The Manager / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Manager.

thedeadlymoose 14 Jun 2011 19:16

Feedback is much appreciated. Thank you to everyone in #site19 who proofread this!

Last edited on 14 Jun 2011 19:17 by thedeadlymoose Show more

tunedtoadeadchannel 14 Jun 2011 21:15

I like it.

Dexanote 14 Jun 2011 22:21

Yes.

AdminBright 15 Jun 2011 05:17

Doesn't need the links, but, otherwise fine.

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ProcyonLotor 15 Jun 2011 06:28

Brilliant.

Asthix 16 Jun 2011 17:36

The whole piece reads well now and is engaging throughout. References seem in character instead of like name dropping.

I'll second that this doesn't need the links. After all they are there to literally take you out of the story, which should be weighed against wanting to provide easy access to your sources for those who don't know / get the reference.

I may be trying to justify my crotchety, pre-internet sensibilities, but I like my creepiness more when I have to work for it. Six months ago I got to a point where I felt I understood enough backstory of the site so I wasn't clueless. My concept of the Factory is what it is partly because I had to dig around for it, or stumble upon things such as the 001-O5 story. I think it wouldn't feel as real to me if I had had a link in story to the Factory index on the Groups of Interest page when I was a noob. That kind of shortcut makes it more accessible but less memorable in the long run IMO.

Last edited on 16 Jun 2011 17:37 by Asthix Show more

thedeadlymoose 16 Jun 2011 17:44

After all they are there to literally take you out of the story

I was already considering it, but this right there convinced me to remove them. That is exactly what a writer should not be doing to a story.

I put them in because the way I got into this site was 682's termination logs. I just couldn't stop reading them, and reading the SCPs linked in them. But on the other hand, those never had you stop in the middle of a sentence of a story.

EDIT: Actually, it occurs to me that the links I had were completely irrelevant, since there's the Factory tag right there at the bottom, and Bright's proposal has the Factory tag now too.

Last edited on 16 Jun 2011 17:58 by thedeadlymoose Show more

(account deleted) 20 Jun 2011 13:45

I concede this contest to you.

mlister 14 Jul 2018 00:29

This is a somewhat dry and unengaging read. The voice of the narrator is just, well, bad, in a way I can't narrow down, and the portrayal of the Factory here doesn't do justice to the Tale this is a sequel of.

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