So, this is my entry for the contest. Basically, I got the inspiration from the alleged existence of an urban legend about a hospital haunted by babies. But how would babies haunt? I figured that they'd want what was denied to them: a life. I basically spun the idea out from there. I'm reasonably happy with what I've turned out with, though if you have any suggestions, please make your voice heard.
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*inexperienced poster alert*
On the whole, I'd say this is an interesting article, but it doesn't really grab me.
Ugh, I'm not good at this whole "suggestions" thing, but I'll try and be a bit more specific here. Isn't that nice of me?
Erhm, right. Moving on.
I guess what I think this needs really is development. As a young woman, I'm not thrilled by the idea of heading into a hospital and getting impregnated with multiple fetuses that may never be born or never progress beyond a certain stage, but what you have here doesn't exactly fill me with dread, either.
I'd suggest developing both the two types of pregnancies - What exactly happens when the children stop development in utero? What are the health risks to the women carrying them? - and the bit you mentioned about the women being happy with this state of affairs. Do they react violently to attempts to terminate the pregnancies, or separate them from the baby? Do they respond to the death/removal of the child(ren) as if it had been a normal pregnancy? What about the emotional toll of bonding to a child that will never walk, talk, or call them "Mommy"? Do they attempt to repeat the experience, even if they had a strongly negative one?
Yeah, there's a reason I don't write my own SCPs. I think this one has potential, even if I'm not sure how to bring it out.
*Return to your normally scheduled comments*
The health risks are no more or less than any comparable pregnancy, just perhaps intensified by being drawn out longer. How they react probably varies a fair bit from woman to woman, as it's not like it's mind control or anything.
DrSevere: Did you note how it's actually two puns? "Eternity Ward" sounds like "Maternity Ward", and if you get affected by it, you have to take care of something entirely dependent on you forever: a ward for eternity if you will.
They just want another chance.
if your reading this your gay
(account deleted)Meh. I second the not scary, not creepy, but I'm not finding anything appealing about it. They're just normal fetuses/babies, aside from not aging, and since that doesn't bother the parents… I just am not finding the horror in this.
This is currently my worst ranked article. And I can see why. It's certainly missing something, but for the life of me, I can't see what that is or how to improve this. Any thoughts on how I can make this better?
I think the issue is there's a feeling of "and then what happens" when you get to the end of it. Like there's supposed to be just a bit more weirdness, something to help explain how it started, or to show what happens next.
Also, in my opinion "…and a fence erected around the building." should probably be "…and a fence maintained around the building."
It's an ok scip, just a little sterile (pardon the expression). I don't really feel the anima and I'm not connected to the story (the hook is a little loose). The horror is what happens in the hospital and that's completely skipped over (whatever it is it's a little fucked-up). I don't think you'd want to go full Montauk on this, but I would be interested in a little more 'shock'.
Or maybe the human perspective. Like the mothers become obsessed with their 'sweet little baby boy, their precious'. Perhaps an interview with one of these obsessed mothers (although, this seems a little obvious to me).
It's a descent scip, which is well written. There's not a good twist to land me on my head, and it's not twisted enough to keep me up at night.
The spectrail wailing-and-crying is heard even by clinically deaf women?
Are congenitally-deaf women immune to this because, having been deaf from birth, they're unable to recognize the weird stimulus appearing in their brains?
And what exactly counts as "fertile"? Is it safe for a woman to enter if she's already pregnant? What if she's had a tubal ligation?
I don't know about this one. It's not creppy, but there's something just offputting about it… Of course, there's a simple way to deal with the babies that are Case 2.
I'm on the fence about it.
On one hand, there's some real potential here in my opinion, especially with the whole "eternally pregnant" bit.
On the other hand, while it's definitely strange, there's very little creepy\harmful\squicky here. I suggest thinking about several shudder-worthy answers to questions already brought up here - what happens if the woman is already pregnant? What happens after reallyl ong drawn-out pregnancies? How exactly do subjects react to suggestions\attempts at abortion? What happens when a fmealte-too-male transgendered subject is introduced into the SCP?
There's a lot of untapped bodyhorror here. Downvoting for now, will upvoted if the article is improved.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
