My Idea

Summary:

The Devil's fly paper

My Idea

Jazzyhattrick 27 Jan 2012 14:44

Whenever anyone works with really strong superglue they always have that fear that they are going to stick their hands together, now imagine that you get your hands stuck together but then you find that your feet are stuck to the floor even though the glue never went anywhere near them, then you blink and find yourself unable to open your eyes, and now that you come to think of it your mouth won't open either. That in effect is what my SCP does, it is very sticky, but it also makes everything that touches it very sticky.

I've just got through writing the first draft and any critique is much appreciated
My idea in sandbox

Also if anyone could tell me how to put a link to my page in the sidebar would really be helping me out, I know I'm probably missing something really obvious.

Re: My Idea

Agent Angus Smith 28 Jan 2012 01:31

I think the concept has merit, I am reminded of Oobleck from Dr Seuss. I think the description of containment is perhaps too lengthy. The first 7 paragraphs of the addendum should be summarized, and 05 never comments about the cost. They have SCPs that create gold and diamonds.

Just my inexpert opinion.

I couldn't figure out how to put a link to my page in the sidebar, either. Write the link on a post-it note.

Re: My Idea

Jazzyhattrick 28 Jan 2012 02:40

Just done a quick rewrite, had to get rid of a few ideas that I liked but such is the price of a more readable article. Kind of hate to pull the old "and with one bound he was free" trick but I couldn't see any way of cutting anything out of the isolation procedure and still have it make sense, and it is a bit of a slog to read through it all. If anyone has a way I can keep some of it without sacrificing pace I'd be very grateful.

First draft's underneath the second in case anyone still wants a look at it.

Re: My Idea

Agent Angus Smith 28 Jan 2012 15:34

I like the containment section better now. This is supposed to be a summary report to an admin, not detailed construction plans to the team of engineers. Admins want to know What is it? How do we cage it? How bad is it if it gets loose? How can we kill it?

and immersed in Liquid Helium.

would water work?

The object possesses unmatched adhesive properties and will irreversibly bond to any solid immediately upon contact. …Although materials maintain their adhesive properties upon separation from the object,…

Perhaps just very strong bonding instead of absolute.

Are secondary bonds as strong as the original contact? If you touch the goop with a glass rod can you break off the end?

that we introduced…that he considers himself unqualified to deal with situation…..staff have been incredibly impressed….brilliant work of….

These comments make the report lose objectivity. These people are expected to be brilliant and/or call in competent backup.

over time it passes its adhesive properties to objects in contact with it.

Info on the rate this occurs would add some useful data, it shows the scientist was measuring something.

Many SCP entries don't have an acquisition log. Put on in only if it adds to the story. The helicopter and acid retrieval procedure is more interesting to me than the D-class details. They can be summarized and would help move the story along.

It needs some technobabble. Look up 'ionic bond' in wikipedia and sprinkle (a little) jargon in.

Some blacked out dates and locations generally add flavor, as well.

Re: My Idea

Jazzyhattrick 28 Jan 2012 15:52

thanks for the feedback, The reason for the liquid helium is keeping the scp as cold as possible, the rate at which it "infects" other materials scales with temperature. The colder it is the more time you have if it comes into contact with the container. I think I need to change some stuff to make that part clearer as it's why the thing getting nuked would be so disastrous.

I think I can change it to very strong bond and have more of an explanation for why separating it is so problematic. trying to cut it off only results in whatever blade is used getting stuck, using explosives or lasers introduces heat which increases the rate of spread etc.

What I'm worried about with taking out the section about the d-classes is that it's the part that brings home what the SCP does to people.

Re: My Idea

Jazzyhattrick 28 Jan 2012 17:15

Third draft up, same link as before. also how do i put stuff as blacked out?

Re: My Idea

Rejekyll 28 Jan 2012 17:53

You have to ████ and █████ █████ ██████████ into your document.

EDIT: Perhaps I should clarify. You select the unicode characters (they look blacked out), and copy-paste them into your document.

Last edited on 28 Jan 2012 17:54 by Rejekyll Show more

Re: My Idea

Jazzyhattrick 28 Jan 2012 18:05

Cool, Thanks.