Cool story, bro.
+1
SCP-767 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-767.
I like it, but I can't shake the feeling that I'd like it better if the details about what the photos do to people weren't described in such detail. The lead up makes it pretty clear that the items change to suit their new locations, which strongly implies that the photos somehow claim new victims… so expunging a lot of data could leave readers guessing and thinking about those clues a lot more than they do when it's just explicitly stated.
Hmmm…. That could possibly be good. I just see a lot of times, "too much expungement, give more details!" on stuff so I got a little scared on overly blanking out XD i might do a trial run and run it by chat, or if you have some ideas and want to PM them to me
The difference here is that you do a good job of implying what comes next, which gets the reader guessing… gives them jusssst enough to wonder. You don't need to expunge the whole thing, but note that this is also what 231 does. It makes some pretty clear implications and leaves the reader hanging. This subject matter doesn't have the same punch, but it can still be a good piece on its own, especially if you can make the reader wonder if the thing is even actually contained.
I agree with Sorts. It's a good article, and I upvoted, but it'd probably be scarier if the part describing the monster and what it does to the person was expunged.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
Good. You did do a good job implying details to the readers. Tone is better than what I've sen from most of the new articles lately. I would consider consider rewriting this sentence:
When viewed in reverse (proper chronological) order, they follow a first-person perspective of an individual entering a room and examining a single table (12 through 7).
This part bothered me when I first read it because it sounds like all of the photographs are in the individual's POV, then the parenthetical is just tacked on at the end (which makes it an incomplete sentence). Would something like this sound better? "When viewed in reverse (proper chronological) order, images 12 through 7 follow a first-person perspective of an individual entering a room and examining a single table."
Also, typo: "twelves hours"
Upvoted, because it's a lot better than my attempt.
Being a pansy, I immediately had to turn on the light and look at the ceiling. Then I nearly shat myself, as I saw that my brother had kindly drawn a hideous face, captioned it with "I will eat your brains" and stuck it to my bedroom ceiling. God fucking dammit.
I really like this - I presume the reverse numbering of the photos effectively means that it takes effect when the viewer 'catches up' to the present time going backwards through the photos, whereupon -15 re-enacts the events of the photos (counting back down in chronological order).
Exactly; if you look at 10, 11 or 12, you're pretty well screwed. It just happens faster the more you see, but if you don't see any of those particular ones, you just get weird psychological issues for a while. Or the rest of your life. Who knows?
It's an interesting item, I gotta say. I like what this one does and, while I wish there was a tad more to it, the piece tells enough by itself that I get a really good picture. Or, well, 12 pictures, to be precise.
+1
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
