Feedback on SCP: Cards and Dice

Summary:

This is my first time writing an SCP, and I am looking for some feedback!

Feedback on SCP: Cards and Dice

Litejedi 22 Jul 2011 18:03

The link to the sandbox is here.

Last night I posted this in the chat, and it was relatively well received. It was also edited by PureQuestion, who helped a fair amount with some of the wording. Some of the criticisms were that it "does too much" which I felt was true before I posted it, but figure that it's better to write more and then cut out parts than to write less and feel like it is missing something.

Some things I was thinking about adding:
1) I plan on writing a test log as well, in separate document. The test log would reveal the effects of betting abstract concepts, as well as their enforcement.
2) I can make a fast graph of probability changes, possibly an animated gif to indicate how the probabilities change when differing amounts are bet. If this is too much, it can be dropped, but it might be helpful for those who think visually.

Things I was thinking about taking away:
1) Indestructible box. I don't know that it adds anything.
2) To a lesser extent, regenerating cards and dice.
3) Grotesque picture and presence of human tissue in cards and dice, though this seemed to go over well.

I really like the effect of changing the likehood of success in games of chance, though. Looking through the past archives about probability changing mechanisms, it appears that there are only five entries which are related. Only two of those entries, 181 and 377, appear to have much interaction or relationship with mine. Thanks already for your input, I'll be taking this to the chat a few more times before posting as well!

Re: Feedback on SCP: Cards and Dice

DrSevere 22 Jul 2011 18:31

In no particular order:

"SCP-<>-3 is a set of six six-sided dice, which appear to be made of ivory or a similar substance." Two sentences later you say "Experimental analysis has shown that the dice are made of human bone composite, though they are not hollow." I would cut out one of those two sentences, they are somewhat contradictory.

"It is unclear how precisely the value of these are quantified against other bets. The resulting effect is that when used in games of chance, the more bet, the better the outcome, until the bet is something irreplacable, in which case the outcome becomes much worse." I realize you had no intention of this, but this last line is a bit patronizing. The fun of SCPs is figuring out the true horror for yourself; when you just tell us at the end, it ruins the fun. I can tell you that I realized the whole point before this line; reading it just insulted my intelligence a bit.

Anyway, overall I find this…mediocre. The main effect, of it changing the chances, seems a bit too obvious (although the "screwing you when you be too high" thing was a nifty twist). Right now, I probably wouldn't vote up or down on it. It isn't bad, just kind of bland. I would almost like to see the cigar box not be indestructible, for one thing; so many SCPs are indestructible for no really good reason, other than to make them seem more impressive.

Overall, the concept just needs a little more originality and a little more spark. As I said, not bad at all, just need a better kick.

Re: Feedback on SCP: Cards and Dice

Litejedi 22 Jul 2011 19:44

Thank you for your feedback! I will remove the indestructibility of the box, as it seems pointless. I will also remove the last line. Hopefully test logs will improve the SCP and make it more interesting. As to the lack of originality and spark, I don't know what to do. The premise was intended to be derivative to a certain extent.