Admittedly, this is not an original SCP at all regarding concept, but I hope I executed my take on the immortality/eternal youth idea well enough for this to stick. As always, critique and suggestions for improvement are appreciated.
SCP-776 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-776.
Immediately thought of SCP-545 except that the old woman wasn't the only one who was the SCP and was going to downvote until I read the log. Now I have mixed feelings.
Once the average age of SCP-776-A is 40, members engage in sexual intercourse for the purpose of procreation.
Those. Sick. Bastards.
I thought it was pretty good. 276 comes off kind of melodramatic at the beginning of his interview, though. It feels like that rant could be in any number of places on the site.
if your reading this your gay
I like it. It's not perfect, but it is good. I hope this lasts.
Pretty good, much improved from the draft if I remember correctly. Much clearer, at least. I don't like the tone of the doctor though.
Yeah, I was afraid that he came off as too casual/emotional, especially when he's telling off 276. I'll get to it later.
EDIT: And hopefully that seems more clinical.
Life-force inbreeding. That's a new one.
I like it, even if the subject matter is somewhat overdone. Still, "population"-type SCPs are interesting and disturbing in their own little way that makes every good new one a welcome sight.
was going to downvote until I read the log. Now I have mixed feelings.
I had the exact same reaction.
This isn't bad and I like the twist, but it has some tone and style issues. A couple notes:
The complete instructions for enacting SCP-776-B have been restricted to Document 776-109-Alpha, a Level 776-4 restricted document, although details include [DATA EXPUNGED]
Why expunge the details, when the full stuff is already restricted?
Additionally, the dialogue is somewhat weak.
No vote for now.
Yeah, looking back at that it doesn't make that much sense to just shoehorn in the expungement. I'll remove that, maybe I'll put in the actual minor details, but I'm gonna have to think about that. Also, what can i do to improve the dialogue?
Also, what can i do to improve the dialogue?
It's stuffed pretty full of cliches. And the guy 'gives in' too easily. It just doesn't sound like real people talking. If you can make it sound like real people talking, you'll have fixed most of it.
It's on its way. I do enjoy the basic idea immensely, in that it does come back to bite them in the ass, and in that trapped sense of mortality that must be felt by SCP-776-A now is more of unsettling than them being willing to do something enigmatic and horrific to their children.
Polish, polish, etc. I'm sure you'll get the dialogue nailed down.
Did a semi-rewrite of the interview. I'm a bit iffy of the details I added to when 276 gets to the disfigured children, but I was also hesitant to not include it. If it's still not enough, if someone could point out specifically what to change then I'd be quite thankful.
/forum/t-390082/scp-776#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
