Ick, ick ick! I like the progression of this one. At first it starts out seeming harmless, even potentially useful, and then it just gets worse and worse. +1
SCP-729 / Discussion
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I think you should just make up some time frames and show them rather than blacking them out. I'm not sure I like the part about harvesting organs from the bathwater since in my imagination everything's been dissolved by now… but this is still pretty good.
This just in: "lose" and "loose" ARE NOT THE SAME WORD.
I'm a bit on the fence here.
On one hand, we have the Man-Eating Washbasin. 864 is sufficiently different, of course, but the initial expectations are still there.
On the other hand… The squick implied by stuff being "forcibly expelled" makes me like this. Great imagery there.
I agree with Sorts, open some of the time frames.
I have a nit to pick. You say
Within █ minutes the process begins to affect major organs, with death occurring soon after.
So it fucks up organs enough to render them incapable of supporting life, but just a few sentences later
At this stage it is possible to extract specific organs from within the mix of water and organic material left within the bathtub.
Which implies that they're still intact.
Seems like you're undecided on this whole organ destruction thing.
It extracts the organs from the body mostly intact; its the fact that they are no longer in the body that makes them incapable of supporting life. I'll see if I can make this any clearer…
Edit: Added time frames, made fate of extracted organs a little clearer
So if you were to take them and put them in another body, would they work?
Made some small edits. There's a few patches where the wording feels odd, don't want to change that sort of thing without permission.
It was recovered from a home in ████████, ██ following a crime reconstruction performed as part of a police investigation into an alleged murder-suicide, during the course of which the object's anomalous properties were discovered.
Bit of a run-on. That's all I can see, really. Can't remember if there should be a comma after ██.
This sentence has been troublesome for me; try as I might I couldn't figure out how to reduce it in length while still giving the desired information! Any ideas anyone has on how to remedy this are appreciated.
During a reconstruction performed for an investigation into an alleged murder-suicide in ████████, ██, the item's anomalous properties were discovered.
That still feels a bit odd, maybe just:
The item's properties were discovered by accident during the reconstruction of a suspected murder-suicide in ████████, ██.
I'm iffy on both of those. Maybe you can fine-tune 'em to your needs, though.
/forum/t-322658/scp-729#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
