Critique request

Critique request

Khym Chanur 02 Feb 2012 14:46

My first SCP draft is here, under the "Draft SCP" folder. Any criticism would be appreciated. Thanks.

Re: Critique request

Agent Angus Smith 03 Feb 2012 14:36

The overall concept seems incomplete. It does not move me emotionally. It also reminds me of a Star Trek episode where a crew member is abducted every night by the aliens from the next door dimension.
Your description

It is assumed that all scenes take place at night, since no observed scene has had anything to indicate that it took place during the day, and in all scenes including a digital clock the clock indicates that it's nighttime. Even though all scenes are well lit, it is assumed that all scenes are supposed to take place during darkness, both because of the lack of shadows in any observed scene, and one observed scene showing miles of well lit open plains under a dark sky filled with stars.

is very wordy and could be condensed into a single sentence. The word 'scenes' is used too often in succession.