SCP-437 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-437.

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Author's Post

(account deleted) 26 Jul 2017 01:22

Take me to that summer past
And tell me is it really worth remembering?

I realize that music then
Was really just a song inside my head

And though the fun has passed
Those mythic dreams were meant to last
Have no fear anymore

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SOURCES:

• Images from here, here, and here.
• Idea inspired by Roget's SCP-1833.

FEEDBACK:

• Pedantique ([SCP-910] - Dust, Embodied)
• SunnyClockwork - ([SCP-2847] - Yu the Great, and the Immortal)
• Witryso - ([SCP-3530] - Shooting Star School)
• Modern_Erasmus - ([SCP-3304] - That Time the Foundation Froze Hell)
• Taffeta - ([SCP-2858] - As Though The Wasps Themselves Had Worked It There)
• halothane
• Tufto - ([SCP-3593] - The Betrayal of the ORIA)
• weryllium - ([SCP-3528] - Witch Hunter)
• Special thanks to theduckman for giving me the opportunity to write this.

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Last edited on 08 Jun 2018 17:07 by Leveritas Show more

A Random Day 26 Jul 2017 02:21

Downvoting this one because I saw the twist coming from a mile away, so the ending email had zero impact on me and felt more cheesy than anything.

Last edited on 26 Jul 2017 03:22 by A Random Day Show more

Chubert 26 Jul 2017 02:29

I'm in agreement with ARD above. The ending email had less than zero impact for me, actually—the last two lines struck me as particularly unbelievable and a somewhat transparent scare attempt. I also think that you pulled off a pretty similar concept (distorted screaming) much more effectively in The Counting Station.

I think that this could almost work better if you didn't go for a horror angle? In my opinion, scary dopplegangers have been thoroughly exhausted, but I do think there remain possibilities for other avenues.

(account deleted) 26 Jul 2017 02:31

? They weren't screaming (they were in an earlier draft, but I dumped that idea for the reason you mentioned just now). The implication is that they're whispering.

And, yeah. IDK. I might just end up giving this slot up. I'll wait a little bit first, and see where it goes.

NaxinD 26 Jul 2017 12:14

Sorry Hip', but for me, this skip is not anomalous at all.

Last edited on 26 Jul 2017 12:15 by NaxinD Show more

TL333s 26 Jul 2017 13:22

The description felt a little confused — it's a big jump from "cankers full of blood" to "all attendees are PoI" — but it worked out by the end. Pretty classic summer camp horror stuff. :)

DrSevere 26 Jul 2017 14:54

Simple, creepy setup, good bodyhorror. The logs are a bit too straightforward (I think you could get away with removing the PoI explicitly saying "tree switch places with you", let that reveal happen in the email), but otherwise I thoroughly enjoyed it. Easy +1

Last edited on 26 Jul 2017 14:54 by DrSevere Show more

Shaggydredlocks 26 Jul 2017 15:25

I think you could get away with removing the PoI explicitly saying "tree switch places with you", let that reveal happen in the email

This 'reveal' occurs in the very first image caption, and is reinforced by the second. I imagine it'd be difficult for anyone even remotely familiar with basic horror tropes to not see it coming from a mile off regardless.

(account deleted) 26 Jul 2017 17:38

That's a pretty good point (that you don't need to be explicitly told about the 'taking your place' mechanic), and it's easy enough to just cut out any mention of the tree's identity until the final image caption (particularly since this image is implied to be part of the email, where the trees are finally being actively identified). Edited.

Last edited on 26 Jul 2017 17:41 by (account deleted) Show more

psul 28 Jul 2017 11:47

Having only read the edited version, I think it's probably working better for you. This is very basic, but it is a pretty classic campfire-style ghost story, and effective for what it is.

(account deleted) 28 Jul 2017 12:24

Thanks! That's pretty much what I was aiming for.

ratking666 26 Jul 2017 20:36

Anyone noticed the hidden faces in both other pics?

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pastarasta1 is quick-talking and often scheming

bittermixin 28 Jul 2017 12:58

Echoing what others have said- it's fairly obvious, though I don't think that detracts from the weight of the final document. If anything, having the idea solidified and then being presented with the e-mail makes it all the more horrifying. I think brevity works very much to this article's advantage.

+1

Last edited on 02 Aug 2017 00:30 by bittermixin Show more

NatVoltaic 28 Jul 2017 22:07

I may just be desensitized to horror stories like this, but I didn't feel creeped out or scared at any point reading this. It's probably because the article goes through things too quickly, not letting a good creepy atmosphere establish, though short horror stories rarely affect me.

Novoting.

MrWrong 29 Jul 2017 09:20

It's quite basic as an idea. It might work as a ghost story during storytelling, but I don't think the SCP format is the optimal medium for the content.

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