to the reader to decide what occurs in this area.
Giving it teeth isn't bad, but no one's feeling afraid when they read [DATA EXPUNGED] here, they're just feeling unsatisfied. Everything in the article is pretty whimsical, so dropping in a box with [INSERT FEARS HERE] won't work. You can't just tell the reader that they should be feeling creeped out, you have to give them something to speculate on.
If you want to maintain an implicit mystery about what happens, have the Doctor get dragged into the van by an unseen force, and then the Van driving off. Maybe insert cliched banging and screaming, or how the attempt to retrieve the doctor failed. If it's something weird, like the driver (!?) getting out and doing his thing, or a ray gun popping out to turn them into ice cream, or make them violently decompress, then you should mention these things as they're important. At the very least, mention some Class D's being deployed to mop up the ice cream/blood/bloody ice cream so that the reader can figure it out for themselves.
This is excellent criticism. I will think of something to put in the redacted area and edit it some time down the line. Thank you very much for your ideas.
I do not feel that it should be classified Euclid as it does follow a somewhat regular schedule. I will wait for further comment before changing the class.
I really like this, this is the fun and friendly SCP I haven't seen in a while, there is no malicious intent or hidden agenda or GOI or whateverelsethefuckIdunno. I think I honestly prefer these kinds of SCPs over the hum-drum of fucked up nature and evil anomalies.
Thank you.
*Also, they only carry 2 bucks because the driver needs about tree fiddy and is a giant crustacean from the paleolithic era.
I feel exactly the same way. I miss that aspect of the site from years ago.
I would more specifically change "and was payed with no problem" to "and was paid without incident." I like it otherwise.
A newbie properly tagged an article! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
P.S. Can I keep it as a pet?
No, s/he forgot to add "ice-cream" and "delicious" as tags. :P
Seriously, it is nice to see newbies take all the proper steps, including the right tagging.
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.
*sheds a tear* It's… so beatiful. It is time to rejoice brothers.
The last couple good articles from new members were properly tagged…
Heh, I confess that I never tag anything I write and let Ms. Mackenzie do it.
I probably owe her a beer or something.
SCP Wiki Senior Citizen Staff | Thank you for testing my new memetic Forum sig
I can't tell. It's [REDACTED].
Military Consultant, SCP Wiki
Please expound on your criticism.
Redaction in the containment procedures is generally frowned upon.
if your reading this your gay
(account deleted)I'm withholding my upvote until it's cleaned up a bit. As mentioned above, there's some spelling issues, and the containment procedures could use some work. A Foundation operative was [DATA EXPUNGED]'d for not paying a $16 dollar receipt, so I imagine it would be more logical to require researchers to at least carry a twenty around.
Also, there's some issues with clinical tone. "The van waited as if it were thinking" could probably be written differently. And is there a reason D-Class personnel aren't being used for the experimentation, rather than putting Foundation staff at risk? I realize that "getting an ice cream cone" is probably far too nice an outcome for a D-Class in this universe, but that seems like basic procedure.
And yes, I realize I'm nitpicking a magical, sapient ice cream truck.
Thank you for noticing my continuity error, and problem in tone. They have been fixed.
I am still new to this site and do not entirely understand the difference between researchers and D-class personnel. I did not find very much to help me on this and decided to use researchers for everything that does not seem dangerous. If this is a problem, I will edit it, but I would like to have a better understanding of them before doing so.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/security-clearance-levels
Read all of that.
D-Class personell are completely expendable, or disposable (Hence the "D"). Usually picked from people serving a life sentence in jail, or something similar. They're used for perliminary testing on things, and advanced testing on dangerous things. Researchers work on things that are proven completely harmless after testing, and take notes/observations otherwise.
This is a minor thing but, "…a meat and cheese sandwich with tomato made out of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream…" bothered me. I had to read it a couple times to realize the whole thing was made of ice cream, not just the tomato. Saying, "…a meat, tomato, and cheese sandwich made of…" would work much better. I also agree that D-class should be experimenting.
Overall this is a nice little thought, but not overly nice. I would upvote it in a second if it was polished a bit.
I like it enough to upvote on the merit that I think you'll correct the tonal issues and the Expunged data. At least in the containment, which I assume is similar, if not the same, to the one stated later in the article.
/forum/t-469374/scp-1386#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06