SCP-277 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-277.

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Communism will win 01 Jan 2011 21:49

When I first got to the page, all of the pictures were ads for some internet college thing. The pictures went back to normal when I refreshed it, but it was kinda disconcerting. Did that happen to anybody else?

Also, most of the "containment procedures" listed are both highly unrealistic and misplaced in the article. Most of the information there should be in the description, except for the part that it's under lockdown.

I do find the concept interesting, though. With a rewrite, I might be able to upvote this.

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if your reading this your gay

Mimi_42 01 Jan 2011 22:03

Yes, it happened to me too. I had to attach the files to the page before I plugged the picture URLs into there. Odd how it was an ad for internet college, though, since I had a different filler image in there beforehand.
Could you explain what you find unrealistic about the containment procedures? And misplaced? The Containment Procedures are pretty sparse as it is.
Also, a link to a interview has been added since you last saw it, I think, so I'd recommend that you read it so that the last half or so doesn't seem too out of context.

Communism will win 01 Jan 2011 23:06

From what I've read, saying what the various parts of the SCP are falls under the description category. Here's what I would put as the containment procedures:

Due to difficulty in containing SCP-277, it has been placed under a Level-█ lockdown. Activities of the citizens of SCP-277 and of SCP-277-1 must be monitored by no less than █ embedded agents, and civilians must not be aware of the Foundation or its involvement in monitoring SCP-277. Any attempts to contact civilians within SCP-277 by those outside SCP-277 must be investigated. Personnel must undergo psychological screening before being assigned to SCP-277.

The rest should be in the description, I think. Also, as a side note, we already have a city of missing persons, SCP-599. It could say that their information doesn't match anything on record, or something. Your call on that bit, really.

While I thought the interview was interesting and it did explain the second part of the article, it's not entirely necessary to expunge the fact that they were eating the sketches. It doesn't feel redaction worthy. Unless, of course, they're doing something worse, in which case you need to expunge a bit more so we can leave it up to our imaginations.

Feel free to disregard any of this; I don't think I have any more experience than you do.

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if your reading this your gay

DrSevere 01 Jan 2011 22:27

Okay, here goes:

I like this one. I really do. It is a cool idea and you write well. However, I had to downvote for a few reasons.

First off, your tone is a bit off. Try making it more clinical.

"Civilians are aware of Foundation presence as well as our moderation of their activities, and have proven to be surprisingly compliant." I think you mean "monitoring." That's not a huge deal though.

In my opinion, if Area I-4 = SCP-277 then you don't really need to specify Area I-4. You can just call it SCP-277, since they are one and the same. It would be like saying "This is John Smith. Call him Bob Millers." Just an unnecessary level of complication.

Your use of [DATA EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED] is very sloppy, and makes this hard to read. A few times it is okay, but I feel as though you overuse them, and make sentences very very choppy. You really should only use them if either A) it is something the Foundation would actually block out or B) our imaginations will create a wonderful horror for us, far surpassing anything an author would write.

I really liked the interview log, but I don't like that it turns out to be one boy who is possessed or something. That was kind of a bummer for me, and made it too easy to explain; I liked it better when there were just random rabbits who ate kid's imaginations.

Overall, I feel like you just have too much going on here (part of the reason it is so damn long). I can really see this one working if you condense it a bit, maybe cut out the part about all the residents being missing persons (it just seemed a little random and unnecessary, but that's just me).

All that said, I am still relatively new to the site, so take all my advice with a grain of salt. Good luck!

Last edited on 01 Jan 2011 22:30 by DrSevere Show more

tunedtoadeadchannel 01 Jan 2011 23:18

I really like this concept, especially with the insinuation that there is more to the "sketches" than meets the eye, but I have to echo the complaints about tone made by other users.

The way this was written makes it really hard to read. Frankly, I found myself skimming most of the article until I hit that final interview. You really need to clean this up and remove some of the blatant exposition in the loggy bits.

thunderbird89 02 Jan 2011 00:26

To me, this screamed "SCP-version of Phillip Pullman's daemons¹ with the Specters thrown in for a measure of creepy". Everything matches up: pre-pubescent children only, can change shape, the Rabbit-Specters devour the other daemons, leaving their owners in a coma.

But it works! The images are good (are they done via light painting? Some of them look like it), and though the tone is off at times, the writeup is rather good. I also like the notion that it's not only the kids controlling the 'sketches', but sometimes vice-versa.

Footnotes

1. His Dark Materials trilogy, if anyone's interested

Last edited on 02 Jan 2011 09:17 by thunderbird89 Show more

minmin 02 Jan 2011 06:00

It works a lot, and there's a sufficient mysteriousness to it all. Upvoted.

Also, His Dark Materials trilogy is great,

Nohxis 02 Jan 2011 06:31

Agreed.

thunderbird89 02 Jan 2011 19:55

[BLANKED]
Pardon me.

Last edited on 02 Jan 2011 20:57 by thunderbird89 Show more

Re: For the Cliche-list's writers

tunedtoadeadchannel 02 Jan 2011 20:54

Heeeeey, know where there's a great place to talk about the cliche list? The discussion page of the cliche list.

Good man.

Last edited on 02 Jan 2011 21:40 by tunedtoadeadchannel Show more

Adam Smascher 02 Jan 2011 03:40

Concept has potential, but I agree with Severe and Yoric, especially RE: redactions.

Chubert 02 Jan 2011 03:53

Nthing everything said so far. It's a fantastic idea hampered by clumsy expungement and some funky wording. I especially did not like the agent proposing a theory; it would be better if he just ended his account on an "unsure but suspicious" note instead of a "sure but we're gonna redact it" one. Another problem was the very ending of the incident. Gah. Hitting us over a sledgehammer there with the "possessed" thing.

DrSevere 02 Jan 2011 04:28

^Consolidated version of what I said earlier. If you can fix these issues, my minus will turn into a plus =D

Dexanote 02 Jan 2011 23:40

I liked this immensely till i realized it's named Chalkland on the list. While not a rip off by any means, this is going to bug me forever.

Still a great article. A bit of editing and a solid SCP.

Last edited on 04 Jan 2011 21:24 by Dexanote Show more

Mimi_42 03 Jan 2011 05:32

I'm going to try to get around to editing this extensively over the next few days for the major points brought up; tone, clarity, redaction, and overall readability structure if I can figure out what needs to be done about that.

In my opinion, if Area I-4 = SCP-277 then you don't really need to specify Area I-4.

I had some problems deciding what to designate what, as it's ambiguous whether the physical land itself is the source of the sketches. Personally, I liked referring to it as Area I-4 for some reason. You think it would work if I shifted the designation of the sketches themselves to SCP-277?
By the way, the kid wasn't supposed to come off as possessed. There ought to have been some uncertainty around whether it really was a psychopathic kid, or whether something was persuading him to lie as part of some kind of game or whatnot. So that goes on the 'needs editing' list as well.
His Dark Materials is an awesome trilogy. Weird how I didn't catch the correlation, actually, but the edit'll make the difference it bit more clear.
…Dexanote, dammit, now I can't get that idea out of my head. ><

tunedtoadeadchannel 03 Jan 2011 10:51

His Dark Materials is an awesome trilogy. Weird how I didn't catch the correlation, actually, but the edit'll make the difference it bit more clear.

No direct references to other intellectual properties, please.

Mimi_42 04 Jan 2011 16:38

There was a distinguishment that I forgot to mention in the article actually, but I definitely wouldn't have put a line in there like "The principal anomaly of which are apparitions found throughout Area I-4 that seem to be images projected from children's thoughts, or imagination, which are different then daemons in the fantasy trilogy His Dark Materials in that…" Yeah, and so on.

tunedtoadeadchannel 04 Jan 2011 18:22

I actually don't really get the His Dark Materials vibe from this, so…

Photosynthetic 04 Jan 2011 21:08

Neither do I. I think it's fine as is.

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SCP Wiki Administrator | Earth: We're all in this together.

Dr_Fawkes 03 Jan 2011 06:38

Upvoted in the hope that above issues are addressed.

Mimi_42 20 Feb 2011 18:41

I finally got around to reworking this article and the interview log for some of the points you guys brought up, hope it's better for it.
Thanks goes to Scantron for helping me out with the Containment Procedures.

Communism will win 21 Feb 2011 10:24

No problem. It seems like that's the one bit of writing I can actually do.

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if your reading this your gay

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