SCP item in the sandbox for your perusal
I still need to write an interview log and a couple journal entries, but the main article is fully drafted at this point.
SCP item in the sandbox for your perusal
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» SCP item in the sandbox for your perusal
Summary:
Please take a look
Er, first thing that pops out at me:
staffed by members of neutral moral disposition
What is this, DnD? If you're trying to say "not good or evil," make it something along the lines of "not a sociopath" and "not inclined to 'heroic actions.'" There are probably better ways than what I've suggested, but don't make it "staffed by True Neutral members."
nominal conditions
You mean normal.
Here's the vibe I'm getting: you are trying to make the point of the article the statue and whatnot, but in actuality you are making the point the moral-switcharoo. Moral-switcharoo is pretty boring, the statue/black cloud isn't. As-is I'm very intrigued by the relationship between the moral-switcharoo and the statue/black cloud, especially because you've got a good amount of information withheld (save the "statue depicts [DATA EXPUNGED]" part, come on, just tell us what it is), but my impression of the article is colored by a very boring start. I think a restructuring of what goes in the description and what goes in the interviews would be nice.
I don't read works in progress. just not my thing.
But, the terms 'staffed by members of neutral moral disposition' and 'nominal conditions' are both perfectly okay.
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Crappy, some of the phrasing needs work, such as the dog being "euthanized" as opposed to "put down". I find myself enjoying the just general tunnel that changes your morals and less on some cliche statue. But maybe that's just me.
I was trying to hint that more than just morality was being switched. I've changed some of the wording to clarify the effects of SCP-XXX. As for the use of "nominal," it's actually military/engineering terminology, as in "all systems nominal." Since there isn't really a "normal" context for SCP, I tend to avoid using that word to characterize a situation. "Nominal" would mean "nothing out of the ordinary."
Okay, I've added the interview and the journal entries. They are brief. I don't know if the interview actually adds much besides flavor. Let me know.
Interesting. I would recommend subject D-44023 be removed from standard end-of-month termination procedures, and kept under prolonged observation. (I sincerely hope that it would turn out that the "scientist" persona imprinted upon D-44023 is not that of any scientist who had previously encountered this SCP, but was in fact merely an example of who the D-class might have become with a different background. We have at least one item that swaps personalities between people, and I think that's plenty.)
I like that idea. I'll add a brief interview with this subject at the end.
/forum/t-311768/scp-item-in-the-sandbox-for-your-perusal#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
