Advice needed

Summary:

I need to know what has been done and failed that is close to my idea.

Advice needed

Lumineinfinitus 26 Jul 2011 03:57

I'm currently working on an ancient mechanical humanoid sort of SCP, inspiration came from many sources and as far as I know we don't have any gigantic mechanical humanoids and I'd like to work on one… My issue here is I might not do it justice or it won't seem like an SCP but I'm working on it as best I can. But this isn't what I want to know because what I wish to know is… Has there been an try at making a giant mechanical SCP before? If so what was wrong with it, I really want to get the feel right and make it better then what has failed.

Re: Advice needed

thedeadlymoose 26 Jul 2011 16:15

I think the idea's intriguing, though I'm unaware of previous tries at this.

Re: Advice needed

Lumineinfinitus 26 Jul 2011 22:33

From what I have written it's not really scary more… Interesting but still something you wouldn't trust. I'm really considering leading it to the Church but my main issue is getting the feel right. I read the other articles with SCPs relating to the Church but I'm still thinking how to better relate it to them.

Re: Advice needed

thedeadlymoose 27 Jul 2011 17:28

Actually, I really like the idea of a gigantic, truly ancient mechanical humanoid that has clear Church connections with apparently no way to have them - after all, aren't the Church supposed to be a modern-day group? Or so we think? Maybe this is some kind of "angel". At that point, it doesn't need something extra to be scary besides its existence (and the implied fear of it becoming active).

Talk to Gears about it, perhaps?

Re: Advice needed

Lumineinfinitus 27 Jul 2011 22:29

Already ahead of you. And I've wrote it up but need to tweak it. However it's actually a somewhat counter to the other Church SCPs we have.. Doesn't stop it being dangerous though. But it's stated in what I wrote that it's "incomplete" plus it's active but rather… Like a child but it's technically not a threat provided they keep it where it was found. Anyway you can look over if you'd like.

http://sandbox.scp-wiki.net/lumine

Re: Advice needed

thedeadlymoose 28 Jul 2011 06:02

I say definitely run this past Gears.

Besides that…

The researcher notes are awful. Cut them mercilessly. Eliminate all exclamations. Keep them out of the containment procedures.

Proooooofread. There are about eleventy billion typos and other issues going on in there. Plus, needs serious tone edits.

There currently is no Church connection here besides the tacked on keep-it-away-from-them lines. Need more evidence of such a connection to make it make sense. Also, for an SCP inspired by Gears' creations, it seems pretty damn low on creep (may or may not be a bad thing; I find it a childlike monster robot sorta charming as-is, though similar stuff may have been done before).

Besides that, I like this, and think it has potential.

Re: Advice needed

Lumineinfinitus 28 Jul 2011 22:30

The lack of creep was on purpose to juxtapose the work of Gears plus it being a childlike monster adds somewhat more creep to it if you consider what it's linked to and the implications with it… I was considering unblanking the SCPs that were blanked but cross-referencing other articles is often thought of as bad… What I blanked where supposed to be the other Church related SCPs we have as if to say this SCP knows about them.. Should I reference them directly or not? I was considering it but I'm really not sure.

Re: Advice needed

Lumineinfinitus 28 Jul 2011 22:33

And I'm running it through a spell-checker to be sure, I'm prone to missing things alot. I also got rid of the notes.

Edit: Fixed up a heap of it and got rid of the notes, also added the names of the other Church SCPs. Let me know if it's better or worse.

Last edited on 28 Jul 2011 22:50 by Lumineinfinitus Show more