First timer help, please

First timer help, please

Drewbear 02 Apr 2011 21:40

http://scpsandboxwiki.wikidot.com/drewbear

I tossed it out into chat and the response seemed about evenly split between like & neutral. Any advice would be appreciated. Content, tone, grammar, whatever.

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Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.

Re: First timer help, please

Adam Smascher 02 Apr 2011 21:47

This seems too arbitrary and I don't care for it. It's neither unsettling nor interesting. Taking random item X and giving it random effect Y is generally a bad way to go about writing an SCP.

Re: First timer help, please

Drewbear 02 Apr 2011 21:55

My inspiration was when I was driving in a thunderstorm during the day and it just kept getting darker and darker. I wondered how awful it would be if it wasn't the sky getting darker, but rather my eyesight going bad, to the point where I might crash from blindness. I tried to bring that in with the addendum, but I guess it didn't come through.

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Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.

Re: First timer help, please

Sorts 03 Apr 2011 07:19

I get what you were going for but the idea isn't very catchy. I can't think of any way to improve that concept, maybe shelve it for awhile and try something else until you find a way to express that fear in a new way.