Might do better as a tale
It isn't secured or (probably) containable. The Foundation is not protecting the world from it or it from the world. So it fails all three legs of the SCP test.
SCP-1108 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1108.
(account deleted)I'd agree with this if it weren't for that fact that… all SCP reports have to start somewhere, and some take a long time to learn how to contain. I wanted to write a report from that early angle— with surveillance as a viable step toward actual "containment". In that respect, and by hiding its paranormal nature from the locals, they are protecting the human population.
But I do understand the point you're getting at, if nothing else.
I'd say maybe call it Keter and try to find a different photograph (a different cloud one, it doesn't have to look exactly like an alligator, could just be one shaped like a gator foot and tail or something, and maybe one or two of alligators in weird places?), but I kind of like this one.
Thanks! I was worried about the photo from the get go, but a footlike cloud might be interesting to play with. I'm hesitant to call it Keter because its effects are manageable and its movement… limited? But maybe the potentially uncontainable state would qualify…
Enh. Doesn't do anything for me. Downvote.
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I'm not really sure where are you going with this one. Is it supposed to be scary? We all know fog can be disturbing, but it's been done better. As such, this SCP fails to even get me interested.
That being said it's a solid piece of work, I like the clinical tone. The idea just doesn't really sit with me.
No vote for now, maybe if you found a hook of some sorts.
Not supposed to be particularly scary— just formless and unreasoning, with no predictable motivations. That said, I waaas a little worried from the get-go that it was toeing the SCP line.
But thanks for the feedback, I'll give thought something more hook-ing that might be added.
Maybe it could make the alligators and other reptiles in the area more aggressive or otherwise change their behavior.
I strongly disagree. Not every SCP article has to be super scary-dangerous. Alligators being alligators is scary enough without tacking on cheap ante-upping
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
I like the overall concept, but there's no hook. However, points for making an SCP that's not necessarily scary, and instead strange and unexplained. No vote.
I like the idea of a 'ghostly gator god', with some work and a solid hook it could be good. Overall, the writing and tone are okay. Perhaps it could be contained (with effort) if it were not too big. Does it stay in one spot? The photo needs to look more cloudy and less 'shopped.
I like it. As others mentioned, there's no hook, but I upvote regardless.
Thanks!
And, well, the one point I'm going to be stubborn on is that it not have any fatal or X-but with more danger! effects. Outside of that, I'm not 100% sure what a "hook" would look like—? I'm trying to think how to add something like that without sacrificing the complete ambiguity.
I find the delivery a little lacking. What exactly constitute an "abnormal rise in fresh water levels" or "abnormal displacement of wildlife"? "Alarming numbers" of alligators? Also, should probably use the scientific name or say "a species of Alligator" or somesuch when first describing what the cloud looks like.
I do like it more considering it from an "early investigation" angle, but maybe it would do better as a story than an actual SCP. What you've got are notes about a weird thing and what it does, with no ideas on how to contain it, so having it be an article feels… inappropriate? Just a thought.
If anything, you're going for a "why is this happening/what's causing it?" angle, and that may be why people aren't finding it too compelling. So much in the Foundation has no explanation, it's not a big deal. Now if they thought they were on to discovering the triggers and suddenly the next manifestation threw all their data out the window…
Ack, this is another instances of worrying I was sounding too pedantic— I had exact water levels (I may or may not work with [REDACTED] data on a regular basis), and added "alarming" in a later edit. Might reverse those back, then… Also, I thought it would be silly to give a species to a cloud— because sure, maybe you can tell it is gator and not a croc, but judging species is just a little much?
That last idea is a really intriguing one, though, and much closer to the tone I was going for. I think I was too gentle with the implications, overall, as I wanted it to feel like "this is getting worse and we are probably exacerbating it". If I make any big changes, that will probably be the angle I go for— thanks for the suggestion.
Welcome. :) That's what feedback is for, after all.
And I didn't mean say "Oh this cloud looks like Alligator mississississisis", I just thought saying "it looks like an alligator" is more lying on your back watching the clouds than filing a scientific report.
I really like this. It's intriguing and unexplained without being scary, spooky, or overly mysterious. Props from me.
if your reading this your gay
Agreed, and loving it for all these reasons.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
